Bullet: An Alpha Male MC Biker Romance (Steel Knights Motorcycle Club Romance Book 2)

by Ivy Black

  “Yeah.”

  “I realize you’re a control freak and that’s not easy for you though, but try your hardest,” she joked.

  “Celia?” the barista called out.

  I stood up and collected the lattes I ordered and then swung back by Laura’s table for a brief moment just to say goodbye. I kissed her on the cheek, and she smiled up at me. “Be breezy, girl, and stop ignoring me, because if you do, I’m gonna hurt you.”

  A chuckle escaped my lips, the first real one I’d had in a while. “Got it. See ya.”

  “Good luck!”

  With the coffees in hand, and Laura’s advice in my mind, I got back in my car and made my way to Harry’s. Laura was right, and even though she didn’t mean it to, the advice was going to help me trick Harry successfully this time. No overthinking it. Just taking it day by day. That was my road to victory.

  Harry’s bike was parked out in front of his house, so I put my car in park and made my way up to the door with the coffees in hand. Using my elbow to ring the doorbell, I took a deep breath and tried to ignore the way my heart was racing with anticipation at seeing Harry again.

  “Coming!” Harry called, and his gruff voice sent a wave of goosebumps rushing over me. The door opened and my heart jumped.

  I forgot to remind myself how good-looking he was.

  “Hi,” I said, pouring as much guilt into my voice as I could.

  Harry leaned against the frame of his door. “Hey.”

  Surprisingly, he didn’t seem angry like I expected, though his apathy wasn’t much more inspiring. “How are you?” I asked.

  “Pretty good. Things are going well in the new position. You?”

  I was awkwardly standing there with both coffees in hand. “Good. I suppose my presentation of coffee first thing in the morning is pretty obvious that I’m here to apologize.”

  Harry shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize.”

  “I… I don’t?”

  “No. You told me upfront, well mostly upfront, that you struggle with serious things and that deep emotions scare you. When you ghosted, I wasn’t all that shocked. Hurt, but not shocked,” he explained honestly.

  “Oh.” I couldn’t tell if this response was better or worse, but instead of thinking about it, I just extended one of the coffees. “A latté as a peace offering? Maybe I could come in and we can catch up.”

  Harry made no attempt to grab the cup. “I understand the position you’re in, but I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he replied. “I think we’re just in different places. I’m not necessarily looking to get married and have kids right away or anything, but just like you were honest with me, I was honest with you. I don’t want to just date for the sake of it and not know if and when you’re gonna hit the bricks. I’m not angry, I just don’t think we’re meant to be.”

  It hurt to hear. I was the one toying with him, but it felt like he was breaking up with me. The thought of never seeing Harry again didn’t sit well with me and not for the reasons it should. It wasn’t a fear that I was going to miss out on my final opportunity to carry out my plan, it was a fear that I was going to lose him.

  “I’m not,” I started slowly, “in the business of begging, but I’d be willing to get pretty close to fix this. I shouldn’t have disappeared again. I told you that I wouldn’t and then I did anyway, but I’m just scared. Between my dad dying and taking care of my godfather, I just haven’t dated a whole lot or really had many relationships of any kind. I have my best friend Laura, but literally, she just yelled at me in the coffee shop because she’s been trying to contact me for a few weeks and hasn’t heard from me.” I let out a forced chuckle. “So, if it makes you feel any better, you aren’t the only one being ghosted.” Harry’s expression didn’t change, but I could tell he was legitimately listening to me, so I continued. “When I saw you on your bike, all of a sudden I realized, ‘Oh shit, I really like this guy,’ and I panicked. I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not unsympathetic, Celia, but I’ve heard that before. It’s like I said, I don’t think it’s meant to be. I assume, at some point in your life, you’ll meet someone that just changes all that commitment stuff for you and you’ll want to look past everything else to make it work with them. Or maybe you won’t and that’s fine, too. Either way, I don’t think I’m that guy.”

