Book 3: 3rd World Products, Inc

by Ed Howdershelt

  "If that's your idea of sympathy, I may want some, too."

  "No problem. Well, maybe it's really only sympathy when the team loses, but when the leg cramps hit, she makes all the same noises either way. 'Ohh. Ow! It hurts, it hurts, make it stop!' Come to think of it, that's probably the only real reason she keeps me around. Leg cramps. She knows I won't lose interest or charge her by the hour."

  Sel had been giving me the finger throughout my speech. When Toni turned to see how she was taking my words, she quickly—although not quite quickly enough—pulled her hand back under the water and said, “Don't listen to him. He just likes to feel needed, that's all. Are you two coming in or not?"

  Putting her hand in the water again, Toni said, “In a minute."

  Selena reached for her beer and softly chanted, “Cannndy Aaasss! Cannndy Aaasss!"

  Reaching for her own beer, Toni said, “Yeah, yeah. Like I said, in a minute."

  I watched Toni reach over the tub for her beer, far enough that she had to stretch for it. Her right foot left the floor as she craned, then her leg curled slightly to help her balance. It was a helluva show, and she suddenly seemed to realize that as her hand closed on the beer. She froze for a moment, then began to pull herself back, lowering her leg as she did so.

  She stood facing away from me for a long few moments. I could see Selena looking up at her and I'd guess that Toni was matching her gaze. I applauded softly with my soapy hands and flecks of soap wafted around the sink.

  Toni turned to face me with a wry look, then stood straight and took a long pull from her beer. As far as I was concerned, that made for another fine show, although I didn't applaud. She put her beer where it was more reachable, hopped slightly to place her butt on the tub deck, then turned to swing her legs up.

  Toni had long, graceful curves covered with satiny-smooth tanned skin. When she moved, as when she raised her leg to lift it into the tub, the delineation of her muscles stood firmly outlined, softened only slightly in the natural manner of womens’ bodies.

  "C'mon!” said Sel. “Jump on in! You'll get used to it."

  "Haahhh...” whispered Toni through gritted teeth. “H-hot!"

  "It's supposed to be,” said Sel.

  "Try what I do,” I said. “Sit on the edge and soak your legs for a few, then slide in a little at a time. That seems to make it easier."

  Sel asked, “Are you about through in there? When are you gonna get your dainty little butt wet with the rest of us?"

  "Like she said,” I said, holding up a coffee cup, “In a minute."

  The game was afoot. The ladies were waiting to see whether I'd bother with a suit, and I kept them waiting, washing each dish meticulously and examining the results before placing it in the rack.

  Selena asked, “What do you think, Toni? Will he chicken out and wear a suit, just because you're wearing one, or will he take it all off for us?"

  I said, “Calling me a chicken for wearing a suit is like calling her a chicken, too. It could be that I just have better manners than some people."

  "You? Better manners than me? Ha. I don't think so."

  "Well, maybe I don't want to offend Toni's delicate sensibilities, Sel. Toni? How about that? Are your delicate sensibilities at risk, here?"

  Toni put her beer down, glanced at Sel, then said, “Uh, no, I don't think so."

  "Then how come you're wearing a suit? I wasn't kidding, Toni. If you'd rather, I'll wear a swimsuit, too. No problem. This is supposed to be fun, not a stress test."

  There was silence from the hot tub as I put the last dish in the rack and rinsed the soap off my hands. To give Toni a little more time without eye contact in which to formulate her reply, I dried my hands and draped the refolded dish towel over the faucet to dry, then picked up my beer and took a sip.

  Still no reply from Toni. I walked over to the tub and looked from Sel's face to Toni's, then said, “I'll wear a suit,” and started to turn to head for the bedroom.

  Through my implant, Stephanie said, “Ed, Linda wants a word with you."

  I stopped and asked, “Did she say why?"

  "Huh?” asked Toni. “What?"

  Sel whispered something to her as Steph said, “No."

  I reached above my head and pulled my briefcase down and into visibility as I walked to the kitchen counter, where I set it down next to my beer and opened it. Without taking my datapad out of the briefcase, I tapped it on and tapped the flapping lips icon. Linda's face appeared on the screen, and she didn't look happy, so I headed off whatever she might say.

