Love According to Science

by Kingsley, Claire

  Watching him hold her, gently swaying from side to side, only made the feeling stronger.

  I made an excuse to leave as soon as I could, congratulating Molly again and telling Corban to take his time. The cafeteria was downstairs, and I ordered us both lunch. I knew Corban would be hungry. He was always hungry.

  The warm squishy feeling persisted while I waited for Corban. I’d experienced something profound today. Was it just holding a tiny human who was so new to the world? I’d never held a newborn before. And it stood to reason that watching Corban hold baby Kate would produce certain feelings. It was normal for a woman to react positively to seeing an attractive man with a baby.

  It was just typical human biology.

  Wasn’t it?

  30

  Corban

  “Three, if you are lucky enough to find love, remember it is there and don’t throw it away.” ~ Stephen Hawking

  Patting my pants pockets—although I’d already checked there—I looked around my office for my keys. I couldn’t find them anywhere. They weren’t sitting out. I’d looked in all the drawers. Lifted the small stacks of paperwork, files, and folders off my desk. Checked underneath my keyboard and behind my monitor.

  It was the end of the day, and I’d offered to bring dinner to Molly and Martin. They’d brought Kate home from the hospital yesterday, so I figured they’d appreciate a meal they didn’t have to cook themselves.

  I groaned in frustration and got down on the floor, moved my chair aside, and felt with my hand. They had to be around here somewhere.

  From this vantage point, I saw a pair of black men’s shoes and slacks appear in my doorway.

  “Hang on.” I grabbed the edge of my desk to hoist myself up, and stood.

  A man in a suit jacket, no tie, came in and shut the door. Tall and imposing with dark hair and a strong jaw, he was the type of man who took up space in a room. Before I could ask who he was or what he was doing here, he’d taken a seat on the other side of my desk.

  “Can I help you?” I moved my chair back in place and sat down. I had no idea who this guy was, but he looked pissed.

  “Are you Corban Nash?” His voice was cold, almost monotone.

  “Yeah.”

  “The Corban Nash who’s sleeping with Hazel Kiegen?”

  I raised my eyebrows. What the hell was going on? “Who are you?”

  “I asked you a question.”

  “And I answered with a question, but I’ll elaborate. Who are you that you think Hazel’s personal life is any of your business?”

  His eyes narrowed slightly. I could tell he was trying to intimidate me, so I stood my ground and held his gaze.

  “Shepherd Calloway.”

  Why did that name sound familiar? “How do you know Hazel?”

  “None of your goddamn business.” He didn’t make any aggressive moves—he barely moved at all—but the menace in his tone was unmistakable.

  “Then why are you here?”

  “Because you and I need to have a little chat.”

  “About?”

  “I won’t tolerate anyone fucking with Hazel.”

  No, really, who was this guy? She didn’t have any brothers. It couldn’t be her ex-husband, unless that situation was a hell of a lot more complicated than I’d realized.

  “I’m not fucking with her.”

  His expression didn’t change. “That remains to be seen. But you need to know that if you hurt her, I will come after you.”

  “Are you threatening me?”

  “It’s not a threat. It’s a promise. If you hurt Hazel, I’ll destroy your life. Believe me, I have the necessary resources.”

  Somehow, I did believe him. But his threat didn’t scare me, it pissed me off. “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but Hazel is a grown woman—a brilliant woman—and she’s perfectly capable of making her own decisions.”

  “Indeed. If she wants some kind of friends-with-benefits arrangement with you, that’s her prerogative. But I won’t tolerate you taking advantage of that. If she gets hurt, I’m blaming you. And I’ll make you pay for it.”

  Friends with benefits? Had she said that? “Seriously, who the fuck are you? Does she know you’re here?”

  His eye twitched almost imperceptibly.

  I rolled my eyes. This asshole needed to take his low-key bravado and go back to his corner office or whatever chamber of hell he’d broken out of. “Look man, I don’t know what this is about or why you think Hazel needs someone to play scary dad on her behalf. Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m not going to hurt her.”

