You Saved Me Once

by Amelia E. S.

“Well, I’m glad you’re back.” I say.

  He clenches his jaw.

  “Jake, Adam, and Jack. We’re all happy your back.” I say.

  “Yeah. Okay.” He says.

  “What, you don’t believe me?” I ask. He smiles.

  “No, I do. Just had to come all the way from Hawaii for you to talk to me again in 3 years.” He says.

  I didn’t have an excuse for this one. I had a secret. I wasn’t ready for it to come out right now. I stay quiet.

  I get a text.

  Emergency get your ass over here now!

  -Rochelle

  “How’s your dad, Hayes?” I ask, quickly regretting my question.

  Hayes tensed up when I asked this question.

  “Alright. He’s doing alright.” He says.

  I could tell it was a lie. I didn’t want to pry at such a topic, I would never.

  “I have to put the rest of these boxes in the house. I’ll see you later okay?” He says.

  “I can help.” I say.

  Hayes shuts down my offer, and heads inside.

  I’m now in my driveway, and Adam is there, under my car hood.

  He hears me coming, and clichély closes the hood. Only to pose like a 50’s auto worker.

  “See what happens when you are kind?” He asks.

  “You fixed my car?” I ask him.

  “Nope. I didn’t change your battery or change your oil, either.” He smiles.

  “You okay?” Adam asks.

  “Yep.” I lie.

  “Rochelle needs me.” I say.

  I just wanted to get away.

  If Adam only knew what really “happens when your kind”, your heart gets broken again by three words “You’ve done enough”.

  “All done.” He says.

  “Alex, I’m sorry if I was a little harsh. Haye’s, he’s been through a lot. He’s lost a lot, you know?” He says.

  “So have we, Adam.” I say.

  All it took was me to mention his father, and he gets pissed at me. I could take this though, as long as he doesn’t hate me.

  If he knew all the lies, and secrets I kept from him. Well, he’d hate me, forever, and I never wanted Hayes to hate me. He should hate me already.

  I didn’t want there to be a Jeff and Alex. I didn’t want that because I felt something for Hayes. I still feel it. Now that he’s back, I can either hide them, or confront him with it.

