Forgiven: The Nash Brothers, Book Two

by Aarons, Carrie

  His eyes are sheepish when he turns them to me and shrugs. “Probably both.”

  “At least you’re honest.” I chuckle.

  “Then know it’s the truth when I tell you that you give sexy librarian a whole new definition.”

  Bowen gently drags me toward him, closing the small distance between us as his lips find mine. Is this what I wanted from the moment he walked into my library? Does it make me a shameless fool to answer yes? Just an hour ago, I was pouting because he wouldn’t take me out to dinner and only wanted to have me come over to his house late at night. I’d taken a stand, and then he’d gotten me in the stacks and I’m melting like warm, gooey chocolate through his hands.

  Talk about predictable.

  But, I can’t help it. Bowen’s tongue is leading mine in a dance only we know the steps to, and each time I inhale, the scent of his musky cologne and old, weathered book pages is mixing and giving me one orgasmic arousal.

  He turns us, my back hitting the metal shelf and rattling the thing all the way from the floor to the ceiling. Thick fingers tangle in my hair, and I cup his jaw in my hands, loving the rough tickle of the stubble beneath.

  “I may not have stepped foot in here in ages, but I’ve had many fantasies about getting you between these stacks. There is something so naughty about making out in a library.”

  Bowen’s whispers shoot straight from where he’s sucking on my earlobe down to the middle of my thighs, drenching me.

  “Have you thought about me touching you here?” he continues, his hand bunching my skirt and snaking under it.

  I’m not sure if he means touching me in the library, or where his fingers currently push aside my underwear, but either way, I nod my head.

  “All these long nights, you’ve probably thought about me pushing you up against all these books.” Bowen’s fingers demonstrate, penetrating me and I groan from the fullness.

  My hands travel up and under the long sleeve tee he’s wearing, tangling in the smattering of hair that gets thicker the farther down his happy trail I travel.

  “More than I want to admit.” My lips find the side of his neck.

  In reality, I know we can’t get caught. Only two other people have keys to this building, and they’re not coming here at eight p.m. on a Wednesday. But just the fact that we’re getting physical in my place of work is a huge turn on … one I’d fantasized about but never thought would happen.

  “And you wanted me to take you to dinner? This is definitely more fun.” He flashes me that cocky, younger-Bowen smile.

  “Hmm … I guess.” A sly smile paints my lips. “But I’m not letting you off the hook for long. Especially since my mother wants to have you over for dinner.” I chuckle into his neck.

  Probably not the time to mention my mother, but he’s making me weak and loopy, and I’m rambling.

  Bowen’s fingers stop stroking inside me, and he stills.

  “You’re telling people about us?” His voice takes on a hard edge.

  I try to straighten where I’ve slouched against the shelves, doubt creeping up my neck in a heated blush. “Well, uh … yes? I … people saw us at the wedding and she asked me the other day …”

  I trail off, waiting for him to say it’s fine and that he is glad we aren’t hiding anymore. To continue building my climax.

  But instead, Bowen is dead silent.

  28

  Bowen

  “Why would you tell her about us? We … we haven’t even talked about what we are.”

  When I pull back, the hurt in Lily’s eyes is so clear, it’s nearly blinding.

  I probably just stuck my foot in my mouth, and I don’t mean to be a complete asshole, but I’m panicking. If her mother knows about us … fuck, then the senator definitely does. And I know explicitly what kind of lengths he’ll go to, to keep me away from his daughter.

  Lily’s head snaps back a little, almost as if she’d been smacked. “What are you saying? Maybe we should talk about what we are because, clearly, we aren’t on the same page.”

  She disengages herself from me, shoving my hand out from beneath her skirt and smoothing her clothes and hair before walking out of the stacks. I follow her, watch as she shrugs into her coat and slings her bag over her arm.

  “Lily, I just don’t want a lot of people finding out about us.”