  "Linda,” I said, “I'm with Selena and a guest. Maybe I should take this outside."

  "Yes, maybe you should, Ed."

  Ooo. That didn't sound friendly.

  I closed the briefcase, turned to the ladies, and said, “Back in a few. Linda wouldn't be calling if it wasn't important."

  Toni was asking Selena, “Who's Linda?” as the door closed behind me. At the bottom of the steps, I sat down and opened the briefcase and said, “Okay, we're outside on the steps. What's up?"

  "Think hard, Ed. What trivial little thing didn't you tell me about your afternoon adventure? What tiny unusual detail did you leave out?"

  "Linda, just tell me what's bugging you."

  In a conciliatory voice, Linda said, “What's bugging me is the fact that you failed to mention that the gunman couldn't have let go of the gun without a goddamned prybar. The M.E. discovered that the gunman's hand had been frozen. After he puzzled over that for a while, he called some other people about it. Some dimwit has decided that the freezing might have been an ancillary field effect. He suggested that the barrier Stephie used to protect you had frozen the gunman's hand. If this goes beyond county offices, 3rd World will have to find a way to explain how that can't possibly happen in order to protect standing flitter contracts. That's what's bugging me, Ed."

  "Well, at least you never call me with trivia, Linda. I really appreciate that."

  "Damn you, Ed! This isn't a joke! What the hell do I tell them, smart guy? That their DOD implant program that failed could have worked, after all? That there's a guy running around who can freeze and bake peoples’ body parts with nothing more than a look? Are you ready to become a DOD lab rat?"

  "Why the panic, Linda? Remember when the ASA wanted to know where we got the info about Kreister and his wife? You told them to put it through DIA channels, and that they'd be told if they were authorized to be told. Those guys chased their tails for weeks, and by the time anybody figured anything out, we had Kreister and his frau out of East Germany. The US has two dozen security agencies and not one of them will share info with the others unless they've been ordered to. Shuffle the deck and tell whoever asks to put it through someone else's channels. Tell them that I'm already a government lab rat, then tell them to see if they can get clearance to hear about it."

  Linda glared at me for a few moments, then said, “That's kind of what we've done, Ed, but it didn't work with one person in particular. You will appear in Tallahassee Monday morning at ten to demonstrate a very limited version of your talents to a Dr. Breen, who we hope to recruit away from the university and into 3rd World employment after she squashes any further questions about the incident. Stephanie already has the contact info."

  "Then what?"

  "Then nothing. We'll take things from there. You'll show up, do small tricks, and then bring her to Carrington or split. You will not discuss the details of your field implant with Breen or anyone else. We will tell them what we think they need to know. Understood?"

  "Got it. Anything else?"

  Linda's face grew grim. “Yes. I'll have Elkor remove that implant if it becomes necessary. Moving small objects is no big deal, Ed. We can say you used a PFM for something like that. But no more freezing or frying people. Promise me."

  Could she really have Elkor pull my implant?

  "Promise, Linda. No more freezing or frying people. Somebody's worried about assassinations, right?"

  She nodded
. “The M.E. in Tallahassee wondered on his autopsy tape why the freezing hadn't simply been caused in the gunman's heart or brain, since the obvious intent had been to cause the death of the gunman. He answered his own question in the next sentence, though, speculating that someone had wanted the cause of death to be less obvious. We have the autopsy tape, by the way."

  "Ow. He's a real good guesser, isn't he? Okay, Linda. Anything else?"

  "Nothing else for the moment. Call me before you go to Breen."

  "Will do. Bye."

  "Bye.” Her hand and finger occluded the screen as she poked her ‘off’ icon.

  Chapter Twenty

  I wasted no time in using my comm implant to call Elkor.

  "Hey, Elkor? Can Linda really make you take out my field implant?"

  "No, Ed, but if she could convince me that you have become truly irresponsibly dangerous, I would act on behalf of society as a whole, as would Stephanie. We are bound by our primary programming."

  Stephanie could yank it, too? Oh, damn! I never thought of that!