  No more secrets beyond this point.

  ~~~~~

  I take a quick shower, change and head to my car. Before I leave the garage, Adam and Hayes are talking next door. I can see them through the small lines in the fence.

  “Can a married man score in a game of 2 on 2?” Adam laughs, Hayes follows.

  “Hey enough with that.” Hayes jokes.

  “Island girls are the best.” Adam laughs. Hayes doesn’t say anything.

  I get into my car and start it.

  “Damn, 3 long fucking years, congratulations. Glad to have you back man.” Adam says.

  I’m now in tears.

  I blast my music and drive off.

  He was with someone else. This fucking hurt, more than anyone could imagine.

  I’m Sorry For My Mistakes

  “You know how I set you and Jeff up, the other day?” Rochelle asks. She’s pacing in her living room.

  Her slippers are slapping the course rug.

  “Yeah, he probably fucking hates me now.” I mumble, forcing ice cream down my throat.

  The cold calmed the pit, and the tears.

  “Why would Jeff fucking hate you? You know what, never mind. We’re talking about this douche who stood me up.” I nod at Rochelle’s comment.

  “I was hoping this guy would show, and we could get together while you’re with Jeff.” She says.

  “Hey! You just set us up, to get rid of me?” I ask her.

  My face turned red, I look away when I think about what I said to Jeff.

  “Yes.” She says.

  “You’re not actually mad about that, are you Al?” She asks.

  I squeeze my sleeves, from the cold and stay silent. Rochelle looks sad.

  “I really liked him Al. I guess he just sees me as this little girl, still.” She smiles, even though I could tell she was hurt.

  “So, he bailed?” I ask her.

  “Yep. I’ve called him like, 10 times already.” She sighs.

  “What was his name, he’s in college right? Adam might know him.” I ask. She looks away. I knew this look.

  She was hiding something, I shouldn’t pry. She’s more honest than me. I’m a liar, I keep too many secrets.

  “Rochelle, do I know him?!” I pry.

  Her phone chimes. She squeals at the message.

  “It’s him!” She cheers.

  “What did he say?” I ask.

  “He’s outside”

  She races out the front door. I go back to the ice cream, calming the pit.

  Hayes stresses me out, knowing everything, makes me worry. Knowing everything makes me sad, ache, it makes me sick. I put the ice cream away and clean up. The quiet was back, so was the pit.

  Rochelle comes back inside, she’s running towards me. Before either of us can get a word out, she gives me a hug. I feel her warmth, her happiness, I needed this.

  “I’ll go.” I say.

  “He’s going to get some snacks, so we can watch a movie. I want you to stay Al.” She says.

  As we’re hugging, I begin to cry.

  “What’s wrong Alex?” She asks me.

  I let go and sit on the couch. My face is red, it’s beating.

  “I’m not okay right now. I just feel like I’m ruining everything for you, for everyone.” I cry.

  “Why would you say that?” Rochelle asks. She sits right next to me.

  “Hayes is back.” I say. Rochelle stands up.

  “There is too much shit to re-live. I can’t be around him without, without feeling like it’s my fault.” I say.

  My hands are shaking now. I scrunch my hair, and pick at my nails to calm down. Nothing’s working. I’m scared.

  “Your fault for what?” She asks.

  “For everything that happened. He hates me too.” I say.

  “Alex, I’m sure he doesn’t hate you.” She says.

  “There are things that happened, with the Bartley’s and Richards. Rochelle, some of those things you hear, they’re true. Some of the truths, are worse than the lies, some things about me. You don’t know everything.” I mumble. Tears fall.

  “Al, what are you talking about?” She asks.

  “I’m a mess, because Hayes is with someone.” I say to her.

  “Why would you care Alex, if he’s with someone?” She asks me. I look at my feet.

  Was I ready for a secret to come out?

  “I don’t know. I shouldn’t.” I say.

  “Did he tell you?” Rochelle asks.

  “No. I heard Adam say it. He’s been with her for years, she’s from Hawaii.” I cry.

  “He never told me this, ever. He’s supposed to be my best friend. It’s my fault for that too” I say.

  My head is buried in my hands. I can’t look at Rochelle anymore, I’m too afraid of what’s about to come out of my mouth.

  “Rochelle. I did something, really bad”

  The doorbell rings

  ~~~~

  We sit in silence

  “I’m going to use the bathroom; can you get the door?” She asks.

  I stand up and wipe my face one more time.

  “Coming”

  I open the door. It’s Hayes.

  He’s standing in the doorway with a bag of chips, and candy. I cover my mouth.

  I rush outside and throw up the ice cream, right on Rochelle’s front lawn.

  “What the fuck!” I yell.

  I’m Sorry Timmy’s Gone

  “Hayes!” Rochelle yells. She’s stomping on her front lawn, towards us.

  Hayes is standing next to me, repeatedly as
king.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine Hayes.”

  I wasn’t fine. I’m not fine.

  When I’m done, the air was unpleasant. Not just because of the barf, but the heavy secrets, lies, and silence drowning us.

  Rochelle was now by my side, giving Hayes stink eyes. Hayes was staring at me, and I was on the verge of round 2.

  When Rochelle doesn’t say anything, and we are both looking at Hayes, he gets up tight.

  “Come on, what’s going on?” He sounds innocent.

  I could tell you what’s going on. Hayes was with Rochelle, and someone else at the same time. I don’t know, which hurt more.

  At least I wasn’t alone anymore in this. I could tell by Rochelle’s face, that she’s pissed. More hurt, then anything though.

  “Hayes, this is Alex. Our childhood best friend. Alex, this is Hayes, the guy who bailed on me yesterday.” She laughs.

  “Yeah, sorry about that. Family trouble.” He says.

  Each time he spoke I felt warm, and safe. The tears are coming, and I feel even worse than before. Yet, just seeing Hayes, somehow makes me better.

