by Jill Lynn
Recognition dawned. “So James was the one you told me about? The manipulative jerk?”
She nodded. “Never once did I think Gage would actually let us progress to anything more than friendship. If I had, I would have told him earlier. But I didn’t think there was any hope until his declaration after they left. And that’s not exactly the kind of news a girl takes out an ad in the paper for. I didn’t share it with him because I was embarrassed. And when I did consider telling him, I was so afraid that it would send him backward. He’s come so far, softened and changed so much since Hudson. I didn’t want to wreck that. And that’s exactly what happened. He was so upset.”
Cate squeezed her shin through her jeans. “You weren’t wrong not to tell him. Don’t beat yourself up.”
“I wish I hadn’t been so weak as to have dated James in the first place.”
“Oh, Emma. There is nothing weak about you. You dated the guy for how long?”
“About a month.”
Cate waved away that amount of time as though it was nothing more than a pesky fly. “You can’t know a person before you date them. And you barely did. Which means your instincts were spot on. And the minute God directed you, showing you that James wasn’t right for you, you listened. You’re so much stronger than you think. You broke up with him. Ended things quickly when you felt led to do exactly that. Emma, you’re one of the strongest people I know.”
Huh. Emma hadn’t thought of it like that before. But still, the scene with Gage haunted her. “I lost it, Cate. I told Gage I thought he was in love with Hudson and me. I accused him of loving me.” Who did that? Emma wanted to slap a hand against her forehead. Or go back and do the same over her mouth. She still could not believe those words had tumbled out. She’d definitely gone and lost her mind. The first time in her life she’d freaked out to that extent, and it had to involve telling a guy that not only did she love him, but she was quite certain he loved her.
Instead of wearing shock, Cate’s lips had morphed into an extra-large arch. And then she had the audacity to laugh. “Did you really?”
Emma nodded.
“That’s the best thing I’ve heard in ages. Good for you, Em. Based on everything you’ve told me, including those kisses, it sounds like he is in love with you.”
“Doubtful.” Emma wanted the big kind of love. The kind where two people couldn’t live without each other and would do anything to make it work. And since Gage hadn’t called her after she’d left—hadn’t texted—maybe his supposed feelings for her were the small kind.
She didn’t even know if he was considering keeping Hudson or having kids one day. Their conversation hadn’t gotten that far. But he wouldn’t have admitted feelings for her if he hadn’t changed his mind, would he?
Not that it mattered anymore.
“If he’s not crazy about you, he’s a fool. I can’t think of anyone better than you to love. Why didn’t I see this was happening before? How did I miss all of this? It must be pregnancy hormones.”
“You didn’t. Not really. It happened so fast. I didn’t realize how far gone I was until this week. And then it was too late.”
Cate sighed, sympathetic. “That is how it goes sometimes.”
“Do you have any advice for me? Besides run and hide? I’ve got that part down pat.”
“We could send Luc over there to talk some sense into him.”
“Um, I’m going to go with no. Promise me you won’t do that.”
“I probably shouldn’t make that promise since I’m not sure I can keep it.”
Blerg. The last thing Emma needed was Luc getting involved.
The door to the kitchen opened, and by mutual silent agreement, neither of them spoke. The fridge opened, then shut. A clank sounded.
And then Emma sneezed. She tried to stop it. But as sneezes were apt to do in church or school or anywhere else one didn’t want to be noticed, it loudly announced its arrival.
“Hello? Someone here?”
Mackenzie.
“Back here.”
Mackenzie’s head peeked around the corner. “Emma? Cate? What are you two doing?” Her eyes widened, landing on Cate. “Did you fall? I’ll get Luc—”
“I’m fine!” Cate shooed away her concern. “We’re just sitting here...talking.”
“How is it out there?” Emma added. “Do they need help?”
