With My Whole Heart Forever

by Wendi Sotis

  “I am glad you consider me among your friends, Miss Elizabeth.”

  Elizabeth smiled and nodded. In her heart, she considered him more than that, but in reality, friend would have to do.

  CHAPTER 21

  As he separated from her in the dance, Darcy was in shock. The actions of Miss Elizabeth Bennet perplexed him completely.

  Had anyone other than Bingley ever made an effort to have people view him in a better light?

  Her actions over the past several weeks had repeatedly re-ignited an old fear that rose within him like an ogre who wished to take control of his reactions. Everything she had done at Pemberley for his sister, and now, here — was she merely being herself, or did she have ulterior motives?

  It had not always been his nature to be suspicious, but after years of being taken advantage of by people who used him for their own gain, he had learned to protect himself. Now, mistrust came naturally.

  As they came together again at the end of the line of dancers, he met her gaze. Oddly enough, whenever he looked upon her, all trepidation was soothed.

  His instincts told him that her intentions were precisely as she said. Pure. He could trust her.

  In that case, why was he holding back?

  His father had told him time and again that he must marry a lady from among the upper classes—someone with a large dowry and connections of consequence that would be linked to the Darcy name for eternity. That did not describe Elizabeth in any way.

  The movement of the dance began again. Holding hands, they turned around each other one way, switched hands, then circled in the other direction. Letting go, they both circled the person next to them and met again to repeat it all.

  Every time he touched her, a warmth filled his soul.

  Every time he looked into her eyes, he felt as if he were a different person. It was as if, with her, he could actually become everything he always strived to be.

  His breath came faster than it should be, even taking into account the exercise.

  Did he really want to marry a woman who met all his family’s goals for the perfect wife for him, but who did not make him feel — his hand touched Elizabeth’s — like this?

  Would it not be so much better to meet his life-mate’s gaze and experience this?

  Yes. Darcy understood it now. His family was wrong as to whom one should marry. Society was wrong.

  The music ended. Taking Elizabeth’s hand once again, Darcy bowed. As he looked into her eyes, he allowed his emotions to wash over him.

  This was what people should be looking for in a marriage partner.

  As he brought her hand to his arm and they began to walk towards her mother, certain parts of his mind, so long in the habit of following all the rules that had been drilled into him since his infancy, fought back.

  He kept his eyes glued to Bingley’s back and followed him through the crowd as his ideas warred with one another.

  These notions would be considered rebellion by his Fitzwilliam relations, bordering heresy.

  He must slow down and think before throwing away the principles of all his descendants, followed to the letter throughout multiple lifetimes.

  Elizabeth laid her other gloved hand on his arm. “Are you well, Mr. Darcy? You seem disturbed.”

  He met her gaze. Again, there was nothing but concern in her demeanour.

  He shook his head. “I have just been… thinking.”

  She raised one eyebrow. “They must be rather deep thoughts.”

  He almost laughed. Elizabeth could have no idea.

  This was not the place for such mind-numbing ruminations. Darcy had to put aside these concepts for later examination in the privacy of his chambers. He must stay away from her for a while and consider all perspectives.

  By the time they approached the area where the Bennet family was gathering, his mind was calmer. Ana was with them, standing alongside Miss Mary Bennet and Mrs. Annesley. A gentleman approached Elizabeth from her right.

  “It was nice to see you dancing the first set for a change, Lizzy.”

  “Papa!” Elizabeth exclaimed.

  She stepped away from Darcy. A sudden chill descended over him.

  Elizabeth continued, “I am glad you ventured out from the card room. Please meet Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, Miss Darcy, and Mr. Charles Bingley, lately of Netherfield Park. This is my father, Mr. Thomas Bennet of Longbourn.”

  Darcy guessed she had put emphasis on his first name to distinguish him from his cousin.

  Once the usual pleasantries were out of the way, Mr. Bennet said, “Mr. Darcy, I have heard much about your excellent library at Pemberley.”

