by Staci Haines
secrecy
self-,
acknowledgment;
blame ;
care;
denial;
destruction;
empowered;
esteem;
forgiveness;
hate;
help groups;
knowledge;
loving, see masturbation;
permission;
pleasuring date;
referential;
respect
Selfloving
Semans, Anne
semen
seminal vesicle
sensation
sensory play, see S/M
serial monogamy
Sex
sex,
addiction;
consensual;
different from abuse;
education ;
nonconsensual;
and S/M;
taking a break;
talking about;
unwanted;
with partners
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)
sex basics checklist
sex education manuals
Sex Guide Exercises
sex-negativity
sex-positivity
sex toys;
anal;
cleaning;
and condoms;
flanged;
and masturbation;
S/M
sex toy stores
sexual aversion
sexual compulsion
sexual dysfunction
sexual empowerment
sexual energy
Sexual Expression Permission Slip
sexual healing;
process of;
vision of
sexual response cycle,
sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
Sexuality Library
shame
Sheiner, Marcy
sigmoid colon
sleep
Sluts and Goddesses Video Workshop
S/M
and healing;
and safety;
toys;
and triggers;
and violence
solitude
soma
Somatic Experiencing
somatics
somatic practices, see embodiment practices
sourcing
spanking
sperm
sphincter muscles
spirituality
sports
Sprinkle, Annie
steam power massager
Stormy Leather
Sunbeam
support
surrender
survival strategies
survivor’s guilt
T
taboo
Tamalpa Institute
tantra
Taormino, Tristan
Tara Mandala Retreat Center
tension
testes
testicles
testosterone
therapy
Tibetan meditation
top
Topping Book, The
torture
transgendered
transsexual
transvestite
trauma ;
and inability to orgasm
Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath Of
Violence-From Domestic Abuse To Political
Terror
traumatic amnesia
Trigger Plan
triggers;
avoiding;
and communication;
and cunnilingus;
defined;
and dissociation;
embracing;
and fellatio;
and intimacy;
as map to recovery;
and masturbation;
and partner sex;
and penetration;
and S/M;
tools for healing;
tracking;
tribadism
trust;
competency;
congruency;
consistency;
self-;
Twelve-Step programs
U
Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, The
unprotected sex;
and sexual compulsion
urethra,
urethral sponge, see G-spot
urinary tract infection
urine
uterus
V
vagina
vaginal fluids
vaginal infection
vagina/penis intercourse
vaginismus
vanilla
Vaseline
Velcro
vibrators;
attachments;
battery-operated;
and condoms;
coil operated;
electric;
and masturbation;
as medical devices;
motor;
and orgasm;
and penetration;
rechargeable
videos
violence
virgin, defined
virgin/whore complex
vision
Vixen Creations
voyeurism
vulnerability
vulva
W
war veterans
wax
weight issues
Western culture
whipping
Winks, Cathy
Women’s Guide to Sex on the Web, The
women’s sexuality
Y
yeast infection
“Yes,” “No,” “Maybe”
yoga
yoni
About the Author
Staci Haines leads workshops and trainings in sexual healing for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. She is a Lomi somatics practitioner and a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming master practitioner, specializing in work with people who have experienced trauma such as sexual abuse. She is an associate at Rancho Strozzi Institute. Staci Haines is a trained sex educator and a former manager of Good Vibrations, the “clean well-lighted place to buy sex toys.” She is the founder of the Child Sexual Abuse Strategic Action Project, which organizes to end child sexual abuse and advocates for adult survivors of abuse. She lives in San Francisco.
Staci Haines is available for lectures, workshops, and classes. Contact her at 584 Castro Street, PMB 640, San Francisco, CA 94119-2594 or e-mail her at [email protected].
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Acknowledgements
Dedication
illustrations
Introduction
chapter one - Safety, Somatics, and Sexual Healing
The Choice to Heal
Safety and Sexual Healing
What’s Down This Road, Anyway?