“Ah.” Kenzie glanced between the two of them sitting on the floor, confusion still evident. “No, they already went back up and Luc’s leaving the snack out for a bit. We’re not needed until dinner. I was just refilling my tea.” Mackenzie lifted her glass as her stare narrowed, lips forming a bud. “Emma? What am I missing here?”
“I told Gage that I loved him this morning.” Mackenzie’s mouth dropped open. “And then I accused him of being in love with Hudson...and me.”
“Whoa.” Mackenzie deposited her tea on the countertop and then crossed over their legs in one long stride. She slid to a seat on the other side of Emma, stretching out so that the two women hemmed her in. Mackenzie, unlike Cate, probably didn’t give a second thought to her jeans or boots or T-shirt meeting the floor. Her sister would roll in a mud puddle if an adventure was attached to it. “How did I miss all of this happening?”
“We all did,” Cate raised her arms, exasperated.
“In your defense, I haven’t been home much.”
“You’ve been over at Gage’s—” Mackenzie waggled her eyebrows “—watching Hudson.” She made air quotes around the last two words.
Cate chuckled.
“You two are no help at all.” But then Emma laughed, and it felt good. Like maybe her shriveled-up soul might make it through this mess intact.
“Things did not end well.” Cate filled Mackenzie in.
Her sister placed a hand on her other leg and squeezed. “Sorry, sis. If he doesn’t love you back, then he’s an idiot.”
“That’s what I said!” Cate jumped in.
At least Emma would always have her girls on her side. “Well, I’m glad you two are in agreement, but unfortunately, it’s too late. He thinks I betrayed him by not telling him about having dated James before Nicole did.”
Mackenzie’s face disclosed a second of surprise. “Is that who you were dating a couple of years ago? The mystery man who never came to pick you up?”
“Yep.”
“Oh.” Mackenzie winced.
“Exactly.”
“Gage is upset with me, which I get, but his reaction made me so mad I’m not sure I even want to talk to him at this point.” Lies. All lies. What Emma truly desired was for Gage to knock on her door and force a conversation between them. For both of them to understand where the other was coming from.
And then kisses and marriage and babies with the man.
In that order. Although with Gage, the baby would come first. And Emma was okay with that. She couldn’t imagine her life without her two favorite guys in it. And yet, that nightmare had turned real and final after her altercation with Gage today.
“Did you lose it with Gage?” At Emma’s nod, Mackenzie whooped and laughed. “That shows just how far gone you are. You never get upset at anyone for anything.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is absolutely true.”
The kitchen door opened. Again. Seriously? Emma rolled her eyes. This was turning into a game of sardines. Footsteps sounded, investigating, and then Luc stood over them, confusion splitting his forehead. “What’s going—” He knelt to eye level with Cate. “Are you okay? Did something—”
“I’m fine.” Her hand went up, landing gently on his cheek, reassuring. “Didn’t fall. Not hurt.”
His gaze swung to Emma and Mackenzie. “And the two of you are okay?”
For the most part. “Yes, we’re fine,” Emma answered. Luc stayed perfectly still, most like
ly waiting for them to fill him in. To explain why they were sitting on the floor in the kitchen.
No one did.
“Do I need to go rough someone up?”
They laughed.
“If that were necessary, I’d take care of it.” Mackenzie quirked an eyebrow. “And these two would be with me.”
True. The three of them could do some damage if needed. But it wasn’t. Because it was too late to salvage any of it. And another attack on Gage like the one Emma had recently launched wouldn’t help anything. He had to come to his own conclusions, whatever they might be.
“So no one’s going to tell me what’s going on?”
Emma dug up a smile. “Nope.”
Luc’s head shook. “As long as I live, I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand women.” He stood. “We don’t need to prep for dinner for a little while. So you three just—” he circled a hand over them “—finish up this strange little kitchen meeting you’re having.”
They laughed as he departed. Emma’s ended on a hiccup, but it still felt good. See? She would be okay. Somehow.
Just maybe not tonight.
* * *
“Hello? Gage? You here?”
