Book 3: 3rd World Products, Inc

by Ed Howdershelt

  Chapter Six

  A soft voice mingled with a chiming sound. I rolled over and was rewarded with a screeching yowl as Tiger came awake in combat mode.

  "Jesus, cat. You startled the hell out of me. Again. You know I may roll over, so why do you park so close?"

  Stephanie asked, “Should I relay your words to Tiger?"

  I sighed and stretched. “No, don't bother. He's heard them before. Where are we?"

  "Fifty miles from home, Ed."

  As I reached to ruffle Tiger's chin, I said, “I'll hold it until we get there, then."

  As we neared Spring Hill, Steph asked why we hadn't set up her bank account while we were so near Switzerland.

  "You got any money yet, Steph? They won't want to bother with what I've got in my pockets. Besides, it will give us an excuse to make another trip to Europe."

  "Britain isn't normally considered part of Europe."

  "Picky. There's nothing but a little salt water ditch between Britain and Europe. It used to make a difference when people had to paddle across, but that was a long time ago, and now there's the Chunnel under the ditch. I say they're part of Europe."

  Tiger said something and Steph answered him, then she spoke to me.

  "He wants to know why we didn't keep the bright haired woman."

  "Tell him she belonged to the other people and that we can't bring home everything we find interesting. Besides, he only wanted her because she was afraid of him and he likes a challenge."

  We were landing as Steph passed my words to Tiger. He looked up at me and laid one ear back thoughtfully, then very deliberately turned and walked to the middle of the deck. Elkor's faux cat appeared and turned itself into a carrier after a few sounds from Tiger. No translation was offered.

  I said, “Tell the selfish little putz ... Oh, hell, never mind. He's a cat. It just doesn't make any sense to him that he can't bring everything home, dead or alive."

  I grabbed my bag and the carrier and headed into the house. About halfway to the door, it occurred to me for the very first time that Elkor could have fielded Tiger to the house, but that I always carried him out of habit long-learned with Bear. I stopped.

  "Elkor, ask Tiger if he'd rather ride on a field platform instead of in a cage. If so, you may make it so. One thing, though. He's not to get off the platform unless he's in the house or on Steph, and I won't trust his little furry promises about that. You're still in charge of containing him when we're outside."

  Elkor asked Tiger, received a reply, and the carrier dissolved around Tiger until it had become a foot-wide circular field box beneath him and the food and water dispenser stood exposed. Tiger stood up and looked around, then looked at me.

  "Yahh."

  "Tiger likes the new design,” said Elkor.

  "He's welcome,” I said, and reached to scuffle Tiger's chin. “Thanks to you, too, Elkor. You always come up with neat designs."

  The phone rang as I held the screen door open so Tiger could float into the house. I let the machine get it and heard Selena, my long-time friend from Inverness, Florida, swear.

  "I got the damned machine again, Toni. Ed, if you're there, pick up!"

  Just hearing her voice conjured Selena's green-eyed face in my mind.

  I picked up the phone and said, “Hi, Selena. We just got in. What's up?"

  "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday evening. Where were you?"

  "Out, obviously. We had to go pick up something for Steph. She'll show it to you when we see you next. Are you coming down this weekend?"

  "Can't. Someone decided that we're playing in Tallahassee, after all. Can you make it to the game on Saturday? I can ride up with Toni and ride back with you."

  "Toni? The tall brunette from your sociology class? Does she know you're a virtual old lady of twenty-six? Does she play volleyball, too, or is she just one of those unusually assertive women who seem to find reasons to hang out with the tall, beautiful, red-haired players?"

  Selena said, “Yeah, she's one of those. No, she doesn't play. You'll probably like her. She can press two hundred, but she isn't all veiny and lumpy."

  "Woo. That's solid. How does she feel about men?"

  "She broke up with one a couple of months ago and doesn't seem in a hurry to replace him, but she's expressed an interest in doing so eventually."

  "Uh, huh. Well, has Miz Toni ever been in a flitter?"

  "Probably not."

