A Proper Pursuit

by Lynn Austin

  “No, I’m the one who’s sorry, Violet. I never should have shown you the picture when you were already so upset. We don’t even know if it is your mother. It might not be, you know.”

  “It isn’t,” I said, although I knew that it was.

  “Anyway,” he said with a sigh, “I should leave now and let you and your family recover. I guess I’ll see you at the fair tomorrow night with your fiancé?”

  “Nelson isn’t my fiancé.”

  “I see.” Silas was trying not to grin, but I could tell that the news delighted him. “Well, we can talk more tomorrow night.”

  “Thank you again for helping my aunt. I don’t know how I will ever repay you.”

  “It isn’t necessary.”

  He retrieved his hat, then turned to me, studying me for a long moment. I could only imagine how awful I looked with my bloodshot eyes and reddened nose. But his tender gaze told me he hadn’t noticed.

  “Good-bye, Violet.”

  “Good day, Silas.”

  When he was gone, I took the photograph over to the window and pulled back the lace curtains so I could see it in the light. Eleven years had passed since the last time I’d seen my mother, but she looked the same. I fought back my tears so they wouldn’t blur my vision. If only Silas had told me where he had found her.

  I decided to study the background for clues. That was when I spotted the familiar-looking steel girders and support trestles that held up Mr. Ferris’ wheel. They were unmistakable. I also saw something that resembled a camel, half-hidden behind my mother’s arm, and I remembered seeing the Bedouin Arab with his camel on the day I had visited the Midway with Silas. Herman Beckett had refused to tour the Midway because of the exotic dancers, improperly clothed. Misery Mary had called them hootchy-kootchy dancers.

  This photograph of my mother had been taken on the Midway at the World’s Columbian Exposition. I was certain of it. Tomorrow night, when Nelson took me to the fair, I would go over to the Midway and find her.

  I hurried upstairs to splash water on my face and try to recover from all of the events of the day—and realized that I still had Silas’ handkerchief in my hand. It was made from the finest quality linen, monogrammed in blue silk thread. But the letter wasn’t an S for Silas or an M for McClure. It was monogrammed with the letter A. Silas had stolen it, no doubt.

  He had so many wonderful qualities—why did he have to be a thief?

  Chapter

  34

  Friday, July 14, 1893

  On my last full day in Chicago I stayed home. It would be my last chance to make social calls with Aunt Agnes, but I’d seen all that phoniness for what it was. I received a note of apology from Louis Decker, asking if he still could meet my father on Saturday, but I was too disappointed with Louis to face him.

  My grandmother left for the settlement house, promising to bring Katya home with her. Aunt Matt and I remained home to help console Aunt Birdie.

  “How long will it take for her to forget again?” I asked Aunt Matt as I helped clean up the breakfast dishes.

  “It varies each time. Maybe a week. We can hope and pray that it’s sooner.”

  “I’m so sorry, Aunt Matt. I feel like it’s all my fault.”

  “Sometimes the truth is very painful, Violet. I want you to remember that if you do find your mother someday. I would hate to see you get hurt.”

  I nodded and swallowed back my tears. I already knew that my mother was a dancer at a burlesque theater.

  That afternoon, my grandmother brought Katya home with her. I was in the kitchen fixing a tea tray for Aunt Birdie and Aunt Matt, but I poured a cupful for Katya and myself.

  “Let me take this tray upstairs to my aunts,” I told her, “then we’ll talk. Please go into the parlor and make yourself at home.” She was still standing in the kitchen when I returned. I picked up our two teacups. “Let’s go sit down,” I repeated, gesturing to the parlor with a tilt of my head.

  “Oh no. I could not do that.”

  “Why not?” I thought her hesitation came from mistrust, but her reason surprised me.

  “It is not right for a person like me to sit in your parlor. I am only a servant.”

  “Katya, it’s perfectly proper if I invite you.”

  She shook her head vigorously. “No, no, I could not.”

