Lustful Memoirs 0f A Bewitching Lady (Steamy Historical Regency Romance)

by Violet Hamers

  She frowned, disturbed by his somber tone. “What is that?”

  He appeared to struggle with his thoughts for a moment. At length, he released a breath, his expression turning resolved.

  “The other night at the ball, I reached a decision that will change the course of my life for the better.”

  He seemed to be tiptoeing around his issue, baffling Penelope further. Harry was usually so forthcoming.

  What could have him so scrambled?

  “What decision did you make?” she prompted when he did not immediately continue.

  “I wish to ask Lady Dorothy for her hand in marriage,” he announced in a voice that was perhaps a touch louder than necessary.

  Penelope did not mind the volume of his declaration once his words sank in. She clapped her hands with glee.

  “Harry! That is such wonderful news! I am so happy for you. I had a feeling Lady Dorothy would be the one to pin you down. You two only have eyes for each other when you are together. This is simply marvelous. When do you plan to propose?”

  “If all goes well, the day after Christmas,” he said, though he did not appear as excited about his impending engagement as she would have thought.

  “Harry, is something wrong? Are you not happy with Lady Dorothy after all?” Impossible, but what other explanation could there be for his subdued appearance?

  He shook his head vehemently. “No, I am ecstatic at the prospect of making Lady Dorothy my bride. It is not the engagement that concerns me at present, but something else.”

  Penelope huffed in frustration. “Will you not just tell me what it is you wish to speak about? Why must you hold me in such suspense?”

  Sitting down next to her on the window seat, he took both her hands in his and stared into her eyes.

  “Penelope, sweetheart, when I ask Lady Dorothy to be my wife, I do not want there to be any secrets between us. Do you understand?”

  She frowned, still uncertain to what he was referring.

  “I am sorry, Harry. I do not understand.”

  He took a deep breath, as if fortifying himself for what he planned to say next.

  “Penelope, I need to tell her the truth. Our truth. I need to be able to tell her our secret before I can ask her to marry me.”

  She stared at him for several moments as realization slowly dawned on her. Shoving his hands away, she jumped to her feet.

  “No!” she cried. “Absolutely not, Harry. You promised me you would never tell a soul!”

  He spread his hands before her, his gaze pleading. “Please, be reasonable. I was not in love when I made you that promise. I did not want to share my life with another yet. You cannot expect me to keep this from her, can you?”

  “I absolutely can!” Was it unreasonable of her to ask him to do so? Perhaps, but he would ruin everything if he told. “I do not even have plans to tell Lord Romwich as of yet. I possibly never will, but if you tell his sister, she is sure to pass it along to him.”

  “Lady Dorothy would never,” he snapped, pushing to his own feet. Though he stood well over a head taller than her, she was not intimidated by his size. She met his glare with one of her own. “Do not think to discredit my lady simply because you are too cowardly to confess all to Lord Romwich.”

  Penelope gasped. “I am not a coward, Harry. I am being realistic. He is not ready to hear the truth. Someday, maybe, after I have educated him and opened his mind a bit, but not now. He would never accept me if I told him. In a few years, perhaps…”

  “A few years?” he cried in disbelief. “Are you jesting, Penelope? You expect me to lie to my wife for a few years? She would never forgive me!”

  “You need not lie,” she insisted. “Just…consider it an omission. If you do not mention it at all, she cannot accuse you of a lie.”

  “I have already been lying to her!”

  “You did not seem to mind the attention it brought you!” she hissed, losing her patience. She could not believe his hypocrisy! Before, their little scheme had been rather convenient for him and he had never had an issue with it. Now that it was less so, he wished to abandon her to the wolves.

  “I understand that this is upsetting for you,” he said in a calmer tone. He was trying to placate her, she could tell, but she was not willing to let go of her anger. “You had to know this could not go on forever, though. Yes?”

  She had always thought the truth would come out someday, but not like this. It was supposed to happen by her choosing and on her terms. “This is a betrayal, Harry. You are betraying me, your sister, for someone you met mere months ago!”

  “You are overreacting!”

  “I am not!” She jabbed her finger into his chest. “How do you know she will still love you after you tell her? She fell for you under false pretenses already. What makes you think she will not abandon you once you tell her?”

  “Lady Dorothy would not do that,” he said, his tone firm. She did not miss the doubt that flashed in his eyes, however.

  “Even if she does still want you, how can you be so sure she will not tell anyone?” Penelope latched onto his uncertainty and began to dig deeper. “She is a notorious gossip, she has said so herself multiple times. Do you think her capable of keeping such a secret? Would it not burn within her like a sore, festering with every day she did not let it slip?”