  After a moment's thought, I asked, “Elkor, how do you rationalize the gunman's death? I used my implant to freeze the gun to his hand."

  "He would have been a serious danger to anyone he believed to be Amaran, Ed. While I could not have acted as you did, I am able to understand and agree with your motives for doing so as you expressed them to Stephanie."

  "Stephanie, what about you? Do you agree with Elkor?"

  "Yes, Ed. I had no doubt that he presented an imminent, life-threatening danger to other humans. In a sense, you performed an act of defense for others."

  Someone standing near the window of the next condo over had noticed me. I waved and closed my briefcase, then stood up to go back inside.

  "Thanks, guys. I'll be real careful with my field implant. Now I'm going to go back in there and see how the hot tub party has been getting along without me."

  I let myself in and closed the door, then released the briefcase. It disappeared instantly and returned to its place above my head. When I turned around, both women were staring at me.

  "What?” I asked. “You knew about the briefcase, Sel. Why are you staring?"

  I sent out a field to snag my beer off the kitchen counter as I crossed the room to the patio. Their eyes followed the bottle across the room until I plucked it out of the air. It was getting warm, so I sent a cold field into it, then sipped it.

  Selena said, “You've pulled that briefcase down exactly twice around me. I was probably staring because I don't see the damned thing every day. What did Linda want? Are you going to have to run off somewhere?"

  "Not ‘till Monday morning.” I waved my hand in front of Toni's staring face and asked, “Hey, Toni? You in there?"

  Her eyes focused on mine with a slight narrowing of irritation as she said, “Yeah, I'm here, but I'm thinking about not being here.” Her voice rose an octave and became somewhat strident as she asked, “What the hell was that all about? You keep a goddamned invisible briefcase over your head?? You talk to your flitter as if it were a real person, and the flitter not only talks back, it shows up in a goddamned bikini?! You float stuff around, Ed. Like that beer bottle. That's not considered normal, either, but you both act as if it's no big deal to see shit floating around the room! What the hell else do you do, Ed? Fly?"

  She set her beer down firmly on the tub's wooden deck and started to hoist herself up to a standing position. I figured she was about to get out of the tub, so I reached for her towel to hand it to her as I said, “No. I don't fly."

  Selena quietly asked, “So what?"

  Toni looked down at her in surprise. “What?"

  Raising her voice, Selena said, “I said, ‘so fucking what?' Did you hear me that time, Toni? What kind of a bug is up your ass? So he does stuff you aren't used to seeing. So what? Take a minute, have another beer, and get used to it."

  Putting Toni's towel back on the rack, I said, “Everybody take a minute and relax. I'll get the beers. Gimme your empties."

  Toni settled back down on the step inside the tub and Selena held up the two empty bottles just as the phone on the coffee table rang. I took the empties and fielded the phone to Selena, releasing it when she plucked it out of the air to answer it.

  As I trashed the empties and opened the fridge, I heard her say, “Yeah, I know there was a man with a briefcase on my porch, Steve. It was Ed. He got a call from his boss and took it outside. Yeah, everything's fine. Yes, Steve. I'm sure. Okay. Bye."

  She set the phone down harder than I thought necessary as I opened and handed out the beers. Selena muttered a ‘thanks’ and took a long sip from hers while I handed one to Toni. Toni took it rather mechanically as she watched Selena drink, then she looked at me. I said, “Prosit,” and took a sip from my own beer.

  When Toni still hadn't taken a drink of the fresh, cold beer by the time I lowered my bottle, I sighed and asked, “Toni, are you bi or gay?"

  Her expression was one of vast startlement. “What?"

  "Same question. I just want to know if you have any interest in men."

  "Well, yeah. Sure. I'm just..."

  "Okay,” I interrupted. “So hot tubs, beer, naked men, and naked women are nothing new to you, right?"

  After a moment, she shrugged and said, “No. They aren't new. I just..."

  "Then it really is just me that's holding you back from a good time, right?"

  "Well, I ... Well, yes. I mean no. It isn't you, Ed, it's all that stuff you do."

  "That stuff that I do is part of me, Toni. It's a package deal. Would you rather that I just go away and leave you two alone tonight?"

