by Voss, Deja
I was seething mad, totally not in my right mind. How dare he pull this bullshit today? As of last night I had expected to scan my badge, step into the office, and see him sitting there on the other side of the table. A girl could hope. Now my hopes were gone. I was on my own. And I was not in a good headspace to negotiate my next contract.
I stood outside and pulled an emergency cigarette out of my purse. I didn’t smoke on the regular, only when my undercover persona did or when I was extremely stressed out. I puffed the thing down in three fast drags, stubbing it out with my black boot and tossing it in the trashcan, looking over my shoulder the whole time. I knew they’d probably been watching me since I stepped out of the hotel lobby. I needed to rally. Sage Gordon didn’t let anyone get under her skin. Especially a man. Especially a friend.
Sage Gordon didn’t do friends. Maybe when I retired I could figure out what that was all about.
The lobby was eerily silent. Empty. I took that as an opportunity to assert my dominance, standing up straight, shoulders back, let my boots clack down the hallway until I reached the elevator. I tried to go back to my happy place on the way down. My bubble. The zen corner of my mind.
Once again my bubble was popped as I was patted down in the hallway, stripped of my purse, searched like a common criminal being booked into county jail. It wasn’t dehumanizing. It was for all our safety. Lord knows someone could be planting bugs anytime, anywhere. The guard handed me back my shoes, slipped my purse into a locker, and opened the door to the waiting area.
“Hello, Sage.” The young receptionist was one I’d never seen before, but that didn’t mean she didn’t already have a full profile on me. She was a pretty girl with super short red hair. First thing I noticed was her sculpted triceps in that black sleeveless shift dress. She was definitely Navy. It wasn’t my place to ask, though. We weren’t here to exchange war stories like a couple of old timers. “You can have a seat. Omar will be with you in a moment.”
I couldn’t control myself from giving her a confused glare. I was never kept waiting. Was this another nail in my coffin? Leaving the old broad out in the waiting room while everyone else got assignments?
The room was completely empty aside from a couple of folding chairs. If anyone ever raided this place, they’d find absolutely nothing. No physical documents were kept here. Everything was sparse, white, silent. I sat in the chair and tried not to get myself too worked up. Certainly there had to be a good reason why I was waiting here.
I lost track of time before the phone at the desk chirped and the receptionist ushered me down the dark hallway that lead to the war room. I let out one giant sigh from my nostrils as she pushed the door open. I was relieved when I stepped inside and it was only Omar and his second in command William seated at the desk. They both stood up when I entered the room, and in that instant I realized I still had the power. I stood a little taller. My insecurities washed away in the war room. I knew I was in control of the situation here. I always was. That’s why I liked working for the agency so much. Not so much what they got from me, but the confidence I got from them.
“Sorry to keep you waiting, Sage,” Omar said. He was dressed like your average guy who worked in IT, khakis and a black polo shirt, but his clothes hid scars that very few people knew about. He’d been through everything I had, maybe worse. His hair was now barely there, I often wondered why he didn’t just shave his whole head, but I think, like me, he was clinging on to whatever youth he had left in him. He definitely wasn’t as fast or strong as he was back in the day, but Omar was a tough son of a bitch. I trusted my life in him. “There’s been a new development over the last twenty four hours and I wanted to make sure we had all the details sorted before I brought you in.”
“Well that sounds pretty fucking exciting to me,” I said, pulling up a chair and running my fingers through my hair. “You know I love new developments.”
William was pacing around behind him like he was trying really really hard not to blurt something out. Truth be told, it got me kind of wet. I had a feeling this was going to be one of those once in a lifetime kinds of assignments. Seeing William sweat meant crazy shit was fixing to go down.
“Let me brief you real quick before you get ahead of yourself,” Omar said. “This assignment is unlike anything you’ve done before. Unlike anything we’ve done before, actually.”
“This assignment is a dumpster fire, and you fucking know it.” William brought his fist to his mouth and screamed into it. I raised my eyebrows and laughed nervously. This was definitely going to be good.
“We don’t know a lot. All we have is the name of some shell company and a tip from a woman who’s sister went missing a few weeks ago. And a video clip.” He turned the laptop so it was facing the both of us, and William walked out of the room.
“What’s got him all riled?” I asked as the door slammed behind him.
“It’s bad, Sage. I can turn this off any time you like. Just say the word.”
I’d never seen anything that I couldn’t handle. Never been in a situation I couldn’t handle. I’ve seen some ugly shit in the world, but none of it ever phased me because I knew at the end of the day I was helping people. I had to look that ugly right in the eye and then destroy it with my own bare hands. What he showed me in that video, though, for the first time in my whole career, I almost told him to shut it down.
“What am I even looking at?” I stammered as the fifteen second silent clip played on the screen. I knew exactly what I was looking at. I was just secretly hoping he was going to tell me it was just a joke. Some sort of computer trick. I was waiting for the poor girl to get up off the ground and say “just kidding.” She couldn’t, though. Bound and bloody, her eyes were glued to the ceiling, frozen in terror, unblinking. I almost felt a sense of relief wash over me when the final blow came down on her. At least she wasn’t suffering any longer.
