Pumpkins and Aliens

by Andrew Levins

  Nelson was just about to say ‘Good morning, Mr Shue and everyone in 3B.’ when – WHAM! – the classroom door smashed into a million pieces. Everyone in the class screamed. Mr Shue fell off his chair and onto the floor. Smoke poured into the room through the now doorless doorway. Nelson stayed silent, watching like a hawk.

  A slimy purple leg made its way through the doorway, followed by a slimy purple body with a slimy purple head on top. Three more tall, slimy purple men entered the room. The largest slimy purple man was wearing a shiny gold crown and carried an even shinier trident that was even taller than he was. It looked extra sharp. He stood at the front of the class next to Nelson, who was frozen in shock, and addressed the students.

  ‘Good morning, earth children,’ he began. ‘My name is Lord Hallabutt of the Despinites. My knights and I have travelled all the way from Despina, the fifth moon of Neptune, for one thing . . .’

  Lord Hallabutt pointed his trident at Mr Shue, who was lying on the floor in front of his desk.

  ‘Brunch!’

  A coincidence is what we call something that is not planned or arranged but seems like it is. A coincidence can be as unremarkable as you and your best friend showing up to a Halloween party wearing the exact same costume, or as out-of-this-world remarkable as Nelson’s current situation.

  You see, when he told his class yesterday that there was a race of teacher-eating aliens called the Despinites who lived on one of Neptune’s moons, he had no idea that there indeed was a race of aliens named exactly that who lived on the fifth moon of Neptune and loved nothing more than to eat teachers for brunch. It was an absolutely remarkable coincidence.

  This is an absolutely remarkable coincidence, Nelson thought as he watched the enormous purple alien wearing a crown approach Mr Shue.

  Nelson scanned the classroom to see every single one of his classmates hiding under their desks with their eyes closed. Except for Olive, who was waving her hands above her head, trying to get his attention.

  ‘Nelson!’ she shouted, over the screams of her cowering classmates. ‘Save Mr Shue!’

  Mr Shue was huddled on the floor next to his desk, hugging his knees, looking like a terrified jellybean. Lord Hallabutt of the Despinites was standing over the teacher, holding his huge golden trident above his head. He was going to use the trident like a fork on Nelson’s terrified jellybean teacher!

  Nelson weighed up his options. If he let Mr Shue get eaten, the aliens would probably just go back to Neptune and Nelson would never have to do homework again! At the very least, he’d finally get a new teacher.

  He looked over at Mr Shue, who may have been angry, obsessed with extra homework AND the owner of way too many awful ties, but there was one thing he definitely wasn’t: brunch.

  Nelson realised he had been cursed with these powers for a reason, and it was up to him to save his teacher!

  Nelson pounced forwards and jumped on top of Mr Shue’s desk, grabbing onto Lord Hallabutt’s trident.

  Lord Hallabutt was not pleased. ‘What is the meaning of this?’ he said, as Nelson tried to pull the trident from his huge purple arms.

  Nelson was strong, but so was this gross alien.

  Engaged in a tug of war for his trident with a boy who was a third of his size, Lord Hallabutt called for help. ‘Guards! Seize him!’ he demanded.

  The three other slimy purple men made their way towards Nelson, wielding golden swords.

  Nelson hadn’t said a word all morning, worried that his super-powered voice would wreck the school. He didn’t have time to think about the school now. ‘GO AWAAYYYYYY!’ he yelled, as loud as he could.

  Every window in the classroom cracked and Lord Hallabutt’s guards went flying out the doorway.

  ‘What manner of child are you?’ asked Lord Hallabutt. He tried to pull his trident from Nelson’s grasp. ‘This trident is the property of the Despinite monarchy and you will unhand it at once – or face the consequences!’

  Nelson pulled the trident as hard as he could. He felt Lord Hallabutt’s grip beginning to loosen.

  ‘Very well then, young man!’ exclaimed the struggling purple king. ‘I tried to warn you!’

  Lord Hallabutt let go of the trident with one hand and tried to grab Nelson. Nelson dodged Lord Hallabutt’s huge slimy fingers and kicked the crown off the purple king’s head, sending it flying through the air and crashing into the wall with a metallic thud.

