Plastic Confidence (Good Bye Trilogy #1)

by Alisa Mullen

  “What is it?” he asked, looking alarmed.

  “You called me baby,” I said. “If you call me baby, you never ever call another woman baby ever again. Do you understand me?”

  He closed his eyes and I saw the moment he remembered that night. He looked at me wide eyed.

  “Julia. Baby. You were the only one. All along. I was too stupid and I kick myself every day. I kick myself for falling asleep on you that night. If I had stayed awake, you wouldn’t have disappeared. You will always be the only one. The next time I call anyone else baby, it will be because an actual baby will be growing in that beautiful stomach of yours.”

  “Uh... what?” I asked, totally mind fucked.

  He laughed so hard that he doubled over and I smiled at his lightheartedness. He was so endearing and so fucking sexy. And he wanted to have babies with me? It sent a warm flush through my face. Instead of reacting outwardly, I just pretended he didn’t say anything about babies because, yeah, that was taking things way too fast for night one.

  THIRTY-ONE

  BRENNAN

  I never thought I would see Julia again. When I saw her on the ferry landing, I couldn’t believe my eyes. She looked ten years younger than she did the last time I saw her–the night that I made sweet love to her and mentally begged her to be with me forever. She wasn’t wearing her signature eyeliner. She didn’t have that permanent scowl on her face. God knows I loved that scowl but the serene look on her was so much more... it was just so much more. I was star struck and it wasn’t because she was a rock star legend. Yes, the music community has paid special homage to her since she disappeared.

  No, I was star struck because she was the famous person in my life. She was the woman I looked for in every crowd, every magazine, and any time I was on the internet. I tried typing in any name possible that she could have used as an alias. All that time I was looking diligently and she was within a fucking car and ferry ride away. I wanted to kneel at her feet. I wanted to ask to kiss her. It wasn’t until Sasha brought me out of my reverie that I realized that I also had anger. I was so terribly pissed at her. And who the hell was the guy? Sure I had moved on to a point but I never thought she would trust another man... ever.

  We were lying in bed with Loves at our feet and I kissed her hair. I sent up a grateful prayer to the universe. I had my girl back and I was never letting her go.

  “Can I ask you some questions?” I asked into her hair.

  She was so damn warm. Even though we did nothing but kiss last night, I knew that I was going to marry this girl and fill her tummy with babies. She was mine. I heard a muffled agreement into my bare chest. I knew she was just as overwhelmed as I was. We were soaking in each other.

  “What happened with Johnny and the band?”

  “Hmm... well, I hired that lawyer and told my family if anyone ever said where I was, I would disown them. They took that threat pretty seriously. I really haven’t watched what happened. I know they have a new lead singer and he is amazing. I never talked to Johnny after that night,” she said. I could hear a tint of sadness in her words. She missed it.

  “Do you miss the stage?” I asked as I rubbed my hand along her bare back.

  “I do, sometimes. But Bren, I love island life. It is so simple. I feel alive again. I am having so much fun. I don’t have to work but when I get the need to be productive, I will either work on the house, or go help the girls, or hang out with Pierre.” She started to get up off my chest and I pulled her back down.

  “Don’t you dare separate your amazing body from mine right now,” I scolded.

  “Do you miss open marriages and Anne?” Her tone was serious–her body stiff as a board. Oh hell. I knew she would say something about Anne. I did have it coming to me.

  “No. That life style is not for me and Anne never, ever crosses my mind unless my girl brings her up to taunt me.” I smiled wide at Julia and pinched her unbelievably, sexy ass.

  She laughed as she put her lips on to mine. We were instantly in a teenage make out session. I felt her beautiful breasts and loved that she was squirming for me to get closer. She was ready but I knew her bucket list got her to where she was today and I wasn’t going to be the one fucking with that.

  Three hours later, we headed to the kitchen. Although it was three in the afternoon, Julia made us a big breakfast with the best coffee ever. A loud knock came to the side door and I inched my eyebrows over my coffee mug to her.