  I’m the one in danger of getting hurt.

  Shit, where had that thought come from?

  “You’re right. You’re not.” He stood and adjusted the cuffs of his sleeves. “I’m glad we understand each other.”

  Without another word, he walked out.

  I watched him leave with a mix of bewilderment and irritation. Had that just happened? Had some guy in a suit just come into my office to threaten me if I hurt Hazel? I didn’t know who he was or how he knew her—or how he knew about us.

  And friends with benefits?

  That made sense, so I didn’t know why it was bothering me that he’d said that. We were friends. There were certainly benefits—benefits I enjoyed very much.

  My phone buzzed with a text from Molly, pulling my attention back to reality. I needed to pick up dinner.

  Before I could do that, I had to find my damn keys.

  Maybe I’d left them in the lab. Although I didn’t know why I would have had them there in the first place. Still, I’d checked my office and the staff lounge. I’d even checked the refrigerator. You wouldn’t think finding your keys in the fridge would be a possibility, but once I’d put my phone in the freezer, so you never knew with me.

  I checked the floor again, just to be sure—no luck—then went to the lab. Hazel was in one of the interview rooms chatting with a grad student. I waited in the doorway until he left.

  “Hi.” She adjusted her glasses. “I thought you would have gone home by now.”

  “I’m trying to, but I can’t find my keys.”

  “How are Molly and baby Kate?”

  “They’re fine. Settling in at home. I’m bringing them dinner.” I almost asked Hazel if she wanted to come, but something stopped me. “By the way, who’s Shepherd Calloway?”

  Her eyebrows drew together in surprise. “Shepherd? He’s my friend Everly’s husband. Why?”

  That was interesting. At least he wasn’t her ex. “He was just here.”

  “Was he? That’s odd, I don’t have plans with Everly.”

  “No, he was alone. At least, I didn’t see him with anyone. And he didn’t say he was looking for you.”

  “Then why was he here?”

  “To threaten me, apparently.”

  “Are you sure it was him? That doesn’t sound like Shepherd.”

  I leaned against the door frame. “Tall guy. Dark hair. Suit. Could probably watch a movie where the dog dies and his expression wouldn’t change.”

  “Oh, yes, that’s Shepherd. But he threatened you?”

  “Yep. Said if I hurt you, he’d destroy my life.”

  Hazel’s lips parted, but she didn’t seem to know what to say.

  “It’s not a big deal. If he’s your friend’s husband, I guess it makes sense in a weird way. I know you’re really close to your friends, so maybe they’re just looking out for you.”

  “I’m honestly not sure how to feel about this. It’s very surprising behavior from him. I need to speak to Everly.” She looked past me, like she was momentarily lost in thought, before coming back to herself. “And your keys are on the counter in the motion capture lab. You set them down when you came in after lunch.”

  How did she remember that? “Thanks.”

  “Of course.”

  Her eyes lingered on mine, but suddenly all I could hear was Shepherd Calloway saying we had a friends-with-benefits arrangement.
That must have been what she’d told her friends. Which meant that was how she saw us.

  I still didn’t know why that was bothering me so much. It was true.

  “I should get going.”

  “Okay. Tell Molly I said hello and I hope she’s adjusting well to motherhood.”

  “I will.”

  I left her standing there and went to the motion capture lab down the hall. She’d been right, my keys were on the counter. She really had remembered. Of course, noticing where someone set their keys was probably normal. I was the weird one who could easily memorize complex data sets, or the storyline of every comic book series I’d ever read, but couldn’t remember where I’d set something as important as my wallet or car keys.

  She wasn’t in the interview room when I came out. I didn’t know where she’d gone. Which was fine; I didn’t have time to talk to her anyway.

  And what did I want to say? I wasn’t mad that her friend’s husband had threatened me. It actually made me feel good to know she had people in her life who cared about her that much.

  Regardless, I needed to pick up dinner. I left campus and stopped for takeout at a Mexican restaurant I knew Molly liked.

