by Jill Lynn
“If Cate hadn’t given me a chance to prove to her that I’m a different man now than I was at twenty, I wouldn’t have her or Ruby here full-time. Or twins on the way. I’m not holding your divorce against you or keeping score. And I don’t think you should, either. Your fears were unfounded.”
Gage wanted to curl into a ball, hole up in the corner of the portable crib like Hudson and wail and kick and scream. Because he was figuring all of this out too late. “She was so upset with me. Have you ever seen Emma lose it?”
“Once or twice. It’s pretty rare.”
Gage would laugh at the picture of Emma giving him the what for if it wasn’t so disheartening. “She’s done with me. Why would she ever give me a chance after the way I treated her?”
“If I know Emma, and I think I do, you’ve got a strong chance of winning her over. She’s...Emma.”
“Maybe.” But Gage wasn’t so sure. “Up until Emma, I didn’t think that I’d ever get married again. Was adamant that I didn’t want kids. And then she showed up and turned everything upside down. Her and Hudson.”
Which reminded Gage that before he could even attempt to win Emma back, to convince her to give him a chance, he had a baby situation to figure out.
“I’m meeting this afternoon with the missionaries who are interested in adopting Hudson. And in the last few days, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about keeping him myself. That was never the plan. But the idea of giving up Zeke’s kid when he entrusted him to me... I don’t know if I can. So what am I supposed to do now? Tell them that maybe I’m supposed to keep him all of a sudden? But that I’m still not sure? I’ve been praying nonstop, but God hasn’t hit me over the head with an answer. I want the best for Hudson, and I’m just not sure that’s me. How am I supposed to know for sure?”
Luc’s breath leaked out, loud. His hand snaked to the back of his neck. Not exactly a confidence builder. “I don’t know. But I can pray. I’ll pray the answer is clear. That God makes the fleece wet for you.”
The reference to Gideon in Judges made Gage smile for the first time in days. Yes, he could use a wet fleece and a dry threshing floor. And then a dry fleece and wet threshing floor. And then a third, just to be sure.
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
“’Course. About time I could be your sounding board. You were mine after Cate showed up. And then left. And I don’t regret fighting for her one bit.”
His words held a message that lodged in Gage’s chest. Deep. Sure. Maybe it was time to move past what had happened with Nicole. To know she’d played her part in their demise. And he’d played his. He could accept that, move forward and do things differently the next time. With Emma—if she’d have him.
But first he had to figure out what to do about Hudson.
Chapter Fifteen
A text notification sounded from her phone as Emma stapled the letter W of next summer’s theme to the bulletin board on the wall in the Kids’ Club—a cabin that had been renovated years earlier and was now used solely for the program.
She checked her phone. It was from her brother. There’s a package for you at the lodge.
Huh. Likely supplies she’d ordered for the summer, though if so, they’d arrived early.
Since she was close to done, Emma added the i, l, and d to the Adventure in the Wild summer theme. It was a play off their last name, of course, but also a way to incorporate animals into the program. She didn’t teach during Kids’ Club, but she liked to have a purpose. A focus.
Much like she did in life. But in the last couple of days Emma had been drifting. She hadn’t gone to Gage’s to watch Hudson yesterday or today. It had taken most of her strength not to march over there, steal that baby and bring him home to her cabin for the time being. Because she just couldn’t see Gage right now. Even if it meant losing out on time with her little man.
Emma had called a homeschool family from church and asked if one of their older girls could watch Hudson for a few days. Just until she found her bearings again. Until she could see Gage without losing her mind, crying or engaging in another one-sided shouting match. Because, yeah, she was still upset about how everything had gone down. And she still loved him. Unfortunately, those feelings hadn’t gone away. Which just made all of this harder, because she missed him.
She missed her two favorite guys.
“Enough.” Emma threw her hands into the air with a groan. “I’m so done with feeling this way.”
She tossed the stapler she’d been using onto the small table surrounded by equally small chairs. She’d go check out the package.
The walk over to the lodge was more bitter than she’d expected. Bright sunshine didn’t impact the temperature, which sat squarely in the midthirties. And Emma hadn’t thought to wear a jacket. Only a sweatshirt. Gage’s, to be exact.
This morning when she’d gotten dressed, it had called out to her from the chair in the corner of her room. She’d worn it home accidentally last week, and then had conveniently forgotten to return it to Gage in the days after.
A little like a high school girl stealing her boyfriend’s jersey. But then, Emma couldn’t call Gage that, could she? Even an ex-boyfriend was a stretch, because they’d never made it that far.
She buried her nose in the shoulder, inhaling everything Gage—a hint of outdoors, his intoxicating fragrance of lotion or whatever made him smell like a yummy men’s cologne sample. Yep, she definitely missed him.
He hadn’t contacted her once since the James/Nicole fiasco. No text or phone call. He hadn’t shown up on her step. Nada.
Emma entered the lodge and paused in the doorway to the front office. Luc’s was at the end of the hall, so if the package wasn’t in here, he likely had it in his office.
