Recovered

by Jay Crownover

  I watched her watch me and told her honestly, “If I stay, we’re both going to end up moving a lot more than that, and I don’t want you to do anything with me when you’re confused or conflicted. I don’t ever want you to think I’m taking advantage of you, Reed.” I didn’t mind manipulating her and motivating her with silly little games, but I refused to leverage her heart for my own pleasure.

  She stared up at me for a long moment before tugging my mouth down to hers. It was a kiss that started slow and sweet but ended up wet and wild. I had my fingers between her legs and her fingers wrapped around my pulsing cock by the time we broke for a breath. Her gaze was glassy, and her breaths were choppy as she told me, “I’ve always known who you are Cable. I have never agreed with the choices you made . . . but about you, my heart has never been confused about you.”

  I chuckled and bent so I could brush my lips against hers again. “You hated me back then and hated me at the start of this ride. Remember?”

  Her lips twitched. “Exactly. I hate you, Cable James McCaffrey. Now teach me how to suck your cock.”

  Nothing had ever been sexier than her sweet mouth saying those dirty things. They were words she wasn’t used to saying, and I fucking loved them almost as much as I loved the knowledge that I was the only one who knew what it was like to be buried deep inside of her. For once, I didn’t give a shit about being a bad influence. If corrupting her led to her tongue licking me and her lips sucking me, then I was happy to lead her down the road straight to hell.

  If you think about it, love and hate really aren’t that much different when you got right down to it. Both make you crazy. Both make you do things you never thought you would ever do, and both were so, so easy to get lost in.

  I loved that she hated me . . . and I hated that I was pretty fucking sure I was falling in love with her. That realization ripped my heart into two pieces. There was the half that was elated I could feel something that huge and important and the other half that was losing its shit and trembling in fear. I didn’t know how to do love or hate when it came to another person. I’d felt plenty of the latter for myself but never bothered to let myself have such a strong reaction to anyone else.

  It would remain to be seen which side of my heart was stronger.

  Affton

  I ENJOYED SEX . . . a lot.

  At least, I enjoyed having sex with Cable James McCaffrey a whole hell of a lot. It was so much better than fighting with him. It was so much better than trying to manage him. It was infinitely better than being ignored by him, and it was so much easier than trying to hate him. Naked and tangled around one another, we finally found a level we connected on that didn’t make either one of us want to pull our hair out. The words he used when he was inside of me didn’t hurt. The way he looked at me when he had his hands on me healed us both. The way his mouth moved over mine helped me understand how he worked more than watching him and waiting for his next move ever did. Every kiss was flavored with desperation and dominance. He was as out of control around me as I was around him, and while those feelings terrified me, they thrilled him and made him hungry for more. He was swamped in feeling, overwhelmed by emotion, and loving every minute of it. He was no longer numb, which meant he was flying higher than any drug had ever taken him . . . which meant the potential crash back to Earth when it happened was going to be devastating.

  There was no telling which version of Cable I was going to get on any given day; there was never any way to predict what kind of sex I was going to have with him, either. There were the nights that he crawled under the covers and took me slow and soft. There were days he backed me into the wall, hands frantic and motions rushed, getting in and getting off before I knew what hit me. There were moments when he was all short demands and bossy orders, but those times were often followed by lost minutes as he let me learn my way and take all the time I needed. It was always good, always breath-stealing and mind-melting. He was hard to keep up with, so I had to learn to let go and simply appreciate all the different ways he made me feel the same kind of pleasure. I never knew which way he was going to go, but I was happy to be along for the ride if the destination involved coming apart in his arms and under his hands.

  Speaking of being under his hands . . .

  At the moment, I was learning that I got off when his hands pulled my hair and his fingers dug into my hip as he powered into me from behind. I didn’t love being face down with my ass in the air for a whole lot of reasons, but the main reason was that I couldn’t see his face. I couldn’t watch those eyes as they shifted from espresso to midnight as passion and pleasure chased his shadows away.