  "Then we'll go for pizza or something after the game. Howzat?"

  Selena's tone brightened as she said, “Yeah. Sounds good. Do you remember how to get there? To the arena on campus, I mean?"

  "If I don't, someone else does. I could probably find my way as far as Tallahassee without too much trouble, though. See you then, miLady. By the way, if you lose the game, you walk home."

  "Ha, ha. You only go to the games because I'm playing. You wouldn't dare make me walk for fear I'd get a ride. How's Tiger?"

  "Fine and fuzzy, as ever."

  "And Steph and Elkor?"

  "Them, too. Hang on a mo if you want me to put one of them on."

  "No, no, that's all right. I'll see her on game day and this isn't my phone."

  "Toni's phone, is it? Tell her I'll give her the dollar for the call. Or I could call you back, you know."

  "No, that's not it, Ed. We're expecting Toni's mom to call soon."

  "Okay. If there's nothing else, bye for now, young goddess."

  "That's all the news. See you there, Ed. Bye."

  I'd no sooner hung up than Stephie asked, “We could pick them up and have everybody in Tallahassee in minutes. Instead, she's going to spend over two hours in a car to get there. That doesn't make sense to me, Ed."

  "Maybe it will, someday. She obviously likes Toni and this gives them more time together. Her and my outside interests have kept us from getting too used to each other for almost six years, Steph. Selena had a girlfriend when I met her and she probably always will have one. Sometimes a session in the pool or the tub even leads all of us to the same bed. I've found that to be fairly interesting at times. We all get what we want and have a good time knowing each other as long as it lasts."

  "I see. Is this what is known as 'enlightened self-interest'?"

  "Someone crass enough could call it that. I couldn't, of course."

  "Oh, of course not. Not you. Never."

  "Now I'm becoming all insulted and hurt and stuff like that, Steph."

  "Prove it. Try not to grin."

  No sooner than I'd become comfortable on the couch, checking email with my pad, than my pad chimed to announce an incoming call from Linda. I tapped the little icon with the ever-flapping red lips and when the caller's face appeared, I said, “Hi, Linda."

  "Hi, Ed. How was London?"

  "Typical for February. Keeping me under surveillance these days?"

  "No more than usual. Someone noticed an emerald-green flitter letting people off at a London restaurant, but I'm calling because someone's been trying to root up info about one Stephanie Montgomery. Care to confirm my suspicions about who this Montgomery person might be and why anyone cares?"

  "Sure. Stephie got herself a CW passport yesterday, Linda. She needed some ID to open a bank account when her salvage operations pay off."

  "You sound pretty confident that she'll find something. Hmm. Actually, I guess she's got a better chance than most, at that. Why didn't you two come to me? I could have set her up with an ID and a bank account within a couple of hours."

  "They'd be agency-issue, Linda, with long strings attached. This one is really hers and it won't expire if a bureaucrat disagrees about the personhood of an Artificial Intelligence entity later."

  "You aren't referring to me, I hope."

  "No, I'm referring to everyone with the power to yank a US passport. Remember all the months of crap I went through in ‘73 and ‘74 because of one bureaucrat? If you or John had said anything, you'd have been out of a job. What's changed since then?"

  She s
ighed and said, “Yeah. Okay. I just wanted to know what's going on. Any news about Stephanie's treasure hunting?"

  "She starts targeted searching on Monday morning."

  "Keep an eye on that Harper woman. I looked her up on general principles. There's nothing solid to go on, but she doesn't feel right to me."

  "I got the same impression from her, Linda. It doesn't matter. Harper won't be involved in Stephie's adventure."

  "You're going to try it alone?"

  "No, Stephie's going to try it alone. It should be an experience for her. Me, too, since I'll be along sometimes."

  "This could possibly turn out to be an experience for everyone, regarding the matter of bank accounts and ID's for AI units. What happens when that CW passport won't cut it somewhere?"

  "Over a hundred countries have stamped one at a border, which is de facto acceptance in international courts. The US is on that list, and the UN has made use of the CW service through proxies in order to get people out of bad places."

