by Voss, Deja
“Bathroom. Now,” he said with a growl. Without hesitation, without even looking back at him, without a word, I followed his command. My core quivered, and I felt my pulse skyrocket as I walked down the dark corridor, his hand firm on my hip, his hard cock firmed into my thigh. I laughed like a maniac as I flung open the door to the disgusting bathroom, the floor littered with trash. The scenery didn’t bother me one bit. This is what I’d signed up for. This is what I wanted. The fact that he was willing to play my little games with me, well, it was one of the reasons why I’d kept him around as long as I had.
This was my thing. My escape. My hobby, if you will. Some people ran marathons, some people baked cakes or built dollhouses, some cultivated social media accounts where they posted heavily filtered pictures of their hashtag blessed lives filled with friends, mimosas, and their dorky husbands and snotty kids who didn’t stand a chance in this world. All fine and good. Not for me, though. Give me rough sex in public places any day of the week. Bonus points if it’s with someone as talented as Landon. Not just in the execution, but in the building of anticipation, and at this point I felt like a woman who hadn’t tasted in water in three days, holding my hands out, praying for rain.
He looked around the room, checking in stalls for anyone who might be hanging around, as I hiked my skirt up over my hips. I leaned over the sink, smiling in the mirror, gracefully shaking my plump ass back and forth. He kicked a garbage can up against the door, jamming it shut. I guess he couldn’t be completely perfect. He didn’t get off on the thrill of potentially getting caught like I did. I couldn’t complain. It only meant he got off on me. On this. On us. On whatever this was.
“All the way off before I rip it off,” he said with a nod, giving me my first glimpse of his face in the mirror. Fuck, he looked good with that stubbly beard, trimmed neat and tidy. His hair had grown out a little since last I’d seen him, and his eyes looked hungry. He didn’t smile. He didn’t reach out for me, just waited as I tugged my dress off over my head and gripped it in my hand. The reflection of my naked body in the mirror stunned me for an instant. I’d seen this body a million times before, but for some reason, he made me feel shy. Small. Weak. Needy. I hugged the dress to my body.
“You know better.” He had me there. The rules of the game were simple. In these brief encounters, I was his toy, only here for his pleasure. He grabbed the scrap of fabric and shook it out, hanging it over the side of the bathroom stall. Meticulous and careful, it made the whole scene that much hotter.
He dragged his fingers down my spine, barely touching me. My entire body erupted in goosebumps, my nipples hardened, my pussy clenched. I gripped the sink harder as the palm of his hand smacked off my ass cheek.
“You’re so sexy, Sage. The only thing that would make me harder is seeing that fine ass of yours the same color as your dress.”
“Whatever you wish, Sir.
The way he sighed and groaned as he traced his fingers over my flesh once again, soothing my skin before landing another swat.
“I’m going to destroy you,” he said, and my knees went out beneath me, my body quivering with overwhelming lust mixed with the sting of delicious pain.
“Do your worst.”
“Tell me what you want, slut,” he growled, his fingers finding my aching nipples, turning them as I groaned in ecstasy. “I need to hear it loud and clear.” His rock hard erection was pressed into the back of my thigh. I needed him. Wanted him.
“Make me yours,” I said. “I want to be a good girl for you. I want to please you.”
The sound of his belt coming off was music to my ears. He unzipped his jeans, and I stood there quivering, waiting, his breath on my neck enough to keep me walking that edge of near explosion, my entire body on fire with my lust for him.
“Get on the floor,” he whispered in my ear. I dropped to my knees, my pussy throbbing at the sight of him standing there in front of me, fully clothed, his dick out, my naked body trembling beneath him. That power he held over me turned me on more than the act itself. Being his dirty little toy was the only thing that could snap me out of my reality long enough to keep my attention. I blinked up at him, waiting for his command.
“Take it nicely,” he said. “Don’t be so greedy, girl. Nice and slow.” I resisted my urge to take him deep in my throat, instead just running my tongue over the velvety tip of his veiny dick, circling it in my mouth until I could taste his sweet precum. “Look at me. I want you to watch me while I fuck your face.”
