“What!” I shouted. “Grace was assaulted, too? Jesus!”
They went on to play a short video of the grainy surveillance video and I cringed when I saw the man hit Grace and run off with the baby.
“This is awful,” I said. “Should we do something?”
“Like what?” Julia asked. “You barely know them really.”
“That’s true,” I agreed, biting my lip.
It didn’t seem right to just sit there, though.
“Besides, you’re drunk,” Julia reminded me. “And I bet they’ve got all those hot Gods on the case.”
I thought of Bullet, wondering what he was doing. He’d recovered fully and happily gone back to work with Solid Ground. It was obvious he wanted more to happen between us. If I was honest, I’d say I wanted it, too.
I just never understood how it would happen.
Like I said, we’re completely different. Our lives are polar opposites.
We might as well be living on separate planets.
And still, I felt the strongest urge to reach out to him, to Grace and Ryder, to all of them.
Instead, I took a deep breath and laid back on the couch, placing my feet in Julia’s lap, and closing my eyes.
CHAPTER FIVE
BULLET
The air was heavy with tension.
I’d never seen Ryder so enraged.
Controlled and quiet, he seethed silently, which only served to make it that much more intimidating.
I did not want to be around when he exploded.
Added to the intensity of Riot and Slade’s anger, the hospital waiting room outside of Grace’s room was a tinder box ready to ignite.
The nurses kept nervously glancing our way. Slade paced around like a stalking lion, reminding me of what it had been like to be locked in Mona’s basement with him. He’d come out of that no worse for wear and that impressed the hell out of me. I guess you could say I came out of it new and improved, considering the fact that getting shot again was actually a good thing.
Bones had done an amazing job and because the bullet dislodged the fragment that was already in there, he was able to remove both pieces and patch me back up, eliminating any risk for it doing any other harm to me.
After staying in the hospital for a few weeks to heal, I came back to the clubhouse good as new. I still didn’t believe it sometimes.
Of course, good as new didn’t mean happy.
I mean, sure I thought I would be happy, for a hot minute.
But that didn’t work out.
That didn’t work out at all.
I missed Libby something fierce, though. The days were hard, but I let my memories carry me through the worse of it. If I close my eyes, I can still feel her, still smell her, still see her smile that seemed to beam sunshine right through the cracks in my heart.
I get it, though.
She didn’t really give me an explanation, she sort of just faded away, but I knew what was up. Once she saw all the differences in our lives, it was hard to ignore.
In that basement where we met, it was just us.
In the hospital, those long weeks we spent in my room, just the two of us, talking late into the night, it was just us.
We fell for each other in a suspended moment in time.
Reality crashed into us once that was all over.
I mean, look at me, for fuck’s sake!
I live in a fucking commune with a bunch of hairy, tattooed dudes, traveling around doing covert — albeit heroic — dangerous shit.
Libby’s a brilliant, young artist, with her entire life ahead of her, there in the city.
As much as we loved each other in those stolen moments, as much as I still love her now, is there really any room for us in each other’s worlds?
No, she didn’t need to say it.
I could see it in her eyes.
I felt it in her touch when she started to pull away.
It sucked, it fucking sucked hard, but I couldn’t force her to stay.
What kind of monster would that make me?
Yeah, as much as I wanted to be a caveman, I just wasn’t that guy.
And I guess she’s not that girl.
She’s an angel. And I’m just a God.
But right now, I can’t think about her, or any of that.
Right now, we’ve got a baby to find and we’ll do whatever it takes to do so.
But I’m not the boss.
I’m just a loyal soldier, waiting for my marching orders, my broken heart breaking even more knowing how much pain Ryder and Grace are in right now.
CHAPTER SIX
MONA
“So, your name is Sadie, huh?” I whispered to the sleeping bundle on my chest. She was so tiny, so pink. Lights from the television flashed over her face, and I watched with a grin as her father begged for her safe return.
Slade stood stoically next to him, sexy as ever, of course.
Ryder looked like he was about to lose his shit, though.
I wondered where Grace was. I’d smacked her pretty hard, and I hated to do it, but there was no other way.
She’ll heal. She’ll be fine.
It was nothing compared to what she’s done to me.
Taking her daughter seemed only right.
She deserved this. She deserved to feel what I’d felt. She deserved to break, the way that I was broken back then.
I thought I’d healed over the years, but I was wrong.
After giving up my daughter, I spent another year in jail. Once I got out, I was determined to turn my life around. And I did — eventually.
But despite my success as an artist, I still chose not to find the baby I’d given up. I thought it would be better for her that way. I still believe that was the right thing to do, but I’d never have had to do that unless Grace put me in that situation in the first place. I told her I was pregnant the night she arrested me, and she still chose to put me in jail.
She’s the one who took my daughter from me.
And Libby and I both would have been fine with that decision, if she hadn’t informed me of Libby’s name.
