Catch My Breath

by Lynn Montagano

  Our eyes locked. He was more beautiful now than I’d ever seen him. Gone was the veiled, guarded barrier. I saw into his soul, wanting more. He snapped his eyes shut as though he revealed too much. Pure, carnal desire took over. I wanted, no, I needed to lose myself completely in him. My pace quickened, taking him faster and harder.

  “Slow, Lia. I want this slow.” He bit his lip and slid his fingers around the back of my neck, bringing our foreheads together. Pressing his other hand to my lower back, he held me in place.

  I tangled my fingers in his hair and pulled it. His low moans were erotic as hell. I was so intimately entwined with him it nearly brought me to tears. Our bodies moved in perfect rhythm. He was holding onto me so tightly, I couldn’t escape. I was at his mercy. He was everywhere - beneath me, inside me, around me.

  I slanted my head, kissing him long and slow. Being so completely connected with him sent a surge through me. With a gasp, he laid his head back. Seeing him so gloriously sprawled beneath me, losing himself with each avaricious movement, was empowering.

  He brought our foreheads together again, holding the back of my neck. His grasp on my lower back tightened, intensifying every thrust.

  Each one hit me perfectly, turning my mind into a delightful mess. An orgasm came fast and ruthlessly, seizing my body in a frenzy of tingling waves. I clenched around him, calling out his name. It was possible I dipped out of consciousness. The next thing I knew, his body went taut, then relaxed beneath me.

  Raspy, heavy breathing filled the room as we both tried to collect ourselves. Our foreheads were still pressed together in an ardent, heated embrace. I cupped his face, kissing the salty sweat off his lips. He returned my gentle kisses tenfold, stroking my cheek with such reverence that it unnerved me. Feelings that I wouldn’t allow to surface fought ferociously to reveal themselves. His other hand was still pressed against my lower back, keeping us fused together. I moved gently.

  “Not yet,” he moaned.

  The longer he stayed inside me, the more I wanted to have him again. I was sensitive, but still aroused. He seemed to sense my thoughts and released his grip. I climbed off him aware of how silky smooth he was pulling out of me. I couldn’t help myself and looked down at his magnificent body.

  I knelt on the couch next to him. My legs were nothing but trembling noodles. Alastair peeled off the condom and tied it in a knot. Once he got himself situated, he fetched me some tissues from the box on the coffee table so I could clean myself. It was an incredibly intimate gesture. He even half-turned his back to give me some privacy before sitting.

  “You surprised me,” he said, running a hand through his hair.

  “Did I? How so?”

  Swallowing hard, he clasped his hands together, turning the knuckles white. When he looked at me, I stopped breathing. His eyes were naked and raw, filled with emotion.

  “You make me feel,” he whispered.

  “Feel what?”

  “Everything.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  A crackling boom reverberated through the apartment. Light illuminated the room, throwing jagged shapes across the walls and floor. I jumped, burrowing deeper into Alastair’s chest. Orlando was notorious for lightning strikes and they never ceased to scare the crap out of me.

  "Scared of a little thunder and lightning?"

  I could hear the smile in his voice. Aside from the bright intrusion courtesy of Mother Nature’s megawatt smile, it was dark. We hadn’t moved from the couch for an eternity. I supposed at some point I should get up and turn on the lights, but staying tangled with him was much more appealing.

  “I’m not a fan. Although I should be used to it by now. Storms like to pop up uninvited all the time.”

  The shrill ringing of a cell phone made me jump again. I sat up so Alastair could reach into his pocket. The second he saw the screen, he groaned with annoyance.

  "Duty calls. I won't be long." He stood with all the grace of a king and walked toward my bedroom to take the call.

  Wasn’t it a bit late for work? What did I know. I wasn’t in charge of the finances for a global media company. He must get calls at all hours of the day and night. Since his grandfather retired, he was probably taking on more work seeing as they hadn’t named a new CEO yet.

