The Barn

by Morgan Dawson

  People cheer, but the loudest comes from my sisters and August.

  The townsfolk stand and make their way to the door. It’s soon quiet again with just August, my sisters and Mr. Johnson standing in the schoolhouse.

  “Well, Ms. Carter. I’m pleased to have you teaching here. I believe you’ll do a fine job. If I could just get you to sign here and here.” He says pointing at two lines on a paper. I take the quill, and in my neatest writing, sign my name.

  “Perfect. You will be paid at the end of each month. You start in three days. You can come whenever you please and make this place your own. Here are the keys.” Mr. Johnson hands me the silver keys and I toss them around in my hand.

  I smile. "Thank you very much."

  Mr. Johnson nods and leaves the schoolhouse, the door shutting behind him. All three of my sisters rush into my arms and I'm almost knocked off my feet. Laughing, I wrap my arms around them.

  "We knew you could do it!" Hazel laughs, pulling back.

  "I hate to ruin this happy moment, but we've got to get going so I can be back at my house for supper." August smiles.

  We follow after him and since I’m the last one out, I lock the schoolhouse door behind me.

  Soon, I find myself sat down in August's wagon, my sisters beside me. Again, the jolting of the wagon begins. My mind races back to today's events. I think of the little girl and her belief in me, but what if I wasn't what she thought? What if I can't teach these children and I let them all down?

  I shake the thoughts from my head. If a young child believed in me, surely I ought to believe in myself.

  It's silent, the only sound being the horse’s hooves pounding the ground and the wagon creaking beneath me. My sister's faces are bright, and I know their minds are deep in thought. I stand up and carefully make my way to where August is sitting. He looks at me and pats the seat next to his. I sit down, making sure there is space between us.

  I see his hands tighten on the reins. A piece of hair falls in front of my eye and I quickly tuck it behind my ear.

  "Thank you for taking my sisters and I today. It sure meant the world to them... and me. I feel like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. Maybe my Pa and I will be able to silently forgive each other with me not being there as much."

  He gives a small smile. "You're welcome Adeline. Now, would you like to come to town again tomorrow? I'll be working until after supper probably. You and your sisters could clean up the schoolhouse a bit and get it ready. Plus, I'm sure the people in town are going to want a chance to get to know you better before school starts."

  "Yes, I've got some things I'd like to bring to the school. Plus, I want to meet the people, as you said. Especially that little girl—did you hear her? It melted my heart."

  August laughs, but his face softens. "Her name's Mae. Sweetest kid I know. Her ma died too. She reminds me a lot of my little sister Gracie."

  I smile. "I'm excited to be able to teach all of these children, August. I can’t believe I’m going to be lucky enough to get to know them all."

  He chuckles. "Yes, the children will be lucky to have you as a teacher. Some of them are going through some hardships at the moment, and they could really use someone to guide them."

  We sit quietly for a few minutes, neither of us saying a word. I take a breath and look down. "August? Do you really think that my pa and I will be okay again? I've been so rude to him, how could he possibly forgive me?"

  "Adeline, you've cancelled each other out, if you know what I mean?"

  I furrow my eyebrows, confused. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

  He chuckles deeply and readjusts his hands on the reins. "He pretty well left you and your sisters to fend for yourselves, locking himself in a room to escape whatever pain he was in. Now, maybe you are, well... not so nice to him, but your actions have cancelled out. He treated you poorly, and then you treated him poorly. Now, it's even. So forgiveness should come soon."

  I laugh. "You make no sense whatsoever, but I'll go with it."

  "I know. It's hard to explain this type of stuff, but believe me. Things will work out."

  And for some reason, I believe him.

  Chapter 11

  My sisters are sat beside me at the table as we look through boxes of ma's things—her teaching things to be exact. Ma taught in Kansas from the time she was eighteen until she turned twenty and married pa. She’d kept so many of the things she'd used as a teacher and I’m now eagerly digging through it all.