  Julia shrugged and yelled, “Come in!”

  Pierre walked into the kitchen with a bright smile until he took in our half naked selves. Julia was wearing my tee shirt from last night and maybe panties? I was bare-chested.

  “Jules. I am so sorry. I didn’t know you had company. I can come back later?” Pierre said in a Parisian accent. Poor guy. I got her, dude. She is all mine.

  “Don’t be silly, Pierre. Brennan is living with me, well I guess we live together,” she looked over to me perplexed.

  “Yes, this is our place,” I concurred. I got up and handed out my hand. “Hey, I am Brennan. I hear you have been giving my girl some French lessons.” That sounded really bad but whatever.

  Julia laughed. “Sit down, Pierre. We have more waffles and coffee.”

  Dammit, no. I wanted her all by myself today.

  “Okay. I can stay for a little bit. It smells so good, as usual.” Pierre’s dig did not go unnoticed by me.

  Julia simply smiled at him with a knowing look. “You working on the docks today?” she asked as she started his plate.

  “Yes. I wanted you to come down and help. I know how much you love to scrub boats.” Another dig. Good one dude but I have licked every inch of her body. No one has shit on that.

  “Oh that does sound like fun. Brennan, do you want to set up your office while I go work down on the boats?” She looked so fucking adorable. I just wanted to take her back to bed and... what was she asking me?

  No. Fuck no! I didn’t want her to leave. That was a craptastic idea. Stupid. I barely made out a forced smile before she noticed I had stiffened. She understood.

  “Pierre, Brennan and I have a lot of house shit to do today. Désolé, Pierre,” she said with a sad smile.

  “Julia, don’t be silly. Go. Have fun.” I was not going to keep her from friends. This was her world and I was not going to interrupt it. I would just find a way in to be a part of all. “Leave Loves with me. We will go explore the beach when I am done setting up the desk.”

  She came over and kissed me soundly on the lips. As she pulled away I heard her say thank you. I shook my head and gave her an adoring smile.

  “Is there an extra desk around?” I asked.

  “Yes,” she replied enthusiastically. “It’s a good one for your business. I will leave a list of all of our information so you can update everything. And you can explore the rooms to find it and your new office,” she said with a smirk. “Be right back. I am going to put on some clothes.” She squeezed my shoulder on her way out. We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other.

  Pierre and I stared at each other like two little kids that were set up on a playdate without our permission. It was like a visual swordfight at dawn. Thankfully, he broke the silence first.

  “I haven’t known Jules for very long. I suppose I have a bit of a crush on her but she has never wanted anything from me. I see now that it was because of you? I didn’t even know a man existed in her life?” He inquired. The guy seemed sincere and damn, he was honest about his feelings towards her. I imagined French people were just straight shooters. Nothing was getting past this guy.

  I nodded firmly. What else could I do? I was her man. I was in her life. She was mine.

  “Well, I know that she is a very talented and beautiful woman. If you break her heart, I can’t beat the shit out of you because of this... that is not in my nature. But I assure you, Mr. Curtis that I will be there to pick up the pieces.” His words were not delivered with a threatening tone but a promising one. He was telling me that
he was remaining in Julia’s life and that he would even wait for me to fuck up. Poor guy didn’t even know that I had fucked up in all definitions of the words.

  What I wanted to say was that he had no clue, that we had a long and seriously heart gripping past that had us both doubt ourselves, other people, and essentially the meaning of life itself. I wished to admit to this shithead that I saw a therapist for weeks just to figure out how I had gone wrong with Julia. I went to Mr. Grimes every single day for an hour to yell, cry, fight, and some days just numb out. I came out of those sessions admitting that Julia hadn’t left me per se but that Julia left to take care of Julia.

  I respected her choice and that outcome until I saw her again. In that moment, I respected nothing. All those sessions were for nothing. I would not let her go ever again. Never. I was in her home now. I was taking care of Julia in life, in her heart, and her bed. I wanted to tell him I prayed to see her gorgeous face in real life every night for nearly two years. I wanted to say that I was mind fucked numb for days after I finally saw her again.

