by Kent, Rina
“By the way, you still didn’t follow me back,” he says as if it’s something I forgot about.
“So why do you go through my Instagram?” I deflect.
He shrugs. “To see what you’re up to.”
“As in you’re stalking me?”
He grins. “I prefer inquiring.”
I splash water in his direction. “You’re incurable.”
“I’m curious…” he trails off. “Why do you never post your face?”
“What?”
“You have pictures of food, picturesque settings, your aunt and uncle, Reed and her brother, but there’s never a full shot of you. The only pictures of you are taken from behind or the side. There isn’t one picture where you look at the camera. It’s almost as if you’re scared of it.”
I lift my shoulder. “Not all of us love the attention.”
“Hmm. Why do I feel that’s not your case?”
When I don’t reply, he turns around to retrieve the shampoo bottle.
I gasp, the sound interrupting the cascading water.
Slash marks.
Aiden has two slashes down his back. They’re faded into his tan skin, and that’s probably why I haven’t noticed them before.
What happened to you?
The question is at the tip of my tongue when Aiden faces me slowly. The darkness in his eyes cuts through me like a thousand needles.
It’s like he’s fighting with demons — and they’re winning.
The expression disappears as fast as it appeared. His infuriating poker face erases any emotions.
“You must be sore.” He moves behind the tub and out of view. “I read that warm baths help.”
“Aiden…”
My voice catches in my throat, not knowing what to say. The scars appeared deep and old. They must’ve hurt like hell when he first got them.
Then it hits me.
Those marks must be the reason why Aiden is such a social anomaly. It must’ve been abuse. It looks so much like abuse.
Something inside me shifts and red, hot fury shoots through my veins. The need to hurt whoever did that to Aiden washes over me like a compulsion.
I want to kill them.
Aiden doesn’t say anything, he just shampoos my hair. His fingers glide over my scalp, massaging it. I tilt my head back and sigh in contentment.
“Aiden,” I speak more clearly this time. “Did your father…?”
“Jonathan King isn’t a violent man.” He sounds sarcastic. “He’ll sue you for defamation if hears you saying such nonsense.”
“Then who is it?”
“None of your business.”
“Well, I’m making it my business.”
“You’re not ready.”
“Try me.”
“If I tell you, you’ll have to tell me everything in return. And I mean every fucking thing, Elsa. Including your nightmares. If you’re ready to bare your soul to me, then, by all means, start first, sweetheart.”
I clamp my lips shut. Horror seeps into my bones at the thought of my nightmares and my childhood. I don’t even like thinking about it, let alone talking about it.
I’m itching to know about his scars but not to the point of probing my own scars.
“That’s what I thought.” He spills water on my hair.
I close my eyes as the water and shampoo cascade down my face.
He managed to shut me up so easily.
His counterargument is fair enough. You talk, I talk. But I still can’t help sulking.
Damn Aiden King.
We spend a few minutes silent as he finishes rinsing my hair.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin?” he asks casually.
I pause, startled by the drastic change of subject. “I didn’t tell you I wasn’t.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. You assumed it yourself.”
I crane my head to have a better look, but he grips me by the neck and keeps me facing ahead.
“Why were you a virgin?”
“Uh… what type of question is that?”
He carefully tucks the strands of hair on the side of my neck. His hands curl on my shoulders. “It’s simple enough. Why did you wait this long?”
For the right person.
But I don’t tell him that or he’d think he’s the right person.
I lift a shoulder. “It’s no big deal.”
“You know.” His tone is casual but the undertone isn’t. “There will be no trust between us if you continue lying to me.”
I crane my head back to glance at him. “Trust? You think I’d ever trust you?”
His lips tighten in a line, but he smiles. “Why not?”
“I don’t know, Aiden. Maybe it has to do with the fact that you targeted me the first time you saw me. Or that my life has been a living hell for two years because of you? Take your pick.”
One of his hands wraps around my nape. It’s firm as if to keep me in place. “Then why did you give me your virginity?”
“I’m attracted to you,” I whisper. “Even though I hate it, I just am, but that doesn’t erase what you did the last two years. You keep pushing me. It’s not like I have a choice in being attracted to you.”
“Is that what you want? A choice?”
“What does it matter? You always get what you want.” I huff. “Even when you give me a choice, it ends up playing in your favour.”
Aiden is thoughtful for a bit. The scary, silent type of thoughtful. “I see.”
He drops his hands.
A strange chill crawls up my spine despite the warm water.
Aiden’s poker face is the last thing I see before he walks out of the door.
Chapter Thirty-One
On Monday, Uncle, Aunt and I are having breakfast together when I say, “I want to see Dr Khan.”
Two pairs of eyes snap from their tasks. Uncle pauses drinking his morning coffee and reading from his tablet. Aunt stops packing my lunch, her hands shaking around the container.
“Are you having nightmares again? What did you see?” Her tone is almost hysterical.
“Stop it, Blair.” Uncle abandons his coffee and tablet on the table and rises to his feet. I face him as he clutches my shoulders and says in a cool voice, “Are you all right, pumpkin? Why didn’t you call us when you had the nightmares?”
