by Adele Huxley
I wanted to show him how glad I was to have him in my life, to show him physically when the words had failed me. I pulled away for only a moment, our eyes locked on one another. I shifted in his arms, spinning until I faced him, my bent knees on either side of his torso. Sliding my hands to the sides of his face, I brought my mouth down on his, a hard, lust-filled kiss.
Bryan’s hand slipped beneath my sweatshirt, fingers digging into the flesh of my back. I clawed at the zipper on his dark hoodie, pulling it open and off his shoulders. My hands ran along the taught muscles of his chest. I remembered the scars I’d glimpsed back in the cabin, hiding beneath his shirt. He pulled my face back to his with a finger under my chin, gazing into my eyes before he devoured my mouth again. The heat in my core was white-hot, my pussy slick with anticipation.
It was my turn to strip. He pulled the sweatshirt over my head, his hot mouth immediately on my exposed neck. I arched into him, his hands gathering me closer at the small of my back. A groan escaped my lips which seemed to drive him crazy. He tried to pull down the strap of my tank top but I froze up, shifting my arm around his neck so he couldn’t. His hand slipped under the top, the contact causing a cascade of shivers to ripple through me.
He kissed my bottom lip, my chin, my jaw. I tilted my head back as he kissed down my throat to the edge of my collarbone. At the same time, his hand pushed up, tracing a path from my waist to my belly, searching for my breasts.
I wanted to let him touch me. God, I practically needed it for my own sanity. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t show him my scars yet. After all the events of the day, that was my hard limit. A fraction away from the bottom of my breast, I slapped my hand against his, stopping suddenly. He furrowed his brow in confusion but immediately pulled his hand from under the top.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you,” he said holding my face in his hand. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think. You’re just so brave and beautiful…” His sincerity crumbled what little defenses I had left. I managed to keep myself from bursting into tears, my lip quivering with the effort. A few hot tears rolled down my face which Bryan quickly caught with his thumb. “God, I’m such an asshole,” he whispered. “After everything that happened tonight…”
Bryan pulled me close to his bare chest again, protectively. The heat from the fire had warmed the air and for the first time since Rick had arrived at the party, I felt safe. My fingers nestled into the thick patch of hair on his chest. “You don’t hate me?” I whispered.
He clutched me tighter, a curse escaping his lips. “How could I hate you? Everything you did, you did out of love.” He kissed the top of my head fiercely. “That bastard used you, took advantage of you.”
How could he say that? Couldn’t he see I was doing the same thing to him? I’d gotten so good at manipulating people, I feared I was deceiving him without even being aware. Although they felt real, how could I tell my genuine emotions from the ones I used to get what I wanted? I tried to scream, “Save yourself! Get away from me,” but I was too exhausted. Deep down, I knew it was futile. He wouldn’t go. The warmth finally seeped into my bones and I felt my head begin to droop.
Bryan gently helped me to my feet, wrapping me tightly in the blanket and led me to the mattress. He kissed me on the forehead and stepped away, my hand shot out to grab him. “Please, stay with me,” I said sleepily.
“Are you sure?”
“Mmmhmm,” I nodded. I was faintly aware of him throwing a few more logs on the fire, the crackling sound like music to my ears. The bed rocked as he crawled in beside me, draping his arm over my waist. Thankfully, I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
I woke the next morning completely disoriented, the blissful amnesia of sleep holding on a few moments after I opened my eyes. The events, both good and bad, came crashing down like a ten-foot wave. Rolling over in the bed, I looked for Bryan but found myself alone. I shot up, a surge of panic stabbing my chest. The hunting cabin was awash in morning light, the smell of bacon thick in the air. An old cast-iron griddle pan was spitting on top of the stove, and beside it a kettle that looked like something from a museum.
Flinging the blanket from my body and swinging my feet over the edge, I surged to my feet, half expecting Rick to walk in from the bathroom or something. Just then, Bryan appeared in the front door carrying a heavy canvas tote of wood. His expression lit up when he saw me.
