Ocean Pearl

by J. C. Burke

  'Megan is just so, so . . . aggro. She doesn't get on with anyone. She's even worse than last time. Much worse!'

  'She's just pumped.'

  'I s'pose if I lived in Tasmania and next stop was Antarctica . . .'

  'Georgie, that's not sounding like you. You're not scared, are you?'

  'Is that why you think I set that booby trap around Megan's bed – 'cause I'm threatened by her? Not 'cause I'm trying to get the reserve called up?'

  'Oh, Georgie.' At least that got Jake laughing. Even I felt a bit better. 'No wonder your soccer team misses you. You're loyal.'

  I was and I was proud of it too.

  So when I went back up to the bungalow and found all those messages from Ace, I felt bad.

  I knew she'd be pacing around her bedroom back home wondering why I hadn't called to give her my version of what Jules thought of the photo album.

  Micki was lying on her bed writing a postcard.

  'Are you going to call Ace back?' she asked me. 'She's at home.'

  'Did you speak to her?'

  'No.' Micki went back to the postcard writing. 'But it said "Ace home" when it rang for the third time ten minutes ago.'

  'Why didn't you answer it?'

  Micki shrugged.

  'I'll call her now,' I said. 'Do you want to say hi?'

  'No.'

  Okaaaay. Micki was being weird.

  The postcard was probably for her dad. That'd make sense – her mood, that is.

  I hadn't got the chance to ask Kia about Micki moving in with them. Although where on earth had Ace got that info from? She'd never told me. She just said suss it out.

  I sat on the edge of Micki's bed and squeezed her little foot.

  'Are you writing to your dad?'

  'Yes.'

  'Do you . . . miss him?'

  'Not really.'

  'Are you okay, Micki?'

  'Why wouldn't I be?'

  KIA

  At home, I had cut myself in the bathroom lots and lots of times. Yet when I went in there to pee I never thought about it. It wasn't like I'd be sitting on the loo remembering every minute of every time.

  So why was it different in the Starfish Bungalow? I'd only cut myself twice here, yet every time I sat on the loo, like now, I'd have to catch my breath and tell my mind to calm down. The pressure at camp hadn't even started. So what was going on in my stupid head?

  Just make it to the next minute and you'll be okay. One minute at a time.

  Everything had gone so well. We'd got through the whole weekend without anyone mentioning the cutting. It almost came up when Ace made the comment about Seahorse Girl and the wetsuits. I also had to breathe and calm my mind down then 'cause I was expecting the whole thing to explode in my face. But it didn't.

  Georgie had kept her promise. I was sure of it now.

  If Georgie had told them, Ace would've asked heaps more hairy questions. That was how she usually got her info. And Micki would've asked me straight out.

  These days Micki and I were so tight. There were no secrets between us – except for that one. I felt guilty about it, like it was in the way of our friendship.

  Sometimes the counsellor would describe the cutting as being like my secret boyfriend. She'd talk about how this secret boyfriend stopped me from having honest relationships with my family and friends. At first I was like, yeah right. But now I got it because that's exactly what it was like.

  Normal girls with normal lives didn't have secret boyfriends. In fact, they didn't have secrets. That's another reason I'd decided that it was time to tell Micki the truth: that I had broken the pact I'd made with my Starfish Sisters and hurt myself again. It was just a matter of finding the right time.

  Last night certainly wasn't that time. Micki was so quiet. She was even a bit grumpy and that was usually my job. Megan being in the bungalow made it different too. It wasn't like Georgie and I could just ask her what was up.

  How could I calm my mind with someone thumping on the bathroom door like that? It was only just six am!

  It had to be Megan. Not even Georgie's fists could make the door shake like that.

  'Hurry up in there!' It was Megan. 'Yoga starts in five minutes.'

  'I'm just brushing my teeth,' I called out from the toilet.

  'Yeah well, I want to brush mine too.'

  Bang! Bang! Megan kept bashing away. Just like Georgie had done that day.

  'Kia? Kia!' Neither Georgie's voice nor her fists pounding on the door of their upstairs bathroom had made me stop. If anything, it helped me push the scissors deeper into my flesh.

  'Kia!' The door handle rattled and jumped. 'Kia? Open up.'