  “I…I do not believe that…” he stammered. Penelope could see she was winning this struggle. Harry may love Lady Dorothy, but he could not deny her inability to keep a confidence. She had told Penelope to never bother telling her anything she did not actually want spread about town.

  “It is a terrible shortcoming of mine,” she had said with a dramatic sigh. “Yet, no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to correct it.”

  “You know I am right, Harry,” she said in a firm tone. “You cannot tell her and expect it to remain hidden. She will not be able to help herself.”

  She could see his resolve crumbling before her eyes, and she nearly sighed with relief.

  “Penelope…you may be correct,” he admitted through clenched teeth. “Lady Dorothy may not be able to keep my confidence in this.”

  Her lips curled into a small smile. “I am glad I could convince you to see reason. Now, let us forget this whole thing. It is a worry for another day.” She picked up her abandoned novel from the window seat and turned to return it to its proper place on the shelves.

  “So be it, then,” Harry’s voice snapped at her like a dog’s teeth.

  Slowly, she faced him once more, dread making her heart race. “So be it? What do you mean?”

  “If Lady Dorothy cannot keep the secret, so be it.”

  “Harry…” She put a note of warning in her voice as she drew his name out.

  He raised his chin, the resolve she had just watched collapse rebuilding itself in an instant.

  “My mind is made up, Penelope.”

  “No.” She shook her head as she lunged for him. Grabbing his jacket, she shook him desperately. “You cannot do this to me, please Harry!”

  He grabbed her wrists to stop her. “I am not doing this to hurt you, Penelope. I am doing this to help both of us. The truth has to come out.”

  “No, it does not!”

  Taking a breath, he gave her a hard look. “Two days. You have two days to decide what you wish to do to prepare for this. If you wish to tell our parents, or Lord Romwich. After those two days, however, no matter what you decide, I am telling Lady Dorothy.”

  Dropping her hands, he gave her his back and walked out of the room without a backwards glance. She stared after him in shock, unable to completely believe he would do this to her.

  He had kept his silence for years.

  Their secret had never been put at risk before.

  Yet, now, as if it meant nothing, he was going to turn her world upside down. He may believe all would be well, but she knew better.

  Once my secret is revealed, I will lose everything.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

 
“Happy Christmas, Dorothy.”

  Raising her head from her needlework, Andrew’s sister smiled brightly.

  “Happy Christmas, Andrew.” Her eyes dropped back to her sewing.

  He had come upon her in the family parlor, a smaller and cozier room than the formal one they entertained guests in. As he moved closer to her, he kept his hands behind his back, hiding the small package clutched in his grip.

  “What are you working on?” he asked, standing over her.

  She glanced up at him as she answered, “I am embroidering a handkerchief for Mr. Snowley. He is coming to dinner tomorrow, and I wish to give him a Christmas present if I can.”

  Andrew arched a brow at the lopsided design.

  “You must truly love Mr. Snowley if you are resorting to needlework to impress him.”

  Dorothy let out an unladylike groan and tilted her head back in frustration.

  “It is dreadful, is it not?”

  Andrew chuckled. “I am sure I have seen worse.”

  She rolled her eyes but was grinning as she set the handkerchief aside.

  “I just want to convince him that I would make a fine wife,” she admitted.

  “Does he have any doubts?” Andrew could not imagine so. Snowley practically worshiped the ground Dorothy walked on. She could be a talentless slob, and Andrew was certain Snowley would still be desperate for her.

  With a sigh, his sister shook her head. “No, he does not have doubts.”

  “Do you have doubts?” he asked, catching onto her unspoken insinuation.

  She chewed on her lip for a moment before reluctantly nodding.

  “I do, Andrew. I do have doubts if I will make a good wife.”

  “Why?” He knelt next to her with a frown, taking her hand in one of his but keeping her gift secure with his other.

  She ducked her head, avoiding his eye. “I…I do not think I am proper enough. Domestic enough. Motherly enough. What if he decides I am too much trouble?”

  “Then he is not worth your time.”

  Her eyes shot up to his at last. “He is! He is more than worthy! I just do not know that I am worthy of him.”

  Andrew shook his head. “Sweetheart, you are more than worthy of Mr. Snowley. You are intelligent, beautiful, clever, and humorous. What does it matter if you cannot sew colorful designs into a piece of cloth? Mr. Snowley is not in love with your accomplishments. He is in love with you.”

  “I know, you are right. It is just…”

  He squeezed her hand. “Darling, put these worries from your head. Mr. Snowley is mad for you. I see it every time he looks at you. You have nothing to fear. I predict a proposal by year’s end.”