  I flipped on the lights and stopped at the windows. Rain pelted the glass in a furious crescendo. A single vein of lightning cracked through heaving black clouds, sending a shiver straight down to my toes. The storm’s billowing rage gave me pause, almost as though it was warning me that I’d tempted the fates and lost.

  Shaking off the weird feeling, I curled up on the couch and turned on the television. There was a plethora of stupid movies on to choose from. I settled on one about a ginormous shark battling an even bigger snake.

  "I can see the last of your brain cells running for help," Alastair chided, appearing from the bedroom.

  “All done with work?”

  He nodded, folding his lean body onto the cushion next to me. "Yes. A good thing too. This so-called entertainment will stunt your intellect."

  "Well, excuse me. I had no idea you could be so persnickety."

  "Persnickety?" Alastair grabbed my waist and squeezed, a drowsy smile playing at his lips.

  Another loud ring echoed through the room. This time, it was my phone. I squirmed out of his grip and grabbed it.

  “Hey, Steph.”

  “Ah! You’re there. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

  It was so good to hear her melodic voice.

  “Nope. How was the conference?”

  I held up a couple fingers to let Alastair know I wouldn’t be long. He stretched out on the couch, folded his hands behind his head and winked at me.

  “It was alright,” she answered. “Anything exciting happen there?”

  I hesitated. “No.”

  “You’re even a bad liar over the phone. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.” I turned away from Alastair and walked into the kitchen.

  “Did Nathan show up at the gala? Don’t lie to me.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Asshole. Did you see him?”

  “It’s a long story. We’ll talk about it later.”

  “Why not now?” Her voice rose an octave. “Oh Jesus, he’s not there, is he? I’ll—“

  “No, no, he’s not here.” I’d never get her off the phone if she got wind I wasn’t alone. Think, Lia, think. “I was just about to hide under the blankets and watch bad movies to distract me from the storm.” Weak. She’ll smell right through that pile of fertilizer.

  “I don’t believe a word coming out of your mouth.” Shit. “What’s going on over there?”

  I sighed, not wanting to have to explain everything to her. “There was a…I had an incident at the gala with Nathan. I’m fine. Um, Alastair was there… he intervened and took care of everything. He’s here now.”

  Glancing over at the couch, I noticed he wasn’t stretched out anymore. He was sitting up watching me closely, elbows on his knees, fingers steepled in front of his mouth.

  “Alastair is there? At your apartment? What do you mean an incident?” Stephanie sounded more and more upset.

  “I promise I’ll tell you about it. Just, not now, okay?”

  Silence. I closed my eyes, willing her to speak.

  “Be careful, Lia. You’re vulnerable. Don’t let him take advantage of you.”

  “I won’t.”

  “Call me tomorrow. Or call me later if you need anything.”

  I hung up, preparing myself for the inevitable questions that were coming. A rumble of thunder, like a distant avalanche, echoed outside. How appropriate, I thought, sitting on the couch.

  "Would you mind if I undid this?" Alastair asked, tugging on my braid.

  Not quite the question I expected.

  “Oh. Sure. Go ahead."

  He inched closer, kissing my forehead. I watched him with great interest as he concentrated on freeing my hair. His fingers moved slowly, loosen
ing the elastic and untwisting the strands. Running his hand through the dark waves cascading over my shoulders, he kissed me again. Sparks rustled in my stomach, signaling that all systems were go.

  “Wait.” I pulled back.

  “What’s wrong?” Lowering his head, he licked at the soft skin below my ear. Hooking his arm around me, he urged me closer, kissing my collarbone and clavicle. I couldn’t think straight. Thunder roared outside mirroring the thumping of my heart. His hands roamed freely over my body, touching and exploring.

  “Lia,” he moaned, his breathing labored and ragged.

  We collapsed onto the cushions. The heaviness and warmth of his body surrounded me. Alastair hovered over me, his right knee on the cushion and left foot planted on the floor. Using one arm to support himself, he grabbed my thigh with his right hand, sliding up my dress.

