To Hell And Back (The Lily Harper #3)
Page 22
“But when I met you, you were atoning for your wretched past!” I protested before glancing at Bill. I wanted to make sure my voice wasn’t so loud that it woke him up. He needed his sleep as much as I needed mine. When I faced Tallis again, I lowered my tone of voice until it was as soft as his. “You were making amends for all the horrible things you did when I met you. You were doing penance. You were trying to become a better person!”
“Aye,” he answered but then shook his head as if my point wasn’t valid. “Ah thought Ah was repentin,’ boot Ah was only kiddin’ mahself,” he admitted. “Ah knew as mooch as soon as ye came intae mah life.”
“Why would my entrance into your life make you decide you were kidding yourself about repenting for your past?” I demanded. I failed to see how I could have had anything to do with his epiphany.
“The first time Ah saw ye, Ah had tae keep mahself frae takin’ ye,” he seethed at me. “Ah wanted ye frae the verra beginnin’ an’ it joost got harder frae then oan. When Ah made mah agreement wif Alaire, Ah wanted tae stop feelin’ anythin’ fer ye, lass. Ah wanted tae free mahself frae the flame Ah carried fer ye.”
I swallowed hard because the truth was, I’d also wanted him from the first moment I saw him. But my sexual attraction to Tallis didn’t upset or alarm me like his for me obviously did. If anything, his attraction to me was the very thing that spurred him into making such a horrible pact with Alaire. It was almost as if he truly wanted to get rid of me, simply in order to banish his feelings for me. “So … the whole time we were traveling together, through the sewers of the Underground City, you knew in just a short time, Alaire would demand his introduction to me?”
“Aye,” Tallis agreed. “Ah didnae know when, nor how, boot Ah knew Ah was tae bring ye tae Alaire oan that fateful trip.”
I was quiet for a few seconds while trying to get my emotions under control. Anger and deep sadness were tearing my brain and insides apart. It was all I could do to take a deep breath and promise myself I wouldn’t cry—whether the tears came from anger or melancholy. “So when did Alaire realize you didn’t intend to go through with your side of the arrangement?”
“He knew joost afore we arrived at his office.”
“How is that possible?” I asked, shaking my head. “I was with you the whole time before we met him! There was no way you could have told him anything.”
“Ah didnae tell Alaire,” Tallis responded. “Ah told Grashnelle, an’ he told Alaire.”
Grashnelle was the water creature who’d appeared in the sewers while we were retrieving a soul from Cerberus. Grashnelle had served as a messenger for Alaire, also informing us that Alaire wanted to meet me.
Shaking my head more vehemently, I tried to make sense of Tallis’s story but parts of it weren’t adding up. “You forget, I was there the entire time Grashnelle was with us! And I don’t remember you saying anything to him.”
“Aye,” Tallis agreed as he nodded. “Boot if ye recall, Grashnelle could also communicate telepaffically, sae Ah didnae have tae rely oan the spoken word.”
I didn’t answer as I quietly thought about everything Tallis just admitted to me. My head was brimming with too much information that suddenly made me exhausted again, as if all the sleep I’d managed to get over the last couple of days was no more than a mere nap. But, I wasn’t finished with our conversation. There was still way too much that I didn’t understand, and still needed to know.
“When Alaire approached you with his bargain, what did he say to you exactly?” I asked, eyeing him pointedly.
“Lass, why dooze it matter?” Tallis asked me. Then, he shook his head, as if all of this were wasted breath. “All that matters noo is ta git ye home safely, so ye never haftae see meh agin.”
“No, that’s not all that matters!” I railed back, hearing my voice crack. “What matters most to me is knowing the chain of events in sequence, so I can fully understand how you could …” I didn’t finish my sentence because my voice failed me. I was moments away from unleashing a barrage of tears.
“Alaire said he wanted meh tae bring ye tae heem an’ leave ye thaur. ’Twas all he said tae meh.”
“What for?” I demanded, renewed anger starting to churn inside me, although it felt better than wallowing in self-pity. “Why did he want you to leave me with him?”
Tallis cocked his head to the side. He was quiet for a few seconds before he returned his gaze to mine. “Ah dinnae know fer certain, boot Ah imagine he wanted tae steal yer innocence frae ye.”
“You mean, he wanted to rape me?”
Tallis inhaled a long breath as soon as I said the word “rape.” When he exhaled, his attention fell onto the robust fire. “Mayhap,” he answered in a soft whisper.
“Maybe?” I repeated, shaking my head as the conflagration inside of me started to burn out of control. “What else would his purpose have been?”
“’Twould hae bin more than joost takin’ye ‘gainst yer will, lass,” Tallis started. His eyes met mine and were suddenly just as angry as I’m sure mine must have been. “He would hae wanted tae keep ye, tae never lit ye go.”
Just like Hades did to Persephone, I told myself before facing Tallis again. “And you were willing to assist him in doing that?” I asked incredulously before erupting into an acerbic laugh. “And to think that I trusted you! I always thought you had my best interests at heart!” I fell silent as I took the struggle inward and thought about what a total and complete moron I’d been and was.