The call came from the other side of the barn, and Gage jerked the top half of his body out of the freezer he’d been cleaning, the smell of vinegar pungent.
“Back here.” He’d been punishing himself with menial tasks this morning. Cleaning the deep freeze as if the success of the ranch depended on it. So far the chore had only allowed him the opportunity to turn what happened with Emma over and over in his mind. Nothing good could come of hashing out what had gone down between them.
Luc poked his head through the door to the area Gage was in. Ho-boy. Gage was half surprised his friend didn’t come in swinging. Gage deserved it and more.
Only... Luc didn’t seem upset.
“Hey, what’s up?” And Gage’s general statement should really be translated into how’s Emma? It had almost killed him not to know how she’d been the last few days since the encounter with Nicole and James. The revelation that she’d dated that massive jerk. Gage’s stomach twisted with suppressed anger at the idea of James being anywhere near Emma. Of not knowing they’d dated. And yet, the same question kept repeating. What did it matter?
He couldn’t shake the memory of Emma’s face when he’d gotten upset. It made him sick to think he’d hurt her. Again.
“That’s what I came to ask you.” Luc perched on a seesaw, and Gage tossed the rag into the vinegar cleaning bucket near his feet. “Any chance you can tell me why all of the women at the Wilder Ranch are acting strange? Because no one will tell me anything, and it’s driving me nuts.”
Gage searched for accusation behind Luc’s question and didn’t find any. So maybe he didn’t know what had happened between Gage and Emma.
“How are they acting?”
“Weird. Ornery. Well, with Cate and Mackenzie, it’s mostly mysterious. But Emma’s miserable as all get-out. And that is not her normal mode of operation.”
Great. Emma deserved so much more than Gage. Than all of his mistakes and failures. And just like he’d feared, they’d impacted her. Wounded her. He hated that the most.
“When I ask Cate what’s going on, she says I need to talk to Emma.”
The blood in his body dove to his feet, leaving a skittering, faint pulse behind.
“And when I ask Emma what’s wrong, she won’t say anything. She just tries to reassure me she’s okay when she’s obviously not. She’s as sad as when her kitten Ariel died when we were kids, and I can’t handle it another day. So I thought I’d see if you knew what was up.”
Oh, pretty sure I just broke your sister’s heart, that’s all. Gage kept going back to when Emma had said she loved him. Loved him. Gage deserved every accusation she’d lobbed his way. And Emma had been right. He had fallen for Hudson. For her. Gage didn’t want to give either of them up, but he wasn’t sure how to reconcile that with what he’d believed for so long.
He leaned back against the deep freeze, squeezing the lid. “Emma didn’t show up to watch Hudson this morning. Sent a high school girl over. A homeschooler she knows.”
Luc’s eyes narrowed. “I heard that, too, and that was after she wouldn’t go to church yesterday. Stayed home like she’s sick. But I don’t think she is.”
Lovesick. Heartsick. And the blame all went to Gage.
“That’s what sent me sniffing over here. Wondering what you know that I don’t.”
Here it came. The big-brother protection. Well, Luc didn’t have to tell Gage that he wasn’t good enough for his little sister. Gage already knew. Had figured that out right away.
What was Gage supposed to say? Where should he start? “It’s all my fault.” As good a place as any.
“Why? What does Emma’s upset have to do with you?”
“We had an—” altercation? “—interaction with Nicole and James on Saturday.”
Luc’s jaw went slightly ajar. “They came here?”
Gage nodded. “Emma answered the door. Things were said. I found out Emma had dated James before Nicole did.”
“What?” The snap in Luc’s tone told Gage he hadn’t been the only one not to know. “She dated that jerk? Did he do anything to her when they came by? Say something to upset her?” Luc’s fists turned white. “If he did—”
“It wasn’t James that upset her.” Nope. Gage had handled that all on his own. Emma must really have been embarrassed by her relationship with James not to have told him about it. And, as she’d said, she hadn’t wanted him to backpedal at the revelation.