“Merry Christmas Eve,” he said cheerfully, shutting the door behind him. He dropped the wood by the fire and shed his jacket.
“God, yeah. It is, isn’t it?” It didn’t feel right. Rick trying to kidnap me, running away in the middle of the night…these weren’t things that happened during Christmas. I pulled my hair into a low ponytail as I watched Bryan busy himself around the kitchen.
“I know it’s probably not what you were expecting, but…” He pulled the bacon from the pan and let it dry on a paper towel. “You like fried eggs?”
I nodded, still half asleep. “Yeah, fine.” I pulled out a rickety wooden chair and sat at the tiny, round table he’d set. “So what’s the plan, then?”
“I called Walt just before you woke up, told him what happened. He’s got friends around town who’ll keep an eye out for Rick and his truck.” Bryan set down two plates filled with crispy bacon, two fried eggs, and buttered toast. I looked up in surprise. “What?” he grinned. “I promised you a meal, this is a meal.”
“No, it’s good. I’m impressed you pulled this together.”
A faint blush touched his cheeks as he spun back to the stove. “It’s nothing. I grabbed food randomly last night and managed to pack something resembling breakfast. Expect the meals to get much stranger as time wears on.” I reached out and touched his hand softly.
“Thank you.” I smiled as his blush deepened, somehow making his hazel eyes shine.
It felt both good and bad to be sitting across from someone who knew pretty much every one of my dark secrets. He knew about Rick and hadn’t run. He knew about my mother and could actually relate. It was unnerving. Plus, I felt like it was inevitable I’d find some way to screw it up. However, my confession was incomplete. He still didn’t know the real reason Rick was after me. I ate half the breakfast because I was starving, but my worry killed any remaining hunger. My mind was at war with itself. Can I actually tell him? I have to. He’s going to freak out. He hasn’t so far, give him credit for that.
The percolating coffee on the stove grew louder, drawing Bryan’s attention away. I cleared my throat and braced myself. Just one more piece and he knows everything. You can do this little bit more.
“So…everything I told you last night,” I started hesitantly. His shoulder’s stilled for a moment, just a second, as I spoke.
“Yeah?”
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “It’s just…there’s something else.” I already felt myself choking up. I had never, ever said the words out loud. I wasn’t even sure how I could phrase it.
Bryan poured the coffee in two old, mismatched cups. He set them down and dragged his chair over to me, gently brushing my cheek with his hand. “I don’t care about any of that, you know. Honestly, you’re one of the bravest people I think I’ve ever—”
“It’s not that,” I said quickly, pulling his hands down to my lap. “I need to tell you the last part about Rick.” His jaw tightened at the name but he remained silent. I took a deep breath and braced myself, forcing the words out in one big exhalation. “Rick bought my virginity and I promised to sleep with him when I turn twenty-one.” My heart thudded in my chest. Somehow, it didn’t sound so bad when I said it out loud. It sounded almost ridiculous, like the punchline to a joke. I nearly laughed, but the reality of the situation was far darker.
“He…bought your virginity?” Bryan whispered.
I nodded, unable to meet his eyes. I wasn’t strong enough to see the judgment there. “He gave me the money up front. A quarter of a million, enough to by my parents’ old house.” I chuckled bitterly. �
��I guess everyone does have their price. I accepted the deal on one condition, that he wait until my twenty-first birthday. I couldn’t believe anyone would pay that kind of money for something so…I don’t know…I didn’t realize then that he wasn’t buying that. He was buying me. I was dumb enough to think I was playing him, somehow.”
Bryan looked out the side window. I lifted my eyes enough to see the muscles in his jaw clenching. God, he hates me now, I thought, a fresh wave of tears flowing down my face. “And that’s why he’s here? Because you’re turning twenty-one?”
“I thought if I bought myself some time, I could figure out a way to get around it. When he got arrested, I saw it as my chance to put him away, get rid of him long enough to get away for good.”
