Weakness

by Shelley Michaels

  ‘Prognosis?’ I ask, tentatively.

  ‘A week at most,’ he murmurs, quietly.

  A pain hits my chest, here he is worried about my family and me, and his grandfather has less than a week to live. I wordlessly move my hand and cover the one he has resting on the table next to his cup. His eyes raised to mine looking mildly stunned before he turns his hand over and threads his fingers through mine. That’s how we sit while we drink our coffees, hand in hand in silence contemplating our worries.

  Ben drives back to the hospital and swings into a parking bay to visit his grandfather, who he informed me on the journey he calls Pop.

  I exit the car and move around to the pavement.

  ‘Thank you for the coffee,’ I glance up what seems like miles to his weighty look.

  ‘Thank you for the company,’ he announces, his haunted gaze reaches mine and warms.

  ‘Anytime,’ I smile weakly, make an on the spot decision and go in for a hug. His arms tighten around me, and I hear him exhale a deep breath. I fathom there and then that he may have women falling at his feet by the hundreds, but he has no one to support him, be there for him, or to give him a much-needed hug. He had already told me that he was an only child with only his mum as a family. Everyone needs a hug sometimes, and he deserved a hug.

  ‘I’ll pass by and see Liddy,’ he promises, I look up to his face, his arms still wrapped around me, ‘you go home and rest before the monsters get home,’ his lips lift one side in amusement.

  ‘I can do that, I could do with some sleep,’ I admit.

  I watch as he leans down and touches his lips to my forehead, ‘see you soon, darlin’.’

  ‘Bye, Ben,’ I step away and wander to Lydia’s red truck, lecturing myself that you really shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

  Chapter Three

  Entering Honour on Saturday evening, I feel more at ease having had a brief meeting with Ben on Wednesday. He may be huge, but I now knew he was a gentle giant, he was also a human being, one with not a lot of people to take his back. I imagine that in his business he was respected, he held that arrogance that suggested nothing else would be acceptable, but in his personal life, I would take a wild guess that he was a closed book.

  I ignored the tinge of disappointment at finding Ben wasn’t there to greet me, and went in the direction of the locker-room. Lou was there ready and willing to show me the way Ben liked things in his bar. She was a fun girl, beautiful in every way and the patrons loved her. Her tips were huge because she gave as good as she got to the flirty and outrageous comments that came as a matter of course with bar work. The men threw lewd remarks her way all night, but she laughed them off and replied with a short quip that had them chuckling with glee rather than offended by her shoot down. I realised early on I could do a lot worse than follow her lead. She taught me a great deal on that first night.

  All the girls wore tight jeans and black tanks with Honour scrolled across the chest area in a silver squiggle, and it seemed the more cleavage exposed, the better. I was the proud owner of a serious amount of cleavage and had no choice but to reveal it, mainly because it was too much to conceal. I had my hair pulled up into a messy bun, but the other girls all had their hair out and wild, out and wild was easy for me seeing as my hair was naturally wild, and the majority of the time I did spend on it was taming it. They also had on spiky heeled boots or heels, which encouraged the strut that earned them the big tips. I had on my converse pumps.

  Tomorrow I would be better prepared.

  ********

  Lydia hadn’t been discharged from the hospital, as expected, as her wound became infected, which meant she still had the drains in, but we were hoping she would be out by Monday, Tuesday at the latest, after an IV of antibiotics.

  We had taken the kids to visit their mum in the hospital on Thursday night, but it hadn’t gone as well as it could have done, resulting in both children being frighteningly quiet on the journey home. Understandably, the first thing Kristen had done, when we entered Liddy’s room, excitedly jumped on her mum, despite us both having warned her that Mummy was a little sore and to be gentle with her. Cam had scolded her and Kristen had been devastated, not only did Cam rarely tell the kids off but if he did he never did it so sharply. He was worried about his wife, which you could expect, but he had upset both Kristen and Lydia with his impatient tone.

  I had tried to smooth it over and assure Kristen it was okay and reminded her she needed to be careful with her mum for a while, but she had paled and hidden behind me for the duration of the visit. Blake had sat quietly, trying with all his might to not upset either of his parents. In the end, I suggested we take them home as I could see it was bothering Lydia them being there and her unable to hug them close.

