Touched

by Sabre Rose

  “Who cares? It’s all I’ve got,” she said. “I had no idea of the state of my wardrobe until tonight. I had no idea how desperately I need to go shopping.”

  We walked into the large lounge where Nicholas was seated on the cream and gold striped couch, glued to his device. I was just about right in front of him before he looked up.

  “Stimpy!” he said and grinned. He pulled the earplugs out of his ears and slapped my hand, returning my high-five.

  “Hey, you.” I sat beside him. “What are we going to do tonight?”

  “Watch the ‘Happy Happy Joy Joy’ song!” He leapt from the couch and started dancing strangely, bopping up and down on the spot and singing the ridiculous lyrics.

  Joining in, I looked over at Shrek who had walked back in with a freshly changed Henry. He rolled his eyes and poked his tongue out at our strange antics before joining in, lifting a chuckling Henry up and down in the air.

  “You’re an idiot, Dad.” Nicholas flopped back down on the couch.

  “You’re all idiots,” Peta said, shaking her head. She turned to me. “Will you be alright here?”

  I looked to Nicholas. “What are we playing?”

  “Skylanders,” he said.

  “Yep, we’re good,” I called out to Peta and picked up a controller.

  Babysitting three boys, aged from one to nine may seem hard, but only if you cannot balance a baby on your hip while swaying and using a gaming controller. Thankfully, I was a master, and in no time at all, I was putting the youngest to bed.

  Henry went down at seven. He was an easy baby during the day and an even easier baby to put to bed. He snuggled into the blankets and stuffed his thumb into his mouth, asleep within seconds.

  Nick and Charlie weren’t quite so easy. I had to read a story, and then I had to read another story because Nick got to choose the first story and Charlie didn’t get to choose one. Then they remembered they hadn’t brushed their teeth. Then they wanted a drink of water. When they came and tried to insist that they hadn’t had breakfast that morning and should really eat now, I put on my stern face. “Bed!” I ordered.

  “Yes, Stimpy.” They giggled and ran back up the stairs.

  Once in bed, I scrolled through my social media newsfeed on my phone which was mainly filled with friends from high-school gushing over their children, and selfies of Madison. I was one of the unseen people of social media. The ones that have a profile, a couple of pictures but you see no activity, apart from when they are tagged by other people, and instead, they hover in the background as a silent stalker.

  “Did you win?” I asked as soon as Shrek and Peta walked in the door.

  Peta pulled a face and hung her head. “No.” She sighed and dumped her handbag onto the coffee table. “Everything okay here?”

  “Good as gold. You should’ve won.”

  Peta nodded. “I should have.”

  * * *

  I was a little nervous when I pulled up outside Gabe’s house. I wasn’t sure how his friends were going to greet me. And what if it wasn’t just them that were there? What if I ran into that Elise? Or, heaven forbid, Haleigh? I almost didn’t go in. I almost turned the wheel and pulled away from the curb. But I swallowed the urge and hopped out of the car. Gabe pulled the door open before I could even knock.

  He leaned out the door, his hands gripping the frame and smiled so happily, I felt a little giddy. “You came.”

  “I did.” I pulled a bag over my shoulder. “See? I even packed a bag.”

  Gabe’s eyes twinkled and looked me up and down. “You’ve made me a very happy man, Mrs Robinson.”

  “Don’t call me that here,” I hissed.

  He released his hold on the door frame and wandered out to cup my face in his hands and kiss me. I hesitated because we were standing outside and Gabe laughed. “Come on then.”

  I followed him inside. Drew and Stefan were sitting in the living room, drinking beer and watching TV. They raised their bottles in salute and nodded.

  “Lauren,” they said, one by one, both with a varying degree of amusement.

  Gabe tugged my hand and pulled me into his room. “Don’t worry, they won’t be dicks for long. They’ll get sick of it soon.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked when I heard the distant sound of guitar music coming through the walls.

  Gabe listened and his shoulders slumped. “Arseholes,” he muttered and shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Lauren.”