I can’t help noticing the difference between Aunt and Uncle’s reactions. Her eyes are shifty and she keeps opening and closing the container as if she’s not aware of what she’s doing. Whenever the topic of my nightmares resurfaces, Aunt never asked me if I was okay. Her first question was always ‘what did you see?’
Uncle, on the other hand, always asked if I was fine.
It’s weird.
In everything else, Aunt cares about my wellbeing more than Uncle. She’s the one who acts like a Nazi to make sure I eat healthily.
Maybe she doesn’t think that my mental state is part of my health.
Either way, I’m not in the mood to talk about my episode on Saturday.
I smile and hope it comes out convincing. “It’s not about the nightmares. I just want to talk about the stress of exams.”
Aunt’s shoulders droop and she stops opening and closing the container.
Uncle’s brows furrow. “You never had exams’ stress before, pumpkin.”
“Everyone is competitive at school and I keep thinking that maybe someone will push me out of the top ten per cent,” The lies tumble from my mouth so easily.
Strange. I always hated lying to them, but not today.
Uncle nods. “I’ll book an appointment.”
“Thanks, Uncle.”
Neither of them needs to know about my plans with Dr Khan. I’m changing tactics about the whole psychotherapy.
Uncle kisses the top of my head. “You know you can talk to us any time, pumpkin, right? You don’t have to hide anything as you did with your relationship with Aiden King.”
Just hearing his name slashes pain
through my chest. Since he walked out of my house on Saturday morning, there has been no trace of him. He didn’t call or send me his usual crude texts.
I’ve seen pictures of him on Instagram after the game on Saturday night. Elites won two to nil and Xander scored both. It’s so rare for Aiden not to score at a game.
When I said what I said in the bathroom, I didn’t expect he’d just walk away.
He’s not the type to walk away.
I kept telling myself that he’ll come back to pester me as usual. He’ll barge into my life like he has every right to.
He didn’t.
And that hurt more than I care to admit.
I nod absentmindedly at Uncle who goes back to his seat and resumes drinking his coffee. I sip from my juice. It tastes bitter and I want to spit it back up.
Aunt places the container in my bag and touches her collarbone. “Don’t take this the wrong way, hon, but maybe you’re stressing because you have a boyfriend?”
Uncle stares at her from above the rim of his cup.
“What? She never stressed before. It isn’t a coincidence that she’s starting to stress now that she has a boyfriend.” She faces me, a warm glow on her face. “It’s subconscious, Elsie. Your attention span will be unknowingly divided. You can’t possibly give your studies one hundred per cent of your energy like you used to.”
“Drop it, Blair,” Uncle’s voice is low with warning.
“No, she’s right.” I set my juice on the table. “I shouldn’t let anything come before my studies.”
“Right?” Aunt smiles with a victorious gleam as if she were waiting for someone to agree with her. “He’s not good for you, anyway.”
I perk up. “What do you mean?”
She gives an awkward laugh. “His last name is King. Their world is different from ours. It’s better to end it now before you grow attached to him.”
Too late.
Uncle sighs with exasperation, pinching his nose. “She has the right to make her own decisions.”
“I just don’t want her to get hurt or to sacrifice her future over some boy drama.” Aunt shoots back.
My phone dings.
Kim: I’m here.
Thank God.
I stand up and sling my backpack over my shoulders. “Kim is here. I have to go.”
“Take care, hon.” Aunt smothers my hair back. “Teamwork.”
Uncle gives me a tight smile, apparently still angry with Aunt.
“Teamwork,” I echo back, kiss them each on the cheek and head out.
Aunt and Uncle’s voices rise as soon as I’m at the front door.
“She’s not a child, stop treating her like one,” Uncle says.
“I don’t want her making mistakes, okay?”
“Mistakes? Come the fuck on, Blair. Are we going down that road?”
“She’s my niece, okay? Mine! You wouldn’t be in her life if it weren’t for me so stop interfering, Jaxon.”
“Eighteen is right around the corner. I can’t wait to see what happens when the other shoe drops.”
My feet falter at the last sentence. What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Kim texts again. I open the door and step into the windy air. My ponytail blows in front of my face.
“Morning, Ellie.” She’s smiling wide, appearing in a good mood.
“Hey, Kim.”
Her smile drops. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I’m fine.”
“Hell to the no.” Her expression softens. “Tell me.”
Where do I even start? I was ditched after giving up my virginity? My nightmares are becoming terrifying? Aunt and Uncle are fighting because of me?
Everything is tumbling over my head, and I can’t seem to find a way out. I want to cry so hard, but that will ruin Kim’s good mood.
Due to her own family and school drama, she rarely has a good mood. I don’t want to ruin it for her.
“Menstrual cramps,” I say. “I think I’m getting my period soon.”
“Aww, that sucks!” Kim drives out of the driveway.
It isn’t completely a lie, but it isn’t menstrual cramps that hurt with every move. I’m still sore from Saturday.
I haven’t been able to move without feeling Aiden inside me.