  When we had arrived back to the house, both kids had gone to their respective rooms, and Cam had immediately followed Kristen. I heard her giggling not ten minutes later, so I guess she had forgiven him, and all was okay. Once I knew they were okay and had checked in on Blake, I had gone to the fridge and opened two bottles of beer handing Cam one, when he exited the kid’s rooms looking more tired than I had ever seen him.

  ‘They okay?’ I asked.

  He nodded, ‘I’m a dick.’

  ‘Not normally,’ I smiled at him, to show I was teasing, ‘she’s a baby who was excited to see her mum,’ I prompt him.

  ‘I know,’ he runs an agitated hand over his face. ‘I just want things to go back to normal, I can’t stand being here without Liddy,’ he confides, tipping back his head to take a huge gulp of the beer in his grasp. When he lowers it, he turns back to me, ‘she’s my world.’

  ‘She’ll be home soon,’ I nod, reassuringly, ‘it’s hard for the children, it’s hard for us all. But she’s a fighter, Cam,’ I whisper, ‘she’ll get through this,’ I swallow painfully, ‘she has to.’

  He looks at me and his eyes soften, ‘how you are doing, Waspy?’ He asks as if it has just occurred to him that I am feeling the same panic as him, only I’m hiding it better.

  ‘I’m okay,’ I nod, ignoring his use of my nickname. Usually, I scold him for teasing me with the childish name that only my sister can get away with, but right now I couldn't be bothered.

  His eyes take me in, ‘I’m glad you’re here, Sasha,’ I look up, and he smiles. ‘Thank you.’

  I shrug, ‘I’m doing it for me as much as you,’ I laugh softly, only not with humour. ‘She’s my world too,’ I admit.

  He puts the beer bottle down on the countertop and walks over to me, hugging me tightly, ‘I’m sorry, Sash, I'm a selfish bastard.’

  ‘No, it’s okay. I’m glad you have each other, Liddy deserves someone that will centre their universe around her,’ I want that for Lydia, even if I can’t manage it for myself.

  ‘You deserve it too,’ he promises. I don’t correct him, but I know that I wouldn’t want that for me. For me, giving myself wholly to someone would mean losing myself, which I refuse to do. If you don’t have it, you can’t feel the pain when it’s lost and fall apart like Mum.

  I pull away and give Cam a small, sad smile. ‘Laundry time,’ I take a swig of my beer and with a wave move into the utility room.

  ********

  I had every intention of calling off working at Honour, tonight, but Cam had insisted that he wanted to spend a night home with the kids as he had been at the hospital all afternoon, after calling in to take the whole weekend off of work and spend it with Lydia and the kids. So, I had left him to it. I think Lydia had a quiet word with Cam, about telling Kristen off and asked him to make it up to her. Cam had therefore ordered pizza and promised the kids a night of watching whatever films they wanted.

  By the time I dragged myself back to Liddy and Cam’s, it was three a.m., and the house was quiet. I crept in, downed a glass of water before brushing my teeth and falling directly into a dreamless sleep, not waking until eleven the following morning to the sound of children laughing. I headed into the bathroom and stood under the
shower until my mind woke from its sleepy haze as I went about my morning regime. By the time I emerged, fully dressed in shorts and a loose white t-shirt, Cam and Blake were sitting, fed and watered in fresh clothes appearing entirely different from the night before. Naturally, the night spent with his dad healed some of the apprehension that Liddy’s absence had caused. It wasn’t until I turned entirely into the room that I noticed Ben sitting at the table with an excitable Kristen on his lap.

  ‘Morning!’ I called as I walked past the group and straight into the kitchen where there was, thankfully, a fresh pot of coffee brewing.

  ‘Morning, Aunty Sasha,’ Blake called, smiling his shy smile that was identical to his dad.

  ‘Hi, Sasha,’ Ben called, as he continued to tickle my niece, who looked like she was trying to scramble off of his lap to come to me.

  ‘Hey,’ Cam called, ‘did we wake you?’

  ‘No,’ I grabbed a cup and filled it before turning back to the dining area, ‘anyone needs a refill?’

  ‘No, I’m set thanks,’ Ben called, letting Kristen go running straight into my legs and wrap her arms around me, making me step back on foot with force.

  ‘Hello, Aunty Sasha. You are lazy, we have been up for ages, but daddy wouldn’t let me wake you up,’ she grinned.