  Lord Hallabutt winced as he gripped his trident tightly. ‘My boy, if you’ve so much as dented that crown there will be hell to p–’

  Lord Hallabutt wasn’t able to finish his sentence. Nelson yelled again, the sound forcing down Lord Hallabutt while Nelson snatched the trident from his hands.

  ‘AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!’

  Nelson jumped over Lord Hallabutt and held the trident above his head with both arms.

  ‘You think a dented crown is bad?’ Nelson shouted. ‘How about a snapped trident?’

  The walls didn’t shake when he shouted, nor did the windows shatter. But Nelson didn’t notice. He closed his eyes and brought the trident down onto his knee with as much force as he could. He didn’t hear a shattering sound. When Nelson opened his eyes, he saw the trident, fully intact, slightly bent around his leg. He’d barely damaged it at all.

  Lord Hallabutt laughed and started walking towards Nelson. ‘What’s the matter, boy?’ he sneered. ‘Not strong enough to break a fork?’

  He reached towards the slightly bent trident in Nelson’s hands. Nelson held on with all his strength. But he could feel that strength becoming less and less with each second. Soon Lord Hallabutt had pulled the trident close to his chest. Nelson let go with one hand and made a fist. He’d never punched anyone before. He threw his fist towards Lord Hallabutt’s big gross purple face. It just made a kind of squish sound.

  Lord Hallabutt laughed and lifted his arm. ‘Now let’s see how you take a punch from me!’

  Nelson closed his eyes, waiting for the knockout, but it didn’t come.

  ‘Who dares touch the arm of a Despinite?!’ Lord Hallabutt shouted.

  Nelson opened his eyes to see both Mr Shue and Olive holding on to Lord Hallabutt’s purple arm. Had they developed superpowers too?

  The alien shook his hand free with ease and knocked Mr Shue and Olive to the ground.

  ‘Olive!’ Nelson shouted.

  He felt two slimy hands on his shoulders. The guards had made their way back into the classroom and were holding him tight. Lord Hallabutt snatched his bent trident back from Nelson, who couldn’t stop him. He felt weak and completely useless. Lord Hallabutt picked him up and held him directly in front of his huge, smiling mouth. Nelson could see his scared reflection in Lord Hallabutt’s shiny, sharp teeth.

  ‘Children . . . We don’t eat children,’ Lord Hallabutt said as he threw Nelson into the corner of the room. ‘After all, if we ate children, you’d never grow up to become delicious teachers!’

  Lying on the floor, Nelson could see Despinite guards dragging teachers out of the other classrooms along the hallway. He felt useless as he watched them dragged away to become some alien’s lunch. His powers had only lasted a couple of hours. What a rip-off!

  Lord Hallabutt pointed at Mr Shue with his trident. ‘You!’ he bellowed. ‘They fought for you! The other children didn’t fight for their teachers. Guards!’ shouted Lord Hallabutt. ‘This one must be of some importance! He will make the perfect offering for my daughter.’

  Lord Hallabutt picked up Mr Shue and threw him over his shoulder. ‘Rachael!’ he yelled. ‘Come look at what Daddy has found for you.’

  The guards moved aside as a smaller, purplier alien made her way through the doorway slowly. She dragged her feet all the way across the classroom, then looked at Lord Hallabutt with her hands on her hips. ‘What?’

  ‘Rachael, is this teacher not fit for a princess?’

  The smaller alien rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. ‘It’s fine. Whatever.’

  Lord Hallabutt glared a
t his daughter. ‘Honey, we’ve travelled all this way to find a teacher worthy of your digestive system, and now that we’ve fought for one as delicious as this, the least you could say to me is thank you.’

  Princess Rachael looked at Mr Shue, who was upside down and passed out on Lord Hallabutt’s shoulder. She sighed. ‘Thanks, Dad.’

  ‘That’s more like it!’ exclaimed Lord Hallabutt. He picked up his dented crown and put it atop his slimy purple head. ‘Now, follow me to the kitchen. We’ve got a brunch to prepare!’

  Olive was the first kid standing in the classroom. She ran past all of her classmates, who were still hiding under their desks, and over to Nelson, who was sitting in the corner of the room, bruised and battered.

  ‘Nelson, are you okay?’ she asked, putting an arm around him.

