by Vi Keeland
“It doesn’t anymore?”
Graham squeezed my hand. “My priorities have changed.”
“If you were to buy a summer home now, where would it be?”
He responded immediately. “Brooklyn.”
I chuckled. “You’d summer in Brooklyn?”
“I’d summer inside of you. It doesn’t matter where I am anymore.”
CHAPTER 26
SORAYA
WEDNESDAY NIGHT, GRAHAM HAD DINNER at Genevieve’s with Chloe. I found it difficult to sit home and keep my mind off of picturing what the three of them looked like together at the dining room table sharing a meal. So rather than go straight home, I stopped by Tig and Delia’s tattoo shop, and we pigged out on sushi and sake. By nine-thirty when it was time to close up, I was sufficiently full and buzzed enough that I was finally ready to go home.
Stripping out of my work clothes, I plugged in my phone and slipped into bed. Just as I closed my eyes, the bell sounded. Since he hadn’t texted all evening, I had a feeling Graham might stop by. I went to the door and pressed the button to buzz him in, then slipped the latch from the top lock open and waited to hear footsteps at the door.
I opened it, smiling, just as his knuckles lightly rapped on the door.
Seeing the man on the other side made my smile immediately fall.
“Dad? What are you doing here?”
He took off his hat and crossed it over his chest. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.”
This morning, I’d asked God for a sign as to how I should handle my relationship with Graham. It made me wonder if He sent Frank Venedetta as some sort of twisted messenger.
I walked over to the kitchen cabinet. “Can I get you something to drink?” On edge, I accidentally let the wooden door slam shut after I got myself a glass.
My father took a seat at the table. “Water will be fine.”
The smell of Old Spice filling my kitchen brought me straight back to my childhood.
“I think I’m going to need something stronger,” I said, opening a bottle of merlot.
“Okay, then, in that case, I’ll have what you’re having.”
“Wine, it is.” I poured two glasses and handed one to him.
He smiled. “This is nice. Never thought I’d be enjoying a glass of vino with my daughter tonight.”
I cut to the chase. “What brings you here, Dad?”
He took a sip then let out a long, slow breath. His expression turned serious. “I’ve been thinking about coming to see you for a while but kept putting it off because I didn’t want to upset you.”
“So, why tonight?”
“It just felt like it was time.”
“Say what you came to say.”
“The day you visited me, you asked me a direct question that I didn’t really know how to answer. You wanted to know whether I would have stayed with your mother had Theresa not loved me back or if perhaps I’d never met her. I wasn’t prepared for that question at the time.”
“You figured out the answer?”
“I’ve thought about it a lot these past several days. The bottom line is, if Theresa hadn’t come along, I do believe there is a very good chance your mother and I would still be married today. It’s hard for me to admit that because I don’t want you to blame Theresa for my actions and personal choices.”
“But you also told me that day that you don’t regret the choices you’ve made, which means you don’t regret hurting us. That’s really hard to accept.”
“No. That’s not what I meant. I love you and do regret hurting you, but I don’t regret falling in love with Theresa.”
“How could you claim to have loved us when you left like you did?”
My father rested his head between his hands before saying, “It’s not that simple. There are different kinds of love, Soraya.”
“The love for your children should come first.”
He closed his eyes as if my words stung then paused before speaking again. “Sometimes life throws you a curveball, something you never saw coming. We have to make decisions about whether we want to be true to ourselves or honorable to those we love. If I’d never met Theresa, I probably would have been perfectly happy with your mother because I wouldn’t have known the difference. But because I did meet her and developed a strong connection to her, I knew what I’d be missing if I let that go. There was no going back.”
“And what exactly did Theresa have that Ma didn’t? Was it purely sexual?”
“Not at all. It’s hard to explain. It’s just a level of chemistry, Soraya, a kind of magnetic attraction between two people that I hadn’t felt with your mother or with anyone before. I could have ignored it. I chose not to. It was selfish. I’m not denying that.”
“But you don’t regret it.”
“There isn’t a single yes or no answer to that question. I regret that you and your sister were hurt by my actions, but I don’t regret following my heart. There would have been regret either way. I chose the selfish route, the one that hurt you the most, and for that, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know that I could do the same thing if I were in your shoes.”
“Then you’re a better person than me, sweetheart.”
“You just told me that you would still be with my mother today if you hadn’t made a selfish choice. Your children would have avoided years of self-doubt. As an example, I wouldn’t have the trust issues I have with men today. My mother wouldn’t have been nearly hospitalized for depression. You might not have been the most satisfied if you’d stayed, but your family would have been better off.” Tears were starting to saturate my eyes. “So, basically, we suffered the consequences of your actions.”
“And for that, I’m truly sorry, Soraya. That’s what I really came here to say more than anything.”
I just kept nodding silently, trying to process it all. “I don’t know that I’m ready to accept your apology, but I do appreciate it and am glad you came by. I’ve learned a lot from this conversation. I’ve needed guidance lately.”