  I run my hand through her brown hair and bend to kiss her head. ‘Morning, gorgeous girl,’ I call, softly.

  ‘How was your shift?’ Ben asks, from across the table, his eyes warm as they run over me.

  ‘It was fine, Lou was great,’ I update him. ‘If it’s okay with you, I can do a shift tonight?’ I offer. ‘Cam is off to the hospital today, but will be with the kids tonight.’

  ‘Sure!’ He agrees.

  ‘Wasn’t Lou one of yours?’ Cam mumbles over to Ben, a small smile on his face.

  I watch the interaction, my stomach unexpectedly dipping at the thought of Lou being Ben’s and wondering whether he had screwed his way through the entire staff. Ben frowns over at Cam, but his attention swerves to a bouncing Kristen.

  I take the opportunity while he isn’t looking to roam my eyes over him, his strong jaw smattered with a couple of days beard growth and his casual jeans and plain black t-shirt only enhance the bad boy image that he projects. I can see, and sympathise with the attraction that woman feel towards him. I glance back up his body to his face and watch his lips tip up as his crystal blue eyes hold mine with awareness of my appreciation.

  Thankfully, Blake interrupts my embarrassment, ‘I have a party this afternoon, Aunty Sasha,’ he calls, and I immediately divert my attention from Ben to my nephew.

  ‘Ok, honey. Do we have everything we need, or do we need to get a gift?’ I take a sip of coffee and take a seat next to Blake.

  ‘Mum already got something, but is it okay for you to drop me off and collect me?’ Such a sweet, well-mannered boy.

  I run my hand through his hair, ‘of course, what time?’

  ‘Three ‘til six-thirty,’ he announces.

  ‘Take whatever hours for your shift tonight,’ Ben interrupts.

  I move my eyes to him, ‘thank you,’ I ruffle Blake’s hair, ‘your outfit clean?’

  ‘Yeah, Mum got everything out,’ he smiled, ‘and put the zip code in the GPS.’

  ‘She knows me so well,’ I grin, I get lost going around the block.

  ‘Okay if I leave them in your hands, Waspy?’ Cam calls warmly.

  ‘Yeah, you go,’ I smile, ‘thought we’d go to the diner for lunch,’ the kids jump up and down in glee, Kristen screeching as she does a lap of the room. ‘Tell Liddy I love her, and will come by when the kids are at school tomorrow.’

  ‘Will do,’ Cam moves over and kisses my head before hugging both kids.

  Ben stands to leave, ‘I’ll leave you to it, I’m off back to the hospital myself,’ he fists pumps Blake and throws a giggling Kristen up into the air barely missing the ceiling. ‘I’ll maybe see you at the club tonight,’ he moves towards me, and for a brief moment, I think he is going to kiss me. Instead, he squeezes a hand to my shoulder.

  ‘How’s your Pop?’ I murmured, quietly.

  His eyes that were bright, immediately dull, ‘not doing so well,’ he mutters, quietly and I wish I hadn’t brought it up.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he is near enough for me to lay a hand on his chest in support, which has to be said feels like steel. He places his hand on top of mine on his front and presses it into him, and mine disappears under the large fingers as a small smile appears on his perfect lips.

  ‘Thanks, darlin’, see you later,’ then he turns to Cam, who is waiting by the front door observing the whole scene. I see his surprised eyes move from Ben to me. He doesn’t look happy as they immediately narrow at his friend. It seems as if Ben is going to feel the wrath of Cam.

  By the time I arrive at Honour, at eight later that evening, I am already exhausted. Entertaining two children takes more energy than you expect. After lunch, I had dropped Blake at his friends for a soccer party before taking an energetic Kristen to the mall, where we shopped for the entire three hours that Blake was at his friends.

  By the time Cam returned home, it was seven-thirty, and the kids were bathed and sitting in their PJ’s in front of the TV, while I was running around preparing for my shift. I had gone all out tonight, following the lead of my colleagues from last night. My hair is left loose and wild and my makeup smoky. I put on my most comfortable pair of heels and apply a layer of gloss on my lips.

  ‘Jesus!’ Cam calls, frowning as he takes in my appearance.

  ‘You look pretty, Aunty Sasha,’ Blake calls from the sofa.

  ‘Thanks, honey bunch,’ I smile.