  A sharp gasp comes from her, and I see the tears she’s trying to blink back. “Well, talk about a one-eighty. I’m such an idiot.”

  Fuck. That came out wrong. What I mean, which I can’t seem to say to her, is that I don’t need the town gossiping about us. I guess I was the one who gave them all the ammunition they needed at the wedding. I was stupid for making out with Lily at the venue, for grinding up on her on the dance floor. But I’d been drunk off whiskey and high on the celebration of the day, and I’d been in love with the woman since I was sixteen. I wanted one night of freedom with her.

  And now it was biting me in the ass. Because Lily took that as our coming out party. She’d probably talked to Presley and Penelope about us, if I had to guess, and she’d confirmed that her mother had heard about us. Which meant that most of the residents of Fawn Hill knew we were at least hooking up.

  If I’m being honest, the other reason I don’t want to have this talk with Lily, about defining us, is because once we do, it becomes real. We have to deal with all the real life shit we’ve been avoiding the past few months. Her texts before … I thought that by coming over and showing up at her work, in public, that it would assuage her. Clearly, she’d been stewing over this more than she let on.

  “That’s not what I meant. I just … I don’t want to rush things. Getting parents involved, going out to dinner … it means people in our business.”

  Lily throws up her hands, her bag weighing her arm down. “Maybe I want people in our business! Because gossip and public outings and all of our mutual friends asking questions … it means we’re real! Not just two people who sneak into each other’s houses or hotel rooms. I’m not that girl, Bowen, and I think you know that.”

  She pauses, and I know she probably wants me to take what I’ve said back, or apologize, but I’m too confused right now. Surely, I know Lily is not that girl … but she also doesn’t know or understand a lot of what happened to separate us in the first place.

  Because I haven’t told her.

  “We’re not children, I’m not going to have a temper tantrum. But I’m also not not going to do this with you forever, Bowen. Not even for much longer. So make up your mind.”

  * * *

  The rest of the week is dismal and depressing, with rain flooding out a lot of roads around Fawn Hill.

  Business is slow, and I have too much time to think. My brothers end up coming over on Thursday and distracting me during the prime-time football game, but I’m glib and annoyed, leading them to taunt me even more.

  I’ve worked myself into such a funk by Friday afternoon that I sound ticked off when I pick up the call coming into my cell from an unknown number.

  “Yeah, who is this?” My voice is clipped and irritated.

  “I’m calling for Bowen Nash? This is Daniel Ferapo with the St. Louis Tigers.”

  I perk up from where I’d been lounging on my couch, flipping through channels and not really watching. “Oh, yes, hello. This is Bowen.

  A pause, and uncertainty in the man’s voice. “We’re the triple-A team out here … I, uh, got your name from Lewis Mider. He said you were interested in getting back into the baseball industry. Have to say, I remember you as a high school ballplayer. You had a hell of an arm, Bowen.”

  The compliment stings more than it makes me shrug of modesty. Because he’s right, I did have a hell of an arm. One that was crushed between the metal wreckage of my pickup ten years ago.

  “Had a hell of a bat, too, but who’s counting?” I crack the joke as if my heart doesn’t rip the age-old stitches sewing it up.

  Daniel chuckles on the other end of the phone. “Can’t argue
with that. Listen, we’re interviewing for an assistant hitting coach position, and Lewis told me you might be looking for something just like that. Do you have some time to talk about it?”

  Christ, I’d just walked right into an interview without even knowing it. The least Lewis could’ve done was give me a heads-up, but maybe he hadn’t known Daniel was going to call me. Either way, I scramble, looking around for a notebook or something. The best I come up with is the envelope for my last cable bill and a half-sharpened pencil.

  “Sure, thank you for giving me a call. I’d love to discuss the position.”