With someone else that might sound like an excuse. But not with Emma. She would truly care about the impact news like that would have on him.
Everyone had a skeleton or two in their closet they didn’t want anyone to uncover. And yet, Gage had torched Emma for hers. Driven in the knife and twisted. He could add it to his unforgivable list.
“Then what did?”
Me. All me. “Can we have this conversation with you acting as my friend instead of Emma’s brother?”
“Ahh, okay. Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like where this is headed?”
“You might not.” Gage swallowed. He needed to get this stuff off his chest. Talk to someone. And after losing Zeke, Luc was the closest friend he had. He was tired of hiding his mistakes. Might as well fan them out in the open and take the punishment that fit the crime.
“After James and Nicole left, Emma told me about dating James. And I got upset with her for not telling me about it earlier. I thought she’d hidden it from me. But now I realize why she didn’t say anything. She was embarrassed she’d dated him. And probably didn’t want to bring him up around me.”
“Understandable.”
“Right. But when I got mad, Emma... Well, she lost it. She defended herself. And then she accused me of having feelings for her. And Hudson. She said that I loved them and I wouldn’t admit it.”
“Emma did...said...all of that?” Surprise registered on Luc’s mug, and then he threw his head back and laughed. Deep. Loud. “Oh, that is good. You’re in a heap of trouble, man.”
Gage resisted the strangest urge to smile as emotion built behind his eyes. If there was one good thing that had come out of his stupidity, it was Emma verbally kicking his behind. He’d always known she had it in her. That she was as strong as she was sweet. He just wished it hadn’t surfaced in his direction. Even though he’d deserved it.
“Do you...have feelings for her?” Luc choked in the middle of his sentence, and Gage thought his next words might earn him that punch he’d expected earlier.
“What would you say if I did?” His voice was made of gravel. “Because I don’t deserve her.”
“No one deserves Emma. She’s—”
“Sunshine. Everything and
everyone she comes into contact with is better because of her.”
A confused, slow smile eased over Luc’s countenance. “If you know that, then you’ve got it figured out. I can’t believe you love my sister.”
“I didn’t say I loved her.”
Luc raised an eyebrow. A sigh-groan ripped from Gage. “Okay, I do. But I don’t know what to do with that. I’m sure you can understand that she’s so innocent and I’m so...” Used. Worn. Lacking in hope and faith. “I’m sure you’d rather not see your sister end up with someone like me.”
“That’s a lot of sures. Especially since I don’t think you’re a mind reader. But yeah, I’m sure you’re right. Why would I want my sister to end up with a guy like you? A hard worker. Someone who believes in God. Who sees Emma for the gift she is and loves her. And not only that, from what you’re telling me, she loves you.” Luc’s tone dripped with sarcasm. “Right. I can see how I’d not want that for Emma.”
“Okay, now I need Emma’s brother to come back. Because he’ll understand that I’m not worthy of her. I have baggage. A divorce under my belt.”
Luc’s brow wrinkled. “When I look at you, I don’t see your past. I see you. Just the man you are. And if that guy loves my sister...”
“I do.” Gage said it with more conviction than he’d allowed himself up until this point. Because it was true. He loved Emma. Probably had from the first moment she’d climbed into the back seat with Hudson and become his biggest cheerleader. The one who believed in him more than he believed in himself. Emma wouldn’t have any doubts that he could make a marriage work. She loved him. She didn’t care about who he’d been. His mistakes. And when he saw himself through her eyes, Gage just might be able to start believing again, too.
Or, at least he could have. Before he’d botched it all up. Who knew how Emma felt about him now.
“I don’t have a problem with you being in her life. With you dating Emma. Not if that’s what she wants. Did you think I would?”
Relief crept in, and Gage scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Maybe. Or maybe it was all me. My issues. I thought you’d see me through the lens of my mistakes.”