  ‘I want to look like Aunty Sasha when I grow up, Daddy,’ Kristen tells Cam, seriously.

  ‘You do, you will be grounded until you are thirty,’ he mutters to his daughter, and I laugh loudly.

  ‘See you in the morning, gang!’ I wave, as I exit.

  ********

  It is halfway through my shift when I notice Ben at the bar area. He is sitting on a stool, his face set in a moody scowl, a short of amber liquid in his grasp. His roaming gaze hits mine, and I smile, his scowl deepens, and his lips move as if he is speaking. Taking a deep breath, I approach him.

  ‘Hey,’ I call, ‘did you say something?’

  He ignores me, but his eyes drop to my chest area and back up to my face, an eyebrow arched. ‘Jesus,’ he exclaims, in much the same way Cam did.

  ‘Hey, will do,’ I notify him, blandly.

  ‘Darlin’ in that get up, I have to tell you here, you have to be every man’s wet dream,’ he mumbles, smoothly.

  ‘Err, okay,’ I don’t know what to say to that. ‘I’m not sure how to respond to that,’ I admit.

  ‘How're tips?’ He asks.

  ‘What?’ I frown.

  ‘You, dressed like that, I imagine tips are good,’ he answers, his stunning blue eyes turning lazy, which gives him a twelve out of ten on the hotness scale, I feel the sexual pull and know this is how he gets laid, he is a master of seduction. I imagine that is as easy as it is for him to entice a woman into bed, turn the bedroom eyes on and pow!

  ‘Keep your bedroom eyes to yourself, Mister,’ I warn, but I can’t stop the grin from splitting across my face.

  He chuckles, which in turn sends him up to a sixteen on the hotness scale. ‘Then keep that hot body to yourself, darlin’,’ he warns.

  ‘Honey, there is nothing I can do to hide what I was born with,’ I run a hand over my front and watch as Ben’s eyes move to the said area. I know I am flirting, dangerously, but I like this side of Ben. I have only seen the mean and moody, and this is the playful Ben.

  The humour turns to smouldering as he tips his head and stares directly into my eyes as if he is assessing me.

  ‘Cam’s warned me off,’ he announces, out of the blue.

  ‘Well, that was always going to happen,’ I smile, ‘he takes the big brother thing extremely seriously. But, just for the
record, I am not in Denver for a roll in the hay, so you are safe,’ I assure him, lightly.

  ‘Maybe a bit of fun is just what the doctor ordered,’ he expresses, ‘a bit of light relief.’

  I know he is teasing me, ‘sloppy seconds, or thirds,’ I glance around to indicate the other girls behind the bar, ‘isn’t my thing.’

  ‘You might be surprised at what your thing is,’ he mocks, shamefully.

  ‘At thirty-one I’d say I have a hold on what my thing is,’ I educate him, ‘but thanks for the offer.’

  ‘Who says I was offering?’ He questions, teasingly.

  ‘Maybe I’m saving you the effort,’ I propose, feeling excitement build up from inside me. This was fun.

  ‘Darlin’, I rarely exert too much effort,’ he declares, arrogantly and I want to punch him on his perfect nose, but that would just make him even hotter.

  ‘Then take it as me saving you the usual small amount of effort then, either way, it’s not going to happen,’ now he is starting to piss me off.

  He grins in a way I know he has accepted the challenge.

  ‘Seriously, Ben,’ I try to send him a scowl, ‘I’m not interested in being another notch on your bedpost.’

  ‘Noted!’ He grins, and my belly flips, fuck if that smile doesn’t create a stirring between my legs. Deciding I need to get away from his egotism, I turn and make my way to the opposite side of the bar, hearing his chuckle as I go.

  I have to say Ben was right about one thing, and my tips were almost double tonight than my last shift. I began to relax into the flirty banter with the patrons and enjoy myself as I sang and danced as I prepared and delivered drinks.

  By the time the big clean-up of the night began, I had started to flag. I suddenly felt the squeezing of my feet on my heels, and my body was aching in a way that wasn’t familiar after even a night shift at the hospital. Ben was behind the bar cashing up the tills for the evening, looking as fresh as a daisy.

  ‘You look dead on your feet,’ he commented, as I wiped down the bottles behind him.

  ‘Who knew two tiny beings could have so much energy,’ I answer, honestly.