  Over the next half hour, I try my best to fake it through this interview as professionally as I can. Of course, I know all the baseball terminology and statistics, but I wasn’t prepared for some of Daniel’s questions. Such as, how I thought their season had gone this year. Well … I wouldn’t know that since I had no time to do any research before their general manager called me. And he asked some pointed questions about how I thought the farm systems should be structured and what changes needed to be implemented. Unfortunately, I’d been out of that world for a long time and hadn’t stayed current with the politics going on inside any league beyond the majors. I fumbled my way through those questions while giving some great insight on others.

  The hardest question he lobbed at me was one he probably thought was a softball. But asking where I saw myself in five years? That was a complete mindfuck.

  I could be anywhere. St. Louis. Another farm team. Fawn Hill, with Lily by my side.

  All in all, the interview was probably a mixed bag, and I came out of it feeling winded but proud of myself for being able to hang on through it.

  Right now, I’m not sure where my head is at. I could be on a plane to St. Louis before I know it, with a chance at a fresh start.

  But leaving Fawn Hill? I guess I’d never thought about it seriously. As a kid, it was a far-off dream that I’d go to the major leagues. I’d never really thought about the semantics of leaving my hometown. And even though I sought possible positions in baseball and out, I’d never considered the full ramifications of what they’d bring. Which was leaving behind everything and everyone I knew and loved.

  My head was running in a million different directions, and who knew if I’d even get this position. Or any other.

  But I did know where my heart was at, and it had a lot of apologizing to do.

  29

  Lily

  I’m a stupid, stupid woman.

  Who almost slipped up and told the man who didn’t even want to take her out in public that she was in love with him.

  That she had been in love with him since the day she’d laid eyes on him, and it had stayed that way for the ten years he’d abandoned her.

  I beat myself up for a week about what happened in the library. And the worst part is, I think about it all day at work because that’s where the ultimatum happened. The library is my safe haven, the place I go to escape all the stress in my life. But the past week, all I think about when I look around my domain is Bowen, pushing me up against the stacks and kissing the rational thought out of me.

  Having had the Mondayest Monday in the history of Mondays, I decide that I’ve earned a nice, long soak in the bath with a glass of wine as I pull into my driveway.

  Grabbing the mail out of the box next to my doorbell, I twist the key in the lock and my shoulders sag as I walk into the space where I can be fully alone.

  That’s when the scene in front of me hits my eyes.

  Lilies. Hundreds of them, covering my first floor. On every surface, littering my couches, petals sprinkled on the floor.

  My home smells like a greenhouse, one of those big, beautiful glass domes that contain every flower known to man. Every single color pops in my vision, and I want to cry it’s so pretty. Beautiful, is the word I’m looking for … there is something so beautiful about a fresh, blossomed flower. Something that strikes a deep chord inside a person, especially me. Rationally, I know that flowers are a plant and they’re put on earth to perpetuate the life cycle and eco-system. But to me? They’re here to bring the simplest form of joy … to brighten your day.

  I told Bowen as much the first time he bought a corsage for me. It had been full of purple and white lilies and fastened with a pearl bracelet.

  That’s how I know that this gesture is from him. That this is his apology.

  It’s how I know he’s feeling just as disconnected and awful as I am about not seeing each other for the past week.

  Walking through the first floor, I marvel at all the gorgeous blooms.

  “How …?” I trail off, asking no one in particular how the heck he pulled this off.

  It’s at this exact moment that my doorbell rings.

  Running through the hall, I skid to a stop in front of the door and wrench it open.

  I know I probably have a silly smile on my face, and my cheeks are pink from blushing and running. And that I should be more stern with Bowen in this moment, make him work for it.

  But I just can’t. Not with all these lilies around me.

  “I’m sorry.” Bowen stands in my doorway in dark black jeans and a black leather jacket.

  And in his outstretched hand, he holds one beautiful, full-blossomed, purple lily.

  It takes every ounce of strength in me not to fling myself at him and sob tears of joy like a hysterical damsel. Instead, I stand there, open-mouthed, unable to form words.