  ‘M-my powers . . .’ Nelson stammered. ‘I was so strong at first but . . .’

  ‘You took on four aliens at once,’ Olive said proudly.

  ‘But it wasn’t enough!’ Nelson cried. ‘I couldn’t even save someone as lame as Mr Shue.’

  Olive left Nelson in the corner as she scanned the room. Two guards blocked the exit, but they weren’t paying attention to what was going on inside the classroom. If they could get past the guards, then maybe they could run for help. But the guards were way too strong for them to take on.

  Olive had to think. And she hated thinking on an empty stomach. She made her way over to her lunch box and found the same thing that was always there – Burger Rings and a peanut butter sandwich. Yuck. She grabbed Nelson’s schoolbag and started rummaging through it.

  ‘Nelson, where’s your lunch box?’ she asked.

  Nelson wiped the tears from his eyes. ‘What?’

  Olive repeated the question. ‘Your lunch box – where is it?’

  ‘I forgot to bring it,’ said Nelson. ‘I left home in a rush this morning as soon as I got out of bed.’

  Olive stopped rummaging and looked at him curiously. ‘Wait . . . So you didn’t have breakfast?’

  Nelson rolled his eyes. Olive considered lecturing him about breakfast being the most important meal of the day.

  ‘No,’ he told her. ‘I haven’t eaten anything since dinner last night.’

  ‘No wonder!’ Olive exclaimed. She started furiously going through all of her classmates’ schoolbags. ‘Everybody, open your lunch boxes!’ she ordered. ‘I need vegetables!’

  Everyone stared at her. They had all heard how much she loved vegetables in her talk yesterday, but this was ridiculous.

  ‘I’ve got a bag of potato chips,’ said Dennis.

  ‘Are there vegetables in fruit roll-ups?’ asked Jasmine.

  ‘Are cashews vegetables?’ asked Tony.

  Olive scurried back to Nelson. ‘I’ve figured it out. You got your powers from eating all that pumpkin soup,’ she whispered. ‘I think your powers ran out because you haven’t eaten since last night. If we feed you some more vegetables, maybe you’ll get your powers back and we can take down those guards!’

  Nelson’s eyes widened. He looked over at the pathetic pile of potato chips, cashews and a half-eaten celery stick in the middle of the room.

  ‘What’s the point?’ he groaned. ‘We barely have any vegetables in here and, even if we did, what makes you think I’d force myself to eat them again? There’s no way I’m putting myself through all that just to fail again.’

  Olive was moments away from singing a song of encouragement to lift Nelson’s spirits when she heard two thuds from the doorway. The guards collapsed and Princess Rachael entered the room.

  ‘Uh . . . hi, everyone,’ she said, as she flicked her green hair out of her eyes. ‘Who wants to get out of here?’

  Rachael Hallabutt hated teachers. She hated smelling them, she hated looking at them. But most of all, she hated eating them.

  Just the thought of eating a teacher made her eyes water. One time she almost threw up because somebody said the word ‘education’.

  Of all the gross, disgusting teachers in this world, Rachael hated Year Three teachers the most.

  Princess Rachael walked up to Nelson Hunter, holding out her hand. ‘I saw you kick my dad’s crown off earlier,’ she said, pulling him to his feet. ‘Reckon you could do that again?’

  Nelson let go of her hand as soon as he was standing up then took a step back. ‘Don’t count on it,’ he sulked. ‘The only thing I’m good at is failing.’

  Olive introduced herself to Princess Rachael. ‘I’m Olive, this is Nelson and this is . . .’ She looked back at the rest of the class, who were cowering under the desks again. ‘On second thought, don’t worry about who they are.’

  The Despinite princess shook Olive’s hand. ‘My name is Rachael. My dad has dragged me to your planet to force me to eat a teacher.’

  ‘Why would he do that?’ asked Nelson.

  ‘On Despina, a teacher is considered a delicacy,’ answered Rachael. ‘But they, like, taste disgusting. And they’re really bad for you too. That’s why Dad’s so fat and slimy.’

  Olive gasped. ‘We need to save Mr Shue from being eaten!’

  ‘That’s the one Dad wants me to eat,’ Princess Rachael replied with a nod. ‘But Dad’ll probably just eat him if I don’t. You’re gonna have to stand up to my dad again.’