  My throat burned with desire when the friction from his pants rubbed against my bare skin. I grabbed a handful of his hair, pulling his mouth to mine. The atmosphere was thick with lust and need. Which one had me kneeling at the altar? I’d already lost control and let lust have its way with me. Now it was need’s turn.

  “I want you,” he murmured against my breast, kissing it through the cotton.

  I wanted him, too. Even more, now that I knew how he sounded and felt during sex. I still couldn’t believe I’d been so intimate with him already.

  Stop. I have to stop. I’m doing everything too fast again.

  His fingers grazed the sensitive flesh between my thighs, making my toes curl. It felt too good. He felt too good. When paired together, lust and need were a powerful duo.

  Gliding my hands along his back, I felt each knotted muscle through his t-shirt. Teasing my needy skin, he came dangerously close to driving me over the edge with the flick of his fingers. He could make me orgasm with just a kiss if he wants.

  “Alastair…I … ”

  Crystal clear green eyes met mine, boring into me. Poised above me like a beautiful, tragic angel, he smiled.

  “Hush. I want to feel you. I want to feel this way a little longer. Then we can talk. I promise.”

  I closed my eyes, surrendering to him. Rain slammed against the windows, thunder rolled overhead and lightning snapped while he peeled off what few clothes I had left. Each nerve ending stood at attention, waiting for his next caress. I was a ball of sensation. It was far too easy for me to get lost in the haze of Alastair.

  Don’t let him take advantage of you.

  Stephanie’s words and my own scattered thoughts weren’t enough to distract me. I’d been so starved of genuine affection for too long. Tracing the contours of my body first with his hands, he then covered me in velvet kisses. Every brush of his lips was laced with reverence and adoration.

  “My Lia,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. ”You make me feel too much. It hurts.”

  Pressing his forehead to mine, he shuddered. I moved a bit so he’d have room to lie next me. The tortured expression that seized his face broke me.

  “It’s okay,” I cooed, holding him close. Wrapping himself around me, he hugged me fiercely. Whispered words fluttered through the air like silken strings, barely touching me before disappearing. The strands were enough to remind me of his nightmare and his screaming.

  Don’t leave.

  Who? Who didn’t he want to leave?

  Brilliant white light filled the room, followed by an earsplitting crash, making us both jump. The storm was far from over. Alastair held me so tightly I thought I’d shatter into a thousand pieces.

  “Don’t break me, Holden.”

  Loosening his grip immediately, he apologized.

  “Did I hurt you?”

  “No.”

  “You would tell me if I did?”

  “Yes, yes, of course,” I answered, poking him in the chest. “No harm done this time.”

  He sat up, running both hands through his hair to tame the thick mess. I reached for the blanket draped over the back of the couch and covered myself. I didn’t mind being naked, I was just a little chilly.

  “I should go.”

  No. Don’t run from me.

  “It sounds pretty bad out there. At least stay until the storm ends,” I offered weakly, hugging the blanket closer. History can’t repeat itself again. I didn’t want it to happen. I’d spent too many nights alone, cast aside after being used by Nathan. That was the problem with controlling personalities. They could do as they pleased with no regard for who got left behind.

  I wished I could be as detached emotionally. That way, I’d be able to give an easy, breezy response and wave goodbye.

  Settling back into the cushions, Alastair looked at me. I flashed a crooked smile, curling up next to him.

  “Do you want me to spend the night?”

  I nodded against his chest, content with listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart.

  “I’ll stay, love,” he acquiesced. "Did you have a nice time on our date?"

  "It was okay.” I sat up, facing him.

  "Just okay?”

  "No pouting, Holden."

  The most beautiful, shy smile curved his mouth. His guard was still down. I’d never seen him go this long without retreating behind the mask. Maybe we’d crossed some invisible threshold. Draping his arm over my shoulder, he leaned in close.

  “Thank you for going to the fair with me.”

  I kissed him. I couldn’t help myself.

  “You’re welcome.”

