About Tomorrow...

by Abbi Glines

  Creed waited for me to move into the booth then slid in beside me. We were facing the fire and the other tables were to our back, which gave a small amount of privacy. His hand rested on my thigh and I tried very hard not to think sexual thoughts. Jesse was about our age and he had impressive curly hair for a guy. He took our orders and left.

  “Did you talk to Griff today?” he asked me for the first time since he’d come home from work. I had expected this question sooner.

  I shook my head no. “I tried.”

  He squeezed my thigh. “He’ll call.”

  Yeah but when? Next week?

  “Damn if you two don’t look cozy.” We both looked up to see Derek Young standing beside our table with a smirk on his face.

  “Evening, Derek,” Creed said grinning at his friend.

  Derek slid into the booth across from us and leaned forward on his elbows. “It took less than a week?” he asked still grinning.

  Creed’s hand squeezed my thigh again. “No, it took longer than a week. I’ve been working on getting her attention for a while.”

  I looked up at Creed frowning because that was not true. He winked at me then pressed a kiss to my forehead.

  “Okay I came to visit but try not to make out with her while I’m sitting here,” Derek said too loudly.

  I blushed and ducked my head.

  “Sorry, Sailor. I’m just giving Creed a hard time. It’s been awhile since I had something like this to tease him about. Typically, he comes around with females that we all know we won’t see again and we are thankful for that.”

  I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing and Creed chuckled.

  “Your house looks good,” Derek told him. “Sure is nice driving by and seeing those two houses lit up again. Having them empty was depressing and having someone that wasn’t a Sullivan in your house was just wrong.”

  “It’s good to be back home,” Creed told him. “I didn’t know how much I missed it until I came back.”

  “What about you? How are you handling the cold?” Derek asked me.

  I lifted my shoulders with a shrug. “Okay, I guess. It’s an adjustment but I’m learning to appreciate a good fire and an electric blanket.”

  Derek laughed and started to say something when our drinks arrived.

  “I’m here with a date and need to get back over there to her. She’s proving to be the high maintenance variety and I’m not sure there will be another date,” he told us in a whisper as he stood back up. “I’ll see you both around.”

  I watched him go back to the table across the room and got a look at the blonde he was with. Her hair was in a perfect smooth low ponytail and she was wearing a red sweater. Other than that, it was all I could see.

  “He always finds something wrong with the women he dates. He’s been doing it since he got his heart broken by Britney.”

  The mention of his heart being broken reminded me of Griff and I felt sick to my stomach. It was easy to pretend that Griff wasn’t an issue when I was with Creed. Being with him made everything else seem unimportant. The happiness that came with having Creed in my life was so overpowering it masked the ugly that I had to face.

  Like the fact I was currently on a date with a man I was in love with, while my boyfriend sat in an apartment fifty-five miles from here studying. I was a monster. A very selfish monster.

  “Where did your head just go?” Creed whispered, slipping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer to him. He was too good at reading my expressions. I had never had someone read me so clearly and it was unnerving at times.

  I didn’t have a chance to answer when a woman in her mid-thirties appeared at our table. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but are you Sailor Copeland? We’re having an argument over at our table and I’m here visiting friends, but I live in Georgia and I’ve seen you on all the magazines. I know it’s you. They think I’m crazy.” She was standing there with her hand on her hip, looking convinced of who I was and ready to go gloat to her friends.

  Before Creed could cover for me, I decided I had lied enough for one week. I wasn’t about to add to it and honestly, I wasn’t in the mood to let anyone down right now. I had enough of that coming. I nodded. “Yes, I am, but I like to keep a low profile. Would you mind keeping that info at your table?” I asked her as sweetly as I could.

  Her eyes blazed with excitement. “I knew it! I won’t tell a soul, honey. Don’t you worry. I just knew it was you. You’re even more beautiful in person. Just like your daddy.”

  “Thank you,” I said, keeping the smile I didn’t feel in place. I may have just made a mistake, but I didn’t think people in this town or bar were going to come flocking to me because my dad was a country singer.

  “Y’all carry on now. I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said, then with one last bright smile, she turned and hurried away.

  I could feel Creed’s eyes on me. I lifted my gaze to meet his. “I just didn’t want to disappoint her. She seemed so sure of herself and excited.”

  A small smile touched his lips then he lowered those lips and pressed them against mine. In that moment, nothing else mattered. Creed could make it all disappear so very easily.

  Twenty-two

  November 16, 2019

  The kitchen was bright from the morning sun, the house smelled of coffee and firewood, the colorful leaves had almost all fallen outside my window, and Creed was sitting on the sofa in the living room, waiting on me to join him. It was a late fall Saturday morning in New England, and it was perfect…except that I was standing in my warm cozy kitchen staring at the phone in my hand as it began to ring.

  Griff was finally calling me.

  “It’s him,” I called out to Creed. “I’m going to step outside,” I added. Somehow telling Griff all of this in front of Creed seemed wrong. He at least deserved privacy.