  “Okay, fine.” I set our cups on the kitchen table and sank down in a chair, gesturing for her to sit. She hesitated, and as much as I disliked doing it, I knew I would have to command her as I would a servant. “Sit down and drink your tea, Katya. We’re going to talk.”

  I offered her milk and sugar but she refused, obviously uncomfortable with being served by me. She seemed as fearful and skittish as a sparrow.

  “Katya, please sit back and relax. I want to be your friend. I meant what I said the other day. I want to help you and Nelson.”

  “But why would you help me? You are going to marry him.”

  “No. I’m not going to marry Nelson. I want to help you because … because love is so precious and perhaps so fleeting that we need to hang on to it tightly when we do find it. My aunt Birdie taught me that lesson. Her husband died nearly thirty years ago and she’s still mourning for him. So I made up my mind to help you and Nelson find a way to be together.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “But I am not a good wife for him—”

  “Stop right there. You’re wrong. The best wife for Nelson is the one who will bring him love and joy. You need to forget that you ever were a maid and start thinking of yourself as a woman—a very lovely woman. The only difference between you and me is where we were born, and birthplace has nothing to do with who we are on the inside. If I can learn all those fancy manners, so can you—if you want to, that is. Do you want to?”

  “I will do anything for Nelson.”

  “Good. Then pick up your teacup and come into my parlor.We’re going to sit down in there like two proper young ladies and drink it.” I rose from my chair and led the way to the parlor, gesturing to Katya to sit on the sofa beside me. She did so, looking stiff and uncomfortable.

  “Just watch me and do exactly as I do.”

  “I am always watching the fine ladies when I am serving the food.”

  “That’s good. Pretend you’re one of those fine ladies. It’s all an act anyway.”

  “I do not know that word, ‘act.’ ”

  “It means make-believe, like a show in a theater. Everyone is pretending to be someone they aren’t.” I was confusing her. “Look, you had to learn the rules for being a good maid, didn’t you? Being a lady is simply a matter of learning all new rules. Tell yourself that you are a lady, copy what the other ladies are doing—and pretty soon you’ll begin to believe it.” I lifted my teacup and sipped daintily. Katya did the same, but I saw the cup trembling in her hand.

  “Tonight we’ll be going to a private club at the fairgrounds. Nelson is coming for us, and—”

  She gasped. “Does he know I am here?”

  “Not yet. Look, this will be an experiment.” Again, she seemed confused by the word. “What I mean is, tonight you and Nelson will have a chance to try being together in his world—the way you would try on a dress to see if it fits you. If you decide to get married, then you’ll be going with him to fancy places all the time. Now finish your tea and we’ll go up to my bedroom and try on some clothes.”

  “I cannot go up to your room! Maybe there is a room down here to dress? Where your servants stay?”

  “Did you forget your first lesson already? You have to get rid of the idea that you’re a servant. Someone told me yesterday that when we love somebody we are changed—we become better people. Let your love for Nelson change you, Katya. Tell yourself that you are the same kind of woman that I am. Now, come on.”

  I dragged her up the stairs and into my bedroom.We were nearly the same size, so it was easy to dress her in one of my gowns. She was so naturally elegant and graceful that she would never need to practice with a book on her head. I help
ed her arrange her fine, wheat-colored hair in an elegant, upswept style, then took her downstairs to look at herself in the hall mirror.

  “See? You look beautiful, and as fine as any lady.”

  “But everyone will hear that my English is not so good.”

  “Stay beside me. I’ll answer everyone’s questions for you. Besides, for all they know, you could be an elegant European lady visiting Chicago to see the fair.”

  “I am scared. What will Nelson say when he sees me?”

  “I don’t know, but we’ll soon find out. Listen, this night may not turn out the way we’re hoping it will, but don’t you want to know the truth? Don’t you want to see if he loves you enough to try to make things work?”

  As it turned out, Nelson was so stunned when he came to the door and saw Katya that he couldn’t utter a single word. He didn’t have to. The tender look in his eyes spoke for him. I saw the deep love he and Katya shared written on both of their faces, and I envied them. I’d had three marriage proposals, but not one of my suitors had ever looked at me that way.