  “Thank you for being such a good friend, Pierre. I hope I have the chance to know you, as well. You are obviously very special to Julia,” I admitted instead.

  He curtly nodded his head and his smile widened as he looked behind me. I turned to find Julia in pig tails, a tank top with Vineyard written across it, and the shortest jean shorts in the history of short jean shorts. I could probably see her vagina if I looked close enough.

  I cleared my throat. “A bit short on the shorts?” I probed before I could stop myself. The girl had to know that they were highly inappropriate for a friend outing. Julia giggled at me good naturedly. Yes, she was definitely a new girl. Before she would have scowled and told me to shut the fuck up. Instead, she came and wrapped her arms around me.

  “Yes and when I get back, they are coming off, too,” she whispered in my ear. I went instantly hard. Damn. I mentally told her that what she just did was so not cool, as I flicked my eyes over to the list on the refrigerator.

  Abstinence. Julia understood and sighed as she warmly placed her lips onto mine for a quick smooch. Smooching with Julia was like catching a falling star. It still felt surreal and I rejoiced in each and every one.

  When Pierre and Julia left, I took a hot shower and thought about that what she had whispered in my ear until I was relieved of the tension she had left me with.

  I spent a solid hour in my new spacious office. Julia wasn’t kidding when she said the desk would be perfect. It was a designer’s dream desk. I laid out all of my work stuff and hung a calendar with my upcoming projects. I set up my computer and my laptop. I took out a picture of me and my parents and thought about when I would be able to place a framed photo of Julia and me on my desk. I remembered her laughing face as she goaded me and I missed her already. Damn Pierre. Cock blocker.

  To excuse myself from those thoughts, I sent a mass email out to everyone with my change of address and new phone number. Once I felt like all the emails and current office was in good shape, I nudged Loves, who had propped himself under my desk.

  “Let’s go the beach, buddy,” I said.

  Loves was in the kitchen, waiting with a stick and a tennis ball in his mouth when I made it out there five minutes later. Julia and Loves. They knew what they wanted and they weren’t afraid to ask for it.

  I laughed as I opened the door to the glorious island day.

  THIRTY-TWO

  JULES

  Pierre totally surprised me when he came into the kitchen and saw us half naked. I thought he would run out screaming and/or crying but he remained pretty cool. He took in Brennan’s and my appearance with grace. I identified that Brennan was uncomfortable with me leaving. He wanted me to stay and play house and so did I. Conversely, I felt gratitude for the man that had been clearly pining for me since the day he rescued me from my wrecked sailboat.

  “No French today, ok?” I stated rather than asked. The only thing French I wanted was a kiss from Brennan. It was official. I was a sappy cheese ball.

  Pierre laughed. “OK, no French. Let’s just wash the boats and you can tell me about Brennan. He is... a surprise, no?”

  That seemed like a fair enough lead in. It was probably killing him since he walked in to the house. Pierre probably wanted to know if Brennan was a full time live in lover or if he would be booted out the next day. His reappearance in my life was out of the blue for me, as well.

  Maybe talking to him would firm up what I was feeling which was terribly nervous. Brennan and I did not have a good track record and our past pulled me into thinking that this may not work out... again. Maybe talking to someone about where we were headed would help me figure it out, too. I started to explain how we met and our instant attraction. I talked about the open marriage and Johnny. I talked about poor timing and his way of shattering something in me that I hadn’t felt with anyone... ever. I saw him flinch when I said that and mentally kicked myself for being such a heartless bitch.

  “Yes, I admit I did know who you were, Jules,” he stated. That was so far from what I cared about in that moment that I just nodded. I already knew I was the lead singer of Love Sick Ponies. It was how he responded to it that made me like him more. I wasn’t a celebrity. Pierre liked me for the girl that I had become on the island. The girl with the bucket list.