  There was really nothing to do other than laugh as the words of Simon and Garfunkel surrounded us. I yanked open the door and took a bow as they hooted and wolf whistled. Gabe laughed, encircled my waist and dragged me back into the room, shutting the door firmly behind him.

  Cupping my face, he kissed me firmly. “Thank you,” he said and pulled me onto the bed. “We should make them listen, just to teach them a lesson.” I looked at him sternly, but he laughed. “I was kidding. Sort of.”

  * * *

  “This is nice,” Gabe said, standing beside me. He rested his head on his fingers wrapped around the tip of his pool cue and leaned towards me. “It’s nice being here with you. In public.”

  “It’s not bad.” I smiled cheekily and leaned over the table to take my shot. The ball sank into the pocket so I moved around the other side to sight up the black. “Just so long as—” I paused, squinting with one eye to gain my line.

  Gabe held his fingers out from the pool cue and said a little sourly, “No touching. I got it. I wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation.”

  I frowned at him. What was he getting at?

  “I’m here, aren’t I? You should be happy.” I made the shot but my calculations were off so the ball stopped just shy of its destination.

  “Oh, I’m happy,” Gabe whispered in my ear as he walked past.

  Stefan had already deserted us for some girls at the bar, and Drew was playing someone else on the next table. Gabe sunk his ball and went for the black. He missed.

  “So kind of you to give me another chance.” I smiled and wandered around to take the shot again. This time I sunk it. “That’s two nil. One more game and you’ll be walking around this table with your pants around your ankles.”

  “Is that what you’re trying to do?” He walked over and stood in front of me. “Because all you needed to do was ask.” He smiled, bit his lip and wiggled his eyebrows. Gabe jumped when someone called his name and I backed away and took a sip of my drink.

  “Shame on you, Gabe Thornton.” Haleigh ran her finger down his arm. “You never called.”

  Gabe winced and his eyes flicked nervously to mine. “Hey, Haleigh,” he said, taking a swig from his beer bottle. “You remember Lauren?” He nodded to me.

  Haleigh looked me up and down, dismissed me then turned her attention fully to Gabe. She leaned over him as he perched himself on the edge of the pool table and tried to look at the ceiling. “Are you having a good night?” She ran her finger down his neck. He gripped it tightly when she reached his collarbone and held her hand away from him.

  “My night is fine, thank you,” he said tersely.

  My blood was boiling. I wanted to look away but my eyes stayed glued, which was pure torture if I wasn’t going to allow myself to claim him in public.

  Haleigh pressed against him and he awkwardly tried to slide away from her. “You're playing hard to get tonight, aren’t you?” she cooed.

  Gabe breathed deeply and shook his head. “Drew is just over there.” He jerked his head to where Drew was glaring at them.

  My heart was pounding. My hands, clammy, wrapped around the pool cue tightly as this girl basically rubbed herself over Gabe.

  My Gabe.

  I thought of that night that he kissed her in front of me. It looked like it didn’t just stop there. It had crossed my mind but it wasn’t something I wanted to dwell on. Until now.

  “It didn’t stop you last time,” she breathed in his ear.

  Gabe stood up abruptly and moved away from her, stuffing his hands i
nto his pockets. “Leave,” he said.

  Haleigh cocked her hip to one side and pouted. “You know they all said you were like that. A one trick pony. Guess I should have listened.”

  She strode away and Gabe slowly lifted his eyes to meet mine. I stood still, thinking, and chewing on my lip. I had no right to be angry at him. I wasn’t with him then. I was with Derek. But seeing her there with him, and the familiarities she took had my mind a little addled.

  “You slept with her,” I stated when he came close.

  “I was drunk.”

  “And that makes it better?” I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. I really had no right to be angry. So why couldn’t I stop it?

  “How could you do that to Drew?” I asked, only because I had no right to say what I really wanted to.

  “To Drew? You’re worried about Drew?”

  “Of course I’m worried about Drew. He loves that girl.”

  “Well, he shouldn’t.”

  “That’s hardly the point.”