  When I got to her house, Martin answered the door. He had dark circles beneath his eyes, but he smiled. “Hey. Thanks for bringing dinner.”

  “No problem.” I walked in and he shut the door behind me.

  “Fair warning. Your parents are here.”

  I stopped. How had I not noticed their car? This felt like walking into a final exam I hadn’t studied for. “Oh, okay. Have they eaten? Because I don’t think I brought enough food.”

  “I don’t know. They just kind of showed up. You know, grandparents. They’re excited.”

  I didn’t miss the hint of tension in Martin’s voice. He seemed to get along fine with my parents—and they certainly loved him—but he was probably exhausted.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ll run out and get more if I need to. Go sit down. You look tired.”

  He ran a hand over his face. “Yeah. I haven’t slept much since she was born.”

  I took the food into the kitchen and spread out the to-go containers on the counter. My mom’s voice carried from the other room. I hadn’t seen my parents in a while. Not since just after I’d moved back to Seattle. I didn’t avoid them, exactly, but it was easier if I didn’t see them too often.

  Steeling myself for whatever was about to happen—it was hard to know with them—I went into the living room.

  Molly was in a recliner with a blanket spread out over her lap. Like her husband, she looked happy but tired. Martin sat in a chair beside her. The coffee table was littered with baby stuff. Tiny diapers, a container of wipes, little cloths, and a pile of what looked like wadded up baby clothes.

  My parents sat next to each other on the couch, baby Kate cradled in my mom’s arms. They were both babbling at the baby, and didn’t look up at me.

  “Hey twinkie,” Molly said with a smile.

  “How are you feeling?”

  She shrugged. “Tired, sore, and like my guts have all been rearranged.”

  “Gross.”

  “Giving birth is disgusting. But worth it.”

  I glanced at my parents, but they still hadn’t looked up. “So I brought takeout from that Mexican place you like, but maybe not enough for everyone. Do you need me to go back out?”

  “Thank you so much. Mom, have you guys eaten yet?”

  “You are the most perfect baby in the world, aren’t you?” Mom said. “What’s that?”

  “Hey Mom,” I said. “Have you had dinner?”

  Her eyes flicked to me for a second, then she turned back to the baby. “Of course we have. We wouldn’t come over here expecting your mommy to feed us, now would we?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that. I was just wondering if we needed more food.”

  “We already ate,” Dad said.

  Molly met my eyes and shrugged again.

  Jerking my thumb over my shoulder, I gestured to the kitchen. “I’ll go fix you a plate.”

  “Thanks.”

  I dished up two plates—one for Molly and one for Martin. I’d eat later. For some reason I’d lost my appetite. I brought their dinner, then stood off to the side, feeling awkward. I wasn’t sure what I should do now. I wanted to hold my niece, but my mom didn’t show any signs of putting her down. And they were taking up most of the space on the couch, leaving no other places to sit.

  “All right, Grandma, my turn,” my dad said. He slipped his hands around Kate before my mom could reply. “There’s my little girl.”

  Mom pressed a palm to her chest. “Oh Molly, I’m just so happy. I wasn’t sure if we’d ever be grandparents.”

  “Why not?” Molly asked around a bite of her enchilada. “Of course you were.”

  “Well, you’re not exactly getting younger. And I gave up on your brother a long time ago.”

  I didn’t react to her comment, even though I hated it when she talked about me like I wasn’t here. It wasn’t the first time she’d said that.

  “Jeez, Mom. We’re thirty-three, not fifty.”

  “You can’t have babies forever, you know. So I certainly hope you don’t wait too long before having another one.”

  “I literally just gave birth and you’re already pressuring me to have more kids?”

  Mom lifted her hands. “No pressure. I’d just love to have more than one grandbaby, that’s all.”

  “And look at that, you have two kids to fulfill your grandparent dreams.” Molly gestured toward me.