I nodded anxiously, locking eyes with him. He held this raw power in his eyes, in that moment, he might as well have been a god. He could do whatever he wanted with me, and I’d take it. I knew he’d never push me too far. Whatever pain he delivered me, I’d take it. I needed it. Craved it.
His cock filled my mouth, his hand bunching up the hair on the back of my head, tugging it as he thrust into my face. My eyes filled with tears, but never left his. I loved the way his face contorted in pleasure. As much power he had over me, I knew I yielded the same over him. I made him this way. Turned him into a primal beast with only one thing on his mind.
“I want to mark you. Want you to remember who your mouth belongs to.” I was gasping for air, my hand traveling down to my pussy, in need of relief.
“Such a greedy girl,” he growled. “You have no patience, love. Did I tell you to do that?”
I shook my head no, and he stared down at me with a glare that made my pussy clench.
“Say it,” he taunted. He loved when I tried to talk with my dick in his mouth. He was sick. So was I.
“No,” I said with a gag.
He pulled his dick out and cradled my head in the back of his hand. “Get up,” he said in a tone that assured me I was in trouble. The level of depravity wasn’t lost on me. Finger fucking myself on a bathroom floor while I gagged on his cock was low, even for me.
He turned me around, sliding his cock from my slit to my ass and I bucked my hips instinctively, begging for him. I didn’t care where he put it, I just needed it. I’d give him my ass virginity right this second if he asked. I just wanted him inside of me.
I breathed a sigh of relief as his tip grazed my pussy, and nearly screamed loud enough to get the police called on us when he thrust into me with one hard push. Dripping wet or not, the man had some serious girth. Every time he thrust inside of me, I felt like a virgin again. I dug my fingernails into the porcelain sink, screaming down the drain, rocking my hips in time with his thrust.
My walls contracted around him with every rough slap to my tit, every bite to my neck, every time he slammed his cock into me like he was trying to impale me. The pain felt good, but the thing that made me lose control was the head game. The fact that I did this to him. No-one else. Landon was a nice guy. Landon was safe. He was gentle. He was kind. Right now he was none of that.
“I need to cum,” I pleaded.
“Say it Sage, promise me.” He held me hard on his cock, stretching my throbbing pussy. “You want to cum?”
I was in a state of desperation beyond any comprehension, sweat dripping from my brow, his fingers just barely
“Nobody hurts me but you. Nobody can break me but you, Landon,” I pleaded. “This is all yours.”
So many times I’d convinced myself the words were empty. Tried to do the mental gymnastics to justify it as a heat of the moment kind of thing, just another part of our twisted games. As his fingers moved to my clit, driving me into that abyss of complete and utter mindlessness bordering madness, I would’ve said anything he wanted to hear.
These words were not empty.
These promises were legit. But in five minutes from now, like clockwork, I’d be snapped out of this haze and back to normal. No one would no the better, not even him. It was the only way I could keep him safe. Our game would end and nobody would be a winner. Nobody would be a loser, either, as long as my true feelings stayed unspoken.
My body writhed in pleasure and he held me closer to his body, grounding m
e, encompassing me, drawing out the biggest orgasm I’d ever had. I heard his familiar grunt, felt that familiar twitch of his cock as he came inside of me, our bodies both trembling.
Nobody could hurt me but him.
They could break my bones. They could tear my flesh. That wasn’t pain.
The only true pain was knowing we could never be together. I wasn’t a whole woman. I was a trained soldier, and now that he was on his way out from the agency, he didn’t fit into my life plan.
I knew I hurt him just by existing.
And I just couldn’t let that keep happening.
Chapter Three
He stood to pull my chair out for me as I approached the table in the back corner of the hotel restaurant. He was always the gentleman. It made me blush, made me uncomfortable almost. Sitting down for dinner face to face with him after our encounters was his thing, not mine.
