by Adele Huxley
Bryan got to his feet and stood in front of me, holding out a hand. “Are you up for a little fun?”
I looked up with a pout. I wasn’t sure I was done with my mini tantrum. “What kind of fun?” I asked with a furrowed brow.
The sparkle in his eye worried me a little. “The kind that gets your heart thumping,” he winked. “Consider it my Christmas present. You might want to grab your camera.”
Ten minutes later, I stood beside a jet black snowmobile, shaking my head. Bryan sat on the padded seat, one helmet in his lap, the other outstretched to me. “No way. No,” I laughed. “There’s no way in hell I’m getting on that thing.”
“Aww, come on! I promise, I’ll take it slow until you feel comfortable. You don’t have to do a thing but sit back and enjoy the ride.” I knew he’d take it easy but the machine looked like it was built for speed. I was wracking my brain for a decent enough excuse when he dropped the only two words that could’ve worked. The dimples forming at the corner of his mouth, he smiled, wiggling the helmet. “Trust me.”
I groaned, taking the helmet from him. “Where’s my Christmas present, then?” I whined.
“I’ll give you whatever you want.” His words dripped with innuendo. My heart flip-flopped but I tried to ignore it.
“I’ll be sure to give it some thought.” I slipped the bulky helmet over my hair, my ponytail pushing down to the nape of my neck. I wanted to look cool, like this whole thing didn’t scare the ever-living shit out of me. Swinging my leg over, I tentatively held onto his sides.
“You good back there?” His voice was muffled through the helmet.
I patted him with my right hand. “All good.”
He pressed the ignition and the snowmobile rumbled to life between my legs. I let out a small scream, gripping my arms around his waist for dear life. I thought I could hear him laugh over the roar of the engine. He patted my hand and shouted over the noise. “Hang on tight!”
True to his word, he did keep it slow…at first. He eased us down the driveway and onto the unplowed road, taking the right turn so sharp we skidded a little. Once I got comfortable with the speed, I was able to look up and around. The snow covered pines towered above us, whisking quickly by. The greens and whites were starkly contrasted against the bright blue sky. The ride was so smooth, it felt like we were floating over the ground.
Bryan slowed and patted my hand. “If you’re up to it, we can go off road for a bit. There’s something I want to show you.”
I took a deep breath to steady myself. The road was fine, but a fresh wave of nerves flooded through me at the thought of weaving between the trees. I heard his voice in my head. Trust me. “Yeah, let’s do it!” I replied.
A few minutes later, Bryan slowed and cut the engine. I thought the forest was quiet before, but this silence was deafening. I stood on shaky legs and looked all around, the towering pines almost standing guard over us. He pulled his helmet off and set it on the seat. I followed suit.
“There’s a waterfall just over there,” he said pointing to an outcropping of rocks. “You have your camera?”
I patted my jacket pocket and nodded. “It managed to hang on, too.”
The snow wasn’t as deep here, the tree branches above holding onto the bulk of it. I followed in Bryan’s big footsteps, stopping to look up at the blue sky when I needed to catch my breath. Bryan got ahead of me, maybe twenty feet up the hill. He stopped and smiled, his hazel eyes sparkling in the sunlight. Even after everything I’d just told him, he still looked at me that way. Incredible.
“Do you need me to carry you?” he asked with a cheeky grin.
Hands on my hips, I tried to slow my breathing. Damn cold air showed exactly how out of shape I was. “And what if I do?”
Without a word, he leapt down the hill, kicking up powdery snow as he raced towards me. I stepped back a foot in surprise, but his arms were quickly around me. I squealed as he picked me up, clinging to his shoulder. “No, you’re crazy! Bryan, your leg!” I wanted to take back the words the moment I said them. His expression wavered slightly as he set me down, the smile now artificial rather than organic. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
Bryan pressed his lips together and shook his head. “Nope, it’s okay. You’re right.” He touched my cheek with his gloved thumb. “You make me do crazy things.” His eyes fell to my lips and I yearned for another kiss. God, I wanted him to kiss me again, now that he knew everything. Kind looks were one thing, but I needed to feel like everything was still the same.