I reached for the metal garbage can and lost whatever semblance of breakfast was still left in me. “That’s sick, Omar. That’s just sick. What kind of disgusting evil person is into that?” I didn’t know where all this puke was coming from. So much for keeping my composure. I now realized why William was so shaken.
“It’s dark web stuff, Sage. Haven’t seen anything like it in over twenty years. For whatever reason it’s making a comeback. An anonymous source sent this video to the sister of the missing girl along with an email address. Apparently some sicko with a conscience felt the need to clue her in.”
“She had to watch that? That video of her sister?” I didn’t have any sisters of my own, but for whatever reason, the thought brought me to tears. This poor woman had been through enough already, and she had to watch her sister die a gruesome death via an anonymous text message? “I’m going to get those fucking bastards. I’m gonna make them feel pain like they’re never felt before. Just tell me how. Let me at em.” I was ranting through my tears, rage overcoming me. I was certain this girl wasn’t the first. I was going to make sure she was the last.
“It’s going to be a really risky assignment, Sage. It’s taken us all night to come up with a story for you that would even be remotely plausible. You’re not going to have a lot of protection in there. Can’t really put a wire on a porn star.”
“That’s porn?” I shouted, my stomach starting to lurch again. “That’s not fucking porn. What the fuck is this world we live in?”
“A sick one. A sad one. You know that, though. You’ve rubbed elbows with the worst. We’ve managed to trace the shell corp to a legitimate pornography production company. Femme Fatales Inc. None of their talent has a bad word to say about them. They pay on time. They’re very professional. Treat their staff well. Clean. Great starting point for some career actresses. Sunshine and rainbows.”
“Yeah, real sunshine and rainbows,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Can I get some water or something?” I asked, fanning my face. This was super heavy. I’d worked with serial killers. Terrorists. Every kind of slimy white collar criminal ou
t there. I even infiltrated the mafia. This was some new level stuff though.
He grabbed a bottle of whiskey off his cart and I bowed in appreciation. Omar always had the good stuff. He filled a rocks glass two fingers high and I urged him to keep it coming. “So, I am going in as bait? I really want this job, but I’m not exactly young fresh porn star material.” At my age, I was straddling the line between barely legal and cougar. Was there a niche for average looking thirty somethings? That I didn’t know. I’d watched a lot of porn in my day, and it seemed like anyone over the age of twenty five had to be up to some really kinky shit to keep working in the industry. Maybe in any other circumstance that would’ve been intriguing, but I already had a bad feeling about these people.
“We found a perfect cover for you. If you can pull this one off, porn businesses all over the world are going to be tripping over their feet to work with you.”
I looked at him with confusion as I took a long swig from my drink. It was so expensive, it didn’t even burn. Danger juice. I needed to nurse this out a little longer. I needed to keep my wits about me so I could go back to my hotel and start getting ready.
“Have you ever heard of Sabine Steele?” he asked, sliding a manilla envelope across the table.
“Sounds vaguely familiar.” I flipped open the folder and looked at the first photo. The seductively posed woman was wearing some sort of leather full body outfit, and her face was covered in a mask.
“She was huge in the industry about ten years back. I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves. Sabine was a German fetish model turned actress. The intrigue behind her was that no one ever saw her face. Rumor had it, the only person in the industry who’d ever knowingly seen her unmasked was her long time lover, Sebastian Sjorn.”
I had to turn my head sideways at some of the photographs. Sabine was one hell of a contortionist and judging by the photos, there wasn’t a lot this woman wasn’t into doing for a paycheck.
“The intrigue with Sabine is that one day, she just disappeared. Nobody could track her down, not even Sebastian apparently. If he knew where she was, he definitely wasn’t talking. How could they? They didn’t even know what she looked like. Some people thought she started life all over again as a nun. Some people thought she just disappeared into the countryside to live a modest life. There were never any leads to her whereabouts. To this day, people are still looking for her.”
“So let me guess… we found her?” Who better to play an aging reclusive pornstar than me? It was kind of ironic. We had so much in common. We were both essentially actresses. We both liked kinky sex, at least, I gathered she did from her portfolio. We both weren’t who people thought we were. It was a role I was certainly cut out for, but I knew it was going to be pretty risky.
“It’s up to you. I’m not going to strong arm you into this job. I know it’s way out of your comfort zone. It’s really dangerous, Sage, and there are a lot of unknowns.”
I thumbed through the pictures once again. Was I really capable of filling her shoes? It was one thing to express my sexuality in a situation I had total control over. It was another thing to be at someone else’s whim. With true strangers. At least I’d have the protection of a mask, but like Omar had said, there were going to be instances where I definitely couldn’t have a wire. There were definitely situations where I wouldn’t have backup. I wished Landon was still around. He could be my personal bodyguard. Or maybe my new lover. It’d be nice to have a familiar face around.
Instead, I was flying solo.
I thought about that poor girl being bludgeoned to death on the concrete floor. Her family. Her friends. The life she could’ve lived. There was no way I was turning this job down.
“I’m in,” I assured him. “What kind of intel do you have for me?”