He squeezed my hands, looking at me intently. “Can’t you just give him the money back? You still have it, right?” Inside, I was cautiously optimistic that he didn’t hate me. At least he didn’t immediately start calling me a whore or something.
I shook my head, my tears falling onto our laced fingers. “Rick doesn’t work that way. He never cared about the money. I could give it back with interest and it wouldn’t make a difference.”
“You just said everyone has a price.”
I cringed at the words thrown back at me. “Yeah, well, whatever his might be, I know I can’t afford it. When he comes to collect, he always gets what he’s looking for. I didn’t know who he was until it was too late.” The thought of Rick laying a hand on me made me shudder. At one point in my life, I’d been attracted to him but now…he repulsed me in ways I hadn’t thought possible.
“I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise,” he whispered. “It’s all in the past, and really,” he stopped and looked around the cabin, “there’s nothing you can about the past. We only have a choice about the future.”
“So you still don’t hate me?” I asked, peering up through my eyelashes.
He shook his head, but his expression didn’t soften. “Of course not. I do have a question, though. The other night at the party, Noah said something about him calling Rick. Was Kayla the one who…”
“I don’t know, probably. If she did, she didn’t mean anything by it,” I sighed. “She doesn’t know anything about what I just told you. She had no way of knowing…” Bryan nodded, looking back to our hands. It seemed like a perfectly simple explanation, but it didn’t feel right. My mind tripped over it a few times before pushing it to the side.
“How long do you think we need to stay out here?”
“Well, I wanted to talk to you about that. It’ll take half the day, but I can get you to Denver and on a flight back to North Carolina. You could spend Christmas with your father—”
“No!” I interrupted, the fear pulsing through me like I’d been shocked. “No. I can’t do that. I can’t bring Rick right to my dad’s doorstep. He can’t ever find out about what I’ve done.”
“Won’t he find out when you give him all that money? You’re supposed to be a poor college kid and you’re buying houses?”
It was a problem I hadn’t yet solved, but I didn’t let it stop me. “I’ll just avoid any direct questions and—”
Bryan started laughing. “He’s just going to accept all that money, no questions asked? Come on. I haven’t met the guy and I know that’s bullshit.”
My temper flared. I shoved the plate away with a clatter and stormed across the room. “I don’t have much of a choice, okay? If you have a better idea, I’d love to hear it. But for right now, no. I’m not going home.” I crossed my arms over my chest and stared out the window, the shrillness of my voice echoing through my ears.
Bryan’s chair rattled against the floor as he stood, his footsteps light behind me. He touched my back but didn’t push the contact any further. “I’m sorry, that was out of line. Maybe you could buy one of those fake lottery tickets and convince him you won?”
I giggled despite myself. I was starting to feel manic, my emotions running the gamut at the drop of a hat. “That’s actually not a bad idea,” I conceded.
He rubbed my shoulders, his thumbs lightly digging into my aching muscles. It might’ve been a dreamless sleep, but the mattress had left much to be desired. I leaned into him, allowing his arms to circle around me. “Do you have any other family?” he asked softly. I shook my head. After my mom died, her side of the family pretty much disappeared. I reminded them too much of the loss, apparently. Every time my grandmother had looked into my eyes, she’d burst into tears, crying my mother’s name. Bryan’s voice pulled me from the painful memory.
“I’d take you to my mom’s, but like you said, I don’t want to bring this guy to their doorstep.” He paused for a moment, holding his breath. “I do have a bit of money…” he added hesitantly. “We could go somewhere completely out there, someplace he’d never think to look?”
“Vegas?” I excitedly responded. I turned in his arms, peering up into his eyes.
He laughed. “What’s in Vegas?”
“I have no idea, but I’ve always wanted to go. Maybe I can win a lucky roulette spin and explain the money that way.”
Bryan’s lips brushed my forehead softly. “Then we’ll go to Vegas. I bet they host a hell of a Christmas.”
