by Vi Keeland
“No, but…”
“We’re compatible, and I’m the mother of his child. If you were to disappear, after a few weeks, I’d be back sucking him off under his desk, and he would forget you even existed.”
I flinched. Being in a highly emotional state, the visual of her under Graham’s desk was as if I was struck with a physical blow. She smiled like a wolf that’d just found a lame sheep. Then went in for the kill. “We’ve fucked right there on that couch you’re sitting on. This was, after all, his office. It’s the only room I didn’t redecorate after things ended. It reminded me of him.” She shrugged and finished the remnants of her glass.
“If you think that Graham would come back to you, after what you did to him, you never really knew him very well.”
“Tell me, Soraya. Who is the one woman in Graham’s life he values more than anyone?”
“His grandmother.”
“And he still mourns the loss of his mother after more than ten years. Can you honestly tell me that family doesn’t mean everything to that man?” She stood. “He’ll get over you. He won’t get over not waking up in the same house as his daughter every day.”
CHAPTER 24
GRAHAM
“ARE YOU FEELING OKAY?” I’d gotten stuck talking shop with Bret Allandale for three-quarters of an hour. Finding Soraya in the yard looking out at the sunset over the water, I wrapped my hands around her waist and stood behind her.
“I’m good.”
Without thinking, my fingers stroked her flat stomach. There were people milling around the yard, so I lowered my voices. “The thought that my child could possibly be growing inside of you, inside this beautiful body, is absolutely incredible.”
“Graham…”
“I know. You don’t think you’re ready. But I think you will be an amazing mother. How pissed would you be if I admitted a part of me hopes you are pregnant? That way you’ll have no choice but to put up with me.” I pulled her hair to the side and kissed her neck.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“If I were pregnant, you’d want to raise the child together?”
“Of course, why would you even ask that?”
“I don’t know. I’m just tired and emotional, I guess. It’s been a long day.”
“Well, then, let’s get you out of here soon. You should probably be off of your feet anyway.”
After the sun fully set, I decided it was time to make our exit. I’d caught Chloe yawning twice, and it didn’t look like she was going to make it much longer either. She was sitting at a kiddie-sized table with another little girl molding something out of hot pink Play-Doh. I pulled a tiny chair out for Soraya with a wink, and we both sat.
“What are you building?”
“A snowman.”
“A pink snowman?”
She stopped kneading the clay and looked at me like I had just said something ridiculous. “It’s a girl snowman.”
“Did you enjoy your party, Chloe?” Soraya asked.
“I did. But it’s not over. My birthday lasts for the entire weekend.”
Soraya chuckled. “It does, does it?”
Chloe nodded fast. “Tomorrow morning, when we wake up, we’re going to have chocolate chip pancakes and strawberry milk.”
“I’m sorry we’re going to miss that. That sounds delicious,” I said.
“Why would you miss it? Do you sleep late?”
“Actually, I don’t. But we’re not staying here tonight, sweetheart.”
“You don’t want to have breakfast with me?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Who’s going to put together the rest of my toys in the morning? Mommy said you would put together my car and my dream house.”
“She did, did she?”
“Pleeeeeeease.”
I looked at Soraya, unsure of how to say no to my daughter. I had limited encounters with children, and the thought of disappointing her when I’d only just met her was not something I was ready to do. Soraya covered my hand with hers and squeezed.
“How about this, Chloe? Graham and I can come back early tomorrow and have breakfast. Then he can put together your presents.”
“Really?”
Soraya gave me a reassuring nod before I turned back to Chloe with a smile. “Really, sweetheart.”
We did a quick round of goodbyes, and then Genevieve walked us to the door. “Chloe is very excited you’re coming back in the morning. It’s too bad you won’t be staying overnight. There’s plenty of room.” She seemed to turn her attention to Soraya. “I know she would love waking up to having her father under the same roof, even though she might not know who you are to her yet.”
“What time is breakfast?”
“Avery is driving out from the city in the morning to join us. She’ll be here by nine. So why don’t we say nine-thirty?”
“That’s fine. We’ll see you in the morning.”
“I’m looking forward to it, Graham.” Genevieve put her hand on my arm and lowered her voice. “Chloe is lucky to have you. I know I made some big mistakes, but I hope for her sake we can move past them. I’d really like for Chloe to know her father…have a real family.”
***
SORAYA WAS UNUSUALLY QUIET during the short ride to Harbor House Bed and Breakfast even after checking in. Once we climbed into bed, I pulled her close and tried to coax her into talking about what was going on inside that beautiful head of hers. “Talk to me. You’re not yourself tonight.” Her head rested on my chest right over my heart, and I stroked her silky hair in the dark.
The list of shit that could be bothering her was endless these days. We were spending the weekend visiting a home that I used to own and a daughter who I just met…while my possibly pregnant girlfriend was slighted at every opportunity by my ex. Why was I even fucking asking what was wrong? It would be simpler to ask what was right. Although that answer was easy for me. She was right. Even with all the chaos swarming around, I didn’t remember a time in my life when anything felt so right to me. We were right.
“I’m just tired.”
