Nathanial's Window- The Wrath of Jesse Eades

by Peazy Monellon

  Until recently, where you found the one, the other was never far behind.

  Beth, who in the end felt herself only a small and insignificant bug, stood little chance. Longing for the mountain, she quickly succumbed to the wind.

  Nicky showed up, past seven on a Saturday evening with a fistful of Grateful Dead tickets.

  “Won ‘em in a bet,” he’d chuckled.

  And that was like Nicky too. When it came to matters where luck was involved, he always came out a winner.

  “Is Tommy coming?” Beth asked.

  Nicky responded with a look that said, “yeah, right.”

  “Geez, I dunno…” She was clearly disappointed, though in no way surprised.

  “C’mon, Beth,” he insisted. “It’s not a date. You’re not going out on your boyfriend or anything. Besides, I asked Tommy to come and he didn’t want to. Donny and Steph are meeting us there and they’re bringing Tina Supensky along too. That leaves us two tickets to sell, so if we hurry we can make a nice little profit on the side.”

  Beth wanted to say yes. It wasn’t her fault that Tommy wouldn’t come out. He might feel better if he got out and did something fun. And why should she stay at home all the time, wasting her whole summer just because he was in a funk? It wasn’t like he was spending any time with her. And it might be the last summer they all spent together, what with college on the horizon.

  “Got a six-pack in the back,” Nicky offered.

  “Gimme five to pull myself together?”

  “Absolutely,” Nicky responded, grinning.

  Five minutes quickly turned into fifteen, but when Beth reemerged from the house she looked great. She was wearing a suede leather halter top and skin-tight jeans. Nicky whistled in approval and they were off.

  The venue was about an hour’s drive away and they chatted lightly the whole time. It felt good to escape the doldrums of Goshen and Beth felt lighter as the night wore on. She’d had a blast at the concert. They all had. They’d talked and laughed through the opening acts and screamed and cheered throughout the sets that the Dead performed. It was exhilarating! By the end of the concert, Beth felt as if she were floating ten feet above her old life. All of the problems and care were beneath her. She was young, she was pretty, and she was having the time of her life. She never wanted it to end.

  They didn’t talk about Tommy as they drove home. Instead they talked about the future. They shared their dreams with one another. Like Beth, Nicky was college-bound and the pair chatted happily about how it would be when they sloughed off their parents and small-town life and went to the big city to really live for the first time.

  They didn’t talk about Tommy when Nicky pulled the Chevy over on a dirt road near Beth’s house. They were hungry for one another, and they didn’t talk about anything just then. For the next hour or so, none of that other world existed.

  But they did talk about him afterwards. Nicky held Beth, stroking her hair while she cried, and promised that he would never tell Tommy what happened that night.

  “Cross my heart and hope to die,” he said.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Tommy was waiting on the stoop for Beth the following morning when she awakened. He clutched a single red rose in his hand.

  He’d had an epiphany of sorts.

  Last night had begun like so many preceding it, with Tommy lying alone on his bed, shadows falling like sodden clumps of soot around him. Nighttime was the worst. He felt like a little boy again, afraid to go to sleep without his mother in the house to watch over him. Do I look like her? he wondered. He was afraid that time would erase the memory of her face, the sound of her laughter. If he looked in the mirror, could he see anything of her in his own face? So many times she’d remarked about how much he resembled his father. Was she with him now? Was she finally happy? Did she miss Tommy like he missed her? Was she watching over him now?

  It grew chilly in the room. He rose and crossed the floor to close the window. On the way there, he stepped on something cold and hard with his bare foot.

  “Ouch!” he muttered and stooped to pick up whatever it was that had hurt his foot. He recognized the shape of it immediately.

  Beth’s tooth! It had been wrapped in a hanky in his top dresser drawer all these years. It must have fallen out without his noticing!

  How many times had he, as a boy, held this thing in his hands and wished for Beth to be closer? How many times had he spent similarly lonely nights in his room, dreaming of asking her out and of her answering in the affirmative, only to be too shy the following day to carry out his plans? The truth slammed into him like a home run. She was probably as lonely as he was, and it was his fault! There she was, just up the road, and he’d all but ignored her all summer. And she’d be leaving soon, going off to college. Tommy was to stay and work at the shop. He knew that he was going to miss her terribly while she was away.

  Why had he wasted the summer? He’d been so angry about things! But none of this was her fault and if he’d given her half a chance, she may well have been able to understand his feelings. At the very least, she’d have helped him to feel better. And now, because of him, she was probably miserable as well. That was just not how you were supposed to treat someone you loved.

  He thought of all the times his stepfather had made his mother feel bad, remembered the pinched look of her face when that happened. He was not going to do that to Beth!

  It had been too late to call her last night, but he vowed to get up the following morning and make it up to her in a big way. He’d apologize, and she’d smile and tell him that everything was okay, and that she had missed him. And everything would be okay again, wouldn’t it?