“Does this have to do with that wealthy man you’re seeing? He gave me quite the dirty look the day he picked you up from my street. He must really care for you. We apparently have a lot in common. Because whether you know it or not, I do love you very much.”
“You know what? You and Graham do have a lot in common, more than you probably realize.” I sniffled.
He’s you, and I’m Theresa now.
Chloe is who I once was.
Before leaving to head home, my father stayed for a second glass of wine. I also put out some that I’d picked up during a trip that Graham and I took to Little Italy.
Things were by no means fixed between Dad and me, but we agreed to keep in touch. At least one relationship with a man in my life was heading in the right direction. Unfortunately, Dad’s visit only left me more tormented about Graham.
***
THE SIGNS WERE EVERYWHERE that night.
Graham had called me to say that Chloe had a high fever and bad ear infection. She apparently couldn’t sleep and asked him to stay and read to her to take her mind off of it. I told him to take care of his little girl and that we would get together tomorrow.
In the meantime, I happened to go online and noticed that Ida had submitted her responses that were to be published in tomorrow’s paper. One of them was the answer to my email. Before reading it, I took my wine glass out of the sink and poured the remainder of the bottle. I took a deep breath to prepare myself.
Dear Theresa,
As much as you appear to be enamored with this man, I think you already know the right answer to your dilemma. All bets are off when there is a child involved.
While you indicate that his ex was the cause for the demise of their relationship, she has apparently come to the conclusion that she made a mistake, one that she wants to rectify for the sake of their child. The fact that the choice to end their relationship wasn’t directly his (but only a result of her straying) leads m
e to believe that he could still harbor feelings for her. You indicated that they are quite compatible which is, even more, troubling. It sounds to me like this could turn into a messy situation for you as time passes.
You also mentioned that you don’t want to hurt him. Perhaps, if he felt that you wronged him in some way, he would be more likely to get over you quickly. You could, for example, give him the impression that there is someone else in the picture.
Do the right thing and find a man without baggage. Give this one back to his family. When it comes to getting involved with men who have children, I have a motto: smart over heart.
My stomach was in knots. While Ida just helped solidify the conclusion I was starting to draw on my own, it was still hard to absorb the harshness of that reply. I knew that walking away was the right thing to do, but how do you walk away from the best thing that ever happened to you?
She had a point too: there was no way Graham would let me go easily unless he thought I’d betrayed him. Cheating was the one thing he would never tolerate. The thought of deceiving him like that was so painful that it made my skin crawl. I honestly couldn’t see another solution, though. There was certainly no way I could look him in the eyes and tell him I didn’t love him. I had to get him to break up with me out of anger, and there was only one way to do that.
Was I insane for considering pretending to cheat just so he’d leave me? Or was it an honorable and selfless move for the sake of a child’s well-being? I almost couldn’t believe what I was pondering.
After tossing and turning the entire night, I came to a decision and devised a reluctant game plan. Tomorrow, I would give myself one last night with him, enjoy him, let myself love him one last time. Then, I would begin the process of distancing myself until I could figure out how to make it appear that there was someone else. I reminded myself that while I couldn’t go back and change my own childhood, I had the power to change Chloe’s.
This was going to hurt like hell. I couldn’t do it alone. There was only one person I knew who wouldn’t try to talk me out of it.
I picked up my phone and sent a text to Tig.
I need your help.
CHAPTER 27
GRAHAM
THIS PARENTING THING wasn’t for sissies.
Even though Chloe didn’t know I was really her father, I treated her no differently than if she did. I made sure she got to see me almost every day and made her a top priority.
Last night was particularly rough because I’d never dealt with a sick child before. Genevieve thought it would be a good idea if I took the lead in caring for Chloe. If my daughter was going to be spending time at my place eventually, I needed to know how to take care of her in sickness and in health.
Chloe mainly just wanted me to hold her and read to her. The poor thing had pus coming out of her ears and was burning up. I felt helpless because there was nothing I could do to really make her feel better aside from just being there. She was growing more attached to me every day. It proved that despite the distance between us over the years, there was such a thing as an innate connection between a father and child.
Thank God Soraya was being so understanding about all of it. I missed her like crazy. I was starting to have serious withdrawals. As much as I loved spending time with my daughter, I needed to see my girlfriend tonight. I needed to feel her pussy wrapped around my cock. I needed to fist a handful of that sexy raven hair. I needed to hear that sound she made when she came with me inside of her. Shit…I needed to tell her once and for all how much I loved her.
Luck was on my side because Chloe was feeling a bit better. The antibiotics were starting to kick in. After having an early dinner with her, I headed straight to Soraya’s. I was going to have the car pick her up and take her to my place, but she said she preferred I come to her. I’d joked that I’d be happy to come anywhere she wanted tonight.
When she opened the door, I immediately buried my face in her neck, breathing in her vanilla perfume. That smell practically got me high.
“Fuck. I’ve missed you,” I said against her skin. “How did you get even more gorgeous?”