  “Thank you, sir. It is the work of many generations.” It was what he always said when complimented on his library because it was the only response he could give with without sounding as if he were boasting.

  “I appreciate your hosting Lizzy at Pemberley during her holiday with my brother-in-law. At least she was able to find some pleasant memories to take away from the experience.”

  “It was a pleasure. My sister and Miss Elizabeth have become quite close.”

  Mr. Bennet nodded, looked him up and down, and turned to speak to Bingley. Darcy could not hear what they said, but Bingley seemed more nervous than he had ever seen him before — well, perhaps just a bit less than when he had been caught playing a prank on his philosophy professor at school.

  The remainder of the afternoon passed by in a blur. Darcy remained close to Ana and Mrs. Annesley, which worked out nicely since Ana was always near Elizabeth whenever Elizabeth was not dancing, which was often. There were more ladies than gentlemen in attendance. He had heard there was a regiment of militia in the area, but since it was the afternoon, they could not be spared from their duties. It seemed like poor planning on somebody’s part. Then again, it was welcome. Most of the gentlemen who Elizabeth did dance with were either much too old or too young for her, and he found that was fine with him.

  Bingley could be found near Miss Bennet at every opportunity, though Bingley was engaged for nearly every dance. Miss Bennet, who, like Elizabeth, was a lady in every sense of the word, danced every dance, as well. Their youngest sisters, Miss Kitty and Miss Lydia, on the other hand, were impossible flirts. It was a good thing he had been warned — Elizabeth had not exaggerated there. They hung around Bingley for a bit, but they both stayed far away from Darcy.

  Miss Mary Bennet was quiet and perhaps a little too severe in her dress and manner. In fact, Darcy suspected she might be trying to distance herself radically from her younger sisters’ behaviour. She seemed to relax a little whenever she fell into conversation with Ana.

  The only truly unnerving part of the ball was that he found Mr. Bennet staring at him, and quite often at that. What was going through that gentleman’s head?

  ~ The following morning

  After all the activity the evening before, Elizabeth’s walk had been short this morning. She returned through the kitchen door to make up a breakfast tray for her father and herself — their usual Tuesday and Thursday morning routine. Sally, the downstairs maid, followed her into the study, set down the tray, and excused herself. Once both of their beverages were prepared to their liking, she settled in before the desk and took a nibble of her toast.

  He sat back in his chair and took a sip of tea. “And how are you this morning, my Lizzy?”

  “My feet are a bit sore from dancing, as usual, but I am well, thank you. And you?”

  “Tired. I am not used to the sort of excitement we had last night. All those people in one place. All the noise. New neighbours, new suitors. It was all a bit overwhelming.”

  Elizabeth tensed. “I am so looking forward to having Miss Darcy in the neighbourhood. We shall have such fun. But suitors, Papa? Plural? I must have missed something.”

  He stared at her. “You missed nothing, my dear. Mr. Bingley was quite interested in Jane, and of course, there is Mr. Darcy.” He gestured with his teacup towards her and took a sip.

 
; Elizabeth's mouth dropped open. “Sir, I agree with your appraisal of Mr. Bingley’s interest in Jane, but I think it is common for any new gentleman who comes to the country to notice her.” She tilted her head. “Judging by what I know of Mr. Bingley’s character so far, I believe his interest will not be as fleeting as so many others’ have been. I did not yet have a chance to talk to Jane to gauge her opinion of him last night. She fell asleep before Kitty, Lydia, and Mary left our rooms.”

  “Mary came in to discuss the ball?”

  Elizabeth nodded. “She and Miss Darcy got along splendidly. They both have such an interest in music, so it makes sense.” She hesitated a moment. Her father’s misconception should be cleared up immediately. “But as for Mr. Darcy, I believe you misread him, sir.”

  He sat up straighter, as he often did when challenged. Ah, so he was going to be like this today, eh?

  “The only time he behaved with animation was when he was standing near you.”

