Sweet Nothing

by Jamie McGuire

  “Still nervous?”

  “I just hope no one is disappointed. It’s just a tiny wedding, no reception.”

  “Hey,” I said. “I suggested pizza.”

  She tilted her head, tucking her chin. “I’d rather not feed anyone than offer pizza for a wedding dinner.”

  I shrugged and smiled. “They are just going to be happy to be there, Avery. They want to share this day with us.”

  “I just don’t want it to suck.”

  “You really think our friends and family are going to judge us based on if we feed them shrimp cocktails and have an ice sculpture?”

  “No, but someone might.”

  “Who are these fictional assholes that you speak of and why would we invite them to our wedding?”

  Her giggles filled the bedroom, and she finally relaxed. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I can’t figure out what this thing is hanging over my head, so I’m making stuff up.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know,” she said, twirling her hair around her finger and looking out the window. “That thing.”

  I wondered if she meant the same uncertain feeling that had been plaguing me. Clearly, neither of us was unsure about our relationship. It was something else, and she was feeling it too.

  “How are you?” I asked, brushing her hair back from her face.

  She smiled, amused. “I’m fine.”

  “You know what I mean,” I said, nudging her. “How are you feeling?”

  “Like the luckiest girl on Earth.” She grinned against my lips as she slipped her hands around the back of my neck and pulled me closer. Moving the blanket from between us, I slid my body over hers, still wanting her just as badly as the first night we’d made love. Settling my hips on hers, her thighs fell open wider, granting me access.

  Reaching between us, she gripped my length, positioning me at her entrance, skin to skin. I glanced over my shoulder at the nightstand, but Avery pulled me down, planting a deep kiss on my mouth. “I want to feel you.” She bit her lip. “Just you.”

  Lifting my head to look her in the eye, she nodded before I pushed forward, filling her slowly as she gasped at the new sensation. Her eyes fluttered closed, and I pressed my lips to each eyelid as we began to move together, her nails biting into the flesh of my back.

  “It’s like you were made for me,” I rasped.

  She sucked in a ragged breath, releasing it against the shell of my ear, causing a shiver to run the length of my spine.

  Her hips rose and fell as her gasps grew louder, increasing in frequency as her release began to build. Rolling over, I pulled her on top of me as she kept her chest pressed to mine.

  She sat up, raking her hair back, arching her back so I could appreciate her full form. “Christ, you’re beautiful,” I said, running my hands over her soft breasts and down her middle.

  Her lip was between her teeth, pressing into the delicate flesh as she adjusted. The movement nearly caused me to finish, and I gripped her hips to give me time to refocus.

  A piece of her golden hair fell into her eyes when she looked down at me. For the first time in a long time, she seemed confident, and that thought alone made my dick harden inside her.

  I reached up, running my thumb over her mouth. She kept her eyes on mine, pressing a kiss to my skin, and then opened those beautiful lips, sliding them down over my index finger, gently sucking as she pulled away.

  My breathing faltered. “For fuck’s sake, woman.”

  She smiled. “You like that?” Her tongue ran up my finger again, something new flickering in her eyes. I didn’t dare question what, in case questions snuffed it out.

  She pushed against my chest until she was sitting astride my hips, her nipples hardened into tight buds. My grip tightened on her hips as she slowly rose and fell, teasing me.

  “I love you,” I confessed for the millionth time, but it felt like it would never be enough. Her movements grew less controlled as her inhibitions lowered. I began to move her with my own rhythm, pulling her hips forward and rolling them back like waves in sync with the pulsing of her body around me.

  “I love you,” she whimpered as her hands ran down the ridges of my abs. “So much.”

  “Show me.” With those words, she came undone in my arms, collapsing against me in the aftermath of our affection.

  “I’m suffocating,” I panted, tugging the silky white material of my sundress.

  “You look like a new pair of tits on a one-legged hooker,” Deb assured me. “I’m jealous.”

  “Is that a good thing?” I asked as I stared at my flushed face in the mirror.

  “That dress would look like a hand towel on me,” she said—as if that clarified anything at all.