  “You close, Reed?” His words were choppy, and I shivered all over when I felt the wet sweep of his tongue along the length of my spine. “This was supposed to be quick.”

  He had an appointment with the doc in town that he wasn’t supposed to be late to, but when he came in from his morning surf session all sandy and wet, shaggy hair hanging in his eyes and that knowing smirk on his mouth, I went a little crazy. I sort of jumped him, which led to my current situation. I was close, but the disconnect I was having because I couldn’t see him was playing tricks on my overactive imagination. I didn’t want to be some faceless body to him. I didn’t want to be a warm, willing place to escape everything he couldn’t deal with.

  I wanted him to want me . . . and only me. The same way I was bordering on obsession with him and only him.

  His teeth bit into the curve where my neck met my shoulder and I let out a groan. That was going to leave a mark; I had them all over. Another thing I’d learned over the last week was that even though I tanned easily, my normally pale skin was prone to bruises, and I now resembled a road map. All my most sensitive places were marred by Cable’s mouth and hands.

  “Reed?” He breathed my name into my ear, and I could tell by the tremor in his tone that if I still had a while to get there, I was going to be alone because he was right at the finish line. I could feel his thick cock kick between my legs and the way his steady rhythm sped up and became more demanding. The hand that was tugging on my hair pulled harder, and I turned my head obligingly so that his lips could brush across my cheek.

  I peeled my eyes open and looked at him now that he was so close. I should be alarmed that he could read me so well, that he could see right through all that fog that covered up my usual smarts and confidence. Before I could catch my breath, he had us both up on our knees, my back to his front, his arm locked around my chest as his other hand disappeared between my legs where we were joined. He knew exactly where to touch, just how much pressure to apply to get me where he needed me to be. However, it was my name growled into my ear that was the thing that pushed me over the edge.

  “Come on, Affton, don’t do that.” He grunted, and his hips bucked as my body squeezed him, tightening as I convulsed around him, desire hot and wet rushing around his cock and triggering his own completion. “You gotta know that I don’t need to be looking right at you to see you. You’ve always been there, every time I blink, I can see you on the back of my eyelids. I could draw you from memory.” His lips landed on the side of my neck and his teeth dragged over the throbbing vein there as I struggled to catch my breath and calm my heart. One hand was still between my legs, but the other skated across my chest and lifted until he was cupping my jaw and tilting my head back so that he could nibble along the sharp line of my chin. He smelled like salt water and sex. It was intoxicating and so easy to get drunk on. “I used to jerk off to the memory of you when the lights went out and I got a minute to think when I was locked up. We’d never spoken, other than the time you chewed my ass. I hadn’t seen you in years, but I knew the exact color of your eyes and the exact way your top lip bowed. I knew you had breasts that would be perfect and an ass that would make men weep. I saw you, Affton, I’ve always seen you.”

  He rubbed his thumb along my lower lip, and I had to follow the caress with a sweep of my tongue. “And even if I was blind and could never see y
ou again, I would know the way you feel. No one else is custom made to take me and only me the way you do.”

  He was good at making our level of crazy make sense. He was also good at making me wonder if I really was custom made to take him and only him. And I wasn’t just talking about his cock. I was talking about his intensity. His unpredictable personality. His quick-fire temper, changing personalities, and all his games. I’d been taking it all since before we were all up in each other’s space, and now I was taking even more of it and sinking deeper in the mire that was Cable. At some point, I stopped struggling to get myself free because fighting only made me sink deeper. I wouldn’t tolerate any of that from anyone but Cable; I took it because it came with having feelings for him.

  I gasped as Cable gave my tender clit a little tug as he pulled out of me. He turned my head so he could plant a stinging kiss on my lips and climbed off the bed, naked body stretching, muscles slick from humidity and sweat. He ran a hand over his chest and shook his messy hair out of his face as he turned and headed to the bathroom, the view to die for as he told me, “Gotta clean up and get going. I’ll be out in a minute.”