  “You are though,” I yelped, and I hated how desperate I sounded. It was a gut reaction. What Harry was describing, and what Laura said about not running from something that felt good, that was the way I felt. “You’re that guy, that’s why I’m here. I’ve never gone back to a guy before. Usually, I ghost and then I’m gone, but then I go home and lie in bed at night and I’m angry at myself for messing it up with you. Harry, I mean it, I… want to be with you.”

  “Not just in a friendly, just-dating-for-fun kind of way?” Harry asked. “Not in a ghosting-me-again-in-a-week kind of way?”

  “No,” I said. “I want to do this. I told Avery that this isn’t a game, and it isn’t. I just need a little more patience than the average bear. I’m sorry. I am trying.”

  Harry didn’t respond right away. He just looked me up and down with gears turning. Behind him, Jingle slunk out of the shadows of the house and sat staring up at me. Harry looked down at him and then back up at me, and then finally reached out and took the coffee. He stepped to the side so that I could enter, and I smiled as I walked past him, feeling like I’d won, but not for the right reason.

  All it took was being invited back in, and I was already off track.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Bullet

  I hated to admit it, but every time I sent Celia a text message or called her and she didn’t answer, I thought it was happening again. Just a few minutes could have me panicking into thinking I was getting ghosted again, and then the sense of relief I felt when she would respond was hefty. Still, I knew I couldn’t become that guy, and with each additional day that passed without her disappearing, my confidence was growing. It’d been about two months since we started dating yet again, and apart from work hours, our communication had been normal and reassuring.

  However, Celia’s fear of commitment was starting to show itself in other ways. She still very rarely stayed the night, she didn’t talk a whole lot about her past apart from what I already knew, and she’d never invited me up to her apartment. I didn’t know if that was a fear of wanting me to be her roommate or just trying to keep me at a distance again, but it made me nervous.

  But I liked Celia. A lot.

  The more we saw each other, and the more time we spent together, the more I was beginning to feel like I could be falling for her. It wasn’t just the things we had in common, but it was also the things we didn’t. She wasn’t afraid to call me on my shit when I got in a very introverted and isolated mood, and she did a good job of coaxing me out of my shell. I didn’t want to push too hard given that she’d already told me about her hangups and insecurities, and I wasn’t the kind of guy to pressure someone, but I couldn’t shake the odd feeling that I was investing more time into this relationship than I was going to get out of it.

  I smiled at the good morning text I got from her just before getting to the Taphouse for the morning. It was just a simple, “Looking forward to our date tomorrow. Hopefully you like thrills, good lookin’,” but it was enough to have me smiling from ear to ear. Yeah, I was falling for her for sure, I just wish I knew more about how to have the kind of conversations that would provide clarity.

  “That’s a happy smile,” Avery said as I walked into the Taphouse. I looked at my phone, confused. Had I gotten to work later than I thought? Seth had been getting there earlier than me lately, but Avery didn’t believe in times earlier than eleven AM. “Things must still be going well with Celia then?”

  “Have you been replaced by a body snatcher?” I asked. “Why are you here so early?”

  “No reason,” Avery said, but almost as if she was summoned by our musings, the Taphouse door opened behind me, a
nd Seneca came walking in. Avery sat up a little and smiled. “Hey. Good morning.”

  “Good morning,” Seneca said with a sweet smile. “Squared back there?”

  “Yep! Head on back,” Avery replied.

  “Thanks.” Seneca walked around the bar and through the swinging door toward the warehouse.

  I looked back at Avery with an eyebrow raised. “So, you came early to see her?”

  Avery shook his head. “No. It was just a coincidence.”

  “Sure.” I sat down at the table across from him. “Well, since she’s here, maybe you can help me with something. Do you think you could convince her to go out to coffee with me? Maybe even today?”

  Despite his insistence that he wasn’t at the bar so early to see her, Avery crossed his arms and furrowed his brow. “Uh. What about Celia?”

  “First of all, you’re not very good at hiding your true feelings, second of all, I don’t want to go out with her romantically. I actually was hoping to talk to her about Celia. It’s hard to get a beat on her and I thought maybe Seneca’s perspective would help. She helped before, though unintentionally. I want to just talk to her.”

