There’s a ball in the pit of my stomach. I want to tell her that it’s me he likes. That Jake isn’t interested in her, but I’ve said it before. How do I tell her that he and I are—what? What are we even doing? We haven’t defined anything. I want to tell her, but now is not the time. She’s already made up her mind. I’ll do it soon. Tomorrow. I’ll try it tomorrow.
Instead, I smile, nod, and stuff some Hot Cheetos in my mouth. Too many, just to make sure it burns.
Chapter Twenty
Jake
I’m dog tired in the morning, but I love spending my Saturdays at the rehab center. Seth is there already waiting for me. I pause when I see him sitting in the rec room. He’s in a wheelchair today, and his eyes are sunken with dark circles. I wasn’t here last week, since we had an away game. Has he gotten worse?
“Jake!” he calls when he sees me. He’s got a big, tired smile on his face. I push away my negative thoughts.
“Seth, man.”
“That game last night was so awesome. You were on fire!”
“You liked that, huh?”
Seth nods. “I want to go to a game one day and see it in person.”
“You’ve never been?”
“Mom can’t get me there with my brothers.”
My wheels are turning with an idea, which I file away for later. “That sucks, man.”
He nods, but his smile fades as if I said the wrong thing.
“How you feeling today?”
“Tired,” he says. “But I want to play video games with you.”
“Then let’s do it,” I say.
I wheel him over to the TV and load up our favorite game. He tells me about what he did last weekend when I wasn’t here, which was “mostly be bored” and that he’s been sick a lot because of the chemo.
It’s just the two of us for a few minutes, but some of the other kids see us playing and rush over. Seth says they like me, too. I’m still not sure I’m someone who should be a role model for these kids, but I like hanging out with them.
I spot Haley out of the corner of my eye about an hour later, and I wave to her while the kids play, but she doesn’t wave back. She rushes off, which is weird.
Seth pulls at my shirtsleeve. “Jake, can you take me to my room?”
I didn’t realize he was sleeping here now.
“Yeah, man. I can do that.”
I pass my controller to another kid, Hannah. “I’ll be back, y’all.”
I wheel Seth down the hall as he directs me until we find his room. The walls are decorated with a couple football and video game posters, but otherwise it’s still hospital stark white.
“Thanks, Jake.”
“You need help into your bed?”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to. If you have to wait for a nurse, it could take a while. I know you’re tired.”
He nods slowly and tells me the best way to get him up into bed. He’s a small kid, and I’ve helped Jamie before, so I’m not too worried about it. I roll his chair next to bed and lock the wheels. “Wrap your arms around my neck,” I say, and he does. In one swoop, I lift him up and help get him situated under the covers.
“You okay?” I ask after a few minutes of him getting comfortable.
“It hurts today. Sometimes it doesn’t.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. Because I am. He’s a kid. He doesn’t deserve this. None of them do. No one does.
He shrugs. “I’m just tired.”
“I’ll let you sleep,” I say. “See you next week.” He nods, and I stop outside his door and take a few seconds to breathe before I head back to the rec room and the other kids.
At the end of the day, I wait for Haley at her car. I haven’t seen her all morning, and I can’t stop feeling that something is a little off. She sees me as she exits the building and pauses, like she wants to turn back. Weird. She doesn’t, though. She heads toward me, and I can see that she’s already biting her lip.
“What’s wrong?” I ask before she even gets to the car.
“I’m good.”
“Don’t lie to me, Other Howell.”
She tilts her head and then sighs. “Abby is still into you. Every time I’m with you, I’m betraying her—and worse, I’m lying about it.”
“Wait, what? That date was horrible.”
“Apparently she thinks you were nervous around her and thought it was cute. She likes you even more now. This”—she points between her and me—“whatever it is, is going to crush my best friend.”
I reach out for her hand and pull her into me. She looks conflicted, but she doesn’t try to get away, and a second later her head is against my chest. It sounds dumb as hell, but it feels like she’s meant to be there. “It’s all going to be okay.”
“How?”
I kiss the top of her head. “Just trust your heart, Hals, and trust me.”
“I do trust you.”
“We’re still figuring out what we are, what we want to be, right?” I say, even though I already know. I don’t want her to feel forced into wanting something with me. “Once we know where we stand, we’ll talk to them both.”
“I hate lying.”
“Then let’s go tell them today,” I say, though I don’t mean to say that. I want to keep my cool. But I already know I want to be with her.
She shakes her head against my chest. “We can’t do that. Not before Homecoming.”
I know she’s right, but I don’t like it. The team promised Coach we’d stay focused on the game and not cause any unneeded inter-team drama. Haley and I would definitely cause some turmoil.
I nod. “Then after. Right after. That’s a month from now.”
“After Homecoming.” She pulls away and smiles up at me. “I really like you.”
I kiss her very softly. “I really like you, too.”
Sunday night, the guys and I all meet up at Will Montgomery’s house to watch the game on the big screen. Cowboys vs. Panthers. It’s already the second quarter, and I’ve filled myself up on nachos and mini corn dogs.