  ‘We need vegetables first,’ said Olive. ‘Nelson needs vegetables so he can be strong again.’

  ‘I don’t know what vegetables are,’ replied Princess Rachael. ‘But I can take you wherever you need to get them. Dad’s too busy preparing brunch to notice me nicking one of the spaceships for a bit. But we must hurry. He’ll start getting hungry soon.’

  ‘We need to go somewhere where there are heaps of vegetables,’ said Olive. ‘But it looks like your dad’s using the cafeteria right now. Nelson, have you got any ideas?’

  Nelson scowled. ‘Forget it. I’m not going anywhere.’

  He walked away to find another corner to mope in. Something crunched beneath his foot. Nelson stopped and picked up what was left of Mr Shue’s photochromic glasses. A tear rolled down his cheek. ‘Photochromic’ was the first four-syllable word that Nelson had learned to spell. And Mr Shue was the teacher who taught him how to spell it.

  Olive and Princess Rachael were on their way out of the door when Nelson called to them.

  ‘Wait!’ shouted Nelson. His face dropped as he realised what he was about to suggest. ‘I know a place where there are heaps of vegetables.’

  It had been a pretty insane morning for Olive Sadana. First, she’d found out her best friend had superpowers. Then she’d watched her best friend fight aliens. Now, she had to save her teacher from being an alien’s brunch.

  On any other day, riding in a spaceship would have been extremely exciting. But after the morning Olive had just had, it barely even registered. In fact, when asked about this day many years later, Olive won’t even mention that she rode in a spaceship. Yet, here she was, riding in a spaceship shaped like a cucumber with her best friend, Nelson, and a purple alien princess named Rachael.

  ‘Where are you taking us?’ Olive asked. ‘Shouldn’t we be going to the shops or something?’

  ‘We’re going to my house,’ Nelson replied. ‘Trust me, we’ve got everything we need there.’

  Princess Rachael engaged the spaceship’s cloaking device (it’s always better to be safe than sorry) and parked the spaceship in Nelson’s driveway. He darted ahead of the others, leaping out of the ship and hurtling through his front door. They found him running around his kitchen, yelling and jumping like an absolute madman.

  ‘The pumpkins! Where are the pumpkins?’ Nelson shrieked. ‘Don’t tell me my family ate all of them already!’

  He desperately searched the rest of the house for the twenty award-winning pumpkins his grandparents had given them yesterday. They were nowhere to be found.

  ‘So much for your plan, Nelson,’ said Olive. ‘We’re running out of time! What are we going to do?’

  Nelson stopped in his tra
cks as he was struck by a truly horrible idea. He shuddered. ‘Follow me,’ he said, and began walking down the hallway. ‘I know what I have to do.’

  Olive and Rachael followed Nelson into his bedroom.

  ‘Don’t judge me,’ he said as he dragged his bed away from the wall, revealing years of decaying vegetables that he’d snuck from his dinner plate and hidden under his bed.

  Olive clamped her hands over her nose and mouth and tried not to throw up.

  ‘By the grace of Galatea!’ Princess Rachael exclaimed. ‘In all my years of travelling the cosmos, I have never seen colours like these!’

  Olive pointed at a particularly gruesome patch of rotten pumpkin. ‘That one is furry!’

  Rachael pointed at another. ‘That one is moving!’

  Olive handed Nelson a fork. ‘You know what to do,’ she said, squeezing her eyes closed.

  Nelson scanned the pile of horror for anything orange. There were so many different vegetables under his bed, but right now all he needed was pumpkin. He bent down and jammed his fork into the fuzzy orange mush in the corner. Every single molecule of his body seized up. No part of him wanted to eat what he was about to eat.

  ‘I better be exempt from detention forever after this,’ he said, and shoved the fork into his mouth. He roared like a lion about to attack its prey and started shovelling forkfuls of the ghastly orange sludge pile down his throat.

  ‘Nelson! Nelson!’ a voice cried through the darkness. ‘Did it work?’

  Nelson reached for his alarm clock to hit the snooze button.

  ‘Ow!’ cried the same voice. ‘He hit me!’

  Nelson opened his eyes to see Olive rubbing her face. They were back in the spaceship.

  ‘That really hurt, Nelson!’ she said, giving him a fierce look.