“Honestly, I feel safe here,” I said pressing myself against his chest. “If we left, I’d be looking over my shoulder the entire time. He’d follow us. One way or another, he’d find me.” He nodded, kissing the top of my head again. “I don’t know what to do next, but I don’t think having Christmas here is such a bad idea.”
The modest cabin was tucked away in a beautiful, old forest. After we’d cleaned up from breakfast, Bryan had suggested we go for a short walk, just to get some fresh air. He helped me put on a pair of old snowshoes and off we went. The snow had finally tapered off to a few flurries. The air was nearly still, which made it feel like we were walking around in a snow globe. The truck was covered in a thin dusting, but the snow on the ground was nearly a foot deep.
The quiet forest amazed me, the snow muffling every sound, causing both of us to speak in hushed voices. Bryan pointed out a few deer tracks, but we didn’t see anything moving as we walked. He told me about the cabin, how his grandfather had built it with his own hands. I could tell the stories were bittersweet, so I didn’t press for anything more than he was willing to give. After a quick loop, always keeping the cabin in sight, we decided to head back. The sun had warmed the water in the tank, so we both took quick showers. Bryan helped me replace my bandages, the wounds thankfully didn’t look like they’d scar. Just as we were finishing a quiet lunch, my phone rang.
I rolled my eyes as I looked at the screen. “It’s Kayla.” I wasn’t entirely happy with the way she’d handled everything with Rick, but I still didn’t want her to worry about me. “Give me a sec,” I apologized to Bryan and stepped outside to talk.
“Hey hon, I’m alright.”
“Where the hell are you? I stopped by mountain man’s house and you weren’t there.”
I bit back my correction, reminding myself she was upset. “No, we’re not in town but we aren’t far.”
“Tell me where, I’ll come get you. I don’t like you being out there with some strange guy and on Christmas Eve. We’re having a party, remember?”
Her one-track mind never ceased to amaze me. She never seemed to understand how dangerous Rick actually was. Even after last night, she still thought I was overreacting. “I know, I’m sorry I won’t be there, but don’t worry. I’m totally safe out here.”
“Rick stopped by.” The sentence hit me like a bullet to the chest. She didn’t think to lead with this one? I waited for her to continue, but apparently she just wanted to drop that bombshell and wait for my reaction.
“And what did he say?”
Kayla sighed, the frustration evident in her tone. “He said what he said last night. He’s pissed, Lizzy. You can’t blame him for that. He said he wanted to talk, but left when I told him you weren’t here.”
“You didn’t tell him where I went, right?” I said nervously.
“How could I? Even I don’t know that. Bryan’s cabin, that’s all I know.”
“Good.” The word came out breathy, my relief freezing in the air. I toed the snow with my boot, unsure how to end the conversation. Neither of us were going to budge. I didn’t want to talk to him, she didn’t know when to stop pushing the issue. “So…uh, I hope you have a good Christmas. I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”
“Are you seriously not going to come back? It’s not gonna be the same without you,” she whined. I knew what she was trying to do and honestly, the tactic pissed me off. Was she really so selfish she’d be willing to risk my safety? It didn’t make sense that Bryan went to such lengths to protect me, a person who didn’t know a thing about Rick until a few days ago while she continued to be oblivious.
My voice grew firm. I’d had enough. “Merry Christmas, Kayla,” I said and hung up. I stared at the dark phone in my hand a moment longer, shaking my head at her behavior. I loved her like a sister, but sometimes she pissed me off the way only sisters can.
Bryan looked up expectantly from the table as I walked back inside. “Everything okay?”
I rolled my eyes, and shut the door. “She said Rick had stopped by looking for me. She says she didn’t tell him anything, but I know she did.” I slumped in the sofa.
“Why is she like that?”
“You’ve got me,” I replied, throwing my hands in the air. “And then she gave me this guilt trip about how I wasn’t going to be there for the party tonight or Christmas tomorrow. We planned this big orphan’s Christmas thing. Ugh!” I slammed my fist down on the cushion. Even when I knew she was manipulating me, it could work. “Fucking Rick…”