He nods and says, “Okay,” and he gets up from my chair. “Thanks.”
But he doesn’t look satisfied as he walks away. Can he feel that I’m lying? It’s a new thing between us, and I hate it, but he’s not going to understand.
Later, around eleven, Jake texts me. You awake?
Yes
Want to watch a movie?
I think about it, but he can’t come here, because if my brother sees him, then I won’t be able to explain that. But I want to see him. Can’t do it here.
Come over.
There are about a hundred reasons I shouldn’t, including that I just lied to Chris, but I don’t care about any of them. Maybe this is one of those risks and not caring what other people think moments. Whether that’s good or bad, I don’t know. But I am fighting for a life here, and maybe that means going against the grain a little and finding what I want.
K. Give me 10.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jake
I wake up with Haley wrapped in my arms on the couch. She’s nestled against my chest in the nook of my shoulder, her hair smelling like strawberries and soap. I look down at her the best I can to see her face, and she’s so peaceful. And man, she’s beautiful. How did I spend so long around her and never see her?
I run a hand over her hair. She smiles up at me, eyes half awake. I love when she smiles at me like that. It’s like where I’m meant to be, my purpose in life has been found and fulfilled in one moment. The key has locked into place, and everything fits together perfectly. I didn’t know the door was locked until her.
“Morning,” I say.
“Good morning,” she returns. “What time is it?”
“Eight thirty or so?”
Her eyes widen in panic as she looks at the clock. “I should go.”
But I kiss her softly, and she leans into me before finally moving from my chest.
“Oh shit,” Jamie says, rolling out of his bedroom. We both look toward him to meet his wide eyes. “I knew it! How long has this been a thing?”
She pushes some of her hair behind her ears, and I rub her back. “Jamie. It’s not what you think.”
He laughs. “I saw y’all kissing out on my couch after spending the night, so yeah, I think it is. Does your best friend know you’re seeing his twin sister?”
Haley starts to say something but doesn’t. She looks embarrassed, and that is not at all what I want for her.
Jamie shakes his head. “Y’all have to tell him.”
“We’re going to,” I say. “We fell asleep during the movie. This is totally innocent.”
“Jake,” she says, resting her hand on my chest. She looks at Jamie. “Yes, we are together, and no one knows. Except you, now.”
Jamie rolls over so he’s closer to us, eyes on me, then her. “I think it’s great.”
“You do?” I ask.
He nods. “Hell yeah. Haley is pretty awesome and way too good for you, but you’ve been different the last couple weeks. I haven’t seen you drinking as much. You smile. Now I know why,” he says. He looks at Haley. “I think you’re brave for taking on my hot mess of a brother.”
“Wow, thanks,” I say to Jamie.
Haley laughs. “He’s not so bad.”
Jamie smiles. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s not to take anything for granted. If y’all want to be together, then do it.”
“Thanks, bro,” I say.
“You should still tell Howell. The sooner the better, I’d say. Give him some time to process it, but in the end, he’d want both of you to be happy.” He looks between both of us. “It’s what brothers do.”
Haley’s face lights up with a smile as she wraps her arms around Jamie’s neck for a quick hug. He gives me a look over her shoulder. She pulls away and grabs her phone from the table. “I’ve got to get home.”
Jamie rolls off to the kitchen, and I stretch as she puts on her jacket. She pushes her hair behind her ears, and I take her hand. “Come here.”
“Jake,” she starts, “he’s right.”
“I know,” I say.
I pull her closer until she relaxes a bit and rests her arm around my waist; I kiss the side of her neck. “If Jamie is happy about us, maybe Chris will be, too,” she says.
“We’ll make a plan to tell him, then. We’re almost there.”
“Okay,” she says.
I kiss her behind her ear, her neck again, her cheek. She tilts her head toward me. “I had fun and I’m glad you came over.”
“Me, too,” she says.
I lean in and kiss her. Once, twice, three times before she pulls away. “I really gotta go.”
“Text me later?”
She nods and heads out the door.
Once she’s gone, Jamie watches me from the doorway of the kitchen. “Promise me that you’re telling him.”
“I am, after Homecoming,” I say. She’s been gone five seconds, and I already miss her. “We weren’t sure what it was before, if it was anything, and now it feels different.”
“How so?” my brother asks.
“I can’t deny this is something now, and that how I feel for her is something real.” I look toward my brother. “I don’t want to be without her.”
“All the more reason to tell him.”
“He’s not going to be okay with it. He’s going to think I’m playing with her.”
“Are you?” Jamie asks.
“No.”
Jamie smiles. “You like her.”
I nod and sit on the couch. “She makes me better, Jamie. She’s the most amazing person I know, giving, kind. Haley is so cute, and she makes me happy. I live to make her smile.”
“Oh man, my brother is in deep.”
“I am,” I say. “When we tell him, it’s all going to change. I’m trying to keep us together as long as possible.”