I try to listen to Kim talking about her family dinner, but my mind keeps drifting back to how Aiden left without a word.
At first, I was ashamed to be abandoned like that.
Then, I had another feeling that’s more in tune with Aiden’s character.
He only approached me for sex after all. Now that he got what he wanted, everything was over.
Good riddance.
If I can spend the rest of senior year in peace, then I’ll consider my virginity a sacrifice.
The familiar pressure of tears builds behind my eyes.
I just wish he hadn’t lied to me and made me feel like I meant something.
Fucker.
“By the way,” Kim’s voice cuts through my thoughts. “I heard Mum and Dad talk about something super weird yesterday.”
“Yeah?”
Kim’s attention remains on the road as she speaks, “Remember when I told you that Aiden’s mother died of an accident?”
He’s the last thing I want to talk about, but I can’t help the curiosity. “What about her?”
“So Dad was saying that Alicia was suicidal, anyway, so her death wasn’t a surprise. However, Mum said that Dad doesn’t understand. Alicia wasn’t suicidal, she only wanted to save her baby.”
“She wanted to save her baby?” I echo.
“I know! Weird, right? Aiden is an only child and he was at a camp. What baby was she trying to save?” Kim’s voice drops to a whisper-yell because she doesn’t know how to whisper properly. “Unless she had a child outside of marriage. Maybe she was off to meet her lover and Uncle Jonathan sent a PI after her. There was a chase and she crashed.”
“Whoa. You watch too many Korean soap operas, Kim.”
“Most families’ problems are because of secret births. Just saying.”
Soon after we reach the school, Kim switches subject to our upcoming tests.
However, Alicia is all that occupies my thoughts.
I keep thinking about something I read in a psychological thesis the other day.
Most if not all mental issues start at childhood.
I dislike umbrella terms that gather mental health problems, but that one stuck with me. The more I think about it, the more it rings true.
A person is formed of jigsaw pieces and if you want to really know anyone, then start at the pieces that formed his childhood. They’re the base. Everything else is built on that.
Uncle Jaxon, for example, had a healthy childhood. Lawyer parents. Steady income. Football team player. He grew up into a stable, ambitious adult. It’s his parents’ expectations that set him out to be competitive.
Aunt Blair and Mum had a poor background and a violent father when he’s on the liquor. Unlike Mum, Aunt left Birmingham as soon as she was eighteen. She worked hard for a scholarship so she could leave all that rubbish behind. She never returned to Birmingham until the accident that took my parents’ lives. Her poor background pushed her to strive for perfection. Anything less is an insult to her intelligence.
No matter how much of a perfectionist she is, a bit of her childhood seeps into her adult version. She’s hotheaded and results to yelling when she doesn’t get what she wants.
Even subconsciously, she’s replicating the violence her father exerted on her.
It’s an endless vicious cycle.
I’m sure that Aiden’s behaviour has something if not everything to do with his childhood.
Starting with Alicia. She’s beginning to sound more and more like a mystery.
Stop.
I want to bleach my head. Why am I even bothering with him anymore?
Still, as Kim and I walk the hallway, I can’t help searching for the jet b
lack hair and those metallic eyes.
We arrive at our class. Cole and Ronan are in deep conversation. Or more like, Ronan is in a one-man show while Cole reads from a book.
Upon seeing us, Ronan grins. “Bonjour, mes demoiselles.”
Cole nods in acknowledgement.
I smile back as I slide into my seat and bring out my notebook and pencils.
“Wanna party at my place?” Ronan waggles his eyebrows at me, the insinuation of what happened at his last party clear.
“Holy hell.” Kim’s whisper-yell draws my attention.
I follow her field of vision and my heart stops beating.
Aiden walks into the classroom with Silver hanging off his arm.
Chapter Thirty-Two
The world stops spinning.
My grip tightens around my pencil so hard, I’m surprised it doesn’t snap in two.
Silver has her hand around Aiden’s bicep. She’s chatting so happily as if they are in some cliche teen drama. He offers her his dazzling smile that he flashed me forty-eight hours ago.
Something inside me breaks.
I can hear the sound, loud and final.
I can feel the remnants shattering. Piece by piece, they gather at the dark corners of my chest.
Aiden’s silver eyes meet mine, gleaming with mock condescension.
I can almost imagine what he would’ve told me if he spoke.
I took your virginity and now I’m back where I belong.
Silver has a smug expression. I try not to look at her, the shiny blonde hair cascading to her shoulders, or the uniform pressed to perfection.
A king needs a queen, peasant.
Pressure builds behind my eyes, but I refuse to let them see the effects they have on me.
I refuse to let him see me cry again. I was stupid enough to show weakness before. Not anymore.
For once, Ronan is speechless. He keeps staring between Aiden and Silver then me as if he’s in some freak show.
Cole glares at Silver then at Aiden before throwing me a sympathetic look.
“You’re okay?” Kim whispers from behind me.
I smile and for some reason, I think it comes out convincing. “Can I borrow your notebook?”
Kim appears confused for a second.
I plead with her using my eyes.