  I find extra slates and chalk that I'm sure a student could use if their family didn't have the money to buy one. There’s also the tin bucket my ma used for getting water for the daily sessions.

  My ma’s family was wealthy, and she told me her parents had sent her many books to teach with. There are so many books in this box, and I'm pretty sure Genevieve is on the verge of fainting.

  I feel a certain kind of excitement building inside of me. This is my new start and I’m being blessed with a chance to teach children the ways of the world, or at least try to.

  I hear pa come in the door. It's dark out and he’s spent the day at Mr. Wilsons.

  He stops in his tracks and stares at us. I shift in my chair uncomfortably.

  He sighs. "Where'd you get that from?"

  I start to answer, but Genevieve has a quicker reply. "From up in the loft, under Hazel and Lydia's bed."

  "Did you get permission to go through your ma's things?"

  No one answers. He walks over and stands above us, his eyes seeming to study the items. For some reason, fear flashes through me.

  "I heard you got a teaching job, and that the girls would be attending school there. August told me when he returned home.”

  I sit up straighter, holding my head high. "Yes, that is correct."

  "I'd appreciate if next time you go to make a big decision like this, that it be approved by me."

  I feel the anger rising. No, hold it in. "Pa, unfortunately we've been having to make our own decisions because you haven’t been home much lately." I can hear the bitterness I’ve been trying to conceal clear in my tone.

  He lets out a long breath. "Adeline, I wasn't trying to be mean. I just was saying, I'd like to know when my daughters are leaving the house for the day to go to a town I haven’t even had the chance to go to myself. And, for not asking about whether you becoming a teacher was a good idea when you have the girls to care for.”

  Oops. He’s got me. I had forgot to tell Pa we were going to town. I try to find a way to clear things up a bit. "Well, by the time you’ve been getting home at night, we're in bed. You leave so early in the morning, it doesn't leave a lot of time for talking to you. And, about me becoming a teacher, as far as I’m concerned, I’m allowed to do what I like. I don’t need your permission, Pa.”

  His face goes red, and his eyes get a cold look. "Adeline Carter! I'm absolutely done with you speaking to me this way. It's unacceptable. You're eighteen years old and I expect better from you. I've never met someone able to hold a grudge as long as you. If this is the way you plan on being toward people you care about, I'm worried you won't have anyone left. People will get annoyed at trying to please you and give up. Soon, you’ll end up with no one. Everyone will begin to give up on you... just like I have."

  After the last part, he covers his mouth with both of his hands. His eyes sadden and they seem to search mine, begging for forgiveness.

  I feel the tears instantly begin to well up in my eyes, blurring my vision. I look to my sisters. Their eyes are moving frantically from pa to me. I can’t let them see me cry. I won’t let them know how upset I am. They have so much respect for pa, and I can’t to ruin it for them.

  So, I stand up, sliding my chair back and walk silently to the door. I step out into the cool night air. I don't know where I'm going, but I decide anywhere will be better than here.

  The wind is bitter on my bare feet and the grass is cold. Where should I go? I have nowhere to run—nowhere to get away. I imagin
e Darlene is still up working on her knitting. Perhaps, I should go to her. I know she would help me, but then I remember how exhausted she’s been lately. She’s got Alice to look after and she doesn’t need more stress put on her.

  I feel the tears streaming down my face. Pa's right. No one will stay for long. I’m a terrible person. I'm sobbing as my feet lead me in the direction of Darlene's house, but I stop myself and sit down on the path, the rocks piercing my feet. I can't go to Darlene's. I realize my heart is arguing with my brain.

  Instantly, I realize my heart has won this argument. Maybe, I will just go to see Darlene for a few minutes. I think of what Darlene told me on the day she was moving to her new house with Robert. “If you ever need me, please come. No matter the time of day, I'll be there for you.”

  I stand and feel myself running in the direction of her house with the tears still stinging my eyes. All of these pent up emotions are overflowing from inside me.

  Still running, I see the light coming from Darlene's house in the distance. I keep running, ignoring the pain forming in my side and the tears still running down my face.

