Stressed!

by Deborah Martin

  “She’s not the only one pissed,” Elinda hollered out her window. “I’ve got a bucket of garlic water sitting right here. Go home with him or I’m dumping it on you.”

  I heard Andy hiss. I’ll bet his fangs had dropped, too. “You don’t scare me, witch. If I want to talk to Amy, I’ll talk to her. Ow, damn you!”

  I peeked again. Andy’s head was wet and steaming just a little.

  “That’s just a cup of what I’ve got a whole bucket of. Go away, boy!”

  “C’mon, Andy, you’re causing entirely too much trouble,” John said. I heard some scuffling, then a car door slamming shut. “My apologies, ladies. I will sort this out and it will never happen again.”

  I heard the car pull away and it was finally quiet in the neighborhood. I hoped this wasn’t going to cause any problems for me. I liked my apartment and my neighbors. Fudge and I settled on my pillow and I gratefully turned out the light. It was awhile before I fell asleep, though. Various scenarios of staking Andy or shoving him into sunlight ran through my mind. I hated the fact that my quiet life had been so disrupted!

  Ev was out on the left coast on Tuesday, doing some recruiting, so I had the office to myself. It was pleasant until Andy called late in the afternoon.

  “Amy, I really do want to talk with you. I wasn’t lying when I said I preferred sultry redheads, especially one that doesn’t care who I am. [I didn’t care who he was, just what he was.] Can I buy you a drink this evening?” He sounded like a little boy who hadn’t gotten the toy he wanted for Christmas – very whiny. I was waiting to hear him lie down on the floor and pound his fists in a temper tantrum.

  “As I told you at the party and again last night, I have no wish to talk with you, much less share a cocktail,” I growled back. “Unless you leave me alone, I will ensure the media knows what an ass you’re making of yourself with me. I doubt all those little girls will be as excited to watch your movies when they find out what a child you are.”

  “You wouldn’t do that. John would make sure the rest of his clients quit using your service,” he said.

  “Wanna bet? Rather than ensuring his clients drop us, how about him dropping you? He didn’t sound too happy with you last night.”

  “John would never drop me. I make him too much money.”

  “Andy, I don’t know how many ways to say it but listen carefully: I am not interested in you. You are not my type, in more ways than one. I have no desire to see you again, unless it’s on a professional basis. Excuse me but I have work to do.” With that, I hung up, sat there for a moment shaking with rage and decided that work could wait. I needed to vent.

  “You looked majorly pissed,” Cassandra said as I stalked into the deli. “How about a cup of mocha latte? Will that take the sting off?”

  “You know I’ll always drink a cup of your latte but I just need to vent.” I told her about Andy while the espresso machine hissed and gurgled.

  “Honestly. You say this guy is almost a hundred?” she said, handing me the steaming mug, which smelled like heaven and came complete with the sprinkle of cinnamon I adored.

  “That’s what Ev says, although he’s acting about twelve at the moment. I don’t know what to do to get him off my back, apart from staking him.”

  “Yeah, the smell of garlic doesn’t exactly translate through the telephone, does it? Let me ask Mom if she’s got any suggestions. I think she had a run-in with a vamp before she met Dad. She might know of some way to redirect his attention. Take the mug with you. I know you need to get back to work.”

  When I got back upstairs, there were four messages on voicemail, three from Andy and one from John. I ignored the first three and returned the fourth.

  “Amy, I do think it would be helpful if you met Andy for a drink,” John told me.

  “John, I really don’t know how to tell him or you. I would have no interest in him, even if he weren’t undead. As you should know by now, I don’t do actors, no way no how. I don’t want to deal with all the drama that comes with dating someone constantly in the limelight. That’s not even addressing the fact that he acts like a child.”

  “I understand that, but I think the issue is only going to be resolved face-to-face. I tried talking with him last night but all he could say was, ‘I know she’ll like me if I can just talk to her.’ Please, Amy, for both our sakes. Meet us for a drink this evening. I promise we’ll both be on our best behavior.”