  She shook her head. “He does not feel easy in society and, therefore, was more comfortable when he was with me, for I am someone he already knew.”

  Her father raised his eyebrows.

  “Truly, Papa. He thinks of me only as his sister’s friend.”

  Looking down at his hands, her father steepled his fingers over his belly. “Be cautious, dear Lizzy. I believe you underestimate your effect on him.”

  She gasped quietly.

  Frowning, her father moved forward in his chair and folded his hands before him on his desk. “If Mr. Darcy was to come to me to express an interest in you, and perhaps make a request, what should my opinion be? How should I act?”

  Elizabeth’s heart picked up speed. She well knew that a father did not usually ask his daughter such a question. Most would act in a manner that would best serve themselves and their entire family. However, she had long suspected that her parents were not as well suited as what could have been if her father had chosen a mate based on his level of respect for the lady instead of her beauty and talent in the art of flattery. Though it saddened Elizabeth to think this way, she felt his regrets prompted him to wish for happiness in his daughters’ lives beyond that which he and her mother experienced. For example, when Mr. Collins — a man she could have never respected — made her an offer, her father supported her without question.

  But Mr. Darcy? She had a great deal of respect for him. She liked him very much. She loved him. But…

  “I – I do not think that opportunity will present itself, Papa.”

  He smiled slyly. “I watched him all evening, especially when you were too busy to notice. I saw what he did not wish you to see. So, I ask again; if he comes to see me, how shall I act?”

  She blushed furiously. Her father should not say such things. Her head would be filled with Mr. Darcy for the remainder of the day. “I would have to say your opinion and actions should be…” She swallowed hard. “…positive in nature.”

  He popped a crumb of his muffin into his mouth and relaxed against the back of his chair. “Just as I thought.”

  Goodness! Was her opinion of Mr. Darcy that evident? She needed to speak to Jane as soon as possible.

  During her walk, she had been thinking of telling her father that Mr. Darcy owned Netherfield and not Mr. Bingley, but she would not do so now. He would think it was all for her.

  Had it been for her?

  No. It could not be. Mr. Darcy cares about people in general. He had sound principles. Excellent morals. That was all. Of course, he would not allow even a distant relation’s mistreatment of his tenants and the loss of his neighbours’ goodwill to continue once he learned it was occurring.

  Her father said, “Gentlemen like to say that their women-folk are the worst gossips in the family, but in truth, the card room at any ball is the ideal place to pick up on the latest news. At first, when I heard that Mr. Darcy had offered to tutor the local gentlemen in irrigation methods, I thought the offer might be a bit condescending.”

  Shocked, Elizabeth asked, “Really?”

  Her aim had been the opposite.

  He nodded. “No one else did, at least, as far as I know, and to be honest, I probably would have heard about it if they did. However, once I saw how you behaved towards Mr. Darcy, I knew I must have been wrong. You, my dear, could never think that highly of an arrogant man.”

  She pressed her hand to her cheek. It was searing hot now.

  “I am looking forward to this meeting…” he said, examining his muffin then choosing another crumb to devour, “if for no other reason than to get to know him better.”

  Elizabeth was grateful they finished their meal without any further discussion of Mr. Darcy.

  A little while later, when Elizabeth made her way to her chamber, as she opened the door, Jane turned to greet her. “Oh, Lizzy! I am sorry I fell asleep last night. I wanted so much to tell you…”

  She was so excited, Elizabeth stepped forward and took Jane’s hand. “Then tell me now. What happened?”

  “Mr. Bingley… it is him!”

  Elizabeth cocked her head to the side. “Yes, Mr. Bingley is Mr. Bingley. I am certain of that.”

  Jane looked puzzled.

  Elizabeth shook her head. “I am at a loss, Jane.”

  “It was too long ago; I expected too much. Come.” Jane pulled her to the bed, and they sat side by side. “Before your trip to the north, we had a long talk. I told you about a man I dreamt about — a man with golden hair, who was the most handsome man I had ever seen, quite amiable, and everything a gentleman should be.”