  I hesitate at the door, wiping the tears from under my eyes. I knock quietly.

  I hear shuffling from inside and muffled voices. The door opens revealing Robert standing protectively in front of Darlene.

  He squints. "Adeline?"

  I push past him and come in the door. Darlene takes my hands. "Adeline, you're freezing. Here, come sit." She guides me to a chair by the fire. The warmth instantly spreads over me.

  She stops and looks at me closely. "What's wrong?"

  I look up at Robert who's still standing by the door. Oh well, he might as well hear. "Pa and I got in a huge fight. And the girls were terrified Darlene! I could see it in their eyes. I ran out, I didn't want them to see me like this." I put my hands over my eyes trying to stop the tears.

  Darlene rests her hand on my shoulder. "Oh Adi. It'll be all right." She pulls me into a hug, which only starts me crying even more. The warmth of her spreads through me. I want to believe her, but I've already lost belief in myself.

  Chapter 12

  "What happened?" Darlene’s eyebrows draw together as she pulls a chair out to sit across from me.

  Taking a deep breath, I wipe my eyes. "Well, the girls and I were going through ma's old teaching stuff because I got a job in Riverbend, the new town that’s starting to grow just a ways from here. August has been working on building a schoolhouse there. The girls are going to attend school too."

  "That sounds wonderful." Darlene squeezes my hand. I watch as Robert sits down in the chair closest to the fire and picks up his knife and a piece of wood.

  "Yes well, pa came in and got mad about us going through ma's stuff, and then he said he would appreciate it if I started telling him when I was taking the girls to town. He also said I should’ve ran my decision to become a teacher past him. I admit Darlene, I was wrong in this part. It didn't even cross my mind to tell him we were going to town. But, then I kind of couldn't hold in my anger anymore, and I told him we would have if he was home more. I told him I could make my own choices and then-" I stop, feeling the tears burning my eyes.

  She nods for me to continue.

  "And he said that he expects better of me and that... that he doesn't think people will stay in my life long and will give up trying to please me, just like... like" A tear runs down my face. "He has."

  "Oh Adi." Darlene lets out a quick breath and pulls me up into a hug, her arms holding me tight. "It's okay."

  I feel myself sobbing again and I really want to punch myself. Why am I always the weak one compared to her? Despite the feeling of being weak, I let myself cry, holding Darlene tightly.

  Soon the crying stops and it's replaced with a cold, shallowness settling in my stomach.

  "Adeline. I believe pa was in the wrong this time. Not you.” Darlene pulls back, her blue eyes bright with unshed tears for me.

  "Really?" I wipe at my eyes. Darlene normally tells me I'm not seeing things his way and gives me a lecture. I appreciate her support, but I’m still shocked because I’m not used to being right.

  She sighs. "Well, mostly. I mean, I suppose anyone would get upset eventually if someone they loved wasn't forgiving them, but he said something horrid to you.”

  "I know Darlene, but I've said mean things too. Maybe I deserved that." I look down at my bare feet, not wanting to meet her eyes.

  She puts both her hands on my shoulders and gives me a stern look. "No one has any right to say something like that to you, no one. I'm not pleased hearing this. I might go have a word with pa tomorrow."

  "No. Please, it'll only make things worse between us." I plead looking into her eyes, attempting to make my eyes melt her heart just as hers do mine.

  She sighs. "Fine, but I think you should stay here tonight."

  I give her a quick hug and smile faintly. "Thank you, but what about the girls? They'll be worried."

  "No, they'll be fine. Plus, this will make pa be more careful with what he's saying. I know you've said some...not so nice things to him, but you've never said something that would make him question his relationships with others. Trust me Adi, no matter what, I'll never give up on you and neither will the girls. I think he took out his frustration without thinking."

  "I hope so." I wipe my eyes again, willing myself not to start crying again.

  Darlene opens a trunk and pulls out a few blankets. "I hope the floor will be comfortable enough for you."