  “No, John. I have plans for this evening and as far as Andy is concerned, for every evening from now until eternity. He’s your boy. You’re going to have to figure out how to deal with this whole mess.”

  “If I can get him off your back, will you promise not to go to the media? He recounted your conversation to me. It would hurt me if this business with Andy got out.”

  “I doubt I would make good on that threat,” I said. “It would just pull me into the spotlight and I don’t want that. However, I don’t want this to be a continuing headache and I will find a way to hurt him if he doesn’t back off. Figure it out, John.” I hung up. This was getting ridiculous.

  Ev got into the office about noon on Wednesday and after regaling me with his recruiting exploits, asked me how the previous day had gone. Nothing of consequence had happened on the business front but I recounted Monday night and Tuesday’s Andy-headache.

  “Until it’s settled, I’m going to have Omar shadow you,” he said. (Omar was a retired guard, an ogre who was a pussycat unless something threatening came up. He helped Ev out on occasion.) “I don’t like the sound of the way things are going. I’ve heard of vamps going crazy before and the consequences aren’t pretty.”

  “Shit, Ev, I don’t want a guard. It’d just make me even more uncomfortable than I already am. You’re in town for the next week or so and can keep an eye on me at the office. I won’t go anywhere except home, where I’m behind wards. If I need to go out for groceries, I’ll call Cassandra. OK?”

  “No can do. I have to go back to California tomorrow for some follow-up meetings. Although Andy may not want anything to do with Cassandra, there’s not a lot she can do if he makes a play for you, except throw something on him, which may or may not incapacitate him. Omar is yours until John tells me the situation is under control.” With that, he went into his office, picked up the phone and shortly, I heard him talking with Omar.

  Lovely. Now I had a shadow – figuratively and literally. Omar was larger than Ev and even standing a few feet away from me, made an effective sun block. Big he may be but fast he definitely was. I’d seen him run and catch a client’s cat when it got out of the hotel room and went streaking down the hallway. He was definitely fast enough to block a vamp from getting into my personal space.

  Omar showed up about a half hour later and grinned. “I’ll just hang out here until you’re ready to go home. If you need to leave your apartment for any reason, call me. I’ll only need ten minutes to get to your place. OK?”

  Great. Now I had two ogres’ stench to deal with. I got as much work done as I could before the scented candles were overpowered, which was only about a half-hour before I’d normally leave work. I told Ev I was going home and motioned Omar into action. The two of us made an odd looking couple walking down the street. More than one car slowed and I know people were staring at us.

  “Are you planning on going out tonight?” Omar asked as we got to my door.

  “No,” I sulked. I didn’t like having to let someone know my plans.

  “Good. Call me ten minutes before you’re ready to leave in the morning. I’ll hang out until Ev gets to work.” He turned on his heel and walked back in the direction of the office.

  I changed into my pajamas and climbed into bed, but was too upset at all the situational changes to sleep. Not getting my nap upset me even more. Fudge, too. He was already on my pillow and giving me a look that said, “Hey, aren’t you coming?”

  Instead, I got up and paced. Fudge hopped off the bed and followed me back and forth. What a fine pickle I w
as in. Although I’m not ugly, I don’t consider myself more attractive than average and I’d never had a guy stalk me, much less one who could keep me perpetually young with an all-liquid diet. The sight of blood didn’t bother me but the thought of actually drinking it gave me a queasy feeling.

  Apart from permanently ridding the world of Andy Deland, I had no idea what to do. Omar was a nice guy but I didn’t want him or anyone else hanging around for the foreseeable future. I liked my independence too much and fervently hoped either Cassandra’s mother or John came up with a solution, and soon.

  I knew I wasn’t going to sleep so I changed into a caftan. When I’m really upset, I clean. This particular afternoon I emptied my kitchen cupboards, washed the shelves down, washed everything in them and put it all back in an orderly fashion. I checked all the spices and chucked them if they no longer smelled like they were supposed to. I cleared the counters and scrubbed those down. I gave the floor a hands-and-knees scrubbing. When I was finished, the kitchen was sparkling and I’d sweated out all my frustrations.