  The heat was sweltering and it was only mid-June. We had arranged airline tickets for Josh’s parents, and Mrs. Cipriani had graciously offered her spare bedroom and arranged to rent a vacant apartment in her building for cheap to help us cut down on costs.

  “Why are you smiling like a pervert?” Deb’s voice shook me from my thoughts as I fastened the back onto my pearl earring. “You thinking about Josh’s wang?”

  “I’m just … happy.” I shrugged as I slid my other earring in my ear. Deb twisted her face in disgust over my shoulder.

  “Well, stop it. You’re grossing me out.”

  I closed my eyes, behind them a blurry, horizontal peek of the hospital, as if I were looking into one of the rooms through blinds. I blinked them open.

  “Whoa,” I said, reaching out for the dresser next to me. “I need more sleep.”

  “What?” Deb said, leaning over to look into my eyes. “You’re not going to pass out on me, are you?”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head. “I didn’t sleep great last night.”

  “Typical. Your whole relationship is typical. I wanted an oops pregnancy and public fights and Josh to beat the shit out of Dr. Rosenberg for looking at you too long. Love is boring. No, thank you.”

  “Don’t pretend you don’t know what love feels like, Hamata. I see you looking at Quinn like you want to eat him.”

  “I’m a big girl, Jacobs. I’d eat just about anything you put in front of me.” She winked, nudging me in the ribs with her elbow. “All right, fine. I love him. He’s the yin to my yang. The lube to my anal.”

  “You make that sound so … sweet.” I made a fake gagging sound as she took my necklace from my hands and clasped it around my neck. “Thanks.”

  I felt the single pearl that dangled in the center of my chest. It was the necklace my grandmother had worn when she married my grandpa. Josh had my aunt ship it from Florida as a surprise. I tried not to be hurt that she couldn’t make it to the actual ceremony, but I knew we were asking a lot and it was last minute.

  Stepping out of the small community center, I looked up to the rays of sun shining through the branches of the oak trees.

  As the light flickered from the leaves swaying in the breeze, a beautiful combination of sun and shadows danced across my skin. I knew it was silly, but I thought of my parents, feeling them reaching out and pushing me forward into the next chapter of my life. Although I had no one to walk me down the aisle, that image gave me a semblance of comfort, envisioning someone on my side, in my corner.

  I smiled, looking across the courtyard and feeling silly. Josh had been that person for me for over a year, and after the ceremony, our promises would be a pact.

  “You look incredible,” a familiar voice called from behind me. I whipped around and my hand flew over my mouth. Aunt Ellen stood ten feet away, looking so much like my mother that I had to reach for something to stay upright. On either side of her were my cousins, Zane and Maggie.

  “You look—” she took my hands, holding them out as she took in my dress “—just like your mother.”

  “So do you,” I choked out.

  Her smile beamed with pride. “She would be so happy.

  “I wish they were here.”

  “They are,” Aunt E
llen said, touching my cheek. “Maggie has been here once to finalize plans. Josh told me you found out, and that he had an awful time preserving the surprise. We’ve spent a lot of late nights chatting, trying to make this work.” She touched my cheek. “Your parents should be seeing you in this dress. I know they’re proud of how you’ve overcome everything that’s happened to be the woman you are now.” Her eyes glossed over.

  My own tears began to form, clouding my vision. I looked to Deb. “It was my cousin at Corner Hole. It’s my family he’s been talking to this whole time.” I covered my mouth, relief washing over me.

  “Nope,” Deb scolded. “None of that shit. I spent forty-five minutes on that face.” She dabbed a tissue beneath my eyes, careful of my makeup.

  I breathed out a laugh, looking at my aunt in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re here,” were the only words I could get past the lump in my throat. She was there, standing right in front of me, but it didn’t feel real. I closed my eyes, and strange images filled my mind. I shook my head, feeling confused.

  “Honey?” Aunt Ellen said. “Aren’t you feeling well?”

  “Sit,” Deb said, guiding me to an ottoman. “I’m getting you some water. Don’t forget to breathe.”