Tallis swallowed hard and his attention fell onto the fire again. “At the time Ah made the decision wif Alaire, Ah could only see mah oon freedom, ’tis true.”
“You didn’t care about me,” I said in a haunted voice. “You never cared about me.”
“O’ course Ah cared aboot ye,” he started, spearing me with a persuasive gaze again.
I shook my head fiercely as soon as I started to cave. I so wanted to buy into what he was saying but I wouldn’t allow myself. I couldn’t allow myself. “Obviously, not enough.”
He shut his mouth and didn’t say anything more. Instead, he just stared at the fire as if he were becoming mesmerized by it.
“So why couldn’t you go through with it then?” I demanded, my voice now razor sharp. “Since you agreed to leave me to my fate with Alaire, why didn’t you go through with it when you had the chance?”
“Ah couldnae,” he answered, his jaw set tight. He refused to look at me.
“Why not?”
“Two reasons,” he started, but his voice died away.
“What two reasons?”
“Yer sword was one.”
“My sword?” I repeated skeptically. My eyebrows arched up to the sky as the boulder in my stomach continued to roll. I didn’t know why but I’d hoped his response would have been something more personal. I wished it were something more along the lines of how he’d grown closer to me, and therefore, didn’t want to deliver me to a wolf.
“Aye,” he answered. “Ah couldnae leave ye wif Alaire because Ah remembered how, when ye first held yer sword, ye saw Fergus Castle, the one that had bin in mah family fer centuries.”
“So what?”
He shook his head, defeated, as if I didn’t understand the significance of his point. When he looked back at me, his eyes were deep and hollow. “Ye seein’ Fergus Castle, somefin that Ah’ve always cherished, told meh that ye were pure o’ heart, that ye were oontouched by the oogliness that haunts moost men,” he answered. His gaze returned to the fire again. “Knowin’ ye waur sae pure, Ah couldnae turn ye over tae Alaire.”
“But I saw Fergus Castle way before we ever ventured into the Underground City,” I argued, violently shaking my head to let him know his reasoning didn’t make any sense. “So you knew I was pure of heart long before you agreed to bring me to Alaire.”
“Aye,” Tallis confirmed as he nodded sullenly. “Boot Ah thought it wouldnae matter tae meh. Ah made mahself believe that whit mattered most tae meh was riddin’ mahself o’
Donnchadh, an’ endin’ a life Ah wanted nae part o’.”
“So your bargain with Alaire was freedom from Donnchadh?” I inquired, wanting to make sure I fully understood what he was saying. He nodded. “But wouldn’t the release of Donnchadh from your body mean that you would die in the process? Isn’t Donnchadh the only reason you’re immortal?”
“Aye, Ah would’ve died,” he answered simply with a shrug, as if to indicate it was no big deal. “An’ Ah would hae welcomed death.”
I hated thinking of Tallis dead. As soon as the thought occurred to me, I mentally banished it from my mind. But what bothered me even more was how he seemed to welcome his own death. I hated the fact that Tallis wanted, above all else, to lose his life and himself. His self-hatred ran so deep, it had no bounds.
“You said the first reason you couldn’t go through with it was because of your sword,” I started, trying to get back on track. I still couldn’t fully understand why Tallis had made the decision he had. And in order for me to move on and never look back again, I needed to understand it. “What was the second reason?”
Taking a deep breath, Tallis just stared at the fire for a good four seconds. When he looked up at me again, his eyes appeared heavier than before. Still, he didn’t say anything. We just stared at one another as the fire reflected the deep lines of his cheeks and the fullness of his lips.
“The second reason,” he began before biting down on his lip. His eyes narrowed as he dropped his gaze back to the fire. I could see the conflicting emotions behind his mournful eyes and in the tightness of his jaw. He looked up at me again and my breath caught in my throat. I’d never seen Tallis look so completely broken, as if he were stripped bare and helpless. I felt like I could see right through him, and glimpse his soul.
“Tallis.” I heard my voice, but didn’t even realize I spoke his name.
“The second reason was ’cause Ah loove ye.”
To Be Continued…
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H. P. Mallory is the author of the Jolie Wilkins series, the Dulcie O’Neil series, the Lily Harper series, the Bryn and Sinjin series and the Peyton Clark series.
She began her writing career as a self-published author and after reaching a tremendous amount of success, decided to become a traditionally published author and hasn’t looked back since.
H. P. Mallory lives in Southern California with her son, where she is hard at work on her next book.
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ALSO BY HP MALLORY:
THE JOLIE WILKINS SERIES:
Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble
Toil and Trouble
Be Witched (Novella)
Witchful Thinking
The Witch Is Back
Something Witchy This Way Comes
THE DULCIE O’NEIL SERIES:
To Kill A Warlock
A Tale Of Two Goblins
Great Hexpectations
Wuthering Frights
Malice In Wonderland
For Whom The Spell Tolls
Eleven Snipers Sniping (Short Story)
THE LILY HARPER SERIES:
Better Off Dead
The Underground City
To Hell And Back
THE PEYTON CLARK SERIES:
Ghouls Rush In
Once Haunted, Twice Shy
THE BRYN AND SINJIN SERIES:
Sinjin