It was a relief to see that the tips of her hair were still blue. A tight, matching royal blue dress hugged her heaving chest. As much as I wanted to rip that dress down and suck on her nipples hard, I’d equally just really missed her smile, her laugh, her snarky attitude. Even though we hadn’t been apart for very long, being immersed in fatherhood felt like I’d been a world away from the other important part of my life. I loved my daughter, but my home was with Soraya.
Lowering my hand down her back, I asked, “You hungry?”
“No. You mentioned you had dinner with Chloe, so I just grazed on stuff.”
It seemed like something was bothering her. “Something on your mind?”
She hesitated. “No.”
“What did you want to do tonight? We could go get a drink, see a movie, whatever you want.”
“Can we just stay here?”
“You know I’ll never complain about getting you all to myself.”
“How’s Chloe doing tonight?”
“She’s much better. The doctor put her on penicillin, and the ear pain’s gone down significantly.”
“I’m so glad to hear that.”
My eyes wandered over to the sink. I noticed that there were two dirty wine glasses. A rush of adrenaline hit me.
Two glasses? Who the fuck was here?
“Did you have company?”
Her face turned flush. “Um…actually, my father came by.”
While relieved for the explanation, it bothered me that she hadn’t told me. “Really…”
“Yeah. He showed up here unannounced last night.”
My heart sank, because I knew under normal circumstances, she would have come to me about this. Seeing him couldn’t have been easy for her. Even though I knew the answer, I asked her anyway. “Why didn’t you say anything to me about this?”
“You were with Chloe. I didn’t want to bother you. Anyway, it was fine. We just talked. It wasn’t as bad as I imagined it might be to see him after the way I left his house that day.”
“What did he say to you?”
“You know what? I don’t want to waste this night rehashing all of that. My father and I…we’re actually fine. It was an okay visit.”
“You sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
“I’m positive.”
“Okay.” I pulled her into me and planted my forehead on hers. “You know what I was thinking? Maybe we should go to Italy for our vacation. I want to kiss the ground of the land that brought me you. I’ve never been there. We could visit the Amalfi Coast. What do you think?”
“I’m sure Italy is beautiful.”
“You didn’t answer my question.” I pulled back to examine her face. “You don’t seem as excited as I thought you’d be. We don’t have to go there. We can go somewhere else.”
She placed both of her hands around my face and said, “You’re amazing. I’d be lucky to go anywhere with you.” Yet she wasn’t smiling when she said it.
What the fuck?
“Are you alright? You seem down. Are you sure your father didn’t upset you?”
“I’m okay.”
“I don’t believe you.”
She stayed silent, and it was starting to seriously alarm me.
I brushed the back of my hand along her cheek. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I know that the stuff with Genevieve and Chloe hasn’t been easy for you. I need you to talk to me when things are bothering you, not keep them inside. There’s nothing we can’t work through as long as you don’t keep things from me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. My mood is just off tonight. Can we just go lie down?”
I examined her face before responding, “Sure.”
Despite her explanation, an ominous cloud seemed to follow us as we headed into her bedroom. I whipped my tie off. As I unbuttoned my shirt, Soraya was just sitting on t
he bed, watching me. I loved the fact that she was so enthralled with my undressing, but to be honest, it was a little odd and uncharacteristic for her to just be staring at me like that. She was definitely not acting herself tonight.
Throwing my shirt on the chair, I said, “You don’t want to talk, then I’m gonna have to find another way to make you feel better.”
She stood up and walked over to me then slowly traced her index finger around the tattoo of her name over my heart. “The fact that you did this means so much to me. I don’t think I ever really expressed that enough.”
“You mean so much to me. You brought me back to life, Soraya. This was the least I could do to express how I feel. It represents how you’re always with me, even when we can’t physically be together because of work or Chloe. Ultimately, knowing you’re there for me and that you have my back is what’s getting me through.”
She continued to stare at my ink when she asked, “Will you make love to me?”
“Was there ever a question about whether that would be happening right now?”
“No, but I want take it slow tonight. Savor it.”
“I can do slow.”
Sex couldn’t solve everything, but I was sure as hell going to try to fuck her out of this funk she was in. I was going to show her with my body exactly how much I loved her, that there was nothing we couldn’t get through as long as we stuck together both literally and figuratively.
She reached up and started to kiss me passionately in a way that almost felt desperate. As we collapsed onto the bed, her grip around my neck was tight as she pulled me to her, spreading her legs open wide.
“Please,” she begged.
Seeing her bare and spread eagle like that, I immediately had to remind myself of her request to take it slow, because in that moment, I just wanted to ravage her pussy.
As I entered her, she let out the most beautiful gasp into my ear. Moving in and out with a slow and hard intensity, I realized that there was definitely a difference between pure, unbridled fucking and making mad, passionate love. You had to be truly in love with someone to achieve the latter. And I was definitely in love with Soraya in a way that I had never been with anyone before. It was time to let her know.