  Gabe sighed. “Drew and I had it out. He knows I regret it. He understands that I was in a bad place.”

  “A bad place,” I scoffed. “It didn’t look like you thought it was that bad from where I was standing.” I was being petty and whiny. I realised it, I just couldn’t seem to stop.

  “I was messed up over you.”

  “You mean after you had finished sleeping with me for a bet?”

  Gabe narrowed his eyes. “I mean after I came to tell you how sorry I was and how I really felt, and I found you basically being proposed to by Derek. You know, that time you said yes?”

  “He was my fiancé!” I looked around and lowered my voice. “Well, I hope you enjoyed fucking her,” I threw at him, ashamed of my behaviour but strangely unable to stop.

  “I thought of you the whole time,” he said, his voice dissolving to a growl.

  “And that’s supposed to make me feel better? That you thought of me,” I leaned over and whispered, “While you stuck your dick in another woman?”

  Gabe’s eyes turned to ice. “What about you? Did you think of me when you were letting your fiancé fuck you? Huh? Was it him you were crying out for when you came? Derek!” he mimicked, breathing deeply. “Or was he not able to make you come at all?” He grinned sadistically.

  I flushed red then tossed, what turned out to be, a tiny splash of drink in his face.

  Drew stopped his game to stare at us. Gabe simply glared at me with a cold hard stare, then wiped his hand down his face and stormed out the door.

  I felt a little nauseated and turned to Drew who had come over to stand beside me. “Will he come back?”

  He shook his head. “What happened?”

  “Haleigh,” I said.

  Drew frowned. “He walked off because of Haleigh?”

  I didn’t want to tell him the truth. “Sort of.”

  Drew shrugged and walked back to the pool table, throwing over his shoulder, “Best to just leave him when he gets like this. We’ll be done soon. I’ll give you a ride home.”

  29

  LAUREN

  I didn’t take Drew up on his offer for a ride home. The night air would help clear my head. I was annoyed at Gabe for walking off. How were we supposed to resolve our argument if his response was to simply walk away?

  Fortunately, my house wasn’t too far of a walk and I only managed to terrify myself into imagining two people were following me suspiciously. Turned out, neither of them were. When out at night, I usually left a light on at home, but since I wasn’t expecting to stay at my place that night, the house was dark and cold. I stumbled down the hallway, tossing my clothes off angrily, and dove into bed, throwing the covers over my head.

  I woke to someone pounding loudly on my door. “Lauren!” a drunken voice called out. “Lauren, please open the door. I’m sorry. I’m so so fucking sorry.”

  I opened my eyes and peered at the clock. It was four in the morning. Pressing my pillow over my head, I tried to ignore the incessant pounding but Gabe wouldn’t stop. Finally, I threw the covers off and walked down the hall, ripping the door open.

  “What?” I demanded, crossing my arms and glaring at him.

  Relief flooded his face. “Lauren,” he breathed and stumbled towards me. A wave of alcohol scented air hit before he reached me and I took a step back. He stopped and swayed slightly, looking at me through glazed eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

  “Apparently so.” I left the door open and walked into the lounge, taking a seat on the couch. Gabe followed and sat opposite me as Smudge walked over and plonked himself on his lap. Gabe stroked him absently, seemingly transfixed by the sight of his hand moving back and forth over the cat’s black and white coat.

  “Where did you go?” I asked finally when it seemed Gabe had nothing to say.

  “Out,” he replied.

  “Where?”

  Gabe shrugged and patted the cat again. “Just out.”

  “Well, I walked home. Alone.”

  Gabe gently pushed Smudge off his lap and came over to sit beside me. “I’m sorry,” he said again, taking my hand in his. “I don’t handle stuff like that very well. It’s just, when Haleigh came over and we started arguing and then Derek came up, well—” He let his voice fall. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you being with him and I kind of saw red. I knew I was just going to end up doing something I would regret so I walked away. Besides, you were the one who threw the drink in my face.”