I mean, I’d already let her go! I’d given her up to the universe, trusting in the fact that she’d been adopted by good people — that much I’d made sure of. But I didn’t want to subject her to the pain of having to allow space for me in her life.
But here we are now, with everything exposed and old wounds opened up again.
Again, because of Grace. Because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. She told me Libby’s name and it changed everything. All the healing, all the effort I’d put into moving on — it was all erased by her.
She was paying for her mistakes now.
Taking her baby was just one more overdue payment, as far as I was concerned.
It wasn’t right that Libby and I should be going through all this pain.
Grace needed to feel it, too.
I looked down at little Sadie, her eyes closed, her face so sweet and peaceful, and it made me think of the one time I’d held Libby. Bittersweet and tender, it was my favorite memory of my entire life.
I tried to conjure up the same feelings for Sadie, but nothing at all came. There was no swelling of the heart, no love — nothing.
Gently, I laid her down on the bed, turned down the light and changed the channel, Ryder’s anguished face disappearing.
CHAPTER SEVEN
GRACE
“Ma’am, is there anyone that might have any issues with you? Anyone you’ve angered in the past that might want revenge?”
The detectives stood next to my hospital bed, paper and pen in hand as they took notes. I rolled my eyes. It was almost seven a.m. and Ryder was due to pick me up in an hour. I’d been forced to spend the night in the hospital and it was killing me.
“Of course, hundreds, probably,” I replied, my voice laced with irritation. Actually, I was beyond irritated. I wanted out of this room, but Bones was insisting I had a concussion and couldn’t leave until he cleared
me this morning.
“Understood,” the man nearest me replied, nodding solemnly. “Is there any one in particular you can think of?”
I’d been racking my brain since the moment I regained consciousness and was told the baby was gone. I thought of the people I used to work for on the police force, the dirty cops I’d exposed, all the rich men and prominent politicians I’d put behind bars, all the ones we’d taken down as Solid Ground. There were countless faces swimming in my head, but I couldn’t pick just one. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack.
“No,” I snapped, infuriated with the lack of progress they were making.
“We’ve put out an Amber Alert on the vehicle. The news is reporting about it on all the local stations to get the word out, and Ryder was just interviewed, as well. Someone will see this man and your baby, I have no doubt. We just need to be patient.”
“That’s impossible,” I said.
“I understand,” the young woman detective reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged her off, knowing if I let her touch me, I’d break down in tears.
This situation did not call for tears.
I needed to be tough and strong.
“Fuck this,” I said, throwing my feet on the ground. I padded over to the closet, grabbed my clothes and began pulling them on.
I couldn’t wait another second.
“Ma’am, you aren’t supposed to leave,” the woman said.
“I’m leaving,” I said, pulling the gown off. The man looked away politely to avoid seeing my breasts. “You can try to stop me if you want. Or, you can get out on the fucking street and go find my baby! Because that’s what I’m going to do!”
I shoved my feet in my shoes, grabbed my purse, and walked out the door.
CHAPTER EIGHT
MONA
I paced around the room, the baby in my arms. She’d been a dream, actually. She just smiled and ate and pooped and slept. She woke up every three hours and wanted to do all of that over again, but that was okay. I was used to surviving on small amounts of sleep and waking up early in the morning.
My apartment in Portland features a huge picture window with a picture perfect view of Mt. Hood. I’d grown into the habit of waking up before dawn so I could watch the sun rise over the mountain in the mornings.
I sighed heavily, looking down at the infant in my arms.
I miss my old life, if I’m being honest.
I missed my circle of friends, my simple routine of waking up in the morning and watching the sun come up, then spending the day doing whatever I pleased, working on my commissions, hanging out with my friends.
Somewhere along the way, everything changed.
I tried to think back to where it all went wrong. Perhaps when I started dreaming of a new world, a new way of life. I’d created a huge mural in exchange for a little ghost town near the mountain and from there, my imagination went wild.
It all started innocently enough, but things got out of hand and I did things that I never should have done.
Kidnapping Libby was the worst.
As it always did, when I thought about Libby, my heart seemed to crack a little wider. I looked down at Grace’s baby and tried to put those feelings onto her, but still, it just didn’t work.
She smiled up at me, cooing gently, her little fingers clenched around my finger. She was beautiful. But she left me feeling cold and empty, the hole in my heart no less filled because I possessed her.
It wasn’t just any kid I wanted.
I wanted Libby.
“Maybe you’ll grow on me,” I whispered to her. “I need to just give it a little more time.”
She snuggled into me and I tightened the blanket around her. My stomach growled and I nodded.
“Right, food,” I said to the empty room. I’d been so busy concentrating on making sure the baby’s needs were met, I forgot about my own. I grabbed the diaper bag and the car seat, buckling Sadie into it and leaving the hotel room.
I drove to the nearest restaurant I could find and carried Sadie inside with me, plastering the most matronly smile I could muster on my face.