He seemed to catch himself and the moment dissolved. As he pulled away, I was left panting, but not for a lack of exercise. “It’s only up the hill, I promise.” He turned and continued back up the slope. I scrambled quickly after.
Once I reached the crest, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I’m not even sure I can adequately describe how beautiful the scene before me was. Bryan stood to the side as if presenting it to me, this little treasure of nature. The forest opened just wide enough to allow a deep but narrow creek to pass through. A waterfall, maybe ten feet tall, was lined with glittering icicles the size of my body. Just enough water still ran through the rocks to create the most peaceful burble. I followed the path of the creek down the hill and gasped when I saw the view.
One of the things I still hadn’t gotten used to was how limited line of sight was in the mountains. Unless I was standing on the tallest peak, there was always something towering over me. Couldn’t be any more different than the flat beaches of North Carolina. But here…this creek cut a swath in the forest wide enough to provide a view to a valley down below. I squinted into the sun to better see the green glade nestled between the soaring mountains, obviously fed by the mountain streams.
For once in my life, I didn’t feel like speaking. I simply wanted to exist in this moment, to embrace every detail and hold it close. With a start, I remembered the camera in my pocket. As I pulled it out, I glanced to Bryan. He stood with his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, eyes closed, chin slightly tilted towards the sky. As quietly as I could, I removed the lens cap and knelt in the snow, framing him and the waterfall in the same shot.
I stepped around the creek, snapping photos here and there. I spotted a few deer tracks in the snow on the far bank, and gingerly stepped to the edge of the creek and crouched. After a few minutes, my fingers were frozen. Putting the camera away, I stood and took it all in again.
“It looks like it’s completely untouched, like we’re the first people in the world to be here,” I murmured in a breathy voice.
“I knew you’d like it,” he said coming alongside me. “My dad and granddad used to take me up here.” He chuckled, the sound quickly swallowed by the deep snow. He pointed up the hill, beyond the waterfall. “Actually, they used to take me to the lake up there to go fishing but I hated it. I’d always slip away and come down here.”
I peered up at him, his cheeks and nose red with the cold. There was always such sadness in his voice when he talked about his family. I desperately wanted to know what’d happened to him but didn’t know how to ask. He looked down and smiled, his eyes creasing slightly at the corners.
“I’m glad you brought me here,” I whispered. That electric zing passed between us, that undeniable connection we were getting terrible at ignoring.
He pulled off his gloves and dropped them to the ground, sliding his hands into my hair. His lips brushed mine as he pulled me close. He teased the tip of his nose against mine before whispering, “Me too,” mouth moving against mine.
I fell into that kiss like it was my first. In many ways, it was. In small pieces, I felt the Liz I’d been falling away to reveal the Liz I wanted to be. The passion and truthfulness we shared in that kiss…it was like I’d never been kissed before. Maybe it lasted a few seconds, maybe a few minutes, but when we pulled apart, I felt like I’d changed in some way I couldn’t put my finger on.
Bryan pressed his forehead against mine, our clouds of breath mingling in the air. He kissed
me again, full and hard against my lips, before pulling away completely.
“We should probably head back soon. Night comes quickly up here,” he said bending to get his gloves. I nodded, taking one last look around the clearing, thankful that I’d been brave enough to come. I had no idea what to expect but opening myself up to the experience had proved worth it.
When we returned to the snowmobile, I gave him a playful slap on the shoulder. “As long as you’re careful, I don’t mind if you pick up the pace a little bit on the way back.”
He gave me a broad grin, one eyebrow arched. “Oh yeah? Ready to get that blood really pumping?”
I laughed, plucking my helmet from the seat and stepping closer. It was my turn to grab the back of his head and pull him into a hungry kiss. “It already is.” The look of surprise on his face was so delicious. Slipping my helmet on, I nodded towards the snowmobile, Bryan snapping out of his fog.