  I decided since the kitchen was so clean, there was no need to dirty it immediately. I called Pizza And More and ordered my favorite veggie pizza for delivery. Fudge would be happy. He loved their sauce.

  I was too agitated to write anything regarding romance that night so I turned the tube on as I waited for my dinner to arrive. Turner Classic Movies was having a musical evening and I could lighten my mood with pizza, Brigadoon and The King And I. It would be a relaxing evening and maybe get me back into the mindset to write a few pages before I went to bed.

  Chapter 8

  When the pizza arrived, I was a good human and put the first piece on a plate down on the floor for Fudge. He daintily picked off all the veggies, set them aside and started in on the cheese and sauce. I dug into mine. I was just putting the leftovers in the fridge when the phone rang. I didn’t recognize the Caller ID and let voicemail get it. I’m glad I did. It was Andy.

  “Amy, please. Call me back. I really want to talk with you.”

  Now he had my phone number, too. This was not good. I programmed that number into the ‘block’ function on my phone, then called John.

  “It’s Amy. I take it you weren’t very successful,” I said when he answered.

  “Unfortunately, no, and he moved out of the house. He didn’t show up for an interview today, either. I’m sorry but I don’t even know where he is at the moment,” he replied.

  “So what the hell am I supposed to do? Stake him? Not really my cup of tea but if that’s what it takes to get him away from me, I’ll do it. I don’t want to live the rest of my life being stalked by this guy.”

  “I have called someone at the Regional Council to deal with him since I can’t. It’s one thing to seduce a human to feed off them but it’s another thing entirely to act like a lovesick calf over food, especially in so public a manner. You know as well as I that we try to keep a low profile. His actions, regardless of his intent, are unacceptable. The Council representative should be here tomorrow. In the meantime, I and a few of my friends are keeping an eye on your place. If he shows up, we’ll deal with him.”

  “You’d better. If he makes a scene again, you’re going to lose a client – permanently.”

  “I have already terminated my arrangement with him as he violated one of the conduct clauses in his contract. If we can’t handle him, I will support whatever action you and your friends may take. I’m truly sorry, Amy. I had no idea he’d go off the deep end like this.”

  “Oh, by the way. Whoever gets him, my number needs to be erased from his phone,” I told him.

  “Shit. He must have looked at my recent calls when my back was turned. I’ll make mention of that to everyone. Good night, Amy. We’re trying to watch out for you.”

  Hopefully only one more night. I called Elinda to let her know what was going on and to apologize in advance for anything that might happen before morning. I was more than pissed that my life had not only been screwed up but made public. It also angered me that it interfered with others’ lives, as well.

  “Don’t worry, darlin’,” she said. “After the other night, Marge and I have our vampire arsenal all set up. We talked with the other three tenants and Mr. Owens. Everyone is ready if he comes back.”

  I almost cried. However much I distrusted him, John was actually being a gentleman about all this. Everyone but me was able to do something about my situation, and they were willing to do so. I turned back to my musicals, trying to forget how screwed up everything had gotten in so short a time.

  I crawled into bed at the appropriate hour but couldn’t sleep. I was too afraid of what might wake me up. Fudge did his best to console me by snuggling close and purring loud. It felt nice but wasn’t enough.

  Sure enough, around midnight I heard, “Amy!” outside my apartment. I was about to get out of bed, open my door and yell at him to go away when I heard muted, angry voices. I got up and peeked through the curtains.

  The light from the streetlamps showed Andy surrounded by four other men, one of whom was John. They all had their arms crossed over their chests and were speaking in low voices. I couldn’t hear much, but picked out, “Not only no but hell no” and “You’re stepping outside our bounds”.

  John put his hand on Andy’s arm. Andy threw it off. Another, much larger man grabbed Andy by the shoulder, spun him around and threw a punch. Andy’s head rocked back but he didn’t go down. He assumed a fighting stance which I thought was funny. Andy didn’t have the height or the build to take on this guy. The larger man threw a second punch which Andy tried but failed to block. This time he collapsed in a heap on the ground. Three of the four picked him up and started walking away with him.

