At last, she finally answered him:
“Yes, it means ‘reborn, or born again.’ I have been told that when my father first saw me, he shouted the name out at the top of his voice, ‘Little Elna. She is born again!’, because he thought I looked so much like his grandmother who had passed only the week before. Strange hey? And you? Johannes? What does your name mean?”
She had such a melodic voice, a much lower tone than Annarita’s, or even Kagiso. It made her seem older than her years, but also wiser. Again, she was a perfect match for him, and yet something always held him back.
Stop being such a fool! She’s a lovely girl. She needs looking after and caring for! Stop over-thinking it.
He sighed as he moved closer to her, keen to catch her scent on the breeze that rushed through her long blonde hair. She didn’t back away and so he leaned towards her, feeling brave enough to press his lips on her neck. It was brief, and careful, and he felt her body shudder at his touch, but there was something in her scent that made him step back.
“Oh…” he exclaimed out loud without thinking.
Elna frowned and her bottom lip trembled.
Stupid Johannes!
He scolded himself silently. Why did he retract from her like that?
Because your heart is telling you different.
It was his mother’s voice in his head; she always seemed to visit – or plague - his thoughts when it came to matters of the heart. And yet, marrying Elna was what his father had always wanted for him. She was the right choice: a respectable girl from a similar Boer family; a white farming family of Dutch descent who had also settled here in Hopetown, on the banks of the Orange River in the Northern Cape.
He forced a smile in her direction:
“What does my name mean? Oh, now you have got me. Hmm… this is not something I have ever been told. Our family names all follow a pattern. As you know, I am the second son so it was decided I would be Johannes, before my parents even saw me!”
He laughed a nervous chuckle then, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“The second son? Oh yes, of course.”
She raised her hand in a salute to shade from the low-lying sun.
“Erm, yeah, you know how my mother lost a baby boy before I was born,” he admitted, not able to meet her eyes. He never let his thoughts wander too near the idea of an elder brother he would never meet.
“I’m sorry Johannes. Truly I am.” She hesitated. “But, thinking of names…perhaps you need to find your meaning then?”
She smiled at him. It was a stunning smile; one that brought a youthful vigour to her face, more suited to her age. And yet another reminder that he was faulty in some way. He had to be. If he could not fall head over heels with a girl like Elna then he was quite clearly damaged in some way!
Johannes frowned. “I didn’t know I was looking for a meaning but… I am beginning to wonder.”
He paused, waiting to see if she would respond. When she didn’t, he moved towards her, just close enough so that he could use his body to provide shade for her squinting eyes from the low-lying evening sun.
“Happy Birthday Elna. I have a gift for you, of course. It’s just not finished yet,” he lied, before quickly adding, “But, whilst you are here, shall we gather some sticks for a birthday fire for your family. I still find it gets cold in our house once the sun goes down so maybe you could enjoy some warmth as you eat your cake?” he babbled nervously, reaching down to pull out a stubborn stick entrenched in the hard, dry mud by the edge of the tree. Elna nodded amiably, accepting his hand so that he could lead her down towards the banks of the river.
“Aren’t you going to show me your game?” Elna asked shyly.
Johannes reached into the pocket near his free hand and pulled out five small stones, each about the size of a penny. He knew he was probably a little too old to be playing such games, but then, he had always excelled at it amongst his peers and he hoped it would impress Elna, make her laugh on her birthday – perhaps, even, help them to make stronger bonds with each other!
He let go of her hand, gave her a wink and stepped back a little, ready to show her his special trick that he had become renowned for during his younger days.
“Are you ready for this Elna? I think you are going to be mighty impressed. In fact, I don’t think you will be able to resist me after you’ve seen this.”
Elna folded her arms and raised her eyebrows at him. She looked amused and not in any rush to leave. Johannes took a deep breath, threw the stones in the air, as high as he dared, twisted his wrist in a quick motion and then bent his knees just in time to catch the falling stones on the back of his hand.
“Ha, ha! Look at that, eh. First time! Not a single one dropped...and it’s not as easy as it looks.”
Johannes grinned and did a little victory dance in front of Elna. He quickly stopped when he realised she was no longer looking at him, but was instead, staring at something near the edge of the bank.
“Hey there, did you see what I just did Elna? What are you looking at?” he asked, trying to hide his disappointment that she had not seen his trick.
“Johannes, I think I see something special over there,” she answered, pointing to a muddy section of the grass. Johannes could see she was right. There was something glistening in between the dull grey stones and dark, wet, mud. He grabbed Elna’s hand and walked her over to investigate further.
“Woah, you are right. I think this could be something special.” He bent down and reached out his hand to pull out the glassy looking stone, encrusted into the mud. He held it up to the space between his mouth and Elna’s nose as he pulled her hips close to his. The stone really was beautiful; a translucent gem which seemed to reflect different coloured lights from its rough edges as the sun began to set behind Elna, creating a soft yellow glow around her hair.
“I think we have found something important, maybe…yes?” Elna asked in a whisper.
“I think we have Elna,” Johannes muttered, his breathing raspy, excited.