  Dad glanced up, his expression doubtful, and Mom clicked her tongue. “I think we can all stop pretending that Corban will have a family. Some people just aren’t made for it.”

  “Mom, come on,” Molly said.

  “Corban’s special. We all know that.” She looked at me with a sympathetic smile, although she kept talking like I wasn’t here. “He’s very smart, but there isn’t room in that brain of his for everything else. We tried to balance him out, but he is who he is.”

  Molly started to say something, but Kate squirmed in my dad’s arms and let out a squeak.

  “She probably needs to be changed. Or fed. Or both.” Molly held out her arms. “Pass her back to me. I’ll finish my dinner later.”

  Dad stood and put Kate in Molly’s arms. Martin got up and took their dinner plates to the kitchen.

  “We should get going,” Dad said. “Come on, Kathy, the new parents need their rest.”

  Mom sighed, but stood. “I know, I know.”

  I waited, still standing off to the side, while my parents gushed over an increasingly agitated baby Kate, saying their goodbyes. They said goodbye to me too, and my mom gave me a quick hug before trying to circle back to the baby. Finally, Martin gently but firmly led them to the front door.

  “Do you want me to go too?” I asked.

  “No, don’t go. You just got here.” Molly rocked Kate, offering her a pacifier. “I know, little one. Daddy will change your diaper and then we can feed you.”

  Martin came back and took Kate. She looked so small in his hands. He lifted her to kiss her forehead and murmured that he’d bring her back to mommy in a minute.

  I took a seat on the couch and crossed one leg over my knee. “He’s an awesome dad already, isn’t he?”

  Molly smiled. “So awesome. He’s the best. And hey, you shouldn’t let them get to you. Mom and Dad, I mean.”

  “It’s fine.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Is it, though? What she said isn’t true.”

  “Which part?”

  “That you’re not made to have a family. That was a crappy thing to say. Although I’m not going to lie, I have no idea how you’re still single.”

  I leaned back against the couch cushions. “Isn’t it obvious?”

  “No. It’s not obvious at all. You’re genius-level smart. Good-looking. You probably have abs under that shirt.”

  I absently touched my stoma
ch. “So?”

  “Do you not understand the power of abs?”

  “I don’t know. I guess.”

  “Are you just being modest, or do you not realize how awesome you are?”

  “Shut your face.”

  “You shut your face.” She paused and tilted her head, still scrutinizing me. “Do you have commitment issues?”

  I groaned. “Really?”

  “I’m just trying to figure out how it’s possible that you’re still single. Commitment issues would explain it.”

  “I don’t have commitment issues.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I looked around for something to throw at her. Something soft, obviously—she’d just had a baby. I wasn’t a total animal. But there wasn’t anything within reach.

  “I’m not single because I can’t commit.”

  “Then why?”

  Adjusting my glasses, I raised my eyebrows at her. “Have you met me? I’m weird.”

  “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “Thanks for not arguing with me,” I said wryly.

  “You are weird. But that’s not a bad thing.”

  “Have you ever found yourself describing the mating behavior of ring-tailed lemurs to someone you’re interested in?”

  “No.”

  “Then don’t tell me being weird isn’t a bad thing.”

  She sighed. “Okay, so you can be a little awkward sometimes. But you’re not the shy kid who never spoke up in class anymore. You’ve given lectures to hundreds of people. You put yourself out there. That’s brave.”

  How could I explain to her that public speaking wasn’t intimidating because it wasn’t close? It wasn’t intimate. I believed in my work, so it was easy for me to talk about it, even in front of a crowd. It was the one-on-one conversations that went sideways and left me feeling like an idiot.

  Although I didn’t feel that way around Hazel, did I?

  “The fact that I can give a lecture has nothing to do with me being single. And stop worrying about it. I’m fine.”

  “You’re just such a great guy. I want you to be happy.”

  “Motherhood is making you weird.”

  She extended her leg, trying to kick me, but I was too far away. “It is not. You’re my twinkie. I wanted you to be happy even before I had a baby.”