“You are still proficient in German?”
I nodded. I was a little rusty. I probably wasn’t up on all the sexual terms, but that’s not really something they covered in my training. A few days of intensive studying could get me right back on track.
He slid a thumb drive across the table. “This is every video she ever filmed. There’s some behind the scenes stuff. Some meet and greets. Should be enough to get you up to speed on Sabine’s mannerisms.”
“So what you’re saying is, you’re going to pay me to hang out in a hotel and watch porn?” I asked, trying to make light of the situation. Not everybody could say they were watching porn for research. Especially not somebody who worked for a government agency. He didn’t find the humor on it. “How long do you think until I need to be ready?”
“I’m hoping a week?” he half asked, and I could tell he was worried about doing a rush job. I was too. Normally getting ready for something like this could take up to six months of research. I’d have to work with experts in dialect and body language, have to go on specific diets and do workouts to be in a very specific shape, get fitted for a whole new wardrobe. It was hard learning the ins and outs of a character, trying to live in their shoes, even if they were just a made up person. Learning to be a real life person who people actually knew, that was going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. Could be impossible, but if I could pull it off, I would feel like I actually accomplished something with my life. This was the job I’d been waiting for. The job I never knew I wanted until I learned about it.
This was going to be a high note I could go out on.
“Why so fast?” I asked.
He pulled up a website on his laptop screen. Femme Fatales Inc was holding open casting next weekend at a strip club downtown. Was this crime going on in my home city? The fact that the basement that girl was trapped in could be under my feet on any given day was a horrific thought. “They’re from here?”
“They have agencies all over the country. We don’t know how far their scope is. Most of the stuff we’ve found is harmless. Your usual garden variety amateur looking but professionally produced porn. Nothing illegal on the surface.”
I couldn’t get the mental image of that girl out of my mind. She was somebody’s daughter. Somebody’s sister. From the set up to the execution, it was obvious this wasn’t the first woman who’d gone missing like this. I wondered what was more painful to their families - never knowing what became of someone they loved, or seeing it all end like this.
“I want in.” I said. “I can get ready in a week. Are we sure this Sabine is never going to turn up?”
“We have reached out to Sebastian and he’s given us the blessing. He was certain this is what she would have wanted. She always wanted her name to be used for something good.”
I felt an overwhelming pain for this man. Normally I could shut my empathy down and just look at the hard facts, but that video had me in a sad place. I didn’t want to admit I knew exactly how he felt. Losing the only person you ever really cared for, even by choice, even if you knew it was the best thing for them was a pain that never left you. The way he spoke about her like she was dead was probably the only coping mechanism he had left.
“What about her connections in the industry?” I asked. “Are any of them tied up with this agency?”
“None that we could trace. Kevin and his crew are relatively young. Sabine was out of the business before their balls even dropped. We’re hoping bringing her in will be a huge stroke to their egos. It’ll give them the impression that they are as respected in the industry as some of the old timers. You coming to them first would be exactly what someone with Kevin’s psychological profile would fall right into.”
“So basically, stroke his ego, make him think he’s a big shot, get in there and grab the intel.”
“Always sounds easy on paper.”
Of course it did. Everything sounded like a straight and narrow path when you didn’t factor in the human element. That’s why we were the best at what we did. We knew the human element inside and out, and we were prepared for the absolute worst.
“This is going to be difficult Sage. You’re essentially going to be p
laying two roles. Double the lies, double the stakes. You’re essentially going to have to create two different personas. You’re going to have to simultaneously convince Kevin he’s the only person other than Sebastian who knows your true identity, and be able to fall into the role of Sabine whenever it’s required of you.”
It was a hot mess. Double duty undercover. Every undercover mission had elements of that if we’re being honest. I had to be willing to show people my vulnerable side to get them to trust me and open up to me. This wasn’t going to be any different, other than that big looming train wreck I knew I was going to have to face smack on.
“Sabine’s roles,” I said, trying to figure out how exactly I was going to compartmentalize what those roles were. Being tied up and treated like a sex doll? Crawling around on the floor like a dog? Walking around naked with nothing but a mask covering my face?
Could be hot.
Under any other fucking circumstance, that was. I was going to have to go in completely guarded. My body had betrayed me in the past. Once I was so far gone, my mind went, too, I was certain. I’d said things to Landon that I’d never admit to anyone, not even myself. Was I strong enough to function in an environment like that?
“This is Kevin,” Omar said, sliding another folder across the table.
Immediately any thoughts of dark wild sadistic fantasies went right out the window. He didn’t even look like he was old enough to drive. I wouldn’t trust this man to lace my boots let alone satisfy me sexually. To do things with my body that I had only ever entrusted in one man. One man that I needed to snap out of my mind right this instant. I knew exactly what he would say if he caught wind of this operation. It was probably for the better he quit when he did.
“This guy? This guy is a matter of national security? This guy is a domestic terrorist?” I knew they came in all shapes and sizes and with the rise of the internet, everyone had the ability to do some pretty fucked up things with the click of a mouse, but this guy just looked like some smug little brat who needed slapped in the face.