  “That’s cool. I figured you did but it was so nice of you not to say anything. You made it feel... I felt normal for once,” I appreciatively responded as I grinned at him. His answering smile was so heartwarming but it wasn’t all there. He was hiding something from me. Perhaps I had really hurt him with Brennan being there but he had to understand that I had never felt anything for anyone like I did for Brennan. I truly believed, especially after vomiting out the whole story that he was meant for me.

  It was a slightly windy day on the island which made the docks a bit harder to walk on. My sea legs instantly found the board of the dock and I watched the sailboats and motor boats start to head out for the day. I needed to buy another boat. How I would love to lay on the bow and sip wine with Brennan on a stunning day like today.

  When we were down at the docks, he showed me the two boats that needed the most cleaning. I noticed that a lot of people were off their boats. They were most likely perusing the town. It was a beautiful day. I took his bucket of water and the hose. Someone called Pierre’s name from down the dock and he excused himself while I got to work on the first boat.

  Pierre took care of most boats as they came in to dock. I was pretty sure that was how he made money to stay here. I had never visited his place and that was my choice. He had asked me several times but I never felt comfortable enough to go. Call it instinct or just call it that I didn’t want to give off “love vibes.”

  I was just about to start with the hose on the bow of the boat that I had already soaped up when a loud song started to play. I froze. I hadn’t heard that song in years. I Sang for You was taunting me in a boat not far from me. Did someone recognize me and they were playing some kind of joke? My heart restarted when I noticed that it abruptly stopped. I started the hose and tried to focus on my task when that fucking song started again. This time my feet were on fire. I needed to go shut the fucking music off. It wasn’t until I followed the music that I noticed that the song skipped a few verses. It was someone’s ring tone on their cell. I followed it three boats down from where I was working and realized that it had stopped again.

  I ducked my head into the cabin and yelled out for permission to come aboard, something that Pierre insisted I use anytime I was on the docks. With no answer, I heard the Love Sick Ponies and my voice start to ring through again. I stumbled in towards the kitchen table and found the sickening culprit. I nearly lost my balance when I saw that the display read “Johnny Lennox”. Who’s fucking boat was this? Holy shit. What the fuck was going on? Johnny. Johnny was this one phone call away. He was calling this boat on this dock in this town on my island. How?

  With shaking finger
s, I pressed answer.

  “Hello Johnny,” I said in a surprising solid and cool voice.

  “Who is this? I need Mark.” His reply was irritated and unpleasant. I cringed at his brazenness and tried to figure out who the fuck Mark was. I mentally went through all the people I had met this summer and Mark was not a name I remembered.

  “Mark who?” I questioned in a crossed tone.

  “Wait, who the fuck is this?” Johnny spat out.

  “Oh you would probably remember me as your ticket to fame,” I answered in a taunting asshole voice.

  The phone went dead. He fucking hung up on me. Coward.

  I looked around the area for any clue who the person was that owned this boat when I saw it. I stopped still and my heart was dying. I was dying. This was it.

  The OUIJA Board. THE very one with my initials lay out on the boat couch. It was in perfect shape. I went to touch it when a male cleared his voice behind me. I slowly turned around to see Pierre looking back at me. He looked at the OUIJA board with a smile.

  “Do you know whose boat this is?” I asked in a scattered rush of words.

  Pierre’s perplexed look told me he didn’t. He shrugged it off. He was casual but something was definitely off with him. He wasn’t giving me the adoring looks I had grown accustomed to.

  “Jules, you have to ask for permission to come aboard.” His voice was fatherly, scolding the little child that had trudged mud into the house from the outside. Or that was what I imagined a father would sound like. I never allowed anyone to speak to me in that tone of voice.

  Not since Johnny.

  “I know, I know. But I heard the phone... and... ” I stopped myself. That is when it hit me. Pierre was Mark. This boat was his. That phone was his. He was friends with Johnny.

  “Are you Mark?” I accused him. I watched his eyes for any hint of fallacies. His body tensed just the tiniest bit as his eyes shifted to the cell phone on the kitchen table.