Weakness

by Shelley Michaels

  Then I read the attached letter. ‘Fuck!’ It is a blackmail letter.

  I turn to the last page, to see a photo is an older lady, whose features are still beautiful despite her age, her ocean blue eyes apparently given to her son who stands before me. ‘This is your mum?’ I ask, although I know the answer.

  ‘Yeah,’ he leans his backside to the desk and watches as I take it all in.

  ‘A million dollars!’ I gasp.

  ‘Yeah, otherwise they will hurt those nearest to me, apparently,’ his jaw is tight, anger has changed the blue of his eyes to flint-grey.

  ‘Jesus, Ben, what are you going to do?’ I ask, forgetting our differences, ‘and why do they think I matter to you?’

  ‘I think the photo speaks for itself, don’t you?’ He mumbles, casually. ‘I don’t think Cam needs to know about this, notwithstanding his current worries with his woman, the law gets involved, and there could be consequences to my Ma,’ he glances over to me, ‘or you.’

  I see his point, Cam will go in guns blazing, and if the police are updated, the blackmailer could find out, and things could get dangerous. A cold fist squeezes my gut, at the thought of someone wanting to hurt me. As if he can read my anxiety, Ben stands and walks the two steps that separate us.

  ‘Nothing is gonna happen to you, Queenie, because I am going to take care of you,’ he announces, and one look at the determination in his eyes and I know he means it.

  ‘How can you do that if Cam isn’t allowed to know?’ I ask, looking up at his handsome face. ‘What about your Mum?’

  ‘I got security watching her. I also got some friends from the military coming in tomorrow, and they will get to the bottom of it. I can only do so much from here, they have contacts in the business that can help and assess the real threat,’ he updates me.

  I nod, running through things in my mind.

  ‘Meanwhile, I escort you to and from work, and if you aren’t with Cam, you’re with me,’ he orders.

  ‘That can’t happen,’ I shake my head and watch as his jaw tightens, ‘logistically. I am here to be at the house when Cam is at work,’ I remind him, ‘to take care of Lydia and the kids.’

  ‘Then I stay with you,’ he announces, stubbornly.

  I feel my eyes widen at the thought of Cam’s reaction if Ben rocked up with his overnight bag. ‘Err, yeah that’s not going to happen either,’ I gasp. ‘Besides, he would see straight through that, and you know it!’ My mind also flickers to the fact that there is zero chance of Ben fitting into the small double bed that I am currently sleeping. I observe as Ben begins to pace up and down his office, his mind working over the details.

  ‘Why now?’ I ask, softly. ‘Why is this happening now?’ I can’t make sense of why out of the blue someone is targeting him.

  ‘Pop,’ he says as if that explains it all.

  ‘What about Pop?’ I probe.

  ‘Left me his entire state,’ he confides, ‘obviously only a few people are privy to that information, but somehow someone has been watching and arrived at the correct assumption that I am the only heir and therefore the only beneficiary.’

  ‘Fuck, Ben!’ I feel the trepidation flow through my veins. ‘You think the threat’s real?’ I ask, carefully, my legs feeling decidedly wobbly.

  ‘Not prepared to gamble on that one, Queenie,’ he mutters, his eyes moving over my stunned features. As if he senses my apprehension, he walks directly up to me and pulls me deep into his hold. I forget that I am mad at him and naturally wrap my arms around his middle and hold on tight, as I absorb the strength from the power of his grasp and settle my insides. ‘I’ll take care of you, darlin’,’ he promises, against my hair. I nod, strangely believing his pledge.

  One of his hands moves up my spine and into my curls, fisting at my nape, which directs my glance to his. ‘I’ll never let anyone hurt you,’ he reiterates, his brilliant blue eyes blazing with promise.

  ‘Okay,’ I whisper, for the first time taking in his proximity and feeling the warmth spreading through my body.

  He must either sense or seen a change in my face because his eyes turn to seductive mode as his chin dips down until it inches from mine, ‘glad to have you talking to me again,’ he speaks softly, ‘I missed you.’

  ‘Ben,’ I begin, but he cuts me off as his lips gently touch mine. He doesn’t deepen the kiss. His lips hover over mine as we breathe each other’s air, our eyes locked as we soak in the attraction between us.