  Except that it wasn’t. It wasn’t okay the following day, and it wasn’t okay ever again for Tommy.

  He’d gotten there very early and then was afraid to knock, for fear of waking up the Riley household. So he’d decided to just wait. That had been about a half hour ago. As he sat on the stoop, his back toward the house, he could hear Mrs. Riley shuffling things around in the kitchen. He had just been about to get up and knock on the door when he heard her speaking to someone. The sound was muffled by the windows, but he could make out most of it. Something caused him to hesitate.

  “I don’t know, Beth. He was already out there when I got up this morning,” Mrs. Riley said. “I assume he’s here to see you.”

  This next part, he could not hear or understand. It seemed like Beth was speaking very quietly, almost as if she did not want him to hear what she said. And then—

  “I will not! If you have some reason you don’t want to see him, then you’ll have to tell him yourself!”

  What could that mean? She was probably angry then. A bad feeling began to grow inside of him. A moment later, the screen door slammed, and Tommy rose and turned to greet her. She looked beautiful even in her worn robe with her hair all tousled from sleep.

  “Beth? Honey?” he began earnestly. The look on her face was what? Not exactly angry, but not good either. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

  “What’s up, Tom?”

  Tom— not Tommy. That felt so wrong. Other people called him Tom sometimes but never Beth.

  “I know, I know,” he continued. “I’ve been such a jerk! It’s just… all the stuff with my mom and everything, and I just didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

  Something in her face didn’t make sense to him. She didn’t look angry. She looked… what? Whatever it was, she wasn’t answering him. He remembered the rose and held it out toward her, feeling as awkward as if this were the first time. She didn’t take it from him, but rather stared mutely, chewing on her lower lip.

  “Look, I know you’re probably upset with me right now,” he tried again, “but please, can you just listen for a few minutes? Can I just talk to you and try to explain what I’ve been going through?”

  He reached out and took her hand. She allowed that much at least but the space between them loomed large.
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  “I know what you’ve been going through, Tommy, or at least I can try to imagine.”

  Was that pity on her face? Not exactly.

  “I’m so sorry, Beth. I missed you so much, but somehow I just couldn’t do things any differently. I didn’t mean to leave you all alone, but I’m back now, and I promise it’ll never happen again.”

  He pulled her closer, putting both arms around her, but he could not help noticing the hesitation in her. Instead of hugging him in return, she pushed him away. And there was the look again! What was that? She almost looked guilty. And suddenly he knew. He knew what the words were going to be before she even said them.

  “It’s not you, Tommy. You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s all me.”

  “Beth?”

  She hesitated again, seeming to study something on the ground beside him.

  “What happened, Beth? What is it?”

  “Tommy, I… I’m not perfect, you know. I’m only human.” She laughed hollowly. “Ridiculously so, apparently.”

  Tommy waited, studying her face for any clue as to what was really happening here.

  “It’s just,” she went on, “you were gone so long! It’s weird even seeing you now!”

  He was afraid to ask the question and even more afraid not to.

  “Did you go out with someone else, Beth? Are you seeing someone else?”

  The look on her face was all the answer he needed. Dropping the rose on the ground beside him, he turned and walked away.

  “Tommy!” she called. “Wait! Let me explain!”

  But Tommy could not. He said nothing but increased his pace and made for the road instead.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  “Ya know what? I’ve had enough of this bullshit,” Nicky said. “Ever since you and Beth broke up, the two of you have been driving me crazy. I mean it, Tommy,this whole week! She gets up in the morning and misses you, and I get the call. Then I get to go and hold her hand all day, and listen to what a great guy you are, and how she screwed up. And if it’s not her, it’s you.”

  “Me?” Tommy questioned. “How have I been driving you crazy?”

  “You’re kidding me, right?” Nicky sounded pissed. “You call and say you want to hang out, do something fun. But then we spend the whole time talking about Beth: what an idiot you were to leave her alone all summer, who this mystery man is that you think she’s dating, and how could she do this to you right now? And then you end up piss-assed drunk, crying, and I have to drag you home. Well ya know what? I’m sick of baby-sitting both of you!”

  There was only silence from Tommy’s end of the phone line, so Nicky went on.

  “Listen. I understand that it’s been hard for you, losing your mother and all. And I sure get that losing Beth too, at this stage of the game, isn’t easy. But you’re right about one thing— you have been a real asshole all summer and a pain in the ass to try to be around. Listen to me, Tommy. When things get rough, you’re supposed to lean on your friends, not shut them out. I’m your best friend, and Beth’s your best girl. Why didn’t you talk to us back then? Why did you shut us out when your mother died?”

  “I just… couldn’t,” Tommy answered. “You don’t understand.”

  “You never gave either of us a chance!”

  “I needed a little time. I needed to be able to digest some of it myself before I could talk to you about it,” Tommy said.