She spied two medium-sized boxes perched on the first desk that was currently empty and would be filled come summer. A cup of iced tea was on Mackenzie’s desk, which meant she must be in the lodge somewhere.
Emma scrounged for scissors and then slit open the first box. She removed the packing material and peered underneath. What in the world? The book on top was on her wish list, but she hadn’t purchased it. The one underneath was also one she wanted but hadn’t bought yet. And the stack continued. Emma tore into the second box, finding the same. There must be thirty books between the two packages.
Had she clicked a buy button by accident? One that would purchase the whole list? She couldn’t imagine that was the case. A packing slip was in the bottom of the second box.
There was an order date—last Thursday—and a note in the memo section.
Emma, nothing will ever be enough to thank you for all you’ve done and how you’ve cared for Hudson. —G
Gage? He’d done this. But how? Emma sank into the chair behind the desk and it rolled backward. Last week Cate had asked to borrow Emma’s phone when they’d been hanging out. She’d thought it strange but had assumed her reception wasn’t great or her battery close to dead. But she must have been spying, copying Emma’s book wish list and sending it off to Gage.
Total Judas-in-the-Garden-of-Gethsemane move. Only maybe not quite that extreme.
Cate was under a deadline or Emma would trek over to the house right now and pepper her with questions. A smile toyed with her mouth as she slipped her phone from her pocket and texted instead.
He bought me books? How am I supposed to not fall in love with him now?
But, oh, how she’d already fallen. It was too late not to love him. Emma knew that full well.
I know. I almost cried when he asked me to get him a list. Forgive me?
As if there was anything to be forgiven. Of course!
And it was just that easy...with Cate. If only Gage would contact her and say something—anything—about Saturday. They really needed to discuss what had happened. But Emma refused to make the first move. Especially after she’d let her mouth run off l
ike she had.
Was Gage still upset with her for not telling him that she’d dated James?
Emma could see his point. But she’d wanted so badly not to send him spiraling when he’d come so far back to the land of the living. And yet, her omission had done exactly that anyway.
Emma cradled a stack of the books to her chest. This man who’d sent her books, who noticed everything about her and cared for her like no one else did... She still harbored the faintest hope that he loved her. That maybe she’d been right to accuse him of it. Of course she could have gone about it all in a much different manner. But she couldn’t help thinking that she knew him. Knew who he was in his heart and soul. Maybe even better than he knew himself.
“This is who he is.” She spoke to the empty office. “Why can’t he see that?” Why did Gage only recognize his faults when he looked in the mirror?
And who am I? Emma had wanted Gage to change, to open up all of this time, but she hadn’t held herself to the same standard of transformation. She’d tucked away her ideas for the ranch because she was scared to fail. To be the meek little sister who was a dreamer and came up with out-of-touch concepts.
She had to talk to Luc and Mackenzie about her suggestions for the ranch. Because while Emma wasn’t sure if Gage was going to follow through on changing, she was.
Before she lost her resolve, Emma strode down to Luc’s office. She knocked, then poked her head inside. “Do you have a minute?”
“Of course.” He stacked some papers. Studied her. “You okay, Em?”
She perched on the corner of his desk. “I think so. Or at least I’m going to be.”
Brotherly concern stayed present in the squint of his eyes.
“You know those two outbuildings beyond the barn? Full of storage?”
“Yep.”
“I think we should make them into an ice cream parlor and a store.” Once she started talking, Emma didn’t stop. She explained it all. When Mackenzie came in partway through and sat on the futon, listening, she kept going. She spilled everything. Outlined how they could remodel affordably. And then after it had all trickled out, she waited.
Luc and Mackenzie exchanged a look that Emma couldn’t decipher. “It’s annoying when you two communicate without words.”
Luc laughed. “I was just wondering if Mackenzie thought it was as good of an idea as I do.”
Emma glanced between them. “And?”
“I think it’s great.” Mackenzie pushed up from the futon and studied an old picture of the ranch that included one of the buildings. “We could make a patio right here.” She pointed to the photo. “Add some pavers. Maybe a few tables with umbrellas. A place for families to hang out in the evening. We could even do some of the weekly shows down there, weather permitting. Maybe build a small outdoor stage. Switch things up.”
Luc leaned back in his chair. “Em, how long have you been thinking about all of this?”
“Couple of weeks.” She swallowed. Strong and confident. No more meek. “A bit longer, actually.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Mackenzie asked.
Emma pressed teeth into her lip, shoulders lifting. “I don’t know. Guess I convinced myself it was fanciful. Impractical.”
“It’s not,” Luc interjected. “Wish you would have said something earlier so we could have had it done for this summer.”
The three of them brainstormed the store. Who in town made local products that they could sell. What items they could add the ranch logo to.
Why had Emma assumed that her siblings wouldn’t listen to her? It was something about them being older—and twins, close ones—that had messed with her over the years. Oh, she’d known that they loved her and that she loved them.
But respect? Yeah, maybe she’d struggled with believing that they valued her. Looked up to her like she did to them even though she was younger.