“You look good,” I said as he sat down across from me and took a sip from his beer. “Healthy.” The dark circles under his eyes that everyone in the agency seemed to have were no longer there. Even the way he was sitting in his chair, he looked relaxed. These silly little details might not stick out to other people, but I had known this man inside and out for almost twenty years. He looked… happy? “Are you seeing somebody?”
“Sage, do you really think I would be out here doing this if I was seeing somebody?” He shook his head and laughed. How could this beast from the bathroom be so pure?
I shrugged and reached for a dinner roll, popping it in my mouth.
“Why? Are you seeing somebody?”
“I’m married to the agency, and you know it,” I said. “Coming up on a big anniversary here, actually.” He drummed his fingers on the table, as if talk of the work we had once done together was boring him. “Live free, huh?” Outlined in thick black letters with a pop of red and and some swirly flourishes, his knuckles spelled out his mantra. Or maybe he was just trying to convince himself of something we knew would never be true. How anyone could go through the shit we went through together and ever feel free was beyond me.
“I’m trying,” he said. “It’s a nice thought.”
The waiter approached with two plates, and as he set the chicken marsala down in front of me, I couldn’t even pretend to be mad that he went ahead and ordered for me. Ten times out of ten it’s what I would’ve ordered for myself.
“Why you gotta do this to me?” I said with a laugh, eyeing the steaming plate of pasta. “You’re killing me, Landon.”
“What?” he said, a shit eating smirk on his face as he sliced into his steak. His blue eyes sparkled, and he stared me down.
“You know exactly what,” I said. “Why do you always have to try and make things messy?”
“Doesn’t have to be messy. You know that. Could be really fucking easy if you let it.” I pushed my pasta around on my plate, my stomach doing backflips. Ever since he took a break from the agency, he’d seemed to be more and more intent on getting me to leave, too. Leave and start over with him. Like some kind of fucked up fairy tale. “You’re in between jobs right now, right? Come stay with me for a little bit. You always liked the country. I can tell you’re stressed. I can feel it in your body, Sage. Just come decompress for awhile.”
“You know I can’t do that,” I said. Not just because I was up for contract renewal at the end of the month. As much as I adored this guy, as much as he was my best friend in the world, I knew if I let our relationship be anything more than this, it was only a matter of time before I completely lost him. Before he got tired of me and tossed me out, and then I’d have nothing. “I only have a couple jobs left in me. I’m getting old. I need to work while I still can.”
“Why? Is it money?” He raised his eyebrow and gave me that cocky knowing smile. Of course it wasn’t money. I knew the day I retired, I was set for life. Beyond set for life. It was never about the money.
“Fuck off. I shoveled a forkful of noodles in my mouth and squinted at him. “You don’t even get it. You’re out here having your cake and eating it too. Just because you’re a dude. I don’t know what you do for your club, Law,” I said, emphasizing the name on his patch, “but if I take a break from the agency, I don’t get to go out and be Billy bad ass biker gang. I’m just some haggard forty year old woman with no work history and a dried up uterus.”
“Oh come on, Sage, you can come up north and be a club slut if you want, we’ll welcome you with open arms. Or a house mouse, even. No resume required. You’re not much of a cook but I bet you’re a tank in the laundry room. You got that upper body strength. You’d be a huge asset, I think.”
I reached across the table and punched him in the shoulder and he burst into laughter. “I don’t know what any of that means, but I feel like you owe me an apology.”
“I’m just fucking kidding. You come up and stay with me, you’d be my old lady. You could do whatever you wanted. Start a business, open a gym, you want babies? Your uterus didn’t feel so dried up to me,” he said with a shrug.
“That’s fucking gross,” I said, choking on my water.
“You’re the one who picked up the phone in the first place.”
“Yeah, about that…” I cringed. Sure, I loved our random hook ups. I loved seeing him in between jobs. I loved being near him, but the life I lead was never just one of pleasure seeking and joy. Technically, above all, I was here on business. Drake, our boss, had sent me to try and massage Landon into re-upping his contract. I already knew what the answer was going to be, but I had to make sure. “You want me to come back with you, why don’t you come back with me instead? Just like the good old days.”