  Aunt Ellen kneeled in front of me, pulling me against her chest into a comforting hug. “Don’t be nervous, sweetheart. Your future husband is a good man.” She smirked. “A determined young man.”

  “Yes,” I said with a knowing smile. “He loves to fix things.”

  Deb brought me a small bottle of water, and I took a sip while she fanned me and took my pulse. “Pulse is within range. Tell me how you feel.”

  “I don’t know. It’s weird. I think I have a headache coming on. I keep getting weird flashes.”

  “Anxiety,” Deb said. “Your brain is in overdrive.”

  Aunt Ellen pointed at Maggie to fetch her purse. “I have Xanax.”

  Deb shook her head. “Thank you, Ellen, but I’m sure Avery wants to remember her wedding day.”

  Aunt Ellen chuckled, gesturing to Maggie again.

  My cousin brought over a travel-sized bottle of Fireball whiskey. "If you ask me,” Maggie said, “this is better than Xanax. You’re relaxed without feeling sedated.”

  I grabbed it from her hands, twisted the lid open, and looked up at Deb.

  She shrugged. “If you’re going to drink that, I’m next.”

  I took a large gulp and then handed the rest to Deb, who finished it off.

  After a few minutes, I began to feel more relaxed.

  Aunt Ellen stood. “You look like you’re feeling better, but I’m not a nurse. Deb?”

  “I feel better, so I’m going to go ahead and take a guess that she does, too.”

  I inhaled deeply. “Much. Thank you. You’re that aunt with literally everything in her purse.”

  She patted her oversize Louis Vuitton saddlebag. “A lesson taught to me by your great-grandmother Celeste: a lady is always prepared, whether it’s a broken nail or a Saturday Night Special.”

  Deb narrowed her eyes. “Ellen, do you really have a gun in your purse?”

  Aunt Ellen simply winked.

  Zane sighed, annoyed with his mother. “Mom, she’s gonna be late. Family reunion later, okay?”

  I stood and hugged my cousins before walking out into the sunshine and across Myers Park. In the center of the expansive field was a large tree looming very close to where Josh had taken me on one of our stranger dates.

  To help me overcome my hatred for coconuts, Josh had had Quinn help him secure a kiddie pool and an oversize sandbox. As I walked across the courtyard with my family, I suppressed a giggle, remembering my soon-to-be husband in a frighteningly high-cut yellow speedo, lounging next to a small plastic pool. He’d said that the date doubled for my hatred for overripe bananas, for obvious reasons.

  It had turned out to be a surprisingly romantic getaway that we’d both needed during a time when vacationing would have been impossible.

  Bouquet in hand, I felt my heart pounding, knowing at any moment, I would see Josh. I slipped away to the memory of our coconut date, relaxing to music and working on our tans. It had been worth being scolded by a police officer who couldn’t keep from staring at Josh’s banana hammock.

  A laugh escaped me, and Deb bumped her shoulder against mine, sharing in my quiet happiness.

  My mind flashed again to the hospital, and I blinked. “What the hell?” I said under my breath.

  “Headache?” she asked. “I’ll get you more water. Maybe ibuprofen will help.”

  “No. It’s not a headache. I’m seeing things, Deb.”

  “You’re hallucinating?”

  “No. Just when I close my eyes.”

  Deb watched, mildly worried while the officiant came into view, standing under the center tree. White lights hung from the branches, and even though it was daylight, they shimmered and twinkled under the canopy of leaves, reminding me of Christmas when he’d proposed. A faint dusting of white along the base of the large tree that trailed down between some potted plants gave the illusion of a magical path in a forest.

  It all felt like a dream I never wanted to wake from. I was aware of the ridiculous grin on my face as I saw the tree, the candles, the flowers, and our families, and then my gaze settled on Josh. He stood by the officiant, wearing dark-wash denim with a black button-up shirt and black blazer I had helped him purchase a few weeks before.

  His brows pulled in, his eyes glossed over, and he mouthed one simple word: beautiful.