  “Oh,” Avery said. “Okay. Yeah, I can ask for you.”

  “Thanks. I still don’t think she likes me very much, but you two seem close.”

  That brought a smile to Avery’s face. “I guess. Maybe.”

  We held a light conversation for about twenty minutes and then Avery stood up and walked back into the warehouse. I waited for an additional ten-ish minutes, texting Celia on my phone and researching the theme park we were planning on going to tomorrow, and then eventually, the door behind the bar swung open again. Seneca walked out and locked eyes with me immediately.

  She seemed a little uncomfortable, but still walked up to me. “Uh, Avery said you maybe wanted to get coffee and chat?”

  “Yeah,” I replied, equally as uncomfortable. “Is that okay?”

  “Sure. Wanna just head up to Mocha Loco?”

  “That sounds good.”

  It was a little awkward, but I stood up with a smile and walked out of the bar. I could hear Seneca’s bootsteps behind me, so I continued out and got on my bike. There was a gentle tap on my back as Seneca passed me to get on her bike and she threw me a smile, which I took to mean relax. For sure, it was me making things so tense, so I dropped my shoulders, took a deep breath, and smiled back, then we both started up our bikes with a pair of loud roars and made our way down the street to one of Hoppa’s local coffee shops, Mocha Loco.

  The shop was still pretty empty inside given how early in the day it was, so it wasn’t difficult to find a table. I grabbed one near the door and prepared to ask Seneca what she wanted, but she set a hand on my shoulder and said, “What would you like?”

  “Just a regular latté with an extra shot, please,” I replied.

  She nodded. “Got it. I’ll be back.”

  Sitting down at the table, I tried to organize my thoughts while I waited for Seneca. I didn’t want to immediately go into asking for help regarding Celia because I didn’t want it to seem like I had no interest outside of personal gain. My best friend skated into my mind, and I smiled, wondering if she would talk to me about him if I asked. I was dangerously curious, and it could be a nice way to just get to know her better.

  Seneca came back with the coffees and sat across from me, setting my latte down in front of me as she went. “Thanks,” I said. “Round two is on me.”

  “Oh?” Seneca replied in a light tone. “I get two coffees with you? I’m lucky.”

  “Well, I don’t know that I’d call it lucky, but sure, let’s go with that,” I replied. “Really, I feel lucky that you’d be willing to stay here for two coffees.”

  “I mean, it’s not every day that Hoppa’s hardass invites people out for coffee,” Seneca said. “I wasn’t about to throw away the chance.”

  “Thanks, and that’s a great segue into what I wanted to discuss first, which is a heartfelt apology. I know we’ve kind of been butting heads ever since you came on as a prospect and I also know that a lot of that is due to my unique relationship with women. It shouldn’t have been on every woman I met to bear the issues that I faced in the past, and if you hadn’t come along, I may not have realized that. So I’m sorry and also, thank you.”

  “I just call it like I see it,” she said. “I guess it was also a little frustrating because it seemed like you were really cool and then when I heard the rumor, I was really disappointed. Call me a dreamer, but I wanted to kind of snap you out of it, if nothing else.”

  “Well, you did. I mean, dating Celia has helped a lot, too, but that would have fizzled out entirely after the first time she ghosted me if you hadn’t gotten real with me. She’s amazing and I wouldn’t be with her if it wasn’t for you.” I let out a snicker, only realizing as I said it how true it was. “Again, thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m glad my being a blunt asshole could benefit you.”

  “Blunt assholery is something we have in common,” I replied.

  She laughed. “So I’ve noticed.”

  “I’m sorry, too, that you didn’t get to meet Tess and vice versa. She would have loved you, I think. Maybe she’ll come back one day, and you’ll get your chance.”

  “That confident that I’ll become a member, huh?” she asked.

  “If I have anything to do with it, yeah, and it has nothing to do with my making amends with women, and everything to do with the fact that you’re badass and we’d be lucky to have you.”