For the first time since we sat down, he frowned. I could tell he was frustrated with the suggestion, even. “Your contract ends in three months. If you don’t sign again, you’re out. No more phoning in favors. No more protection. No more get out of jail free cards. Have you thought about what that means?”
I regretted the words as they came out of my mouth. I sounded just like Drake, trying to intimidate us into taking on riskier and riskier jobs. Trying to guilt us into things we just didn’t want to do.
“You say good old days like that was a thing. What part of us working together was good, Sage? When we went through torture training together and I waterboarded you for three days straight? When I pimped you out to the cartel?”
“Lower your voice,” I said, looking around nervously.
“I’m out, Sage. I’m taking my money and I’m done. You need to be out, too. I can’t keep you safe anymore.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “Keep me safe? I think you might want to reword that, babe.”
He hunched over in his seat and cupped his head in his hands. “I’m sorry. That came out really wrong. You’re the most competent person I’ve ever worked with ever. You’re the best at what you do. I trust my life in your hands and you know it. I just don’t like thinking about you out there all alone.”
“Landon, I just spent six months dating a serial killer. Living in the same apartment as him. Sharing a bed with him. Knowing any day I was possibly the next person on his list. Out there all alone.”
“I know,” he said, grabbing my hand from across the table. “Don’t think I didn’t check the news a million times a day. Fucking wrecked me. I knew you’d be okay, but what if you weren’t?”
“It is what it is.” I squeezed his hand softly. Living free wasn’t for me. Maybe when I died, I’d get a little taste of that sweet freedom, although I’m sure the skeletons in my closet would probably follow me into the afterlife. “So you’re one hundred percent not coming back? Can you at least think about it?”
“Can you at least think about putting an end to all this madness? Come on, Sage. After all these years, you gotta trust me.”
“I do, and you know it,” I said. It was myself I didn’t trust. “You go live free. Find yourself a nice woman you don’t have to worry yourself sick about. Do your thing, Law. I’m happy for you.”
&n
bsp; My heart was breaking and it was probably for the best. We were never going to see eye to eye again. The day he cut ties with the agency was the day he was considered an outlaw. He wasn’t on my team anymore. If he ever saw me again, it was because he was under investigation. I couldn’t keep him safe anymore. I’d miss this. These awkward dates after passionate hook ups. These little moments of normalcy in my crazy world. The way he made me feel like I wasn’t just a pawn, that I was more, even though I knew better.
“Don’t say that,” he said. I dabbed a tear from my eye, hoping he wouldn’t notice me cracking. “We’ll figure it out. I’ll think about it.”
“Don’t lie.” I stood up from my seat and smoothed my skirt. I pulled some cash out of my purse and set it on the table. I kissed him on the forehead, smoothing back the long mop of hair that crested his eye. “You know I’ll always love you. You’re a good man, Landon.”
“Just come with me, Sage. There’s so much more to life than what you know. It’s that easy. Everything doesn’t have to be the hard way.”
I took in the smell of his hair, his leather cut. I’d never forget it as long as I lived. I’d never forget the way he made me feel. I needed to get back to my hotel room before I changed my mind. I was going to be sick. Walking away from him was the last thing I wanted to do. In that moment, it was the only thing I needed to do.
Chapter Four
Law:
I should’ve known I’d be riding home alone. I should’ve just grabbed a hotel room for the night instead of winding down these back roads just fast enough to avoid the occasional suicidal deer, but being in the same building as her would just salt my wounds even worse. Hell, being in the same town. This rejection game was getting old.
This whole push and pull was bullshit.
I rode into the night, trying to get her long black hair out of my head. Her honey sweet voice. The curve of her neck when she cocked her head at me while I talked, I could see her brain disassembling my every word through her fiery eyes. Sage always had this something. She knew how to get whatever she wanted from whoever she wanted. I wasn’t the only person who saw it.