  She smiled softly. “You are too good to me, brother.”

  “True.” He nodded, smirking when she scoffed. “Now, enough of him. You have been neglecting me, sister dear.”

  A burst of laughter flew from her lips. “I have been neglecting you? Brother, you have only been able to focus on Miss Snowley for some time now. If anyone has cause to complain about neglect, it is me.”

  Grinning, Andrew said, “You are right, of course. I have paid so little attention to you as of late.” Producing the small package from behind his back, he presented it to her. “A small token to make up for my behavior.”

  Her eyes widened. “Oh! Andrew! A gift for me? You are too thoughtful. All is forgiven!”

  “You have not even opened it yet,” he chuckled.

  She snatched the gift from his hand. “Well, I know you to be a man of excellent taste, and have no doubt whatever is inside this box will be spectacular.”

  Yanking at the ribbon decorating the gift, she pulled it free and lifted the lid of the small container. Andrew watched her, amused. It was as if she were a child again, receiving a new toy on Christmas morning.

  When she saw what lay inside the box, she gasped.

  “Andrew! This is…this is beautiful!”

  A gold necklace with a large ruby pendant glinted in the sunlight streaming through the windows.

  “I had it made especially for you. Something to wear on your wedding day.”

  Her gaze was adoring when she looked up at him.

  “This is the most thoughtful gift I have ever received.” Tears shimmered in her eyes, and she quickly dropped her head to stare back down at the necklace. “Thank you so much, brother.”

  He leaned in to press his lips to her forehead. “You are most welcome.”

  She glanced back up at him, a small frown playing about her lips.

  “I have no gift of equal measure for you,” she murmured.

  He cupped her face and stroked his thumb along her cheek.

  “You have already given me the greatest gift I could have asked for.”

  Frowning, she asked, “What is that?”

  “Were it not for you, I would not have Miss Snowley. I owe all my future happiness to you. Your assistance in my winning her has been invaluable.”

  She nodded with a teasing smirk. “Ah, yes. This is true. Really, you are in my debt. I do not know how you could possibly pay me back for helping you secure your one true love.”

  Andrew pinched her nose. “Careful, sister. Your head will become too swollen for your body to support if you do not check your sense of superiority.”

  Dorothy batted his hand away, giggling. “Perhaps you could name one of your children after me? Your oldest girl, of course. That would still not make things even, as her very existence would be as a result of my handy work, but it would be a start.”

  “You are impossible.” Andrew pushed back to his feet and gave her another quick kiss on the top of her head.

  She grinned, but then her expression turned contemplative. “Andrew, do you plan to propose to Miss Snowley?”

  He tensed at the question. “Why do you ask?”

  “It is just that you are as mad for her as you claim Mr. Snowley is for me,” she explained with a shrug. “I actually find it rather surprising that you have not already asked for her hand.”

  I have not yet been confident she would accept.

  He did not admit to his insecurities, however, and simply said, “I do not wish to rush Miss Snowley. When we become engaged, I do not want her to feel pressured into the arrangement. I simply want her comfortable.”

  Dorothy studied him for several moments, and he could not tell if she believed him fully. At length, however, she appeared to accept his explanation.

  “I suppose Miss Snowley is easily susceptible to feeling overwhelmed. You are likely right in taking your time to ask her to commit her life to you.”

  Andrew nodded, not wishing to say more on the subject.

  “Well, I have some business to attend to,” he said, ready to make his escape. “I shall be off.”

  “Thank you again for my gift,” Dorothy gushed, clasping the necklace’s box to her chest. “It is simply marvelous.”

  With a grin and a nod of his head, Andrew turned on his heel and hurried from the room.

  * * *

  “Harry! Stop! You cannot leave until we have spoken.”

  With a sigh, Harry came to a stop in the hallway and glanced back at Penelope, who was storming toward him.

  “Can this not wait? It has been a long day already, and I cannot imagine you are about to make it any shorter.”

  Harry had always enjoyed Christmas, but it was such a tiring day with his family’s many traditions and obligations. He had arrived early in the morning to join his parents and sister for breakfast and was only just leaving after barely staying awake for a late dinner. Listening to Penelope’s tirade was something he did not think he had the patience for.

  She stopped in front of him, her eyes flashing. “We need to continue our conversation from the other day in the library.”

  “That conversation ended, Penelope,” he stated in a firm tone. “I told you, my decision is final. You have the rest of the night to consider your own plans, but I will expect to hear them tomorrow.”

  “You
are being unreasonable,” she insisted. There was fear in her eyes, and the sight of it ate at him. He knew he could not relent, however.

  The truth coming out was for the best. For both of them.