  It was my turn to feel ashamed. I had never done that before. Never retaliated in that sort of way. I had wanted to, many times, but they were only fantasies that I kept well under control. But when I was around Gabe, I lost control. I tugged my hand away from him, but it only made him inch closer to me on the couch, this time taking both my hands and holding them firmly. “Lauren, listen. I’m just not sure how to act around you. I mean, I’ve never actually had someone ashamed of being with me before.”

  “I’m not ashamed,” I protested.

  Gabe nodded. “Right. And that’s why you won’t tell anyone. That’s why I had to beg you to tell your best friend.”

  “But it’s not you I’m ashamed of. It’s me.”

  “You? I don’t get it.”

  And then I realised what I wanted to say was that I was ashamed of myself for sleeping with him. I didn’t want people looking at me. I didn’t want people seeing Gabe, how young and carefree and gorgeous he was and making assumptions. But most of all, it was because those assumptions were true. Sensing my hesitation, Gabe leaned over and tried to kiss me.

  “Not now,” I said and turned my cheek.

  Gabe pulled me closer and tried to nuzzle into my neck, groaning seductively, if not a little drunkenly.

  “I think you should just go home,” I said, tugging my hands from his and walking over to the door, holding it open.

  He glared at me and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

  * * *

  He called in sick for work the next day, and he didn’t call or text. Part of me wanted to reach out to him, assure him that everything was fine, but the other part was annoyed that he was avoiding me and slacking off at work, once again. If he wasn’t careful, Peta would have no choice but to fire him.

  After two days of no contact with Gabe, I drove over to his house after work and knocked on the door.

  Drew answered, nodding to the garage. “He’s in there,” was all he said.

  I walked over and pulled the side door open to find Gabe, shirtless and drenched in sweat. My eyes travelled over his body as he pounded the bag time and time again, drips of sweat trailing down his perfect skin. I took a deep breath and cleared the thoughts distracting me from my head. “Hi,” I said when he didn’t notice me.

  Gabe glanced up but kept pounding his fists against the leather.

  “Hi,” I said again, taking a step closer.

  Still, Gabe didn’t say anything, but he did stop striking the bag, and pulled his gloves from his hands, placing
them at the back of the garage and picking up a towel to wipe the sweat from his face.

  “Hi,” he said finally. “Is there something you wanted?”

  “You haven’t been to work in a couple of days.”

  “I’ve been sick.” He picked up a water bottle and squirted some into his mouth.

  “Yeah,” I said, skimming my eyes over his body. “You sure look it.”

  Gabe threw the now empty bottle away and reached down to grab his t-shirt and pull it over his head. “What do you want, Lauren?”

  I stepped closer to him and took a deep breath. “I’ve missed you.”

  Gabe snorted. “Sure you have.”

  I took another step forward. “You didn’t call.”

  “Neither did you.” Gabe paced back and forth across the concrete floor. He glanced at me quickly and then said, “I’ve missed you too,” while staring at the ground. “But you’ve made it pretty clear how you feel, Lauren.”

  “I have?” I questioned.

  “You don’t want to be with me, I get it.”

  I almost laughed, thinking of all the times I had fantasised over him in the last couple of days. “I do. I just don’t want to be with someone who sulks every time something doesn’t go his way.”

  Gabe stopped pacing. “I’m not sulking.”

  “Well, what would you call it then?” I stepped dangerously close to him.

  Gabe looked down at me, ran his tongue over his top lip, and then turned away. “I don’t like having to hide like I’m your dirty little secret.”

  “That’s not what you are.”

  “That’s how it feels. I feel like you are ashamed of me.”

  “I told you it wasn’t like that.”

  “Well, I’m telling you that’s how it feels. If we could just be open and honest, this whole argument over Haleigh and Derek would have never happened.”

  “I’m just not ready for that. A few months ago I was engaged to Derek, having not long lost a baby. Did you stop to think about that? There’s more going on in my life than just you.”

  Gabe chewed on his lip and reached out to take the tips of my fingers in his. “Come to the work function with me. With me, with me. Not as just a friend.”