“Your secret is safe with me,” he says, “but maybe it won’t be as bad as you think.” I raise an eyebrow to Jamie, and he shrugs. Of all the people in this town, he knows me and my past more than anyone. “I mean, I said maybe.” And I toss a pillow at him as he rolls off, laughing. “But for real, he will be okay if he sees you together. Trust me, three minutes in the room with you, and there’s a vibe. It’s good, Jake.”
“I think so, too.”
I can’t stop thinking about Haley. The way she smiles, the way she makes me laugh, the way she smells, how she feels pressed up against me with her lips on mine. She’s got me feeling something I’ve never had before. It’s throwing me for a loop. And for the last few days, she’s been quiet.
Shane Griggs bashes into me.
I slam to the ground.
Coach blows the whistle.
“Lexington, get your head in the game.”
I groan as Griggs gets off me and then reaches a hand to help me up. As soon as I’m on my feet, Coach is in front of me.
“Son, where are you right now? That’s twice in a row he’s gotten you down. This is your play.”
“Sorry, Coach.”
Coach Tucker looks me straight in the eye and nods. “You’ll be sorry when your secret-weapon play falls flat on its face because the running back isn’t on his feet for his QB. You want that, son?”
“No, sir,” I say.
He slaps the side of my helmet. “Then focus.”
After practice, Howell asks me if I’m okay. “Yeah.” But I’m really thinking about what Jamie said. I could tell him. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. He could be okay with it because I would never do what Griggs did to her. I’m not a bad guy.
I’m drying my hair when my phone rings. The number belongs to Seth’s mom, who I called a couple days ago about the game on Friday. I rush out of the locker room so I can hear better and answer it.
“Hey, Jake. I got your voicemail.”
“Oh good. I think it’d be really great if you could bring Seth on Friday. Coach said he could meet the team, sit on the sidelines, all of that. It would be really fun.”
His mom is quiet on the phone. Too quiet.
“I’m not sure that’s possible,” she says.
My heart skips a beat. “Why?”
“The doctors have him quarantined right now. I love the offer, and I know he would, too, but we probably won’t be up for it this Friday. He had a transplant, so he can’t be exposed to all those germs.”
We’ve been talking about it, but he is never well enough to come. I kept hoping it would be okay. Hoping it would work out. Every week I’ve called since I cleared it with Coach Tucker. And he’s been so sick. Now we’re here. I was hoping we wouldn’t be, that he wouldn’t be this sick. It’s not fair. He’s just a kid!
“Do I get to come see him?”
She’s quiet on the other end of the line. “You can come by. I’ll see what we can do.”
I nod, which is stupid because she can’t hear my head nod. “Maybe next week, then, for practice. Or for Homecoming.”
She says “Yeah, maybe” on the other end of the line. But there’s something in her tone that says she doesn’t entirely believe that. I don’t, either. I want to do something else for him, to even take this from him, but I can’t do that. That’s one thing I learned with Jamie: I can’t change places, no matter how much I plead for it.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jake
It’s been two days since I’ve been alone with Haley. We have to sneak away, usually after volunteering or under the cover of a meeting or something for Homecoming. I’ve got more school spirit than ever before. When we’re alone, nothing happens, but it’s everything. We sit, we talk, we listen to music. Sometimes she draws while I do homework. She debates the art program, and I listen. Sometimes we make out, and when we do it’s more than I’ve ever had with someone else. I’ve never gone slow with a girl. There’s never been one worth going slow for.
Only two more weeks until Homecoming, and then the big game is over and the stress is over and we can tell Howell about us.
See you after practice, she texts me.
I send her back a unicorn, but I’m more excited than I can pretend. I shove my phone into the locker and head out to practice.
Howell is short on a pass, again. He’s never short, not when he’s throwing to me, and this is the third time in as many plays today. Coach blows the whistle.
“Is there something on your mind, son?” he asks Howell.
“No, sir.”
“Do you need five?”
“No, sir,” he says.
Coach nods. “Then focus or I’m putting in Morgan.”
Morgan is a sophomore piece of shit who thinks he’s the best QB in the state. Howell likes everyone, but even he struggles with Morgan. Howell nods at Coach.
“I’m fine, sir,” he says. But he doesn’t look at me, and that’s weird because he’s been acting off all day.
“You okay?” I ask.
“I’ll get it this time,” he says, and he runs back into place.
Coach calls the play again, and Newman blocks, Howell tosses perfectly to me, and I take it and run. Whatever weird funk he’s in is over just like that.
We run plays for another thirty minutes, and then Coach calls it.
I walk toward the water. Ever since I’ve cut back on drinking, I’m thirsty all the time. It’s been hell, honestly. Headaches, thirst that’s never really gone, trouble sleeping. It’s almost easier to take the drink, sometimes. This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t even know how I got here, looking back on it. One drink then another and then waking up in places and not knowing how I got there. It became the norm. I’m way past time for needing a new normal.
“You headed to Lou’s? I think we’re going to study, too,” Newman asks, walking beside me toward the locker room.
“Can’t. I have plans already, but thanks,” I say. I wait at the door for Howell, like I always do, but he doesn’t come in, so I head inside. Maybe Coach kept him back.