  Then suddenly it stopped and everything went quiet.

  I closed my eyes and felt the first drops of blood glide down my thigh, taking my breath and pain with them.

  'Aaagghhh.' It was amazing, all that tightness draining from my body.

  Then the noise started again.

  Pit pat on the floorboards; pit pat pit pat PIT PAT getting faster and closer; the door handle shaking and squeaking. Then a sudden rush of light and a voice and a hand pulling at me. 'Kia!'

  Georgie's face was up close to mine. Her breath smelt of Vegemite. My shoulder stung as her hand squeezed and pulled at my skin.

  'What are you doing? Huh? What?'

  The roll of toilet paper spun and squeaked as Georgie tore and ripped at it.

  'Why did you do this? Hey? You've just come from a sponsorship meeting! Isn't that what you wanted, Kia?'

  I pushed Georgie's hand off my thigh and held the toilet paper there myself. In return, she bashed the basin with her fist and slid down onto the floor while the key she'd been clutching bounced along the tiles.

  'I don't get it, Kia. Why didn't you talk to me? You could've told me you were feeling like this,' Georgie said, sobbing. 'That was the whole point of making that pact in the Starfish Bungalow. Did you think about that? Did that – that promise you made to us mean anything?'

  Georgie suddenly shouted. 'Kia! Say something!'

  'Are you going to tell Ace and Micki?'

  Georgie hid her face between her knees. 'Shit.' She wept. 'Shit. Shit. Shit.'

  I got up, put my toiletry bag into my backpack and washed my hands. I wanted to get out of the bathroom and get away from her. I didn't want her to touch me. I didn't want her near me.

  She tried to grab at my skirt but I swung my bag against her.

  Georgie didn't know what it was like to be me. She didn't know what it felt like to want to hide from the rest of the world in case they saw the real you. She never stuffed up.

  'I won't tell the girls,' Georgie whispered, her bottom lip quivering. 'Because you need time to get better, Kia. You need help.'

  'What would you know!' I spat back. Then I opened the door and left.

  My parents came into my room at 9.17 pm. My mum had cancelled her night shift. Instead she stood there in her dressing gown clutching a handful of tissues to her mouth.

  She came to my bed and sat down. 'Show me,' she whispered, wrapping her fingers around her neck.

  I didn't feel scared. I didn't feel sad. I didn't feel anything as I pulled my nightie up to show her my work.

  Dad left the room. Mum didn't. For a while she didn't speak. She just stared at my marks. As she opened her mouth, I heard the spit catch in her throat. 'Your skin,' she choked. My mother's cool fingertips ran across my thighs. 'Your skin, Kia. Your beautiful skin.'

  Megan was on breakfast duty! Having half an hour without her yelling and pushing us around was total bliss. It was kind of like when the school bully's away for the morning at a dentist's appointment because the downside was that she was coming back and it'd start all over again. You couldn't wipe the smiles off our faces, though – at least Georgie's and my face. Micki still looked grumpy.

  'Did you guys notice how Megan could not lie still during the meditation at the end of yoga?' Georgie asked. 'She was wriggling and groaning and tapping her fingers on the
floor. I really wanted to tell her to shut up.'

  'Is that what that tapping noise was?' I said. 'Could you hear it, Micki?'

  'No.'

  I flashed Georgie a quick 'What the hell?' look. Georgie signalled back with a one-centimetre lift of her shoulders. That was our secret code for 'Don't ask me what's up her bum!'

  'She didn't sleep last night,' Micki said, looking around the room at anything except us. 'I heard her get up and leave the bungalow a few times.'

  'What was she doing?' I asked.

  'Walking around outside.'

  'That must've meant you weren't asleep either,' Georgie said to Micki.

  Micki began to scrape her knife across the plate.

  'Are you tired?' Georgie asked. 'You seem a bit . . . off.'

  'I'm fine.'

  This time I did the tiny shrug.

  'Well,' Georgie began in an overly chirpy voice, 'I have really got myself in a situation, girls. I need some advice.' She sat forward and directed the conversation to Micki. Georgie was super good at fixing an atmosphere 'cause everyone took notice of her. 'You know how Jules thought I meant I'd take him for a surf when I really just meant he could borrow my wetsuit? I got a text from Ace to say she'd forwarded him my number 'cause he wants to make an arrangement with me.'