  Selena said, “No. You live here, too, Ed. Maybe only part-time, but you live here. The whole idea was that we'd check each other out and party a little. Since she'd never met you, there were no guarantees, but..."

  I said, “Thanks, Selena, but give me a minute, here. I need to know something. Toni, if I didn't do stuff with fields, would we all be naked in the tub right now? I mean, are you sure it isn't my age as much as the field stuff that's turning you off?"

  Toni actually seemed startled by my question. She reached to touch my arm as she said, “No! Really! When you were getting the tires fixed, I asked Sel if she'd been kidding me about your age. I asked her what you did to keep in shape. Didn't I, Sel?"

  Selena nodded and said, “Yeah. She did,” then took another pull on her beer. I gave them both my best ‘dubious’ look and sat on the steps leading up to the tub.

  "Well,” I said, “I can't do anything about that, anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter. I can't do anything about the implant, either."

  I took a long drink of beer and sat contemplating the label for a few moments, then stood up and said, “You two have fun. Who wants the rest of my beer?"

  Selena stood up and sharply asked, “You're leaving?"

  I nodded and set my beer down on the deck. “Yeah. We'll get together later, Sel. You two have fun."

  Toni said, “But...” and didn't seem to have more to say until I headed toward the bedroom, then she asked, “Where are you going? That's the bedroom."

  I grinned at her and said, “The beer wants out, ma'am. That's also where the bathroom is,” then I continued walking.

  Someone behind me set a bottle down hard on the tub deck and I heard Selena whisper harshly. Toni's response was an equally harsh whisper as I closed the bathroom door and went about my business. The whispers became murmurs that were drowned out by the splashing rush of used beer.

  'Appropriate,' I thought. 'Piss on the whole Toni-Ed-Selena idea. Time to fly.'

  I heard movement in the bedroom as I zipped up. When I opened the bathroom door, Selena was putting on a pair of blue jean cutoffs, her breasts bobbling wildly as she yanked at them to pull them up.

  "Going somewhere?” I asked.

  "With you,” she said, standing straight and fastening her belt buckle.

  I went into the living room and saw Toni climbing out of the hot
tub in tears. I got there in time to hand her towel to her.

  "This whole mess isn't worth crying over,” I said. “There were never any guarantees for any of us that a three-way would happen. Stay here while I talk to Selena."

  I went back to the bedroom without waiting for Toni's response. Selena had added a blouse and one sneaker and was looking for the other sneaker around the bed.

  "Sel, it didn't work out. No biggie. We'll have other times, so don't toss Toni away because she had some reservations. Everybody has a few, you know. Who knows? She may change her mind later."

  Selena was in one of her 'don't argue with me' moods.

  "If she can't accept you, she can't have me, either, Ed."

  "You didn't feel that way before this evening. What brought you two together? Are you saying that's changed, just because she didn't play along in the tub with a guy she'd only known for a few hours?"

  Sel stood straight and glared at me for a moment. “Well, how very reasonable of you! What is it, Ed? Can't you stand the thought of letting Toni get away? I saw you looking her over every chance you got. Ever hopeful; is that it?"

  I shrugged and sat on the corner of the bed with a grin. “Well, hell, yes, that's part of it, just like it is for you. We both like beautiful, athletic women, and she's the finest looking woman I've seen since I met you. What the hell's your point, there, ma'am? Are you sure you aren't just pissed ‘cause you aren't getting your way tonight?"

  She almost said something, and I'll probably never know what kind of caustic, rending statement or question it would have been. Her mouth opened and stayed that way for a moment as her index finger prepared to punctuate whatever she'd been about to say. Then her mouth closed and she sat down on the other corner of the bed.

  "Well, shit,” she muttered. “You're right."

  "I always said you were a controlling bitch at heart. That's one of the things I like best about you, you know. If you want it, you go for it. You take no shit and you take no prisoners, and all that other go-gettum stuff. Trouble is, that kind of attitude doesn't prepare you well for when someone else has other ideas, and as of a few minutes ago, I think it was still a free country. As much as we may lust to wet her down, oil her up, and have our way with her, Toni still has a right to say no to me."