  Even though I hadn’t really known what to expect when vamps confronted each other, I had imagined fangs coming out and a lot of hissing. Just a couple of punches was pretty anticlimactic.

  John pulled his cell out, dialed a number and my phone rang. “I assume you were watching what went on,” he said.

  “Yes, of course I was. Please convey my thanks to whoever decked him. I wish I could have been the one to do it.”

  “He does have a nice hook, doesn’t he? Mark used to be a professional boxer, which is why I called him. We’ll take Andy back to my house and confine him until the Regional representative arrives later today. He will not bother you again, one way or another. My word on it.”

  I knew that if someone in the paranormal community gave their word, it was good as gold. I thanked John and hung up. Maybe now I could get some sleep. Nope. My phone rang again.

  “That was fun to watch,” Elinda’s voice said. “I assume your problem has been solved?”

  I told her what John had said. “If he gave his word, you’re good to go. I’ll pack up our stuff and hit the sack. Sleep well, darlin’.”

  I finally laid my head down and sleep overtook me. When the sun woke me I felt like I hadn’t slept at all. Even my usual half-pot of coffee didn’t do much to dispel the cobwebs but I had a job to go to. I called Omar to tell him he wouldn’t be needed and he sleepily told me Ev had already called him. Word gets around fast.

  I dragged myself into the office but even after two more cups of coffee the report in front of me just didn’t register. I called Cassandra. After telling her about the previous night, I asked, “You got anything for a pick-me-up? I just can’t seem to get going this morning.”

  “Not really,” she replied. “Nothing magical can replace the sleep your body needs. You can drink a cup of peppermint or cinnamon tea. That’ll help a little without giving you the caffeine buzz but you really do need to sleep.”

  “Not in the cards. I’ve got to get the quarterly reports to the accountant today. I’m coming down for a latte. Go heavy on the cinnamon, maybe it’ll help that way.”

  When I got downstairs, my latte was waiting for me. “You really do look like hell warmed over,” Cassandra greeted me.

  “Thanks a lot. It’s been a long few days
with short nights.”

  “Yeah, sounds like. It’s good that someone solved the problem for you. Mom’s only suggestion was to buy a sunlamp and keep it in the window in case he came back. But you said you didn’t want to hurt him and that would have – permanently. Will Ev let you leave early?”

  “He will if he knows what’s good for him. It was going to the party for him that got me into all this in the first place. I’m going to finish what I really need to get done and head home. I don’t see any reason to spend hours just staring at the computer screen and not being productive.”

  Ev and his odor wafted in just before noon. “You look like hell,” was his greeting.

  “It’s all your fault, you know,” was my retort. “If I hadn’t gone to that party for you, this would never have happened.”

  “I know,” he said. “John and I both feel bad about this. But it could have been some guy you met at a mundane party, too, you know.”

  “Had that happened, the police would have been able to deal with it. Or your or Omar’s size would have scared him off. Either way, I’m glad it’s over. I’m finishing the reports for Ed and going home, Ev. I need to get some good sleep or I’m going to fall over.”

  “That’s OK with me. Just be back tomorrow, huh? I have to leave for San Francisco in a bit and I’ll need to have you available to type up the contract if I come to any agreement with anyone.”

  I hit my bed about 2:00, woke up long enough to eat a slice of cold pizza and feed Fudge about 10:00 and finally felt human (what a term) the next morning. After all the drama of the last few days, it felt good to get back into my normal routine.

  Friday morning dawned dark and gloomy. It looked like we were in for some nasty storms. I walked to work through rain and blustery wind, thankful for my slicker. Sure enough, I’d just started the coffee and fired up my computer at work when the lights flickered and then went out. After a couple of minutes it didn’t look like the power was going to be immediately restored, so I went downstairs. (Cassandra had a generator to ensure her freezers and refrigerators kept running. It powered most everything in the deli except the lights.)