  'To take him out for a surf?' I asked.

  'Yeah.'

  'Hubba hubba!'

  Micki still hadn't cracked a smile.

  'So, what are you going do?' I said. 'Turn your phone off? That's what I'd do.'

  'Dunno. I mean, Jules is a nice guy and everything.'

  '"Everything" being he's probably the best-looking guy on the planet!' I giggled. 'This'll probably be your only chance to take a hottie like him out for a surf.'

  Micki's lips still didn't move.

  Georgie sighed. 'So, any advice for me, Miss Micki?'

  I swear I saw Micki flinch like Georgie had just called her a bad name. But she didn't say anything. Instead she stood up and took her plate away.

  'What's up with her?' I whispered to Georgie.

  'I don't know. But I need to ask you something.'

  'What?'

  'About Micki but not now,' she answered. 'Later.'

  'Give us a clue?'

  'Shhh! She's coming back.'

  'What's the big secret?' Micki said, staring straight at Georgie.

  Georgie shifted in her seat. 'What secret?' she answered.

  'Don't worry,' Micki said through teeth that were jammed together. 'I probably know it anyway.'

  I racked my brains for what could be wrong with Micki. Had I accidentally done something or said something? There was nothing I could think of. I'd been a good friend. I'd done all the right things a friend was meant to do.

  Had Georgie done something to offend her? Did Micki think she should've given the album to Jules 'cause Ace had nominated her to mind it in her bag?

  No! Micki'd even said to me, 'I'm not going to meet Jules if you're not.' I'd answered, 'No way am I going!' And she'd gone, 'Good.'

  It wasn't something Megan had done or Micki would've told us. Yesterday, Megan'd been off her head in the surf, snaking Micki on the waves and stuff, but that was the type of thing that got – no, used to get – to me, not Micki. She knew it was just Megan being an aggro pain in the bum. That was nothing new.

  Had Micki changed her mind about moving in with us? Maybe we needed to have a big talk? The problem was that Georgie didn't know about the situation and telling her would mean having to explain why Micki was coming to live with us and that was complicated.

  I wasn't sure how Micki felt about others knowing what her dad did. She was very, very private about it. But it was only Georgie. Georgie was like me. She'd be a bit shocked at first but then she'd be fine. The thing that'd fully upset her would be that Micki had been dealing with it on her own and for so long, 'cause that's what made me feel so horrible.

  Secrets – the more I lived with them, the more I realised how bad they were.

  I was going to tell Micki my secret tonight.

  'I was on every bomb, tearing them up like an assassin! You should've seen me. I was charging. It was sick. I was just rippin' the bag out of them.'

  Megan's eyes were popping out of her head. She looked like she was crazy and she was raving and raving on to Jake and maybe to us, but we weren't really listening. At least, I was pretending not to. But I couldn't stop staring at her.

  For the last ten minutes she had not stopped crapping on about some surfing trip she'd been on. Micki, Georgie and I were just standing there waiting for Jake to tell her to shut up so we could start our expression session. But he didn't! Jake was nodding and going, 'Really! I must look it up on the net.'

  Georgie started whistling. At last Jake got the message.

  'Okay, Megan, that's enough,' he told her. 'Let's get down to business.'

  'Oh, it's so cool, Jake. You would totally think you'd died and gone to heaven. Me and my brother were – '

  'Megan,' Jake said, 'focus time.'

  'Yeah, yeah! Sorry,' Megan said, stuffing another piece of chewing gum into her gob.

  'Can I have one?' Georgie the brave asked.

  'Nah, don't have enough.'

  Georgie pulled a cross-eyed face. Finally Micki smiled.

  'It's eleven thirty-five am,' Jake told us. 'You have an hour for this session. Regard it as a contest, the same conditions, ride as many waves as you can get. There's a bit on offer so make good choices and show us your stuff.'

  Micki asked, 'Are you scoring us?'

  'No,' he replied. 'We're still assessing what you've been working on. New moves, new tricks, all the usual.'