Wrapping myself tightly against him, this time not out of fear, I was able to enjoy the ride more. He carefully threaded through the trees, following the tracks we’d made coming in. Once we reached the edge of the road, he gave my arm a pat and gunned it. I squealed and laughed, holding him tight. The way he looked at me, the rush, the feel of his hard body beneath my hands, the vibrations of the snowmobile between my legs…it stirred up some pretty wicked ideas.
I decided what I wanted for Christmas.
I never, ever, in a million years thought I’d feel this way about someone again. I was overwhelmed when Liz opened up to me. Her mother, her surgery, the things she’d done all for the love of her father. I could see past the actions to the intent and saw nothing but a caring person, doing her best to survive. If anyone knew how trauma could screw with the path of a life, it was me. To say she was amazing doesn’t do her justice. I owed it to her to be honest about my past. That was the whole point of taking her up to the falls but I hadn’t found the right words, didn’t know how to start. Any time I tried to tell her anything about my past, I froze up.
I threw a couple logs in the furnace when we got back to the cabin and told Liz to relax. After I changed out of my wet jeans, I set about making us a modest Christmas Eve dinner. My conflicting emotions became too much to ignore. I was happy for the distraction of cooking because I didn’t think I’d be able to hide my thoughts very well.
My problems were nothing compared to hers, but I still couldn’t bring myself to tell her. I felt pathetic in comparison. She’d risen up to the challenges in her life and I’d simply retreated, becoming a shell of the person I once was. I was in too deep, going far too long lying by omission. Would she look at me differently once she knew who I really was, well, who I’d been? Would she hate me for keeping it from her when she’d been nothing but honest?
On top of it all, I wanted her so much I felt guilty. I wanted to feel her bare skin against me, to hold her in my arms, to connect with her in ways I never had before. I glanced at her lounging on the old sofa, one leg slung over the arm as she reclined. She was staring at the ceiling deep in thought. She looked up, giving me that smile I’d almost become addicted to. When I’d decided to move to Tellure Hollow, I thought the solitude was what I needed. Little did I know I’d find exactly what I needed dangling over a bridge, trying to take a photo.
I wiped my hands on the dish towel. “You thinking about what you want for Christmas?”
“Maybe,” she winked. Liz kicked her leg off the arm of the sofa and leaned forward. “I think I’m gonna call my dad. He’ll worry when I don’t come online to chat.”
A dull ache squeezed my heart but I did my best to smile. “Of course. Don’t go outside, I promise I won’t listen.”
She gave a short laugh as she got to her feet, brushing her dark hair over her shoulder. “There’s nothing I could say that you don’t already know,” she said as if the thought had just occurred to her. She sat cross-legged on the bed and thumbed through her phone, giving me a smile as she brought it to her ear.
My mind drifted as I returned to chopping the onions and peppers. The sound of her voice was soothing, just her presence was enough to take away a lot of the burden I carried on a daily basis. As she talked to her dad, laughing and joking, assuring him everything was going just fine, I resolved to tell her everything. I had to at least match her bravery on that. If she hated me, so be it. At least I wouldn’t continue keeping anything from her. Problem was, how to start.
Ten minutes later, the bedsprings squeaked as she stood, pulling me from my thoughts. “Of course I will. You tell Aunt Helen I hope she feels better and give the kids a hug from me, okay?” She nodded as she paced around the room. “Okay, sure. Merry Christmas, Daddy.” Her face lit up as our eyes met. “I will. Love you, too. Bye.”
“Everything good?” I asked, stirring the veggies around on the frying pan. The garlic chicken in the oven was just about ready.
Liz appeared at my side, her breast pressed against my arm. The contact shot through me like a cannon, my body reacting instantly. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. “It smells so good.”
“I’m afraid it isn’t very Christmasy. I grabbed whatever I could when we left.”
“Oh, it’s fine. Anything you make will be perfect.” With the phone in her hand, she rubbed my arm reassuringly. As she finished speaking, it began to vibrate. She laughed and rolled her eyes. “Dad probably forgot to tell me something. He always does this.” She walked away to answer, leaving my side tingling. “Oh! Hey bitch,” she answered.
My eyes shot to hers in confusion. Bitch? She laughed and shook her head. “How’s it going, Kayla?”