  Another dramatic alteration to his expression took my breath away. He looked desolate. Complete and utter sorrow filled every inch of me. He opened his mouth to say something, then stopped. I sat quietly, not moving, not wanting to force anything. I was so curious about the thoughts and feelings he hid so well.

  “Ever since…I haven’t,” he stammered before regaining his composure. “You’re so different from the people who’ve surrounded me all my life.”

  “Different? In a good way?”

  “For the most part,” he smirked.

  He’s teasing me. Sneaky.

  “Do you enjoying being a smart-ass?” I folded my arms, suppressing a grin.

  “Only at your expense.”

  “I see. In that case, I’ll be right back.”

  I popped off the couch without looking back and waltzed into the bedroom. Grinning like an idiot the entire time, I changed into some yoga pants and a tank top. He was opening up, albeit slowly, but he was opening up. I snuck a glance at myself in the full-length mirror by the closet. My eyes glowed a molten caramel color.

  Keep your head on straight.

  Returning to the living room, I saw Alastair standing by the photos on the wall. This time, he stared intently at one of me from last autumn. I remembered it well. Sydney had invited me to her lake house for a weekend. I’d had a particularly tough fight with Nathan and needed a relaxing getaway.

  She’d snapped a photo of me while we were out on her husband’s boat. I’d worn a ridiculously huge straw sun hat with my bathing suit and cover up. It’d been a brief moment of fun and silliness during the most stressful time of my life.

  Alastair turned when he felt my hand on his back.

  “You have quite the collection of photos,” he remarked, snaking his arm around my waist. “I like this one. That hat is a bit daft, but it suits you.”

  “I thought you’d be used to seeing ridiculous hats since you grew up in Ascot.”

  He chuckled. “Fair point. Come here. I want to show you something.”

  Leading me back to the couch, he waited until I was settled before reaching in his back pocket. Visibly shaking, he removed something from his wallet. Seeing him like this was too much. Every barrier he used was broken. He sat with a sigh, staring at the floor.

  I eyed what appeared to be a folded piece of paper with interest. Alastair handed it to me.

  "Open it," he said in a hushed tone.

  As soon as I touched it, I knew it was an old photo. The paper was soft and worn from being folded.
Faded ink on the back was hard to read, but I managed to make out a date - December 1984.

  I unfolded it and gasped. An attractive young couple cuddled two children in front of a Christmas tree. The man had dark brown hair, brown eyes and a very familiar smile. The woman's long, dark red hair fell softly over her shoulder. Her green eyes sparkled.

  The little girl in the picture looked to be about ten or eleven years old. Her curly blonde hair rested just above her shoulders. Mischief glinted in her brown eyes. She was hugging a boy who looked no older than five. Smiling proudly, he was clutching a toy helicopter. Those emerald eyes and chocolate-red hair were unmistakable.

  "Oh my gosh," I whispered.

  "That picture was taken the Christmas before the accident." His voice tightened. "As you can see, I was quite excited about that toy helicopter."

  Trying to keep myself together, I rested my head on his shoulder. A door to his past had opened.

  “What are their names? Your mom and dad?"

  “Daniel and Rose," he answered thinly.

  "You have your dad's smile."

  "Think so?" His breath tickled my forehead.

  I nodded, soaking in their joyful faces.

  “What’s your sister’s name?”

  He inhaled sharply, tensing. “Grace.”

  I lifted my head, catching his gaze. The raw emotion that spilled from his eyes drowned me. All these years later, he was still hurting. I wanted to be a pillar of strength for him, show him that he could talk to me about anything.

  “That’s my middle name.”

  Smiling briefly, he cocked his head to the side. “Is it?”

  “Mmhmm. How much older was she?” I placed the photo on the table.

  “Um.” He shifted nervously. "She was five when I was born."

  The sudden openness about his family shocked me. Not wanting to make him uncomfortable or have to reveal too much, I decided to keep things light.

  "Speaking as the older sibling, I took great pride in torturing my sister, Dayna, when we were kids. I convinced her that since the carpet in her bedroom was dark blue, it meant sharks lived in it. She was petrified to walk on it."