It’s a sign! It has to be! Mother said I should not be constrained by what was too easy to reach. And now, we’ve found this … together! Perhaps it is a sign that I should stop holding back from her?
“And life is too short,” he muttered, more to himself than Elna. He wasn’t going to hold back anymore. It wasn’t fair on her, or on him.
The timing was perfect now; better than he could have imagined for this evening. He reached his hand behind Elna’s neck as gently as he could and pulled her face towards his, allowing his lips to melt into the fullness of hers, as he clasped the gemstone discovery in his hand. The feeling of his tongue moving inside her warm mouth, the heat of the sun behind them, the moment was flawless. He felt elated, elevated, and effervescent even, as he separated his lips from hers so they could catch their breath. He wanted to see her face, to try and read her expression, her reaction to their kiss. It was a shy, happy smile.
But then it wasn’t. Elna’s bottom lip suddenly pulled back and stretched across her jaws to reveal teeth and fear.
“What’s wrong Elna? Did you not like me doing that?”
Elna looked terrified, her eyes wild. It startled him. Was it that bad?
“A g…g…ghost, Johannes, look!” Elna grabbed hold of Johanne’s arm. Her body was trembling.
Johannes turned around to look behind him, to see what could be so terrifying to her, before jumping back himself in shock. It couldn’t be right? It must be a mirage caused by the sun or something he had not yet learned about? How could he be seeing this?
Just over the river, they could see a huge luminous bubble of pink hovering above the surface of the water. It appeared to be fading in and out. Sometimes dimming into a faint misty circle and then pulsating out into a clearly defined balloon type shape. It was translucent enough for them to see there was a girl inside: a young, dark-haired girl. Her entire body was shaking, or vibrating, it was hard to determine. And…she was naked!
Her hands wer
e clutched to her neck, holding onto a gold collared necklace encrusted with a sparkling pink gemstone in the middle. One that looked very similar to the gemstone they had just found in the mud.
And just as alarming, this girl - or this ghost, whatever she was, trapped in this pink misty bubble - was looking straight at them, shock and confusion registered all over her face!
“I think we should get out of here Elna. I don’t know what that is, but we need to get out of here, and fast,” Johannes urged, unable to hide the tremor of fear in his voice.
Johannes felt a surge of panic flood through him. Grasping hold of Elna’s shoulders he twisted her around to face the thorn bushes that separated the river from their farmhouses.
“Let’s get out of here!” he urged. Elna started to run. He could hear the fear in her heavy breathing. Every natural instinct told him he should follow her, to protect her. He lifted his right leg to move towards her, but then, something pulled him back and pivoted him back to face the river. It was like an invisible force had gathered around him, had taken control over his actions.
“Johannes! What are you waiting for?”
He heard Elna’s anguished cry as a distant, muffled sound, like he was hearing her voice from under water. It was as though he too was now encased inside something that separated his body from the rest of his surroundings.
“Like being in a bubble,” he whispered.
“Who are you?” he called out.
As the bubble moved closer to him, he noticed the girl had her eyes closed and that her face looked crumpled and distressed. He flinched in sympathy, as though he could feel her pain, despite having no idea who, or what she was.
“Johannes, will you please get away from the water!”
He heard Elna’s screams, but he didn’t retreat from his position. He couldn’t have, even if he had wanted to. Instead, he waded into the river, unable to resist this strange gravitational pull that lured him towards the girl inside the bubble.
The closer he came to touching it, his heart quickened. It was almost in his reach. He was still holding the stone that Elna had spotted earlier. It burned the thin skin of his palm, as though it was reacting to something. Yet even though it stung, he gripped it even more tightly. And then he reached his clenched fist out towards the girl in the bubble, not knowing why he felt the urge to offer her this burning gift.
Just as he was about to release his fingers from its grasp, the sound of splashing water made him jump. The stone dropped from his hand and he fell back into the water, landing hard on the stoney riverbed.
“Johannes Smit. I am not going to ask you again. COME BACK!”
Elna’s hands grabbed his shoulders.
“Get off me!” he tried to shout, but his voice was lost in a rush of wind, followed by the eerie sound of cracking lightning that flashed across the sun-filled, midday sky.
Blinking away the river water and mud that had splashed his eyes during his unexpected fall, he scrambled himself upwards in search of the girl in the bubble.
“NO!” he screamed. The river was clear and still. The bubble had vanished, leaving only a spittle of pink froth around his soaking trousers.
“Wh…wh…what came over you? Why did you do that?” Elna cried.
He looked over his shoulder, to where Elan sat sobbing on the edge of the riverbank, her skirt now drenched, and her blonde hair caked in sand and mud.
He didn’t answer her. How could he? There were no words to explain what he had just discovered. Or, for the engulfing sense of loss that now washed over him.
12. Beats
The beats were back. Boom…boom…boom. This was her favourite part of the day: when she was still alone, and no one could see her dance! Tiegal opened the window as far as it would go, enabling the sounds of the nearby chanting to fill her tiny living space.
Life was abundant on Kimberrago this morning; she could hear, smell and feel the excitable energy outside her little cabin as the cool air filled the room. She tapped her feet in time to the beats, moving a chair out of the way so she could maximize the limited floor space she had to move around on.