  “I think we should take your carriage to the fairgrounds,” I told Nelson.

  He nodded absently. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Katya. I could have suggested that we walk to the fairgrounds in our undergarments and he would have nodded the same way. I explained my reasons, even if he didn’t hear them.

  “If we drive we can avoid running into the pea pods onboard the ship. They might ask too many questions. And if I know the pea pods, they’ll be lining up to court Katya before the ship leaves the dock.”

  “What is that word—pea pod?” Katya asked.

  “That’s what I call Nelson’s look-alike, act-alike, think-alike friends. They’re like vegetables, like peas in a pod, all the same.”

  She nodded, but I could see that she still didn’t understand. Playing fairy godmother in this Cinderella act might be more difficult for me than I had imagined. I thought of my mother, trying to adjust to life in Lockport. It must have seemed like another world to her.

  We climbed into Nelson’s carriage and started on our way. Nelson sat close to Katya, holding her hand all the way there. I sat opposite them, issuing instructions the way that my aunt Agnes had whenever she’d taken me places.

  “I’ll introduce Katya as a friend of mine. It’s true enough, for now. But you’ll have to escort me into the casino, Nelson, not her. Your friends will get suspicious if you arrive with another woman on your arm after courting me all of these weeks.”

  “I’m sorry,” he told Katya. “I hate pretending.”

  “Your life is all about pretending!” I said. “It’s knee-deep in phoniness! Remember how we talked about that? And how much we both hated it? You’re not giving anything up, Nelson. You’re gaining a real life. And true love.”

  Nelson grew increasingly nervous as we neared the fairgrounds. So did Katya. She had proper manners to worry about, but he had a pile of his father’s money to win back.

  “Are you sure this McClure fellow will show up?” he asked me.

  “He said he would. I have no reason to doubt him.”

  “But will he have the money? I have to have the money, Violet.”

  “Listen, if he does give you a loan, I think you should use it to repay your father instead of gambling it all away again.”

  “That’s impossible. I need to win enough to repay my father and have some left over so I can be my own man. Make my own rules.”

  “But you could also lose it all and end up in twice as much trouble as you’re in now.”

  He shook his head. “I have to do it. For Katya’s sake.”

  “If people respect you, Nelson, they’ll respect your choice of a wife. The ones who don’t accept Katya aren’t worth having as friends. Let her be herself, not a copy of Haughty and Naughty. You fell in love with her, remember? Not them. You and I can both play the game and act phony, but we’re much happier when we’re ourselves.”

  That was what my grandmother had been trying to tell me. “You be exactly who God created you to be, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, but I was narrowing it down and eliminating several possibilities. I didn’t want a life in Nelson’s social circle, living with all of the suffocating rules and manners I’d learned at Madame Beauchamps’ School for Young Ladies—no matter how wealthy my husband was. Money meant nothing if I’d never be allowed to be myself.

  As for settling down in Lockport, I didn’t think I was cut out for that life any more than my mother had been. And after what had happened with Aunt Birdie yesterday, I didn’t want to be part of Louis’ world either, always under scrutiny as a minister’s wife, suffocating under a church board’s expectations. Those rules and limitations were as foreign to me as mine were to Katya.

  We got out of the carriage at the entrance gates. I glanced at Katya’s face and saw her wonder and delight as she glimpsed the fair for the first time. Cinderella, arriving at the prince’s ball, could not have been more awestruck. Nelson was watching her too, and I could hear the excitement in his voice as he described the pavilions as we strolled past them. I followed behind like a chaperone as we made our way to the casino, allowing the two of them to be alone for as long as possible.

  I was as nervous as Nelson and Katya, but for a completely different reason. My mother was here at the fair. After eleven long years, I might find her tonight. But did I really want to? It would mean facing the truth about who she really was and why she had left me. I had seen firsthand how deeply the truth had hurt Aunt Birdie. Did I really want to uncover all of it? I had the next few hours to make up my mind.