“So it has nothing to do with spending time with my fucking bitch of an ex or having newly discovered I have a four-year-old daughter or the possibility you could be pregnant. Am I missing anything?”
She chuckled quietly and then sighed. “You’re missing breakfast with Avery. That ought to be a blast.”
“Ah. Yes. Nothing like a double bitch fest for breakfast.”
Soraya went quiet again after that. I hated to go to sleep without the air clear, but it had been a long day, and she needed her rest. After about ten minutes, her breathing became slow and steady, and I knew she had fallen asleep. Staring into the dark while I held her tight in my arms, I realized we didn’t really need to rehash the day. Sometimes the words that are left unspoken are the ones that most needed to be said.
“I love you, Soraya,” I whispered to my sleeping beauty. “I fucking love you.”
***
“WHAT TIME IS IT?” SHE STRETCHED her arms over her head, and the sheet that was covering her body slipped down revealing her nipples protruding through her white ribbed tank top. I had been quietly sitting at the desk on the other side of the room working since five but stalked to the bed unable to resist putting my lips on some of that exposed skin.
I lowered the sheet more and pushed up her tank top, dropping a line of kisses on her stomach. “It’s almost eight-thirty. You were really out.” Venturing higher, I licked the underswell of one of her breasts.
“Mmmm…” The sound she made shot straight to my dick. “What time is breakfast again?”
“I’m about to have my morning meal right now.” Lifting her tank fully over her breasts, I sucked in a nipple. Hard. Her fingers threaded through my hair.
“Graham…”
“Hmmm…” I moved to the other nipple and swirled my tongue, looking up at her. “What can I do for you, gorgeous? Would you prefer I eat you, or we pl
ay hide and seek with my cock?”
Her eyes fluttered closed as I bit down on her nipple. When a throaty moan fell from her lips, I thought I might have a teenage boy moment. Get ahold of yourself, Graham.
Crawling further up her body, I spoke with my lips against her mouth. “What’s it going to be? Part of me needs to be inside of you now, Soraya. Decide if it’s my tongue or my dick.” I kissed my way from her mouth to her ear and back again before concluding if she wasn’t going to respond, I would just start below the waist and work my way up until I was done. Making my decision, I pulled my head back to tell her and what I found was a kick in the gut. Tears were rolling down her face.
“Soraya? What the…”
“I got my period.”
“Oh, sweetheart…” Closing my eyes, I leaned my forehead against hers.
“It’s okay. I…I…really didn’t want to be pregnant anyway.” She wiped her cheeks. “I just got caught up in the moment of it all. Seeing you with your daughter, realizing what a good father you are going to be, I guess I just wanted to be part of that.”
“There’s nothing I would like more. It may not be today or tomorrow. But we’re going to have that someday.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“When it comes to you, I have no doubts.”
“God, Graham. Why does it hurt so much? I feel like I’ve lost something even though I never had it to lose.” She cried for a long time while I held her. Once the floodgates opened, everything came pouring out. The ache in my chest seeing her distraught was almost more than I could bear. I had to choke back my own tears more than once. When she finally calmed, I wanted so much to tell her I loved her, but I was afraid she would think I only said it because she was upset.
“Why don’t you stay here, and I’ll swing by to have breakfast with Chloe and then come back. The last thing you need is Genevieve right now.”
“But I want to say goodbye to Chloe.”
“Well, then how about this? It’s only a few miles to the house. I’ll take a cab over this morning and have breakfast, so you can spend a few hours in bed. Then when you’re feeling up to it, you can come by and get me, and say goodbye to Chloe.”
She nodded. “I’d like that. I don’t think I can handle Avery and Genevieve for too long.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.” I tilted her chin to force her eyes back to mine. “We’re going to get through all of this. I promise. Okay?”
I had no idea at the time, but some promises just couldn’t be kept.
CHAPTER 25
SORAYA
THE HOTEL ROOM WAS TOO QUIET after Graham left. Alone with my thoughts, I picked up the phone and put it down, at least a dozen times. Who would I even call? There was no one I could really count on for an unbiased opinion. My situation was too close to home for my mom or my sister. There was always Delia. But she’d been with Tig since she was fourteen and truly believed in fairytale endings. Her reality didn’t involve a small child, a cunning ex, or growing up with a father who forgot her and a mother who was too sad to leave the house for years.
Faced with slim pickens for genuine guidance on my situation, I did something I never thought I would do—I fired up my laptop.
Dear Ida,
I’ve been dating a man for almost two months who I’ve fallen deeply in love with. A few weeks ago, he found out he has a child with his ex-girlfriend. It’s a sordid tale, but essentially she cheated on him, lied about who the father was, and kept him from knowing his child for years.
Or course, his ex is beautiful, smart, and they share a passion for the business they both work in. In most areas, the two of them are way more compatible than we are together. To make matters worse, she’s made it clear to me that she wants him back.
The problem is, he really cares about me, and I also don’t want to hurt him.
I really need an unbiased opinion here. Should I bow out gracefully and let him have an opportunity to rekindle his relationship with his ex, so that they can be a real family? I love him enough to make that sacrifice.