Somebody to Lean On: Self-Care and Support
Somatics: Including Your Body in Healing
Safer Sex
Getting Started
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter two - Desire and Pleasure
Discovering Your Pleasure and Desire
Desire Is in Your Body
Your Sexual Self-Education
The Complexity of Desire
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter three - Dissociation
Checking Out
Dissociation and You
The Road Back: Healing Dissociation
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter four - Self-Denial
Survival Is a Powerful Act
Sexual Aversion: Who Needs Sex, Anyway?
Sexual Compulsion: Sex As the Only Way
Healing Self-Denial
The End of Self-Denial
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter five - Sexual Response and Anatomy: Information Is Power
Where Did You Learn That?
So What Is That Thing? A Lesson in Sexual Anatomy
Sex
ual Response Cycle
Gynecological Issues
Your Body
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter six - Masturbation and Self-Healing
Self-Loving
A Bad Rap
Your Keystone to Healing
But I Don’t Want to Masturbate
Five Steps to Great Masturbation
How to Touch Yourself
A Masturbation Date
Sex Toys, Fantasies, and Porn
Compulsive Masturbation
Mutual Masturbation
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter seven - Consent and Boundaries: The “Yes,” “No,” and “Maybe” of Sex
What Is Consent?
Sexual Abuse and Unwanted Sex
Embodied Consent
Informed Consent
Knowing What You Want
Communicating Consent
“Yes,” “No,” and “Maybe” Vignettes
Negotiate Before You Play
Response from Others
Healthy Risks
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter eight - Partner Sex
The Good, the Bad, and…the Pleasurable?
Choosing Sexual Partners
Let’s Talk About Sex
How to Meet Sexual Partners
Flirting and Kissing
Go Out There and Have Fun!
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter nine - Oral Sex
Cunnilingus
The How-to’s of Cunnilingus
Fellatio
The How-to’s of Fellatio
Rimming
The How-to’s of Rimming
Safer Oral Sex
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter ten - Penetration
Vaginal Penetration
The How-to’s of Vaginal Penetration
Anal Penetration
The How-to’s of Anal Penetration
Safer Penetration
Penetration and Triggers
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter eleven - Embracing Triggers
What Is a Trigger?
Map to Recovery
Embracing Triggers: This Way Out
Trigger Plan and Tools
Tell It Like It Is: Communication and Triggers
Safewords
Troubling Desire
Healing Triggers Outside of Partner Sex
Taking a Break from Sex
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter twelve - The Emotions of Healing: You Gotta Feel Your Way Out of This
You Have to Feel It to Heal It
The Five Stages of Emotions
Emotional Centering
Emotional Sourcing
Emotional Healing
Being Witnessed in Your Emotions
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter thirteen - S/M, Role-Playing, and Fantasy
S/M 101: Consent, Power, Sensation
Exploring the Edges
S/M and Survivors
S/M as “Acting Out” Abuse
Vanilla Role-Playing
Fantasy
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter fourteen - Sex Toys and Accoutrements
Vibrators
Dildos and Harnesses
Anal Toys
Lubricants
S/M and Bondage Toys
Toys, Safer Sex, and Cleaning
Erotic Books and Videos
Phone Sex
Cyber Sex
Your Play Toys
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter fifteen - Spiritual Sexuality
Tantra
Yoni Massage
Sacred Masturbation and Ceremony
Learning More
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter sixteen - Intimacy and Self-Forgiveness
Combining Intimacy and Sex: Turning up the Heat
Self-Forgiveness
Self-Trust and Compassion
Do I Deserve Pleasure?
Self-Permission
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter seventeen - Partnering with Survivors of Sexual Abuse
It’s Not Your Fault
No Saviors, No Patients
Take Care of Yourself
Expand Your Sexual Repertoire
You Get to Change, Too
Survivors as Partners
Sex Guide Exercises
chapter eighteen - Your Powerful Sexual Self: Who Are You Becoming?
chapter nineteen - Bibliography and Resources
CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE
RELATIONSHIPS - Books
ADDICTION AND RECOVERY - Recovery Resources, Organizations, and Hotlines
SOMATIC HEALING
SEX-POSITIVE SEX INFORMATION
Index
About the Author