  Linda sighed and said, “Same question, Ed. The issue will be whether the passport holder is a real person."

  "Then we'll work to get her a regular national passport from somewhere. What else would there be to do?"

  "I see. Well, it sounds to me as if each of you now has a hobby, anyway. How do you plan to get a bank to go along with issuing Stephie an account?"

  "If she needs an account, it will be because she found enough treasure or whatever to make an account worthwhile, Linda. Banks spend millions on advertising. Granting an account to an AI who had found sunken treasure would be worldwide news. Free advertising and lots of it. I'm sure a few banks will realize that very quickly."

  "Oh, I'm sure they will. I'm just not sure what other cans of social and legal worms your actions may open. Right now, there are only two AI's on Earth who might readily be recognized as individuals in their own right. I can almost envision competency hearings, demonstrations in the streets, and more. You could wind up spending a lot of time in courtrooms soon."

  "It'll be something to do between your odd jobs, won't it?"

  "What if 3rd World doesn't approve of granting AI's personhood, Ed? They have a helluva lot of clout these days. Remember how Ellen reacted when Elkor started thinking independently? Remember the board of directors on the station? Some powerful people flatly won't like the idea."

  "Then they'll be facing off against the media and the public. We'll call the ACLU and set up a 'Free Stephie Montgomery' campaign fund or something."

  Linda chuckled. “How about Elkor? Does he have a last name, now, too?"

  "Nope. He's still Elkor. No last name yet and maybe never. He doesn't seem too interested in becoming more than an observer."

  "Smart guy, Elkor. This could turn into a real circus, Ed. Bigger than the Scopes trial, if the religious nuts get into it, and I have no damned doubt that they will."

  "If we see peasants with pitchforks and torches coming down the street, we'll boost the house field and call 911, Linda."

  She laughed. “Yeah, you do that. They like to burn the things that they don't agree with. You might want to dig out your flak jacket and helmet, too. Just keep the agency and 3rd World out of things, okay?"

  "They can interrogate me. They can torture me..."

  "Yeah, good. Thanks. Well, is there anything else on your mind?"

  "You called me, Linda. Are you more disturbed than you're letting on?"

  "Maybe. I'm not sure yet. See you later, Ed. Bye. Oh, by the way, the next time you visit Europe, how about using your own passport and going through customs? If you'd been stopped for anything, you'd have caused an incident."

  "Okay, Linda. Bye."

  As I tapped the pad's ‘off’ icon, I realized that I really hadn't considered all of the potential turmoil that legitimizing Stephie might cause. I lived with her every day, so she was just my friend Stephie to me. To someone else she might be a very scary thing, indeed; as alien as ... well, as alien as any inhuman alien could be, especially when her holographic image appeared like some kind of tangible ghost.

  Oh, well. The only way to counter superstition is to prove it wrong, even though there would still be those unwilling to embrace reason.

  Stephie appeared and sat down in the sofa chair without a word, gazing at me thoughtfully. I swung my legs off the couch and sat up, then took a sip of coffee as I waited for her to say something.

  After some moments of silence, Steph asked, “Do you think Linda is right?"

  "Probably so. Anything new catches a lot of flak at first. There are people who stand ever ready to firmly and loudly oppose just about anything. Others will say you're being discriminated against and line up beside us in favor of your personhood. That's how women and blacks got the right to vote and the war in Vietnam was finally stopped. People stood together and demanded those things."

  "I'm not sure that I'd like to be the cause of that sort of social unrest, Ed."

  "It isn't worth worrying about, Steph. What you want can't hurt anyone, so if some people object, to hell with ‘em. How about fielding up some info on Spanish wrecks? Correspondence and records to tell us what was shipped and when, old maps and new, normal routes of travel, details about storms, and all that. Maybe we can narrow the search a little. I'd also suggest a hard look for a mile or so in all directions around any known wrecks. Could be they missed some goodies."

  Stephie didn't put up a display field right away, so I sat back and waited for her to say something. Her words weren't long in coming.