  I went to open the kitchen door when Creed walked into the room. “It’s still below freezing this morning. I’ll go to my house. Let me know when you’re done,” he said, before pressing a kiss to my cheek.

  The moment the door closed behind him I answered the call.

  “Hello,” I said, my stomach was already in tangled knots.

  “Hey, sorry I didn’t call you yesterday. Your text seemed important but time got away from me.”

  I was used to this excuse by now. Time was always getting away from him. His world was med school and I was proud of him. He’d worked hard to get where he was and I understood his dedication. However, our relationship hadn’t survived it.

  “I understand,” I replied, still not sure how to explain everything and feeling like a jerk for doing it on the phone, but if not now when? I didn’t want to stop things with Creed until I ended them with Griff because I didn’t know when that would happen. I had this call and I had to take it.

  “What’s up?” he asked, and I heard pages turning in the background. Was he studying?

  Rip off the bandage. That’s what I had to do. Get it done.

  “Griff, when we met, I was a mess. I know you remember the counseling and my unwillingness to get close to you. You had to work hard to get me to go on that first date,” I began. He said nothing so I continued.

  “I never explained much about it and you assumed it was my mother and the life I’d lived with her that had sent me to counseling and made me so hard to get close to but it wasn’t. Growing up I told you about my summers at Gran’s, what I didn’t tell you was the twins that lived next door. I was close to them. The girl and I became best friends as we grew up and the boy…well, I fell in love with him. He was my first. I didn’t think I’d ever love anyone else. We had a history that was intense and when we found his sister dead from an overdose the summer I was seventeen, he never spoke to me again. I didn’t know why. I’d lost my best friend and my boyfriend on the same day. I was damaged.”

  I paused then t
aking a deep breath.

  “Okay, I’m glad you told me all this. Are you dealing with it now that you’re there? The memories?” He asked.

  “Not exactly. I began dealing with it the first day at your apartment,” I said, then closed my eyes to get this over with. This was where it was going to be hard. “Creed Sullivan was the boy and I hadn’t seen him in six years until that day.”

  There was silence and I didn’t know how to keep going.

  “Okay, what is this about, Sailor? That you didn’t tell me you knew Creed?”

  Another deep breath. “I never stopped loving Creed. With you being there and us not seeing each other, I’ve had time here alone and Creed moved in next door to his family’s house. We’ve…been together. I wanted to do this in person, but you never had time and I couldn’t keep lying. I needed you to know.”

  He said nothing.

  I didn’t know what else to say.

  We sat there in silence, the only sound the crackling of the fire in the living room. The sick knot in my stomach was still there, but there was also a relief that came with telling Griff.

  “Are you breaking up with me?” he asked.

  His question confused me. I didn’t want to say the words but maybe he needed me to. I was going to let him break up with me. I was the one who cheated. I was the one who should be dumped.

  “I have wonderful memories with you and you saved me when no one else could. I will always love you for that. But you have medical school and time for a relationship isn’t possible.” And I was in love with Creed, but I’d already told him that and I didn’t want to rub it in his face.

  “Goodbye, Sailor,” he said then ended the call.

  I sat there holding the phone and looking down at it as tears filled my eyes. It hadn’t been dramatic, but then Griff wasn’t a dramatic person. I had hurt him and I hated that. I didn’t want to hurt him. He’d always been so good to me. He had loved me and brought me back to life. In the end, I had tossed that in his face and walked away via a phone call. I was a terrible person. Setting the phone down, I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in them and cried.

  Griff had been a part of my life I would always cherish. Losing him was hard and felt like a piece of me was dead. However, I knew that losing him was easier than losing Creed. I’d done that once and I wasn’t willing to go through that again. I wanted Griff to find happiness and he deserved to be loved the way I had thought I had loved him.

  He deserved to be loved the way I loved Creed.

  I’m not sure how long I sat there like that when Creed walked back into the house. He said nothing sitting down beside me. Gently, he pulled me into his arms, and I went willingly. More tears came as I let him comfort me when I didn’t deserve comfort. He pressed his mouth against the top of my head and I closed my eyes, letting him try and soothe me. I didn’t think anything would make this better. Griff was such a good man and what I’d done was unforgivable.

  Creed said nothing and I was thankful for that. I just needed his arms around me right now. Talking wasn’t something I was ready for and I didn’t think Creed was the one who should listen to my ramblings. There were some things I needed to keep to myself.

  Creed covered me with a blanket then leaned back and moved me to lay against his chest again. We sat there in the silence while my tears eased and then dried up. I stared at the dwindling fire in front of us and wondered if I’d done the right thing. Should I have gone to Boston and forced Griff to find time to talk to me? Telling him over the phone had felt like my only option but now it added to my guilt.

  I had never broken up with anyone in my life. Maybe this was normal to feel so terrible. Creed had been the one to desert me and he’d been the only other relationship I’d had. Was I being too hard on myself? The cheating was real. I’d definitely been wrong there, but I had been honest and broken things off. Did that ease my guilt any?

  No. It didn’t.