I rip off my sweaty pads and jersey and unlace one shoe when Howell yells my name.
I look toward him. All of a sudden, there’s a pain in my jaw and a tingling all over my face. I stumble backward into the locker. He’s not satisfied. I’m still trying to process it when another punch comes right to my nose, and blood drips down into my palm. It’s that quick. He comes at me again, but this time I’m ready and I don’t let him get a hit in. Jesus. What is happening? The other guys have gathered around, not sure if they should get involved or not. He steps away, shaking his fist.
“What the fuck?” I yell, spitting blood onto the floor.
“That’s for not telling me yourself.”
I already know then, before anything else happens, what he means. Me and Haley.
“It’s not what you think.”
He pulls his phone out of his pocket, and there’s a picture of the two of us together posted on Instagram on the school account. It’s dark outside, the night she came over two weeks ago. Whoever took it did a good job of getting us hugging at the door when she got there.
“You and my sister?” Howell doesn’t get angry, but right now, his face red, hands pumping the air like he wants to hit me again, voice this deep, piercing sound. He’s pissed.
“Look, man, I promise you—”
“How long?” I’m quiet, so he yells it again. “How long, Jake?”
“Since school started. It just happened.”
“I asked you!” He shakes his head. “I asked both of you, and you both lied to me.”
“We were going to tell you after Homecoming.”
Chris shakes his head. “You can’t date my sister.”
“What?”
He steps closer. “You can’t date Haley.” He enunciates every word in my face. If he wasn’t my best friend I’d punch him back.
“That’s not really your say.”
“It is when it comes to you. I know how you are. You know it, everyone in this town knows it. Haley is way better than you are.”
“Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I told her that over and over?”
“Then walk away.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
I gulp down my anger and inadequacy. I want to say how I feel about her, but it’s not his to know first. “It’s not what you think, man. Haley is—”
“My twin sister. How messed up are you?”
“She’s your sister, but she’s her own person. You don’t even know that, do you? Because I do.”
“I know her better than anyone.”
“Do you know that she always feels like she’s second to you? Do you know she is trying to figure out who she is and what she wants apart from you? Do you?”
“Yeah, I do. I’ve been helping her, too.”
“Be what you want her to be. Maybe that’s not who she is. It really pisses you off a little that I paid attention.”
“Shut the hell up. You don’t pay attention to anyone but yourself. This thing with her is all about you—not her. Don’t make it sound like it isn’t. I won’t stand by and let you hurt her.”
“You try so hard to protect Haley from everything that you don’t let her live. That’s not your job.”
“It is my job. It’s been my job since before we were born, and you will never understand that.”
“I’m not the bad guy here.”
“Tell that to Abby.”
“What does Abby have to do with anything?”
“I’m not going to let you come into Haley’s life and jerk her around like you did Abby.”
I shake my head because he knows that’s not how it went down with Abby. I’ve never been interested in her, and I’ve told her. “I’m not trying to jerk her around, man. I wouldn’t do that to Haley.”
Howell steps into my face. “It’s what you do with everyone. If I mean anything to you at all, then leave her alone.”
“I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”
“Then we’re done,” Howell says, kicking the bench on his way out.
“Done, Jake.” He leaves, but the rest of the team watches me.
Shit.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Haley
Chris slams the back door so hard I jump in my seat. He drops his bags on the floor and opens the freezer with enough force that it bounces back into his side. Someone is in a bad mood. He curses under his breath.
“What’s wrong?”
“Need an ice pack.”
“What’d you do?” I ask, and when he turns around his hand is bloody and on ice.
He shakes his head. “It’s not a big deal. It’s fine.”
I’m already moving to the first aid kit under the sink. Our parents are in the medical field; they taught us how to handle any type of wound or sickness along with tying our shoes. The blood looks mostly dry now, so I pull his arm over to the sink to wash it. At least I try.
“I’m fine, Hals. I want to ice it.”
I cross my arms, and I can’t see myself but it reminds me of something Mom would do. “So what happened?”
He sighs and gives me this look of annoyance. “You’re going to find out anyway.”
“Find out what?”
“I punched Jake.”
“What?” I half yell, half laugh. Jake and Chris never ever fight.
And then he’s looking at me, and my smile fades. He knows.
“Chris.”
“You and Jake?”
I shake my head. “I know it’s unexpected.”
“It is way more than that! He’s my best friend, and you’re my sister—and he’s Jake. He’s a mess, Haley.”
“He’s your best friend.”
“That doesn’t mean I want him making out with my sister.”
“You don’t really get to choose who I make out with,” I tell him.
He gives me this look like he doesn’t even know. “I asked you about him, and you lied to my face. It’s like I don’t know you anymore.”
I’m not sure what to say, so I don’t speak.
Chris locks his jaw and nods. “I’m going to bed.”
When he’s up the stairs, he calls back to me. “You should think about this. Really think about it, Hals.” Then he leaves me standing in the kitchen, looking like Mom, first aid kit spread out and all.
The Crush Collision Page 15