  “If you don’t mind my asking, why the problems with women? What’d they do?” she asked.

  “It all started with my mom. She was abusive when I was a child. She killed my dad.”

  Seneca was mid-drink in her coffee and nearly choked on it when I said the latter half of the statement. “She killed your dad?”

  “Yeah. She was super abusive toward him, but he just took it all in his stride so long as it was him and not me, but then one day it turned on me. He tried to take me and escape into the night and she killed him. The police were called, but she claimed it was self-defense and they just believed her. Even though I said it wasn’t. Even though I said she used to hit my dad, they said it was different because she was a woman. The judge was female, and the cop that reported to the scene was female, too, and really laid it on thick in my mom’s defense. Said I was crying for my mom when my dad was trying to take me away and a bunch of other stuff that just wasn’t true. They sent me back with my mom and she beat the hell out of me for an additional four years until a teacher at my school finally noticed and called someone. They pulled me out of her house and put me with my foster dad.”

  “Wow,” Seneca said. “I…” Her cheeks puffed up as she blew air out. “I would have trust issues, too. Just in general.”

  “To be fair, I do have your general, run-of-the-mill trauma-induced trust issues, but women just always put me in the mindset of my mom. It wasn’t fair, I admit that.” I shook my head. “That’s probably also why I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to women.”

  “Hitting another rough patch with Celia?”

  “Not so much a rough patch as a long, flat path and I’m not really sure where the pitfalls are,” I replied. “She ghosted me a bunch right there in the beginning, but we’ve been fine for a couple of months now, I just feel like I don’t know if I’m still grasping at straws, expecting her not to bounce again.”

  Seneca took a sip of her coffee. “Do you get the sense that she will?”

  “That’s the thing, I don’t really get any senses. Not in the romantic sense, like I know I like her, and I know she likes me, but the rest of her is sort of an enigma.” I ran a hand through my hair. “She doesn’t give any signs that it’s serious or that it isn’t. She’s just kind of even-mannered. I don’t want to be that guy, but I wish I just knew for sure that I wasn’t wasting my time. That going ahead with her a third time wasn’t a mistake.”

  “So, you just
have to ask her,” Seneca said. “Not just women, but people in general, are far more receptive to honesty than you might think. Don’t be weird about it, just tell her you’re checking in, want to know if she’s still feeling good about you guys, and be honest that her ambiguity freaks you out a little. We can only expect our partners to meet our needs if they know what they are.”

  “That makes sense. So, I just say it? I don’t have to say it in any special kind of way?” I asked.

  “Nah. I’ve only seen Celia a few times, but she doesn’t strike me as a fluffy kind of lady. Straight to the point is best. Don’t be cold about it, just be upfront.”

  “Okay, I can do that. Thanks,” I said.

  “Yeah.”

  “So…” A smile found my face. “You and Avery?”

  She recoiled. “Whaaat?” Her voice got an octave higher and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Shut up.”

  “So, you like him, too?” I asked.

  “Too?”

  Ah, shit. I’d end up paying for that slip-up at some point. “I mean, he hasn’t confirmed it to me or anything, but I know him pretty well. I see the way he looks at you, and believe me when I say this, Avery doesn’t even know that hours before lunchtime exist. I saw him at the bar at seven AM and I nearly fell over. Then you came waltzing through the door and it all made sense.”

  She chuckled. “Well then, today is just a good day for me all round.”

  “So, how long before we can double date?” I asked.

  Again, she sputtered on her coffee. “I’m gonna go with never, but thanks.”

  “Never? Why?” I asked.

  “Because, at the risk of sounding like your girl, I’m not really a commitment type. Relationships just don’t go well for me. It’s not even that I don’t trust men or anything like that, it’s just that nine times out of ten, I don’t get what I see. I develop feelings for someone thinking they’re one way, then they turn around and they’re the complete opposite. It just got exhausting trying to navigate. I gave dating apps and stuff a try and it was more of the same. Finally, I just gave up. It’s easiest for everyone if we get what we need and get out before anyone gets hurt.”