  "It will." I watch as she lays the blankets on the floor, making a somewhat cozy looking area.

  "We can leave the fire going so you're nice and warm." Darlene smiles, motioning for me to come over. Robert stands and walks to their room, closing the door behind him after giving Darlene a nod and me a sad smile.

  I climb under the blankets and pull them up over my shoulders. I let out a small giggle. "I feel like such a child. You would have been able to handle him saying that and comforted the girls."

  Darlene smiles. "No, I would've done the same as you. Pa never said such things to me though, and that's why you feel silly. The girls will be fine."

  I sigh. "Do you think he's right though, Darlene? I've been awful, haven't I?"

  She shrugs. "Not awful, maybe not the greatest, but Adi, listen. Everyone has their weak moments when they feel like destroying everything in their path. It takes true strength to calm the fire inside, but to not put it out all together. Keep the fire burning inside of you because it's what drives you forwards."

  "Are you saying I'm a fire causing destruction?" I laugh smiling at her.

  She smiles. "We all are." And with that, she stands up and slowly walks to her room, giving another smile before shutting the door behind her.

  I smile, rolling over onto my side. She somehow made me laugh. Somehow, my sister has the capability to do everything. She was the true fire, keeping us all going.

  It's warm in front of the fire and the heat from it spreads through me. This is home. If only Genevieve, Lydia and Hazel were here with me.

  I find my eyes struggling to remain open and soon I can tell they won’t open till morning. I fall through a world of darkness, the sound of fire crackling near. We're all a fire creating a path of destruction.

  -----

  I wake to the sound of Alice wailing from the far side of the house. I jump out of my bed and run over to her cradle wanting to get her before Darlene.

  "Hush now. It's okay. Adeline's here." I smile down at her, lifting her into my arms. She stops crying and I believe she smiles at me-kind of.

  I walk to Darlene's rocking chair and sit down, cradling Alice in my arms. She grabs onto my finger and I grin. I feel like I'm looking at Darlene in a smaller and much cuter version.

  "Hey, I see you've found my treasure." Darlene yawns, her hand resting on the doorway of her room.

  I smile. "Yes, and I believe she might be coming home with me."

  "Not if I can help it." She crosses and sits
beside me. "How'd you sleep?"

  I stroke Alice's hair. "Great actually."

  She let's out a happy sounding breath. "That's good. What's your plan for the day then?"

  My eyes widen as the realization settles in. "Oh my! Here take Alice. I've got to go. I'm running behind."

  Darlene stands and takes Alice, giving me a puzzled look. "What? What are you talking about?"

  "August! He's coming to take the girls and I to town again so I can clean up the schoolhouse a bit! Oh, he said he'd come in the morning. Hate to run Darlene, but I think I'm going to have to." I quickly rush to the door, turning back to smile at my sister. "Thank you though, for everything." I slow down giving her a long, much deserved hug,

  "You’re welcome. If you ever need to, please come see me. Okay?"

  I smile. "I will." And with that, I open the door and feel the warm morning air hit me.

  I run in the direction of home, full speed, and I keep on running even when it feels as if my lungs will explode.

  Chapter 13

  I'm able to see the house now, and to my relief August's wagon isn't in view. At the door, I hesitate before turning the handle. In the house, Genevieve and the girls are sitting at the table eating their breakfast quietly.

  "Adeline!" They cry out, rushing over and wrapping their arms around me.

  "I'm so sorry." I pull them closer to me.

  Genevieve pulls back. "It's okay. We knew you likely went to Darlene's house. We were just worried you'd forgotten about town." She pauses before scratching her neck. "I told pa we were going to town today."

  I nod smiling at her. "Where is he?"

  She glances in the direction of the door. "He went to get eggs from the coop, but Adeline, he was so worried after you weren't returning, we convinced him you went to Darlene's."

  I nod, not wanting to say anything I will regret.

  Heading up the ladder to the loft, I find my brush on the small table in between the two beds. I brush out my hair, deciding to leave it down in its natural curls.