-Theresa, Brooklyn
Writing the letter had an unexpected cathartic effect on me. I wasn’t expecting Ida to give me any pearls of wisdom. More often than not, her advice was utter crap. But the act of writing the letter seemed to help me put all of my feelings into perspective. It also helped me realize, until the day came where I made a decision to actually bow out, Genevieve wasn’t going to screw with my head anymore.
The drive over to the bitch’s compound, I blasted the music and sang along at the top of my lungs. In the moment, I completely understood why athletes always seemed to have headphones on before an event. They needed to be pumped up to avoid allowing their doubts and fears taking over.
Pulling into the long driveway, I parked and stared at the stately home. It was beautiful out in the Hamptons, but my ass definitely belonged in Brooklyn. Exiting Graham’s car, the front door opened, and a woman walked out. She took one look at me, and an evil smile slowly spread across her flawless face.
“Samira. How lovely of you to come.”
I plastered my best fake smile on to match hers. “Ainsley. So splendid to see you.”
Avery looked amused. She lit a cigarette, which surprised the shit out of me. “What’s it been seven, eight weeks? I’m shocked. Graham usually takes the trash out each Tuesday.”
“You know what they say: one person’s trash is another man’s treasure.”
She sucked a long puff of smoke into her lungs and then proceeded to blow out a half dozen perfect O smoke rings. I hadn’t seen anyone do that since my Uncle Guido quit smoking his filterless Lucky Strikes back in the nineties.
“You know, smoking gives you cancer.” I leaned in and whispered. “And wrinkles.”
After two more puffs, she ditched the cigarette out in an oversized planter. “Eventually, he’ll bore of you and come to his senses. A good blowjob, or whatever service you provide that is keeping him slumming these days, will eventually even get old.”
“I’d ask your husband if that was true, but I’m guessing by the stick that’s stuck so far up your ass, that the poor man hasn’t had good head in a lot of years.”
Inside, the house was quiet except for the clickity clack of Avery’s heels. “Where is everyone?”
She poured herself a cup of coffee. Of course, she didn’t offer one for the guest. Looking at me over her mug with a sly grin she said, “You mean the happy family?”
“I mean Graham and Chloe.”
“Mom and Dad and their beautiful offspring are down at the beach, taking their daughter for the inaugural swim of the season.”
“That’s nice.”
“When Graham and Genevieve bought this house, they used to fuck like rabbits in the ocean. Come to think of it, their daughter may have even been conceived there.”
This bitch was truly a piece of work. I forced out yet another that’s nice doing my best to pretend she wasn’t getting to me. But the truth was, I couldn’t help but get jealous at the thought of Graham and Genevieve. Obviously, they’d had a sexual relationship. I just didn’t need to visualize what that looked like.
I walked to the wall of sliding glass doors that lead to the yard and further down, the beach below. A hundred yards off in the distance was Graham and Genevieve. They were both in the middle of undressing and Chloe was jumping up and down excitedly between them. It was excruciatingly painful to see the man who I was in love with frolicking on the beach with another woman.
When they were both stripped down to just suits and skin, I watched in what seemed like slow motion as Chloe took the hand of each of her parents and the three of them ran for the surf hand in hand. A modern day Norman Rockwell featuring Barbie and Ken. The visual made my chest have a crushing sensation.
Avery walked up close behind me, watching over my shoulder. “What a happy family they could be. Look at the smile on Graham’s face.”
Graham was smiling. He was laughing and splashing in
the water with both Chloe and Genevieve. He truly looked content.
Avery sipped her coffee. “Homewrecker.”
I slid the glass door open and stepped outside. When I turned around to slide the door closed, Avery was smiling victoriously. She didn’t budge when I slammed it closed in front of her face.
***
ON THE RIDE HOME, Graham held my hand as he drove. “How are you feeling?”
“Better.”
“Thank you for coming with me. I know it wasn’t easy for you.”
“I’m glad you got to spend time with your daughter. She’s an amazing little girl.”
Graham lit up. “She is, isn’t she?”
“Have you and Genevieve spoken about your plans to tell her that you’re her father?”
“Genevieve thinks it’s best not to say anything quite so soon. She thinks we should continue to spend time together so that when we finally do tell her, she’s already comfortable with me. She suggested I come for dinner again this week.”
Of course she did. “That’s probably a good idea.”
Our conversation had never been so stilted. I was pretty sure we both felt it, yet neither one of us knew how to fix it. Although Graham kept trying. “So what did you think of the Hamptons?”
“You want me to be honest?”
“Of course.”
“I think the landscape is beautiful. The ocean, the homes, all the boats down at the marina. But it’s not someplace I could ever imagine myself wanting to spend my summers. The people just seem so…homogenous.”
“That’s a good way to put it. It’s never been my favorite place either. Actually, it’s very different in the off-season. I always preferred to come out in October or November. There’s still a lot of farmers and fisherman who live out there. The town is very different when it’s just locals.”
“If it’s not your favorite place, why would you buy that house?”
“Genevieve wanted it. And if we’re being honest, at the time, the status symbol of having a home in the Hamptons seemed important.”