  That was what was nagging at her last night when she met Mr. Bingley. “I do remember now. The dream convinced you to hold out for a love match and not settle for a marriage of convenience.”

  “Yes.” Jane smiled brightly. “The moment I saw Mr. Bingley across the ballroom, I recognised him.”

  Elizabeth gasped. “Are you saying that Mr. Bingley is the very man you saw in your dream?”

  Jane nodded.

  Elizabeth widened her eyes. “Stranger things have happened! I agree that Mr. Bingley is all that you said, and it was obvious he was quite taken with you. But take care, Jane. It could be a mistake to simply assume he is your perfect match only because months ago, you dreamed of a man similar to him.”

  “No, Lizzy. He is not similar; he is exactly the same. I have never forgotten what he looked like.” Jane rose and walked to the window, the one she had been staring out of when they discussed this dream weeks earlier. “Perhaps I should show him more affection than I feel at this moment, as Charlotte always said a lady should do in order to secure a husband.”

  Oh, no. The previous conversation suddenly came flooding back to Elizabeth. This could mean trouble.

  Elizabeth spoke the next gently. “I am not so sure about that. That might have been right for Charlotte, but I am not certain it is correct in your situation. Can you not see, Jane? Through our family ties, Charlotte knew Mr. Collins was a respectable man who would inherit Longbourn someday. You know practically nothing of Mr. Bingley.”

  “But you know Miss and Mr. Darcy. Would they be friends with a man who is not respectable?”

  “He is Mr. Darcy’s friend, yes, but the qualities a gentleman might look for in a friend can be quite different than those a lady should seek in a husband.”

  The disappointment that washed over Jane’s sweet features was so apparent and so heartbreaking, guilt threatened to overtake Elizabeth’s sensibilities.

  Elizabeth inhaled deeply. “I am not saying you should ignore the gentleman, just that you should not rush to make any life-altering decisions, dearest. Speak to him, get to know him better before sending any signals that cannot be withdrawn. Please… for my sake, if not for your own. I believe it would be wise to proceed slowly before you hand him your heart.”

  Jane blinked in rapid succession, giving Elizabeth the impression she was holding back tears.

  Elizabeth straightened her back. She must stand firm on this.

 
; The worry lines on Jane’s face smoothed. She nodded. “You are correct, of course.”

  Thank goodness!

  A couple of hours later, it was time for the traditional visit to the Bennets from Lady Lucas and her daughter Maria, so that all concerned could pick over every moment of the previous evening. Usually, the mothers and daughters spoke upon very different subjects, but in this case, discussions surrounding their new neighbours were the top priority for all.

  Before long, the younger generation had said all they could, and Lydia proposed they take a walk. Elizabeth suggested they go as far as Netherfield to see Ana. The idea was balked at, for Elizabeth was the only one of the party who would willingly walk three miles without question. However, when Lady Lucas offered they should take her carriage, all were in agreement. Even Mary consented to accompany them, which was quite a surprise to everyone.

  And so it was that the six young ladies wedged themselves into the Lucases’ coach. What measure of the party’s good cheer had dissipated during the ride was quickly restored as they alighted before the grand staircase leading up to the door of Netherfield Park.

  Elizabeth knew it had been several years since so many voices echoed through the lobby of the main hall. Would this become a regular occurrence now that Mr. Darcy was the new owner, or would he sell it as soon as the repairs were completed and they would have to get used to new neighbours once again? Time would tell.

  The group was shown into a parlour on the next level. When the footman opened the door, Ana and Mrs. Annesley rose to greet them.

  Elizabeth smiled when she saw Ana’s frazzled, but jubilant, smile. Good — for a moment, she feared they might frighten her, coming in force as they did.

  The ladies spread out across the available seating. The room was not very different from the time Elizabeth had accompanied her father there five years ago to visit the ailing former resident. Even the furnishings were set out in a similar configuration to what she remembered.