“Want a beer?” Montgomery asks me.
He already has one in hand, about to toss it my way, but I think of the kids, of Haley. “Nah, I’m good.”
The whole room stops moving and looks at me. Even Howell, who’s midair with some chicken dip nachos.
“What?” I ask.
“You don’t want a beer?”
I shrug. “I’m trying to stay focused, so I’m cutting back.”
Howell smiles. “Good. I like that. Focused Jake.” Then he stuffs the food into his mouth.
Everyone goes back to what they were doing, but I pull out my phone and send Haley a unicorn emoji. Just because I can.
Chapter Twenty-One
Haley
I’m sitting in the gazebo at town square, drawing the way fall has come to Culler. The town has turned autumn. The leaves from the big center oak trees litter the ground in an array of colors. The shop windows are decorated with pumpkins, with oranges and red and yellows. People are layered in jackets or scarves, boots, and a few hang on to summer in flip-flops. That’s the great thing about the South as the seasons change: you can usually dress either way. I’m sure to draw the coffee cart guy who sits outside on the corner of the town square, opposite side of Lou. Lou hates that thing, it competes for business, and a few years ago they made a deal that he’d sell only apple cider and hot cocoa.
Hands cover my eyes, and I can tell from the roughness of them and the smell in the air that it’s Jake. “I have a surprise.”
“For me?”
“Yes,” he says, pressing his lips to the back of my neck. “For the prettiest girl I know.” I scoff at the cheesiness of it as he removes his hands from my face and lowers two cups of apple cider in front of me. “One is cinnamon, and one is regular. I wasn’t sure which you liked.”
“Regular.” He hands me one. “Thank you,” I say, and he peers over my shoulder toward my art. Jake studies it for a moment, then
looks across the square, back at the art, then at me.
“This is gorgeous.”
I smile. “It’s a work in progress.”
“You’re so good at this. Have you thought more about that art camp at the museum?”
“I’ve thought about it.” I say. “I already know you’re going to ask, and I haven’t come to an answer yet.”
He raises his hands in surrender. “I think if you’re good at something, if you have talent, you should want to share it with everyone. Don’t deprive the world of what you’re good at. Change the world with it.”
I shake my head. “That’s awfully poetic for you, Jake Lexington.”
He flashes me a grin. “I’m a very poetic dude.”
“What are you going to do with your talent?”
“Football is hardly a talent.”
“I disagree. Not everyone can do it.”
“I actually have been thinking about something. Seth wants to go to a football game. What if we find a way to involve all the kids in Homecoming?”
“Like get everyone a ticket? I bet the Belles would help.”
He shakes his head, and his eyes light up. “It needs to be more than that. I want them to feel like rockstars.”
“Like how?”
“I don’t fully know yet.”
It’s nice to have Jake want to do something positive for the kids. I don’t think I ever imagined that would be a thing he did, but I can see it all over his face. “Well, let’s think about it some more. It’s a good idea to include them.”
“I don’t think Seth’s doing so well,” Jake says quietly. He picks the lid of his cider. “Do you think he’ll make it to Homecoming?”
I reach out and grab his hand. “I hope so.”
The rest of the unsaid words linger there between us, neither of us really sure what to say about it. That’s the hardest part of working with sick kids. You get attached, and then they’re gone.
“You should see if he wants to go on Friday,” I say. “Call his mom.”
“I can do that?”
I nod. “I’ll get you the number.”
“You’re awesome,” he says, kissing me quickly and leaving the taste of cinnamon on my lips. “Let’s go do something else.”
“Like what?”
His eyes twinkle. “Pack up your art and I’ll take you.”
A few minutes later, we’re standing in the park at the middle school. Leaves are piled up in three enormous stacks on one side of the yard. The jungle gym is a lot smaller than I remember it being, and so are the swings, but Jake looks at me. “Race you.”
“Go!” I yell, and we run through the playground toward the swings, like we all did when we were kids. Jake tries to cut me off halfway there, but I dodge him and beat him by a step to the swings. We’re both laughing, and my face is red from running when he kisses me. God, it’s a good kiss. We pull apart; he sits next to me on a swing, and we push off the ground.
“You know what’s funny?” I ask him once we’ve both got a little bit of swing going. He looks at me, waiting. “I always used to dream about kissing you on these swings.”
He grins. “Well, now you have. Cross that one off your bucket list.”
I laugh. “A few years too late.”
“Better late than never,” he says. “Where else did you dream about kissing me? Maybe I can make some more of them happen.” He winks at me.
God.
I have to look away. “I’ll prepare you a list.”
“A list, huh?”
“Don’t mock me.”
“But it’s so fun,” he says. I pout, and he chuckles. “I’m playing. I am into lists.”
“Really?”
“No, but I am into you, so I’m down with lists. Especially if they involve kissing you.” My heart flips inside my chest, and it takes everything inside of me to not lean into him right now for a kiss. I can’t believe we’re here now, me and him, like this. It’s everything I’ve ever imagined and never dreamed I could have.
“What are you thinking?”