  Shyan was coming down the sand. 'Sorry, got caught up with something.'

  'Georgie, you were executing some good backside barrels yesterday,' Jake said. 'Just concentrate on relaxing your upper body a bit more.'

  'When she's pig-dogging she's sticking her arse out too much.' Megan was chewing so hard and fast on her gum she sounded like a cow. 'You've got to drag your arm into the wall more to stall.' Now she was sticking out her arm and looking like some unco superhero. 'You know, like this. Like this.'

  'Megan, I hope you're planning on spitting out that gum before you get into the water,' said Shyan. 'It's not environmentally friendly, if you know what I mean.'

  'I won't lose it in the surf, if that's what you mean.'

  'I mean, I want you to spit it out.'

  'I don't want to spit it out,' Megan scoffed.

  I felt Georgie's foot on mine.

  'I always surf with gum!'

  Megan'd never chewed gum while she was surfing before. At least, not here in January.

  'I don't have a problem with people chewing gum,' Shyan said to Megan. 'Just not in the surf.'

  Megan spat it out. A fat ball of chewing gum flew out of her mouth like a missile and landed at Shyan's feet. Georgie's foot pressed harder on mine.

  'Pick it up, Megan, and apologise to Shyan. Now!' Jake barked. He was giving her the total death stare. 'Micki, Kia and Georgie, in the surf please.'

  We picked up our boards and ran.

  The rip was strong and it took us no time to paddle out. In a way it was a bummer Megan wasn't with us as she was fully into an early paddling race. By early I meant the minute her board hit the water she'd be hunting for a battle.

  A set ruined by too many flat spots churned through. If there was one thing Jake was picky about in an expression session, it was that we selected the right wave. He didn't like us just mucking around on anything for fun. 'That's for your free surfs,' he'd say. So we waited, watched and discussed – which was what I was dying to do. Megan was bad!

  'They're still having a go at her,' I said, sitting up on my board, facing the beach. 'I wish I had bionic ears. I'd love to know what they're saying.'

  'I'd love to know what Megan's saying back,' Georgie replied. 'I nearly died when she spat that gum out at Shyan. She has grown balls, I swear it.'

  'I'll
tell you what's grown. Her eyeballs,' I add. 'They're humungous.'

  'Yeah.' Georgie slapped the water. 'I noticed that too.'

  'Hey, she's putting on her leg rope,' I announced. 'I think. She's bending down doing something. No. No, she's standing up again.'

  'Hmm, I wonder what she's up to.' Georgie's mission was to be one step ahead of Megan. 'She's pretty confident. Do you reckon she's pulling some stunt to try and make us lose focus? You know how like sometimes Kelly Slater doesn't turn up for a contest until the absolute last second?'

  'I don't know,' I answered. 'But aren't we meant to be acting like a team? Isn't that the whole reason we're here?'

  Micki had been so quiet. I wasn't sure if she'd been listening but then she mumbled, 'You wouldn't want to be in a team with her.'

  'I don't know about that, Micki. She's training hard and taking it seriously,' Georgie said. 'But it's turned her into a psycho.'

  A new set was lifting out of the horizon. Georgie began to spin around. I lay down and got ready too.

  'I think she's taking drugs.' Micki spoke again just as Georgie began to paddle.

  'What!' Georgie shouted behind her. 'How would you know?'

  Micki muttered something but I didn't hear it 'cause I was following Georgie's call.

  Georgie could pick a wave for the taking even with her eyes closed. She reckoned it was the sound they made. This instinct of hers used to really piss me off. Now, well, now I tried not to take it personally.

  MICKI

  Two blonde hairs still clung to the page where I'd written about arriving at Kia's. I'd found them on Monday afternoon just before Georgie came back from meeting Jules. The strange thing was, I made my discovery just as Georgie's mobile rang for the first time. It was Ace calling, the owner of the hairs. There was no way I could answer it.

  Last Saturday, when I rolled up my sleeping bag, I noticed that my diary wasn't way down the bottom where it usually was. I thought it'd probably been shoved or kicked out of place, 'cause everyone had to step over my sleeping bag to get in and out of Kia's room. That's why I rolled it up every day, in case one of the girls trod on it and got curious.