  I wiggled to the side of the bed and reached for my big Johnny Cash shirt on the floor. I needed to go rinse off before we went anywhere, too, but before I darted up the stairs to my own room, hoping that Miglena didn’t see me along the way, I had to ask, “Did you really do . . . ugh . . . that while you were thinking about me when you were in jail?” It shouldn’t be sexy. There was no way that should be a turn on, but it was. He was in a terrible place, suffering for a sin that wasn’t entirely his, and unknowingly I may have been the single bright spot during his stay. I liked the idea of that far more than I should have.

  He paused at the doorway and looked at me over his tattooed shoulder. His blond eyebrows lifted and that smirk that seemed able to undo me pulled at his lips. “In my old room at the ranch in Loveless. In lockup. In the halfway house. In that bed you're sitting on.” He pointed at the interior of the bathroom. “In that shower, at least once a day regardless if I was hanging out with some other girl or not. You’ve logged a lot of hours in my fantasies, Reed. You’ve always had a starring role, and now that I know how good you feel and how you sound when you come, you’re pretty much a solo act. I told you, you’re pretty much all I see when I close my eyes, and I don’t know very many guys who jerk it with their eyes open.”

  I blinked in surprise and licked my lips. “Oh, my.” That was sweet, and hot . . . and sexy as all hell.

  “You’re cute when you can’t find something smart to say. Get it together, Reed, we have somewhere we need to be.”

  Once he took his very fine, perfectly muscled ass into the bathroom, I got my wits back and made the trek to my own room so I could make myself presentable. There really were landmarks all over my skin from the places Cable had been, so there was no hiding what we’d been up to, but I did tame my hair and put on something that covered up most of the obvious red spots and tiny bruises.

  We were in the car on the way to Doc Howard’s office when he asked how Jordan was doing. She ended up staying a little longer than the weekend after hitting it off with the guy who helped her make my man-handler leave. She wasn’t exactly a fan of the new developments in my relationship with Cable, but surprisingly, she was a fan of him. They had a similar way about them that drew people in, the charisma that was such a draw. While he’d been indifferent to her at first, after she jumped in to defend me with no fear, his demeanor had changed. He was never exactly warm and welcoming to anyone, but he acknowledged Jordan the whole time she was there and actively engaged with her until she left. For Cable, that was practically a seal of approval.

  “She’s good. Busy learning the ropes at her new job. Her ex called her after she posted all those pictures from the party, but she didn’t answer.” I shrugged. “The guy she hooked up with from here actually lives in Austin, so he’s not too far away from Loveless. They’ve been in touch, but she says she wants to focus on work.” She also lectured me on birth control and losing my head over some guy when my lifelong dream was within reach. She warned me to be careful, told me not to get sex-stupid, and then ordered me to make sure Cable was good to me and reminded me to always be good to myself. She really was the best friend ever and the closer it got to the end of the summer, the more I realized just how much I was leaving behind when Texas was in my rearview mirror.

  “When she’s ready, she won’t have to wait long to find a guy to take her ex’s place. She’s a knockout.” I pulled into the parking lot of the doc’s office and turned to look at Cable. He pushed the door open and looked at me over the top of his sunglasses. “She’s also a cool chick who seems loyal to the people she loves. A smart dude will see that and snatch her up.” He inclined his head to the building. “You coming in to wait for me?”

  Ever since his panic attack, I sat in the tiny, dingy waiting room during his sessions in case he needed me, but he stopped talking to the doc after that episode, so it was a wasted hour. I was starting to wonder if he needed to handle this without the safety net I provided. He was weird for weeks after I witnessed his breakdown. Maybe if he knew he could open up and let all that ugly out in a safe place that I wouldn’t invade, he would talk.