After a few more minutes of discussion, Mackenzie headed down the hall and back to her work. Emma dropped onto the futon that faced Luc’s desk. She was still reeling a little.
“Nice sweatshirt.”
Oh. Right. She glanced down to where Luc’s nod had landed.
“Have you talked to him?”
Emma’s mouth dried as quickly as parched grass in a summer drought. “Cate told you?”
“No.” He leaned forward, elbows on his desk, brotherly concern in place. “Gage did.”
Gage had talked to Luc? When? What had been said? Emma felt like her laundry had been hung out on a clothesline for a bunch of ranch guests to see.
“Em...”
Luc’s tone spooked her. “What? Is something wrong?” Was Hudson okay? Fists wrung her stomach like a sopped rag.
“Gage met with the missionary family yesterday afternoon about Hudson.”
No. Gage was giving Hudson up? After everything? Emma felt like kicking something. And then drowning herself in a pint of Talenti Fudge Brownie Gelato.
Gage could absolutely raise Hudson on his own. He would be a wonderful father. Scratch that—not would be. Gage already was a dad to Hudson. He just didn’t see it somehow.
But if Gage didn’t believe in himself, then maybe he wasn’t meant to raise Hudson. Perhaps a two-parent family would be better.
Emma shattered at the thought. Had she been wrong all of this time?
Either way, at least Emma had to say goodbye. She couldn’t let Hudson go without holding him one more time. Without pressing another kiss to that sweet, soft head of hair.
She pushed up from the couch. “I’ve gotta go.”
“Emma, wait.”
She didn’t stay to listen to her brother. Didn’t slow down. Didn’t want to hear what he had to say next even though it would probably be much more logical than her current state of mind.
Emma didn’t have time to waste.
* * *
Gage’s pulse hammered and skipped as he checked out the front window. Emma. Right on time.
When she’d texted earlier today asking to stop by and say goodbye to Hudson, Gage had suggested she come around six. He’d wanted to be home when she arrived.
Her hesitancy had shown through in her delayed reply text, but amazingly, she’d agreed. He’d spent the rest of the afternoon contemplating what to say to her and how to say it. Short of lassoing Emma, he couldn’t force her to listen.
But he’d prayed that she would.
When he’d gotten back to the house, he’d been shocked to find out that she hadn’t ditched their set time and shown up earlier to see Hudson in order to avoid him.
Gage had already sent the babysitter home. Showered. Dressed in jeans and an untucked green button-down shirt. Paced a line in the wood floors.
Now he deposited Hudson in his play saucer and tore down the hallway. He got to his bedroom window in time to see Emma approach the front door. And then she disappeared from his line of vision.
But he could imagine her face as she saw the envelope bearing her name taped to the door. By now she’d be ripping it open, reading the first message.
You were right about everything. And she was. Including that he wanted to keep Hudson...and that he loved her.
He’d put three note cards into the envelope. The second simply said I’m sorry. The apology couldn’t be more heartfelt.
And the third? Come inside and stop standing out in the cold.
Gage thought he heard her faint laughter as the front door opened. “Gage? Are you here?”
And now came the clincher. He’d stationed Hudson’s saucer near the coffee table so that she’d see the additional envelope there. Gage had written in a messy, childlike scrawl on that note. Emma, the only mom I want is you. —H
He’d drawn stick figure parents holding hands with a child in the middle of them. Cheesy? Perhaps. But he didn’t care what anyone else thought. Only Emma.
“It’s all true.” He walked slowly in her direction. “You were right. I do love you, Emma Wilder. I’m crazy, out-of-my-mind in love with you. And I was too afraid to admit it. To take a leap and trust that our relationship had a future.”
A glint of moisture coated her pretty steel-blue eyes that he’d missed so much over the past few days. She wore brown ankle boots, jeans and a navy-and-white-striped shirt, her hair pulled back in a messy bun with russet wooden earrings dangling. Hudson latched on to one, and Emma removed it from her ear. The second earring followed.
“What was I thinking, Sir Hudson? I forgot your infatuation with these things.” She slipped them into her back pocket, attention returning to Gage. She held up the last note, a wobble in her grip. “What does this mean?”
No doubt Emma had plenty of questions for him, but Gage had been hoping for a better response to his admission. Maybe an I love you, too. Or still.
A corner of the paper in Emma’s hand was missing, and since Hudson was currently gumming something, Gage stuck a finger into his mouth and dug it out. It wasn’t like Emma to miss a detail like that. He took the note from her and wiped the slobbered piece onto it, then dropped the paper onto the coffee table. Brushed off any remaining dampness against his jeans.
“I met with the Franks yesterday.”
Emma shuddered, hurt flitting across her beautiful face. “I heard that from Luc.”
Thankfully, her brother hadn’t filled her in completely. “I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was supposed to keep Hudson. That finding another family wasn’t right anymore. But I didn’t know how to handle the Franks. The meeting had been set up for weeks—while they’re stateside. I talked to Luc about it, and we both prayed that I’d know what to do. That the answer would be clear.”