Her tone was so different, I couldn’t help but listen. She didn’t seem to mind, her eyes on me as she spoke, watching me set the table and finish cooking. I could understand pretty much everything just by hearing her side of the conversation.
“Yeah, we’re doing okay…wait, what? When was he there? He didn’t hurt you right, cause if he—right, yeah. Well he can go fuck himself for all I care…yes, I’m serious. Kayla why would I—no, I’m not going to be at the party tonight…because of Rick…I know, I’m sorry. I wish I was there too…yeah, we’re still at the cabin. Bryan’s actually just finishing up dinner so I—Kayla, seriously. I can’t come…please don’t…have a good time for me, okay? Merry Christmas…okay, okay…yes, stop! I’m fine! I’ll call you tomorrow…alright hon, bye.”
Liz sat at the rickety round table with a huff. “That girl, I swear.”
I plated the dinner and carried it over, wishing I at least had a bottle of wine to crack open. “Rick stopped by?”
Liz stabbed the chicken breast with her fork, slicing off a thick piece and popping it into her mouth. “He told her he just wants to talk,” she said around the food. “It’s like she doesn’t even care. She’s more worried that I’m not going to be around for the party.”
“I’m sure she’s worried about you,” I said, not even believing the words as I spoke.
Liz chuckled. “Yeah, okay.”
As we talked during dinner, I kept trying to guide the conversation around so I could come clean. So many times I lost the nerve. How was I supposed to say it? Just blurt it out? I ran it through my mind, but no matter which way I phrased it, it never sounded right. Hey, so remember a few years ago when a professional skier crashed qualifying for the Olympics and his dad died on the way to the hospital? You must, it was all over the news. Yeah, that’s me.
Before I could summon the courage, we’d both finished eating and I hadn’t said a thing. I cleared the plates and put them in the sink, feeling so dejected. Much to my surprise, I felt two delicate hands circle my waist as I rinsed off the dishes. Liz hugged me from behind, her face pressing against the flat of my back.
“Thank you for making dinner,” she whispered against me. “I figured out what I want for Christmas.” The tone in her voice triggered excitement deep in my core but I tried to calm myself. Not only was she a virgin, she was a virgin running from a crazy ex. I seriously doubted
she’d be in the mood, but when I turned and saw the look in her eyes…
“I…uh…” I stammered, my mind turning to mush. I didn’t know what to say as she was gazing up at me through her long eyelashes.
“Come here,” she said taking my hand with a smile. As she led me into the middle of the room, I noticed she’d set up a bunch of pillows and blankets on the floor in front of the fire. I’d been so engrossed in my own thoughts, I hadn’t even heard her do it! She let go of my hand and sat down in the soft nest, patting the space next to her.
My heart thudding in my chest, I sat down. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so nervous. Pulling my knees into the crooks of my elbows, I stared into the fire. Liz slid closer, pulling a blanket around both our shoulders. She rested her head on my shoulder, her soft breath tickling the hair on my arm. I had to tell her. I couldn’t possibly do anything physical with her until—
“The falls were my happy place,” I blurted out. I nearly groaned. Of all the places to start, I had to pick that?
Liz lifted her head and looked at me, but I kept my eyes trained on the flickering flames. “What do you mean?”
“After the accident, when I was going through therapy, I had to picture a happy place. The psychologist told me to pick a place from my life where I’d felt at peace…content, preferably a place I’d visited with my dad.”
“I can see why you picked it,” she said softly. Her hand traveled to my right elbow, squeezing it gently as if encouraging me to continue.
I kissed the top of her head. “I was actually a little nervous today. I haven’t been back here since it happened and it’s always been so special to my family. I hoped you’d see what I see when—”
Liz pulled my arm down and nestled into my chest, lifting her chin to kiss me. She gently sucked on my lower lip, pulling a groan from my throat. Her hand tugged at my hair as her tongue swirled inside my mouth. She pulled away, her lips parted and glistening in the light. “Thank you for sharing it with me.” As she pressed into me once more, I held her back firmly.