  “Just like old times.” Rochelle mocks.

  “Is this a bad time?” Hayes asks.

  “Of course not. Why would you think that?” She offensively asks.

  “I just wanted Alex to know how all of “this” happened.” Rochelle tries to smile, but I could tell she was about to cry.

  “I was at the cafe, on Coast Drive and you wouldn’t believe who was there talking to some girl?” She says.

  “Rochelle.” I say.

  I try to stop what’s about to happen. I try to take her inside, but she keeps going.

  “Then it hits me, it’s Hayes, but this can’t be Hayes. The whole town thought the Bartley men were never coming back.” Anger rolls off her tongue.

  “Then again, they’re never loyal.” She says.

  I watch Hayes’s reaction. Every few seconds he turns to me. He’s mad.

  “We get to talking. We reminisce, talk about you Alex. I flirt a little, we exchange numbers.” She says.

  I really want to leave, get into my car, drive away and never come back.

  “Minutes later we make out in his car, then he gives me a ride home. So fucking romantic.” She spites.

  “Isn’t that romantic, Hayes?” Rochelle asks.

  “Rochelle, what’s wrong?” Hayes asks. He looks at me.

  “Alex, what did you do?” He turns to me.

  “What did I do?! Are you fucking kidding me?!” I cry.

  “What did you tell her?” He asks.

  He is close to me, his words hurt, they burn my throat and chills ride my back.

  “Hey! This has nothing to do with Alex!” Rochelle says.

  “Then why is she here?! Why did you want her here?! Why are you acting like this?” He asks.

  “I’m leaving. Alex is a liar, Rochelle. I’m sure whatever she said, was a lie.” Hayes says.

  “Are you with someone else?!” Rochelle asks.

  I watch the first tear fall on Rochelle’s cheek. I grab my pulsing throat.

  “The one person, the one person who was there for you when you came back! We talked every day Hayes, and you didn’t tell me?” She begins to cry. I hug her.

  “This is fucking insane. What are you talking about Rochelle?” Hayes huffs.

  He won’t stop looking at me.

  Rochelle lets go of me and slaps Hayes.

  “You’re such a millennial dick!” She screams.

  “You know how you said you were never coming back to Versa. Maybe you should just leave again, and this time stay gone. Fuck you, we’re done!” She shouts.

  Rochelle pushes him, before going inside, and slamming her front door.

  It is now just Hayes and me.

  “How could you?!” I shout.

  I follow behind him, he’s now at his car, ignoring me.

  “Hayes!” I yell.

  He finally looks at me.

  “Stay away from me Richards!” He shouts.

  Everything inside of me tenses.

  “My best friend.” I mumble.

  “So, what.” He says.

  “Fuck you!” I cry.

  “Fuck you for ignoring me for years, and then when I come back you become a compulsive liar. A liar with the most dirt than anyone.” He’s standing over me, looking down as he speaks.

  I back away, crossing my arms. Why would he say that?

  “Now I’m with someone else? Are you jealous?” he asks.

  I can’t be jealous. I can’t feel anything for him, I shouldn’t.

  “Fuck you.” I mumble.

  “Why did you just ignore me for years Alex? You had years to call, why didn’t you?” He asks.

  “I couldn’t Hayes.” I stutter.

  I can’t breathe.

  “Why not?” He asks.

  I stay silent. Because, it’s a secret.

  I feel cold now. I want to cry.

  “I’m sorry.” I cry.

  “I’m sorry too, Little Richards.” He says.

  He leans in for a hug, but I’m frozen. I can’t move, I can’t speak. He hugs me, and I cry again. This was all too much.

  I let go of him. He looks at me, in pain.

  “The girl from Hawaii, are you with her too?” I ask.

  I want him to say no. I didn’t want him to be with anyone.

  “No, Little Richards.” He says.

  Now he’s silent, he looks sad. We stand in silence, face to face.

  That was it.

  He said nothing else. He just got into his car and drove away.

  I hug myself, to try and stop the tears. I wipe the tears on my pants. Then throw up the rest of the ice cream.

