Finding Abigail

by Christina Smith

  Friday afternoon, Kathy stopped by. “Hey, how are you?” Her voice was cheerful as she stepped inside the cottage. I gestured for her to come in, and I closed the door behind her. I couldn’t help but glance outside, to see if my neighbor was home. My heart sunk when I saw the empty driveway.

  “I’m good, just working hard, how about you?”

  “I don’t know about hard, but I’ve been working.” She grinned, her eyes crinkling in the corners. Her hair was down, flowing to her shoulders. The color appeared lighter, almost coppery, when it was down. During the summer, she wore it up a lot.

  “Do you want a drink?” I asked, feeling uncomfortable; not knowing what she knew was killing me.

  “Sure.” She climbed onto a stool in front of the island, yanking at the hem of her red fitted sweater.

  I took out two cans of iced tea and handed one to her, before leaning against the counter and opening up my own.

  “So,” she began, a line appearing between her eyes. “Do you remember when we talked about changing our weekend plans to Friday movie nights?”

  “Yeah,” I said slowly, worried where she was going with this.

  “Why don’t I come over here, so we can watch a chick flick, and Noah can go to our place? That way we can all watch what we want. The four of us would never agree on one movie anyway.”

  I tried to ignore the twinge of jealousy. We had always done things together. “Noah doesn’t want to see me, does he?”

  She squirmed in her seat. “No, I’m sorry.” She reached out and laid her hand on mine. “But really, can you blame him?”

  “Yes!” My voice was shrill even to my ears as I slammed my can down on the counter. Amber liquid bounced out of the hole, falling onto the marble surface. “Everything was going great, and he had to wreck it.”

  “Anna, he wasn’t trying to wreck what you had, he wants to make it better.”

  Sighing, I waved my hand at her. “It doesn’t matter. I’m fine with a girl’s night. We’ve never had one before anyway.”

  “It does sound fun. We can do facials, and maybe I’ll stay the night. Getting away from the boys for a change sounds good.” She paused, taking a sip of her drink. “And then you can tell me why you’re willing to throw away the perfect guy. I know you love him, he knows it. The only one who won’t admit it is you.”

  I closed my eyes taking a steadying breath to calm myself, before opening them to gaze at her. I was tired of defending myself to these people. “Kathy, I want you to come over, but please don’t nag me about this. I won’t tell you any more than I told him.”

  She raised her arms in the air in a sign of defeat. “Fine, I’ll see you tonight. I’ll bring the food; you bring the movie, the girlier the better.” She stood up and walked to the door. As her hand touched the door knob, she turned her head to look at me. “By the way, Sam wanted me to give you a message. ‘You promised.’” Her face was a mask of confusion by her husband’s words. “I don’t know what it means and I hate that he knows something I don’t.” She tilted her head, her expression changing to a grin, her eyes bright. “I’ll see you tonight.”

  Sam’s message haunted me for the rest of the day. While I was writing about a ten-year-old boy and a talking dog, somehow the words “you promised” continued to show up on the pages.

  Even at the movie store, the title Promise seemed to stand out over all the others. The movies were on a rack in the back of the general store and there wasn’t much of a selection, but thankfully they did have Notting Hill, with Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant. Since it was one of my favorites, I hoped it would get me out of my dismal mood. I really did need cheering up; the last few days without Noah was so lonely. We didn’t usually see each other that much during the week, but now that I knew I couldn’t even if I wanted to, it made me miss him more than I realized I could.

  Kathy showed up at about six, with takeout from Mable’s. We sat on the deck enjoying the cool fall weather and the leaves on the trees that were now orange, brown, and yellow.

  “Burgers and fries, good call,” I said, taking the food out of the bag while Kathy poured us each a glass of raspberry sparkling wine.

  “I figured you’d want something greasy. I also brought chocolate ice cream for later.”

  I paused with the burger in my hand. “You’re treating this like a break-up. You know we were only friends.”

  “Uh-huh.” She leaned back in her chair and took a sip of wine.