  Silas and his friend were waiting for us in front of the building. I didn’t even recognize Silas at first. Dressed in an elegant tuxedo with a bow tie and white satin vest, he looked like a completely different man from the sleazy one I’d first encountered on the train. I decided Katya must have cinched my corset too tightly; I could scarcely breathe.

  I was wearing the gown that Aunt Agnes’ seamstress had made for me, and when Silas saw me, his smile faded to a look of awe. I saw love in his eyes. Love! He looked at me the same way Nelson had looked at Katya. But any future between us would be even more impossible than the future they faced. I remembered the monogrammed A on his linen handkerchief and wondered who he really was. For the first time, I felt relieved to be leaving Chicago tomorrow. I couldn’t risk meeting up with Silas McClure ever again.

  “This is the way we’ll do things,” Silas told Nelson. “I’ll give you a small stake to get you started. You place the bets while my friend Jackson studies the dealers. If things are on the up-and-up, we’ll talk about a loan.”

  I took Nelson’s arm as we entered the private casino. Silas and his friend escorted Katya. I felt absurdly jealous.

  Cigar smoke filled the opulent room, making it seem dingy. The atmosphere seemed darker and more oppressive than I’d remembered from last time. Perhaps it was because Nelson was so on edge. I felt sorry for him. He had more at stake than ever before—not only his father’s money, but also his happiness with Katya. I followed him to the dice table and watched as he placed his first bet. He held out the dice to me.

  “A kiss for luck, Violet.”

  I backed away, shaking my head. “Let Katya be your good luck charm.”

  I tugged on her arm. She had been holding on to Silas, but she let go as I nudged her forward. Silas’ friend was watching the game, but Silas was studying the three of us.

  I turned my attention to the game. Nelson’s forehead shone with sweat, even though the room didn’t feel at all warm to me. Katya looked as frightened as a doe in hunting season. Silas and his friend seemed very intent on the game, and I thought I saw them exchange knowing glances and sly hand signals from time to time.

  I watched each roll of the dice until I could no longer stand the tension, then I turned away and watched all of the other well-dressed partygoers gambling away their money. A group of cigar-wield
ing men waved wads of it around like it was so much paper. I suddenly had a horrifying thought. What if Silas and his partner had used Nelson to get inside because they intended to rob everyone? What if they weren’t watching for crooked dealers at all but for a chance to steal every last dollar in this place? Just because Silas had shown me a harmonica instead of a gun didn’t mean he was unarmed tonight.

  Why had I ever trusted him? I knew that his friends had committed robbery before—right here at the fair! I had to warn Nelson. I inched my way over to his side and bent to whisper in his ear.

  “Nelson? May I have a word with you, please?”

  “Not now.” Sweat trickled down his brow.

  “It’s very important—”

  “Shh!” He waved me away.

  I’d had enough. My father was coming tomorrow, and I’d wasted six weeks on Nelson and his nonsense. It was his own stupid fault for being in this situation. Besides, he didn’t have any money to steal. Who cared if Silas and his friend robbed everyone in this place? I didn’t.

  I slipped away from the gaming table and merged into the crowd. Everyone was occupied with money. No one cared where I went or what I did. My anger and disappointment made me courageous. My mother was at the fairgrounds, a short distance away. I needed to face the truth.

  I left the smoke-filled casino and went to find my mother.

  Chapter

  35

  I stopped outside the pavilion to get my bearings. I was alone, but I didn’t feel at all afraid. The well-lit streets bustled with people, and colored searchlights crisscrossed the sky, lighting up the fair’s golden domes and towers. The World’s Columbian Exposition was beautiful, and I was seeing it for the last time. Tomorrow I would leave Chicago. In another three months all the grand pavilions would be torn down and the White City would disappear. Everything would change. That was the lesson I’d learned this summer: Life was all about change.

  I scanned the horizon and saw the giant wheel, revolving slowly in the distance. I began walking in that direction, following the clues I’d found in Silas’ photograph. I remembered that the entrance to the Midway was near the Woman’s Pavilion, and I could see that graceful building across the lagoon.