  In the distance, the sound of children’s laughter filtered through the chatter of our friends and family. Just like Josh had promised, our wedding was perfect. I positioned myself at the end of the makeshift aisle, nodding to the officiant that I was ready to begin.

  Just before I took a step, Josh’s father stepped to my side, offering me his arm. “Darlin’,” Silas said. “I would be honored to escort you down this aisle to my son, so we can welcome you into this family.”

  Tears pricked my eyes and I nodded, unable to speak when I looped my arm in his. Silas watched me fidget with anticipation while we both waited for our cue to begin walking. My knees threatened to buckle as Etta James began to belt out At Last over the sound system, in place of the Wedding March.

  Silas guided me toward Josh, surrounded by the people we loved, all there to celebrate the first day of our marriage.

  When we reached the end of the path, Silas placed a kiss on my hand before placing it in Josh’s.

  Josh smiled, thanking his father as he gave my hand a gentle squeeze and sucked in a deep breath.

  “Friends and family of Josh and Avery,” the officiant began, but as he spoke, his words blurred together while I got lost in Josh’s gray eyes.

  “I, Josh, promise to mend you when you’re hurting, and to make you smile when you feel like crying. I will hold you when you can’t stand on your own, and spend the rest of my days making good memories with you. I promise to tell the truth—” he glanced at Aunt Ellen “—even when it’s difficult. I promise to protect you, and respect you, and to love you and only you.” He held up the penny necklace. “And I swear to always offer a penny for your thoughts.”

  Sliding the ring onto my finger, he mouthed I love you before taking the necklace and slipping it over my head.

  The officiant turned his attention to me, letting me know it was my turn to speak.

  “I, Avery, promise to hold your hand through trying times, to accept you for everything you are, to never pump the gas when the Dodge won’t start.” The crowd snickered with Josh. “I mean, I promise to be patient, to trust you even when I think it’s difficult, and to always offer you a penny for your thoughts.” My fingers shook as I slid the large gold band onto his finger. Once the ring was in place, I squeezed his hand tight.

  “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”

  Josh gently combed his fingers through my hair as he lowered his mouth to mine. His lips felt hard a
gainst mine at first, and then he relaxed, kissing me soft and slow. I squealed against his mouth when he bowed me backward, hearing the small group clap and cheer.

  We stood upright, and the officiant held up his hands. “I’d like to introduce to you, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Josh Avery.”

  “I never knew exhaustion could feel so wonderful.” I sighed, falling back onto the hand-sewn quilt atop a king-size bed.

  Josh lay down next to me on his side, touching my waist with a grin on his lips. “We can sleep when we’re dead, Mrs. Avery.” Lacing his fingers in mine, he admired our wedding bands. “Right now, we are going to make love until the management of this place kicks us out.” I giggled as he pressed his lips to mine, silencing my laugh with his tongue.

  I didn’t see the point of spending extra money to travel for a honeymoon when we both knew we wouldn’t see the outside of the hotel. But Josh insisted we at least leave Philadelphia for a few days.

  We compromised by heading over to Lancaster, breaking from the reality of a fast-paced life in a big city hospital in exchange for a few days in the countryside.

  The Altland farm was two hundred and nine years old. Fifteen acres of corn and blue skies spanned as far as my eyes could see. The home was no longer occupied by the Amish, but the family who lived here opened their property to others looking to experience a simpler life. Oil lamps offered a subtle, romantic glow to the rustic interior, and a converted one-room schoolhouse offered a honeymoon suite I’d never dreamed of.

  “This is like being on another planet,” I said. I was easily distracted while Josh’s lips traveled across my collarbone.

  “I bet I can make you see stars,” he teased as he slid his hand under my skirt, trailing his fingertips up my thighs toward my panties.

  A loud knock at the door caused him to pause, hanging his head as he laughed once in disappointment.

  “Dinner is served in the main house,” the man called from the outside.

  Josh looked at me, hoping I would say no.

  “I’m starving,” I admitted.

  Reluctant, Josh lifted himself from my body, pouting like a little boy banished to time out.