  I narrowed my eyes at her. “Oh, shut up and eat your burger.” I tossed it to her. Luckily it was wrapped well, because it rolled off her plate. She caught it before it fell to the ground. She laughed as I took a bite of mine trying to ignore her as she stared at me.

  After the movie, we broke open the ice cream, and another bottle of wine. “So, tell me about some of the men in your life.” She spoke with her mouth full of double chocolate chunk. We had moved inside and were both sprawled out on the couch, one at each end, with our feet resting on the coffee table.

  “Well, there’s not much to tell. I lived with a guy when I was twenty-four for about a year, his name is Jason. We were such good friends, and when he got a job offer in New York, we realized we weren’t in love. I miss him, though. He was such a great guy but I just didn’t love him the way I should have. We were more roommates than anything else. How about you? How old were you when you got together with Sam?”

  “Seventeen, it was shortly after Noah dumped me. Sam was consoling me, and after I bitched about Noah for an hour, I looked into his eyes and saw something. When he kissed me, I knew he was the guy I was going to marry.”

  My heart melted. Her words gave me some hope—sometimes love did work out. Until he turned forty and he died leaving her devastated like my mom. Man, I was cynical. “That is so sweet. You’re lucky.”

  “I know, and I’m so thankful I have him. How about the worst relationship you’ve ever had.” I raised an eyebrow. “What? I’ve only been with the dork twins, so I need to live through others.”

  I grinned at her words to describe the best friends. “His name was Nick, and he was kind of controlling. He got jealous when Jason came to see me, and he would freak out over the dumbest reasons.”

  “Ewww, I hope you dumped his ass.”

  “Yep, I dumped his ass.” God I wished it were that simple. Although if it had been, I never would have met Kathy or Noah, because even though Noah and I didn’t agree about our relationship right now, he had become one of the most important people in my life, and I wouldn’t change knowing him for anything. “God, I need more wine.”

  She leaned forward, grabbing the bottle off of the coffee table, filling both of our glasses to the top “Have you ever noticed how sexy Noah’s voice is?” she asked.

  Was she kidding? “Yes, I noticed the first night, after I punched him. I swear just the sound of it made my whole body hum.” I just wouldn’t admit it to myself. At the time, I was too damaged to really notice.

  She giggled. “I used to tease him about it when we were kids. He could do voice-overs, or take up singing, be the next Barry White.”

  I laughed so hard my stomach ached. Kathy joined in. I wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t that funny, but it could have something to do with the empty bottle of wine.

  Once the laughter subsided I chugged more of the bubbly liquid, suddenly feeling depressed. “Why do things have to be his way? Don’t I have any say in this?”

  She sighed, after a long drink. “You’re right, who made him the boss anyway?”

  I pointed at her. “That’s what I’d like to know. How does he know I wouldn’t change my mind eventually? It’s my mind, I can change it.”

  “That’s right. It’s a woman’s prerogative.”

  “He’s all, ‘It’s my way or the highway.’” I used my best deep Noah’s voice, taking another drink and enjoying the feel of how light and tingly my arms and legs felt. “Guys are so bossy.”

  She lifted her head up; it had been resting on the arm of the couc
h. “What the hell was I thinking agreeing with him? We girls should stick together.”

  “Yeah, I’m so glad you’re my friend, Kathy.” My voice came out dreamy, suddenly feeling sleepy.

  Her head lay against the cushion; now she was leaning over the table running her finger along her glass, making it squeak. “Me too. Before you moved here I didn’t have any girlfriends. They moved after high school, leaving me here with those bitches Cindy and Kelly.”

  “So you don’t hate me for what happened with Noah?”

  “Of course not. Right now, I hate him.”

  I smiled, setting my glass on the coffee table, and lying back on the couch, my legs tangled with hers. “Thank you. I needed to hear that. You know, we should take that shopping trip next weekend.” My heavy eyelids closed.

  “I can’t make it, but how about the weekend after?”