I point to the large piles of leaves. “Race you!”
And while the swing is in midair, I jump off and barrel roll toward the ground. It’s way less graceful than it was in my mind, but Jake is right behind me as we run toward the piles of leaves. I jump in, followed by him. We’re laughing, throwing leaves at each other, making snow angels in the piles, and when he kisses me again, everything is perfect. Truly perfect.
“I can’t believe you want a milkshake right now,” I say to Jake, my art kit over my shoulder.
He shrugs. “What? You saying you don’t want a Lou’s Pumpkin Pie milkshake?”
“I’d never say that.”
“Alright then,” he says, opening the door for me.
We stand side by side at the counter while we order and wait for the milkshakes. His elbow is pressed against my arm, a small, innocent touch. “Today was fun,” he says.
Before I can respond, someone calls his name across the diner. I know immediately that it’s my brother. We both look over our shoulders, and Chris pauses in his tracks when he sees us, Jake moves his arm down.
Chris eyes me. “Hey, y’all.” He looks between me and Jake. “What’s going on? Weird to see you two here together.”
Do not let on that anything is up.
“Yeah, we saw each other outside coming in,” I bluff.
Jake shrugs. “I opened the door for her. Didn’t see y’all.” He looks over Chris’s shoulder toward the other guys and waves. They all nod back or wave, at least the ones who see him. Some are too busy shoving fries into their mouths.
“You staying?” my brother asks him.
I do my best not to look at Jake. Chris is watching me in that twin way, without actually watching. If I look at Jake or react, it’s going to be written all over my face. He’s going to know there’s something I’m hiding, and then he’ll put the pieces together.
“Here you go,” the waitress says, setting two pumpkin pie milkshakes in front of us, along with one bill. I yank it off the bar before Chris sees, at least I hope.
“Yeah, sure. I can stay for a bit,” Jake says.
“You don’t usually drink those,” Chris says to me.
“Jake inspired me,” I say. I grab my milkshake and my straw. “See you at home,” I say to Chris.
Chris grabs some onion rings off the bar as I head toward the door. Jake sends me a look, and then he and my brother head back toward the other football players.
I’m at home, looking up that art program again. I haven’t closed the page since we found it. It actually sounds really awesome. They’re still taking portfolios and applications for a few more weeks. It starts in January, and it could look great on college applications.
It may be too late to actually matter for colleges, but I still want to see if I can get into programs.
There’s a knock on my door, and I look up at my brother. “Hey.”
He lingers in the doorway, hands hanging off the doorframe. “Have you been spending a lot of time with Jake?”
I shake my head. “He’s volunteering at my rehab center for his community service hours.”
Chris nods. “Yeah, I get that. Maybe that’s why he’s been different lately.”
“Different how?” I ask. Is he suspecting something, too? It’s not like Chris.
My brother comes in and sits on my bed. “Happier. More like the old Jake.”
“Hmm,” I say, and that sparks a little joy in me. I hope him being happier is somewhat because of me. “I think he likes being with the kids.”
“He stopped drinking. Like, just stopped. I’ve seen it.”
I knew he had cut back. I kinda remember that from Hoops’s party, and I hadn’t seen him drinking, but I didn’t realize he’d stopped entirely. I smile. “That’s good, though, right?”
“Yeah, it is,” he says. “I don’t know what sparked it, but whatever it is, I’m happy.”
“Me, too,” I say.
Chris exhales and smiles. “I think I may get my best friend back.”
“Good,” I say. The last few months have been hard on so many people. “But you know, he didn’t go anywhere.”
“In a way he did. I’m still worried he might.” He looks at me. “I’m gonna ask you a question that I reckon you won’t like.”
I sit up straighter in my bed. “Okay…”
“Is there something going on with you two?”
Panic rises and builds, swirls around me and tugs, but I have to stay calm. I can’t get worked up or he will for sure know immediately. “Chris…”
“I’ve already asked him.”
He asked Jake. Chris’s eyes are on me. Play it cool. “What did he say?”
“No.”
I shrug. Jake said no. Does that mean anything? Maybe he truly isn’t interested. I should definitely follow suit. “Then why are you asking me?”
My brother runs a hand through his hair. I swear, he can’t be still sometimes. “Because I have this feeling, Haley.” Chris’s eyes focus on me. “I think he likes you.”
A breath freezes inside my chest. “And that bothers you?”
“After everything with Griggs, yeah.”
I shift in my spot on the bed. “So it bothers you because of football?”
Chris comes and sits down in my desk chair. He rolls it into to the middle of my floor. “No, it bothers me because I’ve already told you that you deserve someone awesome. And I love Jake; he’s my best friend. He’s practically my brother, but he’s still not the best person for you. You don’t know him like I do. Plus, he’s really focused on improving his life. I don’t want him to be distracted.”
I take a breath and shake my head. “I don’t understand why you’re even asking me this when he’s already told you. And I have, too.”
“I wanted to ask you directly, again, in case something has changed.”
I stare at my brother. “You don’t have anything to worry about.”
The Crush Collision Page 14