  “I should have never said those things to you. I should have never treated you that way. You were right, you shouldn’t have to settle for the attention of a man who is half in. You are the ultimate catch, Lily, and I’ve always known that. It just took a sharp slap to the brain to make me remember it. And I don’t want to catch you, I want you to pick me. I want to be the man worthy enough of you … and after our history, part of me was afraid to be that man. But I’m not anymore. I’m in love with you, Lily.”

  My brain short circuits. Did he just say he loves me? “What?”

  “I love you. I’ve loved you since the minute I saw you. Hell, probably even before then. I love you so deeply, that when I’m not with you, my bones ache. I’ve been dead inside for the last ten years, and the only thing that’s kept me going are the glimpses I catch of you. I am in love with you. I’m in this. Completely.”

  Now I do jump into his arms and surrender to the hysterics. Just like a damsel.

  Bowen catches me, our lips meeting at the exact moment our bodies collide. I can taste the salt of my tears as I kiss him, and I’m blubbering as we make up.

  “I’ll tell anyone you want me to that I love you. I’ll run into Kip’s during the breakfast rush and shout it out loud.” Bowen sets me down, backing me into my foyer.

  I chuckle against his mouth. “I think that might be overkill. I’d settle for the lunch rush, though.”

  “Deal,” he murmurs, tucking the single lily behind my ear.

  Collecting myself, as much as a woman assaulted with so much love can, I stare up at him dreamily. “How did you even get all these into my place?”

  Bowen winks. “A magician never reveals his secrets.”

  “Presley gave you her key, didn’t she?”

  He shrugs. “She may have.”

  We both laugh. I can’t stop staring at him, at how rugged and handsome he looks in the middle of all these pretty flowers.

  “I love you, too, you know.” The minute the words leave my lips, a weight lifts off my heart. “I’ve been waiting a long time to tell you that, again.”

  Bowen takes my face between his hands, those turquoise eyes searing into mine. “Never stop saying it, ever again.”

  “So, I know I said I wanted you to take me out, and not just come over late … but now that we’re here …”

  It could be his all-black attire that’s making me feel like the wild teen he once turned me into. It could be the dozens and dozens of flowers blossoming on my first floor. Or it could just be that Bowen Nash has the magnetism of ever
y species in the animal kingdom, he’s that drop-dead hunky.

  Because right now, I really want him in my bed, naked.

  “Oh, you didn’t think this apology came with makeup sex, did you?” Bowen smirks. “Because I was just going to kiss you good night and go home.”

  “Were you?” My fingers work to unzip the back of my dress, the sound echoing off the wall and causing heat to pool in Bowen’s eyes.

  He licks his lips. “Yeah, okay, you convinced me. Make-up sex sounds like the best way to seal this deal.”

  A breathy laugh escapes my lips as he lunges for me, hauling me up and over his shoulder to go in search of my bedroom.

  While Bowen’s apology and the make-up sex we were about to bring the house down with are sincere, there is still that niggling feeling of doubt in the back of my mind. I try to push it away, lock it up for another time, but it’s still there, itching at me like a newly healed scab.

  He still hasn’t explained his ten-year distance. I know that, eventually, we’ll have to talk about it. That just like not settling for the booty call label, I also won’t settle for his excuse of not being able to tell me. I won’t be able to settle for not knowing the entire truth.

  But tonight, I’m letting myself be carried away, literally. By Bowen, by the flowers, by the declaration of love. Because I deserve it. We deserve it.

  It’s been too long since the purest form of love existed in my life, and I’m taking it at face value tonight.

  30

  Bowen

  Main Street is aglow with the flicker of its real gas street lamps as the first cool night of fall has Lily shivering in her sweater.

  “I should have brought a real coat. But I wanted to keep denying it was really moving into the winter months.”

  I shrug out of my leather jacket and wrap it around her shoulders. “That’s the kind of thinking that will help you catch pneumonia.”