  “I love you, Sailor Moon,” Creed said, as he began stroking my hair.

  And that was why I had been able to hurt Griff…I wanted nothing in the world more than I wanted Creed Elijah Sullivan’s love.

  Twenty-three

  November 17, 2019

  Another Sunday night at home alone and now I was wishing I had gone with Creed. Dalm had called him Friday to ask if he could play with Kranx tonight at Red’s. I couldn’t bring myself to go with him. It was too close to Griff and his life in Boston. The last time I’d been there, the females had thrown themselves at Creed. I wasn’t sure I could handle that just yet. I was too emotionally screwed up. Creed had understood or at least he had said he understood.

  My quiet home was suddenly too quiet and too empty. I drank some coffee, hoping it would keep me awake until Creed got back. He had said he’d come here tonight, which was no different from every other night since we had reconnected and slept together. We hadn’t talked about a relationship yet or how things were going to work.

  He had been giving me time to deal with my ending a four-year relationship and I was thankful for that. Although, I knew we soon needed to discuss us and eventually talk about the past. There was a lot of pain there that needed clearing. At least for me.

  A knock on my door startled me and I jerked my gaze from the television I hadn’t been watching to stare at the door. It was close to nine, which meant it had been pitch black outside for hours and I wouldn’t be able to see who it was unless they moved left and stood in the porch light. Standing up, I walked over to the window to check if I could see and was unsuccessful.

  I opened the wooden door and froze as I locked eyes with Griff. I didn’t reach for the lock on the screen door. I didn’t do anything. I was worried I might throw up. My stomach was not okay.

  He had his hands stuffed in the front pocket of his black wool coat and a scarf I’d bought him when he moved to Boston wrapped around his neck. Neither of us said a word and I wondered if I was supposed to say something. I didn’t know what to say if he was waiting on me. I’d said it all.

  “Can I come in?” he asked me, and I knew it was freezing outside…literally. I’d just checked the weather. I nodded, figuring it was the least I could do. I’d cheated on him and broken up with him. Letting him freeze outside seemed like a bad idea.

  Reaching for the latch on the screen, it felt like I was moving in slow motion. I unhooked it and then opened it up for him. He walked past me and into my Gran’s house for the first time. If he had come that first weekend I was here, like we had planned, would we be in the place we are now? No, probably not, but we would still have problems. I just wouldn’t have acted on my feelings for Creed, but they’d have been there all the same. They were there the first day I saw him again; I’d just thought I’d overcome the way I felt for Creed.

  “It’s exactly like you described it,” he said, as he stood in the middle of the living room looking around.

  I said nothing. I just closed the door and waited for him to say why he was here. He’d told me goodbye on the phone and it had sounded final. His being here made it feel less final and I didn’t know how to feel about it. Part of me wanted to text Creed immediately, so he’d know Griff was here. Not that he would come racing back but just so he would know.

  The other part of me felt like I owed Griff my full attention and texting Creed was insensitive. I stood there and did nothing.

  Griff sighed heavily then turned his attention to me. “I’m not just letting you go, Sailor. I love you. I planned my future around you…around us. You’re my best friend. I can’t just let you tell me it’s over because some guy that hurt you in the past came back into your life. He hurt you before, so what’s keeping him from doing it again? I would never just walk away. I’m here proving that to you.”

  Oh, god no. Please not this. I was not ready for this. I didn’t think this would happen. My chest hurt, my stomach was sick, and I felt positi
ve I was going to cry at any moment. How did I handle this? The truth. I had to remember to stick to the truth.

  “The past with Creed, it was…complicated. We found his sister dead from a drug overdose. Neither of us knew what she had been going through because that summer, instead of paying attention to the change in Cora, we were parking and having sex any chance we could get. Finding Cora like that, it was hard. It destroyed both of us, but Creed was her twin. He didn’t just walk away from me. He was dealing with losing his twin.”

  Griff nodded. “I know all about Cora. Chet explained what you left out once I could think enough to talk about our conversation. But Sailor, y’all were kids. Hell, I thought I loved Sarah Norris at seventeen years old. That doesn’t mean anything.” He took a step toward me and I stiffened so he stopped. “I’ve had time to process things and I know this is partly my fault. You came here to be near me and I haven’t made seeing you a priority. You were lonely and I understand that. Then,” he throws his hand out with a look of disgust, “moody musician from your past walks in and sees you are vulnerable and works a fucking angle.”

  “It wasn’t like that,” I argued, but he didn’t hear me or care.

  “I love you, Sailor. I won’t let you make this choice and hurt us both.”

  Creed wasn’t a mistake. Griff was giving me excuses and I didn’t want excuses for what I’d done. I had made a choice and it was the one I wanted. Seeing Griff again and hearing him say he loved me made words difficult. He wasn’t accepting the truth and I was struggling with the strength to force him to listen to it. The love I had for Griff was strong enough to make me want to protect him.

  “Griff, I love you. That isn’t enough though. I am in love with Creed. I think I always have been.” I hated saying the words again and this time to his face, but he was forcing me to.