  “Well, talking to me right now is not going to fix your problem,” Nicky answered. “You miss Beth. Beth misses you. You two have been together all your damned lives. Why don’t you go talk to her? Do you really think leaving her alone again is the answer?”

  “I tried to talk to her,” Tommy said. “I tried to apologize, but it was too late. She’s got someone else now.”

  “Christ, Tommy, you’re such an idiot!” Nicky’s voice was saturated with frustration. “I’ll be there in ten minutes. You be ready to go for a ride. I’m gonna show you Beth’s ‘mystery man!”

  And with that, he slammed the receiver down and headed for the door.

  Twenty minutes later, they pulled into the lot at the cemetery. The place was abandoned, being that it was after nine and fully dark.

  “Beth’s new boyfriend is… here?” Tommy was confused.

  “Shut up, Tommy,” Nicky warned, his patience spent long ago. “Just shut up and learn something, okay?”

  Nicky got out of the car, and Tommy followed. The moon was full overhead, and they had no trouble seeing as they made their way through the gate and up the cement walkway. Nicky, having been here several days in a row with Beth, had no problem finding his way to the top end of the cemetery. This was Potter’s Field, where Tommy and Beth had last visited right before Mrs. Cooper had passed away. The flowers they had placed on the graves were wilted now, gone over themselves.

  “What the heck, Nicky! Why’d you bring me here? There’s no mystery man here. There’s no one here but me and you.” The irony of that statement did not yet occur to Tommy.

  Nicky didn’t answer. Instead he stepped to the edge of the plot and parted the brush, stepping inside.

  “Are you coming, or not?” he demanded.

  Tommy followed.

  It was eerily silent as they worked their way through the scrubby undergrowth of the woods. An owl hooted in the distance and Tommy nearly jumped out of his skin.

  “Jesus, Nicky,” he whispered, not knowing why he did so. It was as if whatever was living in the forest was sleeping— as if speaking in normal tones would awaken it. “Where the heck are you taking me?”

  Nicky said nothing, but stopped and studied the surrounding brush for a moment.

  “What the—“

  “God damnit, Tommy! Will you just shut the hell up for one minute?” Nicky wasn’t whispering.

  “Shhhh!” Tommy warned and immediately wondered why? But it felt as though they were intruding, like they were sneaking up, uninvited, to… something. They were not supposed to be there and every nerve ending in Tommy’s body was screaming at him to leave. He was angry with Nicky, but he took a couple of quick steps to catch up just so that he would be closer to him.

  Finally, Nicky stepped through the brush into the glade.

  “What the—?” Tommy was amazed as he turned in a circle to take in all of the graves. He’d never seen this part of the cemetery before, had not known it existed. The moon washed through the glade and provided enough light so that he could even read the stones. “Whoa. I never knew this was even here,” Tommy said.

  The headstones themselves looked more than old. Many were hand-hewn and antiquated, and the dates on the gravesites proved that. None resembled the fancy granite stones of the other part of the cemetery, but rather were simple and stark. Long since dead, this area had the curious feeling of being alive. As Tommy looked around, he noticed that every single grave, without fail, had at least one pot of live flowers laid upon it. Many were in bloom, all were green and growing. He had the feeling that at any moment the people that were laid to rest here would simply wake up, rise out of the ground, and come to greet him. Or strangle him, kill him, run him out of the place…

  And then he noticed that Nicky was gone! He could no longer see him, nor hear his footfalls.

  “Nicky?” Tommy called nervously. For the umpteenth time that night, his friend did not answer him. “Come on, Nicky, this isn’t funny,” he protested. He stood stock still and let his eyes do the looking:

  Amanda Waite, read the stone nearest him. Beloved daughter, 1826-1829. A pot of red geraniums tilted oddly against her headstone.

  Here lies the body of Silas Grandy, to Amanda’s right. 1810-1856. Rest in Peace. Some sort of daisies watched him from a clay pot next to Silas. He imagined an old-timer named Silas, could almost see him the way he would have looked back then.

  Rather than being planted in neat, straight rows, the stones were paired in odd groupings and differing directions. Two, very close together, and then further on, three more buried at a right angle
to the previous two. It seemed very random and haphazard to Tommy, not symmetrical in any way. There was an odd feeling of lawlessness here, a feeling that unnerved him. He quickly realized that no one else knew they were here and he felt more alone than ever.

  “Nicky?”

  He began to walk further into the place, taking cursory steps as he went. He had passed several groupings of headstones, searching the distance for where Nicky might be hiding, when his foot connected with something solid. Stumbling, Tommy flailed wildly as he tumbled to the ground.

  “Christ!” he shrieked. He found himself face down, directly on top of a six-foot cement slab. Large enough to cover the entire grave, it lay flat against the cold earth. The cement dug into his elbows and pain shot up his arms.