“I am an island, I am fire…”
She clapped her hands along to the words, smiling to herself at how free she felt. It was a paradoxical freedom, but she had made it hers. She was locked up and yet she still had choice! Atla had separated her from the others, but she had separated herself from his rule! At least, she could for these few moments, when she was alone, and no one could see her acting out the scenes she saw in her dreams.
“No one can douse my fire, no one can dim my light,” she sang quietly, swaying her hips from side to side. She twirled her fingers into her hair, pushing it up high above her head and then letting it fall again on to her shoulders.
This was joy! It filled her entire body as she flicked her fingers in different directions in front of her face in time to the beats. Jolts of pink-coloured energy darted out of them, responding to her rhythm. This was a new development. She had only discovered she could release her energy in this way during one of her morning dances, a few weeks ago. Another secret gift! It had filled her with purpose and hope. She was getting stronger. Her dreams were getting clearer. And this could mean only one thing. Soon there would be enough power inside her to get back to the river again. She had to believe this; it was the only thing that she could hold onto; her only means of surviving this life of experimentation and isolation.
There was one more round of the chanting left before the sun would rise and she wanted to absorb the opportunity to be a part of it. She grabbed the material of her long skirt and hitched it up higher, still fascinated by how her feet moved as they darted across the floor. She was determined to mimic what she had seen in her dreams last night, how the male and the female had danced together, around a fire – a real fire. Her sleep visions had become more vivid over the last week. And last night’s dream journey had been the most spectacular yet. It had felt so real, as though she had transported herself back there again - to the river that belonged in another world.
And although she knew it was a dream, she believed in it; it was her prophecy.
The setting in the dream last night was different than the others:
Night-time: a vast back sky, lit up by a billion stars. The male and the female looked just as connected to each other as always, only this time they were dancing. They spotted her, suspended in her bubble, floating across the water. And they didn’t run away. This time, they smiled at her.
The girl looked happy, at first, but then her expression changed. Her face clouded over as though she could feel great sadness. She pulled away from the male, shook her head at him and then…she disappeared! Her body evaporated into a colourless mist, joining the smoke of the fire.
At first, the male looked shocked, waving his arms around helplessly in the space where the female had been. But soon he stopped searching for her, watching calmly as the fire went out. The sky became lighter and the sun rose, enhancing the glowing circle around Tiegal’s frame. The male turned his attention to her again, laughing freely as he waved in her direction, calling out for her to come over to him! She could feel herself moving towards him…
Tiegal had woken up smiling. Her jaw still ached from it! The dream was a promise, she was certain of it, something good was going to happen to her - and soon!
The beats and chanting stopped in time together, interrupting Tiegal’s rhythm. She unclasped her grip on her skirt and sank down onto the bed in the corner of the tiny room. Her mouth was dry with thirst.
“Drink Tiegal!” she willed herself out loud. The tiny sink attached to the wall was almost in reaching distance – everything in this insignificant room was – but she was back in prison-mode again now. Her dance had stopped; she no longer felt like being kind to her body.
She was about to lie down on her bed again, hoping that if she closed her eyes, then she could transport herself back to the river again, even if it was only in the dream-sense, but a loud
rapping on the door startled her. She jumped up from the bed in shock, bumping her head on the slanted ceiling.
Who could be here so early? she grumbled. The Team Atla had assigned to “work with her” did not usually appear at her door until after breakfast.
“Tiegal! Are you in there? It’s me...Rinzal!”
Tiegal didn’t hesitate. She yanked the door open.
“Rinzal!” she cried when she saw him standing there. He looked just as she remembered him. The same wide-set eyes, small straight nose, thick, burgundy-red lips, and that lovely warm, smell that always emanated from him. The scent of comfort!
“Buttered popcorn!” she blurted out as she threw her arms around him.
Rinzal pulled back from her.
“Did you really just call me that?” he chuckled.
Tiegal could feel her cheeks burning.
“I’ve been on my own a lot recently. I guess I’ve forgotten social norms!” she explained, as they stood facing each other in the doorway. She glanced over his shoulder, anxious that he may have others with him, or even – dare she contemplate it – be with the Team!
Rinzal shook his head at her:
“So, your smell senses are even more enhanced, but you still haven’t learned how to place a barrier to your thoughts.”
His eyes looked beyond her, to the darkness of her room behind where she stood.
“Don’t worry, I’m not with anyone from the Team. I’m here alone. Can I come in? It’s best if we talk inside,” he requested.
Tiegal grabbed his hands and pulled him inside. She couldn’t quite believe he was here with her. They hadn’t spoken since her Release Day.
Rinzal positioned himself in the centre of the room, reaching both of his arms out like a scarecrow. He was able to touch both sides of the walls with the tips of his middle fingers.
“Something tells me you didn’t choose this place?” he joked. Tiegal shrugged at him, treating him to one of her wry smiles:
“I was hoping for something a little bigger, yes, but I did ask if I could be near to the camps and the water. I like to hear the morning noises. It has really helped me over these last few months,” she explained.
Release Page 11