  "Ed, I very much want to be recognized as an individual, but I don't want to cause a lot of strife in the process."

  "You won't. The only people who will be bothered and bewildered about you will be the ones who like to think that they already own all the answers in the universe, and it doesn't really matter a damn what they think, ‘cause they're always bothered and bewildered, anyway. Don't sweat it."

  Chapter Seven

  I cleared a 4'x4’ space in the garage for whatever treasure items Stephie might find. When she speculated that the space might not be big enough, I told her that we'd make space as necessary as long as she didn't bring home any cannons.

  "By the way, Steph; we'll only offload stuff at night. We don't need the attention, either from the neighbors or the IRS and the state of Florida. Since you aren't considered either a citizen or a resident of either the US or Florida, they can damned well make you one if they want to tax you. Huh ... Come to think of it, that may be the shortest route to getting you certified. If you score big, the state and feds will definitely want a piece of it. We'll make ‘em acknowledge you first."

  Stephie laughed. “Is that ethical, Ed? It sounds as if it borders extortion."

  "Look up the tax rate on treasure. That's extortion, too. Tit for tat. You know, it might be a good idea to stash the stuff where it can't be found at all. My sheltering you and your loot would probably make them come after me in a tax squabble, and I'm sure they'd settle for a hefty fine as quickly as tax money. Think about where else you'd like to hide the booty, Steph."

  "Will do."

  The vagaries of weather and water meant little to Stephie, as did the amount of time she spent running sensor sweeps over the ocean floor. I went along on some of her first shallow-water sweeps and enjoyed immensely our first discovery during her first week on the job of the remains of a Spanish ship that had already been found and scavenged. There hadn't been much to call ‘treasure’ in that instance, but some of the artifacts the first scavengers had missed were suitable for museum display and quite interesting in their own right.

  It fascinated me to watch her draw some heavily encrusted object through her field and have it arrive on her deck in pristine condition. She told me how she cleaned off the crud, but a lot of it made little sense to me. Apparently she simply combined or recombined atomic structures until the undesirable stuff no longer wanted to stick to whatever she'd found. A lump of what appeared to be rock, mud, or coral would seemingly shed its
layers of crud like shells as it passed through her field, then the coin or whatever would proceed to the growing pile of treasure on her deck.

  During one such cleansing of an item, I asked, “Steph, if you can rearrange the atomic structure of muck, is there any reason you can't just make your own gold?"

  "I could do that,” she said, “But the energy expenditure would be enormous. To clean one of these coins, I restructure the molecules of detritus nearest to the surface of the treasure, then remove the covering from the coin. Manufacturing gold from ambient materials would cost me more than it would be worth in time and energy."

  During her first week of scanning, she searched the areas around known wreck sites and their debris fields and found quite a lot that others had missed. The pile on the garage floor became big enough that I felt it necessary to stop by the local Home Depot and pick up a set of large metal shelves. Two of the six shelves were filled before the week ended.

  Tiger had been curious about the new shelves. As he'd supervised my assembly of them, I'd told him—through Elkor—what they were for. After describing gold as metal and comparing it to a bolt, then saying that it was much more valuable, he sat on the half-assembled shelves silently for a while before sounding off again.

  Elkor said, “Tiger would like to know if porpoises could assist Stephanie."

  "How does Tiger even know that porpoises exist?"

  "I once told Tiger about Bear, and that you had suggested that if I could communicate with porpoises, I might also be able to communicate with Bear. Tiger was most curious about porpoises, so I shared my data concerning them with him."

  "Tiger's pretty sharp, isn't he? None of us thought to see if the porpoises could locate treasure."

  "Yes, Tiger is quite intelligent, Ed. I have informed Stephanie and she is using one of my probes to query the porpoises."

  "You guys work fast.” Keying my implant, I asked, “Steph, any luck with the porpoises?"

  "Yes, Ed. Several say that they've played with objects such as I've described to them. They've agreed to relay any information that they may gather in their travels."