  “Perfect,” I agreed sleepily, feeling Kathy pull the throw blanket off of the top of the couch and lay it on top of us.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Hangover

  I woke to the sound of an engine roaring. Before I even opened my eyes, I winced. It felt like someone was taking a jackhammer to my head. Still feeling groggy though, I tried to go back to sleep; hopefully when I woke up again the pain would be gone. Just as the fogginess was about to take me, the sound of a car door slammed, jerking me awake again. This time I opened my eyes and looked around, wondering why I was lying on the couch. One glance at the wine bottles reminded me of my fun night with Kathy, and also explained the headache. I stood up on wobbly legs, trying not to disturb Kathy to investigate what all the racket was. I was in Shimmer Lake, not the city. I should be able to sleep in.

  Walking quietly to the window, I saw Noah working on his car. A quick glance at the clock told me that it was only eight. It was Saturday, what the hell was he doing?

  I slipped out the door, closing it quietly behind me. The air was fresh and crisp. The morning breeze blew through the trees making the leaves dance. It’d be the perfect morning if it wasn’t for the stench of oil coming from Noah’s car.

  “You do know that people are trying to sleep, don’t you,” I yelled over the banging. All I could see were his legs, but suddenly he slid out from under the Jeep, wearing coveralls and grease on his face. His sapphire-blue eyes appeared even more vivid through the dirt on his skin.

  “Then stop yelling.” He grabbed the edge of the bumper and started to push himself back under.

  “Can this not wait until later? I have a headache.” My voice was loud and clipped. He stopped himself from going under to look up at me.

  He smiled widely, a glint appearing in his cool eyes. “Can’t handle your booze?”

  I folded my arms in front of me and glared at him. “How did you know I was drinking? Did you come in here without knocking again?”

  A brow raised on his otherwise blank face. “Did you come out here to pick a fight?”

  “No.”

  “Good, go back inside so I can fix my car.” He slid back under, leaving me speechless and fuming.

  When I turned around, Kathy was standing in the doorway. “You miss him, don’t you?”

  “No, he drives me crazy.” I stalked passed her into the cottage, hoping she’d leave it alone.

  “Sure he does. Come on I’ll make you breakfast.” As she pulled the door closed, I could have sworn she winked at Noah. “So, how about some blueberry pancakes?”

  “I don’t have any blueberries.”

  “They’re in the fridge, I brought them with the ice cream.”

  “Okay then, I’ll get the pancake mix.”

  Her face scrunched up in disgust. “I don’t think so. I only make it from scratch.”

  “Go ahead, but I have no idea how to help.”

  “Just sit back and relax.”

  “All right.” I moved to the cupboard above the sink to get the aspirin. I poured some water, took the pills, and turned around. Kathy was staring at me longingly, so I shook a few tablets into her hand. She grinned and popped them into her mouth. “I guess you changed your mind about hating him?” I asked, taking a seat at the island to watch.

  “Yeah sorry, I was drunk. I’m on the side where you both will be happy.”

  I sighed heavily. “I figured.”

  I watched as she took a bowl and added the dry ingredients. After that was mixed she added the egg, milk, and butter and then she added the blueberries. “Where are your frying pans?” I pointed to the bottom cupboard. She pulled the pan out and placed it on the stove. “Let’s sit and have a coffee while this sets, then I’ll make you the best pancakes you’ve ever had. You’ll never go back to a mix again.”

  She was right, she did make great pancakes. I’d still go back to the boxed pancake mix though. Unless she planned to come here and cook for me.

  Once we ate, she reluctantly went home to her boys.

  After a much-needed shower, I cleaned up the kitchen and then decided to go for a drive. I had been working on my book so much, I needed a break. Noah was no longer outside, but I saw him in through the window. He turned around when I waved. This was going to be hard. I wanted my fun, easy life back. I just had no idea how to make it happen.

  Living without Noah was harder than I thought. Every time I saw him outside I had to fight the urge to go see him. When he saw me, he turned his head without saying a word, and I felt rejected every time. About a week after my movie night with Kathy, I sat at home by myself feeling lonelier than I had ever felt in my entire life. If I had lived here without knowing him, I probably would have been fine. But since we had met, I was miserable without him.