  “Not this time. I’m going to go to the store. Miglena made me a list. I told her it was silly that we both wasted time getting stuff for the same house, so we’re trading weeks.” She told me that she would do all the shopping and all the cooking. She reminded me that it was her job and that she was happy to do it, but I mentioned I needed something to keep busy with while Cable was at his appointment. The woman saw and understood more than his own mother. She immediately picked up on the subtext and told me we could alternate.

  His forehead puckered in a little frown but he leaned over the console and gave me a kiss before swinging his long legs out of the car. “All right. I’ll text you when I’m done.” He climbed out of the car and bent down, so he was looking at me with a pensive look on his face. “I’ve been thinking a lot about Miglena and my sisters. You think she’d ever let me meet them?”

  I hummed a little and lifted a hand and let it fall uselessly back onto the steering wheel. “I think you should talk to her if that’s something you really want to do. I also think that’s something you should talk to the doc about. If that’s a step you take, it’s going to affect not only your relationship with Miglena but also the one you have with your mother and father.” I wanted to believe he was emotionally strong enough to navigate those choppy waters, but I wasn’t sure. If he got caught in the rapids, he would go under and make no effort to find his way up and out of the churning water.

  He tilted his chin down in a jerky nod and closed the door with a little more force than was necessary.

  I was still thinking about his revelation and worrying about how this session was going while I made my way through the store. I was zoned out, lost in the land of Cable, absently adding things to the cart, including all the garbage he lived on since it was on Miglena's list, when I came to a sudden, jarring stop as my cart collided with another shopper. The impact was loud as the cans in both carts rattled. I put a hand to my mouth to stifle my startled scream of surprise and rushed to apologize to the other patron.

  He was a young man, probably only a year or two older than Cable, cute in a clean cut and boring way. He looked as startled by the collision as I was, but his reaction was a laugh and a wave of his hand as I tried to tell him I was sorry for having my head in the clouds.

  “Don’t worry about it. I was looking at my phone, so I’m as much to blame as you are. Are you okay . . .” He trailed off, obviously waiting for me to fill in the blank with my name.

  “Affton, and yes, I’m okay, just a little embarrassed. I’m not usually a daydreamer.”

  The guy cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes as he considered me intently. “Affton Reed?”

  I made a face and nervously played with a strand of hair. “Umm, y
eah. Do I know you?”

  He shook his head and gave me a megawatt smile that was nearly blinding. “Naw, not really. I’m from Loveless. Well, not originally, but I graduated from high school there. I was a senior when you were a freshman. Trip Wilson.” He came toward me with an outstretched hand I only shook in order not to appear rude.

  I was right about him being a little bit older than Cable, but I didn’t have any clue who he was. I didn’t remember him at all from school, and it was a little creepy that he remembered me after all this time. Especially since I went out of my way to be so unmemorable. I never thought I stood out, but Cable told me I didn’t have to try.

  “What are you doing down here in Port Aransas? One last vacation before you head off to college?” He seemed friendly enough, but there was something off about the whole situation. It made the hair on the back of my arms stand on end.

  “I’m down here staying with a friend for the summer. Who could say no to a summer on the beach?” I moved back to my cart with every intention of finishing my shopping so I could get back to Cable. This guy unsettled me, but it wasn’t in the fun, challenging way my troubled lover did. “I’ve actually got to get back. Sorry again about that bump.”

  “The friend you’re staying with wouldn’t happen to be Cable McCaffrey, would it? I knew him in school a little bit, as well. We were friendly, and I heard he was living down here after he got released from prison. Guy's been through the ringer, hasn’t he? I’d love to catch up with him and see how he’s doing.” He moved in front of my cart as I went to move around him. Maybe he knew Cable back then, or maybe he didn’t. He obviously didn’t know him now, or he would know that he didn’t want any more ghosts from his past showing up on his doorstep.

  “The friend I’m staying with is very private and isn’t a big fan of company. Good luck reconnecting with your high school pal, but it seems he isn’t in a big hurry to be found if he’s hiding down here.” I purposely pushed my cart around him but was brought up short when his hand landed on my arm.