CHAPTER NINE
GRACE
Twenty minutes and one Lyft ride later, I was at the KATU headquarters. After a tense showdown with the security guard, I was ushered up to Diana’s office.
“Put me on the air!” I demanded as I burst into her office.
“Grace!” she cried, standing and running around her desk and pulling me into her arms. I allowed her to hug me, but I quickly pulled away. “Where’s Ryder?”
“Probably at the hospital by now and freaking out because I’m not there.”
“I see,” she nodded. She understood, I could see it in her eyes, and that acceptance of my frantic worry was extremely comforting. It wasn’t long ago that she didn’t know where her husband was and I was comforting her.
“I’ll let him know you’re here. I think we should wait for him. The Gods have had hundreds of posters made and they’re plastering them all over the city as we speak.”
“Good,” I nodded.
“Ryder’s interview aired last night,” she said.
“I know,” I said. “But I want to do one myself.”
“Are you in any shape to do that?” She said, looking at the huge bandage on my head wrapped around my stitched-up wound and the purple bruises I’d woken up to this morning.
“I’m fine!’ I insisted.
She paused, looking me over a moment, before nodding slowly.
“Okay, my slot airs in an hour,” she said. “I need to clear it with my producer, but I know they’ll allow it. I’ll be right back.”
“Thank you, Diana,” I said, trying to muster a smile of gratitude. She hugged me again.
“I’ll be right back,” she said. “In the meantime, you should eat something. There’s a muffin and some juice on my desk.”
I nodded and sat down as she walked out. Taking a deep breath, I tried to gather my thoughts. Now that I was out of the hospital, I needed a plan. Coming up with that plan was proving harder than expected, because while I may be cool-headed and calm in the face of other people’s trauma, I was having an extremely hard time keeping my shit together now that it was my child involved.
My stomach churned with worry, my hands trembling as I sat there, trying to go over every second I could remember before everything went black.
But there was nothing.
Not a thing. I didn’t even remember the car door opening. I didn’t remember Ryder going into Starbucks, although he told me we had an entire discussion about it.
I remembered leaving the hospital and making sure Sadie was safely secured in her car seat, and that was it. I hung my head, cradling my face in my hands. I hated that I couldn’t remember anything. I hated that I’d not protected my child.
“Hey,” a soft voice called out.
I lifted my head and saw Ryder standing there watching me. Behind him stood an angry looking Bones, and Slade and Wreck with boxes in their arms.
I ran over to Ryder and he pulled me into his arms.
“So you broke out of the hospital, huh?” he said. I looked up into his eyes, clouded with pain.
“I couldn’t stay there any longer,” I cried.
“It’s okay,” he shrugged. “I brought the Doc to you.”
I looked sheepishly at Bones.
“You’re a very bad patient, Grace,” he winked.
“I know,” I said.
“Let me just look you over a minute, and then you’ll be cleared to do whatever you need to, okay?”
“Thanks,” I muttered. He did a quick exam, looking in my eyes and examining my stitches.
“Okay,” he shrugged. “But no physical activity outside of walking, got it? No heavy lifting and no drinking.”
“Got it, thanks Bones,” I said, turning to Ryder. “Diana’s going to put me on the air. Is there any news from Riot?”
“No, babe,” he shook his head. “But we’re usi
ng all the manpower we have. Some of the Gods are putting up posters, others are fanned out scouring the city and neighboring towns, Riot’s trying to trace all the security footage he can find on the route the car took to see where he stopped. We even had t-shirts made.”
“This is unreal,” I said, my eyes filling with tears.
“We’re going to find her, babe,” he insisted. “I promise.”
“You don’t know that,” I said, a wave of helplessness washing over me.
“Yes, I do,” he said, grabbing my arms, his eyes peering intently into mine. “And you have to believe that, Grace. You can’t give up. You can’t.”
I nodded. He was right.
“Yes, yes,” I said. “Yes, we will.”
Slade walked past me and dropped the box on Diana’s desk, opening it up and pulling out a t-shirt with my baby daughter’s face on it.
“Don’t you worry, Grace,” he said. “Nothing’s going to keep us from finding your baby. We’re the fucking Gods. There’s nothing we can’t handle.”
“Fuck, I love you, man,” Ryder said, shaking his head.
“Love you, too, brother,” Slade said. He pulled me into his arms. “Grace, you’re the strongest person I know. But you don’t have to be strong now. Let us do the heavy lifting, okay? We got this shit. Believe it.”
I nodded.
He was right.
I took a deep breath and exhaled, pulling the shirt over my head as Diana walked in.
“We’re all set,” she said. “And the more the merrier, so you should all stand behind Grace as a show of support.”
One by one, Slade, Wreck, Bones and Ryder pulled off their shirts to change in the hallway outside of Diana’s office, providing everyone interested with an amazing view.
GODS & ANGELS: GODS OF CHAOS MC: BOOK ELEVEN Page 2