  I’m Sorry Your Moving Away

  Before more “lies”, or “truths” come out, I decide to head home.

  After what Hayes said, I felt even worse. I do have a lot of secrets. The ride home reminded me of all the unwanted dirt, and secrets I have buried.

  When I pull into our driveway, Jake’s right there. I’m reminded again of.

  Another secret

  He’s blasting music, from his car. When I pull into the garage, he starts to laugh. I get out of my car and slam my door.

  “Screw off Jake before I tell Rochelle you’re obsessed with her.” I say.

  For the rest of the weekend I avoid everyone and stay in my room. It was just me, and ice cream.

  ~~~~~~

  I knew what waited for me at school. I knew I had work. I knew Rochelle was going to be pissed all day. I knew Jeff was going to look down at me for how I treated him the other day. I didn’t want that, not today. I couldn’t handle it.

  I decided to ditch, I’m a senior. It was my right to ditch, right?

  I’ve never done it before alone, but I needed time away.

  For the day, I drive around town, and take photos. It took my mind off things enough, for me to breathe. Enough for me to, catch my breath.

  However, doing so, I start to notice a bad habit creep its way back into my life.

  Before I could subside it, I drive back home. It was an hour before school got out. I thought I’d be home alone.

  As soon as I open the back door there, there’s Adam, the scowler that could.

  ~~~~~~

  “First you call the cops on Hayes. Now you think he’s cheating. Alex what, why are you doing this? Are you trying to ruin his life?” He only laughs.

  “I heard you say it Adam. What is this a game or something?” I ask.

  “So, you were eavesdropping too? Are you fucking stalking Hayes now, or something?” He asks.

  “Ha. No. I just overheard.” I say.

  “So, you were eavesdropping.” He states.

  Adam sighs, he seems more uptight than me. He worries me. He purposely avoids looking at her room.

  “Adam, are you okay?” I ask. He ignores me.

  The room goes silent. I look at her bedroom d
oor.

  “Listen Alex, you have to leave him alone with all of this. I know when he left, you took it badly.” He says.

  He was going into a sensitive place. A place where, I keep my secrets. I bite down on my lip.

  “Adam, just stop!” I shout.

  “Back in Hawaii, Hayes was in a relationship.” Adam says.

  He was hurt by his own words.

  “Did he love her?” I ask him.

  I want to know so badly, it hurts. I didn’t want to hear it from Adam though.

  “I can’t talk about it, okay? They were together for a long time, and split before he came back to Versa. That’s all you need to know.” He says.

  I get chills. I want to cry from the truth.

  “It’s just a thing we say, or I say. He actually hates when I joke about it. He kicked my ass in basketball, after that.” Adam smiles.

  “You just eavesdropped, at the wrong time.” Adam laughs.

  “I didn’t eavesdrop.” I mumble.

  Adam’s phone lights up.

  Hey Adam, can you make sure Alex doesn’t stop by.

  -Hayes

  Another day I stay stocked in my room. Thanks Hayes.

  I’ll Miss You So Much

  It was now the end of the week, and Friday came quicker than expected. For the whole week I ditched every class except photography, and instead did extra shifts at the Coast.

  It was starting again, I’m losing myself, and the memories were coming back.

  ~~~~~

  It was about 5 months after Hayes, and his father had moved away. No one knew where they went, we all thought they would come back.

  Months passed when we got the news that they moved to Hawaii. The news hit everyone hard. It got to my mother the most.

  She started getting depressed, still wouldn’t let go of Mr. Bartley though.

  I think it fueled her, fueled her long enough to keep her breathing. Even if he didn’t feel the same way.

  She’d secretly call him every day. Even if that meant calling around and asking for him. He changed his numbers, not us.

  I think deep down she knew the truth.

  A year has passed without them, and my mother is now a smoker. She lives in her room, and barely eats.

  She is hurt, she feels abandoned by Mr. Bartley. Most nights I hear her crying. It’s bad.

  Maybe things went south, maybe Mr. Bartley and my mother had planned another life.

  Another life, just the two of them.