  At a desperate moment, I decided I needed to talk to him.

  I knocked on his door, nervous that he wouldn’t answer, but the longer I waited, the more nervous I became that he would. The door finally swung open, and if I was hoping for a warm welcome, I was disappointed. I stopped the door with my hand before he could slam it in my face. “Came I come in?”

  He shrugged his shoulders and then stepped barefoot over to the couch where he must have been playing a video game. “Just so you know, I’m looking for other places you can rent.” He slumped onto the couch, lifting up the game controller.

  “What?”

  “I’m going to ask my grandmother if I can find you somewhere else to live.” He said this as he played the game, never taking his eyes away from the screen.

  “She’ll say no.”

  “I’m her grandson, if I ask, she’ll agree.”

  “No she won’t, it was her idea for me to stay here.”

  He turned his head slightly, opening his mouth, and then closed it, turning his attention back to the game. He was probably going to question me about my relationship with his grandmother, since I slipped and told him we had spoken.

  “Why do you want me to move?”

  “You know why.” Still he wouldn’t look at me. Ugh! He was such a stubborn, aggravating man. Why did I care if he spoke to me?

  “Well, that’s why I came by. We can’t live like this. Isn’t there some way we can go back to the way things were? I miss you.” The last words were true, but they slipped out before I could process them.

  Finally, he turned away from his precious game to look at me, a slight smile on his face. “Fine, we can be friends again.” I sighed with relief, and started to move toward to him. He held up his hand to stop me. “On one condition.”

  I froze, a wave of apprehension settling over me. “What condition?”

  “We can be friends again,” he repeated, standing up. “But first you have to kiss me.” I gasped. His brows knit together at the sound, as if giving me a warning not to interrupt him. “If you feel nothing, we can go back to the way things were. But if you feel the way I know you did last time we kissed, you have to admit you love me and give us a chance.”

  I was speechless. I couldn’t kiss him. I knew how I was going to feel; our time apart would have only enhanced what I felt last time. “I…I…can’
t,” I stammered.

  “Why?” he asked, taking a step toward me. I had the urge to back up, as if he was a predator and I was his prey.

  The image of Nick flashed in my mind, but I quickly shook the thought away. I knew he wasn’t going to hurt me, physically at least. “I’m afraid.” My voice was only a whisper.

  He stopped inches from me. He was so close I could feel the heat radiating from his body. His eyes gazed into mine. The yearning in those vibrant blue eyes was palpable. How I wanted to reach up and touch his face. Even though he gave off the appearance of being tough, his skin would be soft. I had mistakenly touched him from time to time, but it was never enough. I wanted more. Was I ready to give in? I could feel the resistance slipping. “Of what?” he asked, his voice rough.

  “Of what will happen.”

  “I told you if you feel—”

  “I know how I’m going to feel. I can’t live without you in my life, I tried. But I’m afraid of what will happen if we become more.” I took a step back. His lips twitched as he watched me. He knew the effect he was having on me.

  “What are you afraid of?” he asked again, taking a step closer.

  Stepping around him, I moved over to the couch, burying my face in my hands. The cushions sunk as he sat down. His scent swirled around me. I looked up at him, making a decision to tell him some truth. “I had a bad relationship once, and it didn’t end well. I told myself not to get involved ever again, it wasn’t worth it.” I stood up and walked over to the window. It would be easier if I didn’t have to face him. The lake was calm for a change. The wind that had come with the cool air had given us a brief reprieve. “I’m afraid that will happen with us. You mean too much to me, I don’t want to lose you.” Only after I had finished my sentence was I able to glance at him.

  “I felt the same way after Becca, and believe me, I wasn’t looking for this. But I fell in love with you. Yes, it could end badly.” He stepped over to me, taking my face in his hands. Heat curled in my stomach just from his touch. “But what if it doesn’t? We have a chance at something amazing. How many people can say that? We are great together and you know it. Come on, Anna, we can’t know what the future holds, but I think it’s worth the risk.” He leaned down slowly waiting for me to stop him, and when I didn’t, he kissed me.