  I know it was me, I was unable to resist stroking the tip of my tongue against his lips, but the moment I did, he took total control and rocked my world. His mouth slanted and opened as his fist grasped my hair tightly urging my head to the side as he drank from my mouth. My body ignited as he licked, sucked and nibbled my mouth with a need that could only be called desperation.

  ‘Fuck!’ He cursed against my lips, as his hand at my back moved down to cup my backside and pull me against his hard groin. ‘Tastes as sweet as honey,’ he whispers against my lips. I am so into the kiss I wouldn’t know my name if asked and it wasn’t me that slowed things down. The way my body melted into his, I would have quite willingly spread on his desk and give him carte blanche.

  ‘I take you darlin’, I want you to be sure, not to regret it as soon as it’s done,’ he purrs, as his lips nibble along my jaw, ‘and certainly not in my office. I take you. I need a bed and a lot of room to explore,’ he whispers into my ear. I feel drunk with that one kiss, giddy with lust as I open my heavy-lidded eyes and will my body to pull away. He puts his forehead to mine and my eyes almost drown in the depths of blue in his penetrating stare.

  ‘Jesus, if that’s what you look like after a kiss, Queenie, can’t wait to see you after I’ve made you come,’ his smooth voice brings me back to the now, and I push off against his flat, hard abs to step away.

  ‘Shit! Sorry,’ I apologise, knowing I instigated the kiss.

  ‘Don’t be,’ he still has hold of one hand and tries to pull me towards him, ‘don’t pull away, Sasha,’ he begs, his face soft and sexy, making it hard for me to catch my breath.

  ‘Sorry, I got a bit carried away,’ I step back, yanking my hand from his and begin to fan it to my flushed cheeks.

  His hand moves to his slack pockets and slides in, while his eyes burn into mine, ‘it’s going to happen, Sasha,’ he almost whispers, but there is no cockiness in his glance, only heat.

  ‘It can’t happen,’ I tell him, but I don’t explain that I won’t let it happen because I could undoubtedly get attached to all that is him. Instead, I tip up my chin, ‘you are my boss, this is inappropriate,’ I announce, sensibly.

  ‘And there is my Queenie, with her fucking English accent,’ he mutters to himself, his lips tipping. ‘I’ll be taking you home tonight, I’ll get Liddy’s truck to you for the morning and tomorrow’s shift we go back to me collecting and dropping you home,’ he states.

  I almost naturally begin to argue the point, but think otherwise when I contemplate the blackmail letter. Ben surveys the conflicting emotions cross over my face and I watch as the tightness of his jaw relaxes as he senses me choose the right decision.

  ‘Okay,’ I agree. ‘The nights I’m working, Cam is at home, so we don’t have to worry about anything there, and when I am here, usually you are too. I’m covered, Ben,’ I reassure both him and me. ‘Cam won’t have to know what’s going on. He is naturally alert to protect his family.’

  ‘We’ll see how things go, there may be a time that he needs to know what’s going on,’ he doesn’t look happy about keeping this from his friend, ‘but let’s leave it for now.’

  I nod, ‘okay, I should be getting back,’ I point to the door.

  He steps forward and closes the gap between us, I step back and tip my head to provide him with a cautious look. When his hand snakes around my waist and pulls me towards him, I resist but know it is pointless. ‘Ben,’ I call up, ignoring the excitement that curls in my gut.

  ‘We are going to talk about t
hat kiss, Queenie,’ he murmurs down. ‘We are also going to revisit this thing between us, unfortunately now is not the time as I have a few things to attend to that won’t wait. But rest assured that very soon I will be taking your mouth again and I’ll be taking other parts of you too,’ that gave me a full-on tremble along with a leg wobble. ‘Yeah, I see that excites you almost as much as it excites me,’ his eyes turn lazy, and I have to force myself to breathe in and out. ‘Do what you have to do to make peace with that, Sasha because when I take you, I want no boundaries.’ With that, he dips and places his lips softly against mine for a brief kiss before stepping away leaving me feeling entirely deficient.

  For the remainder of the shift, my mind drifts to Ben, the letter and the kiss, but not necessarily in that order. I have kissed many a man and enjoyed the majority, but there’s no denying the kiss with Ben was the best I’ve ever had. This led me to anticipate what else could potentially be good with Ben, as in horizontal aerobics, for example. I know I should have been more worried about the blackmailer and the threats to my well-being and whether they were real or not, but I couldn’t prevent my mind from rewinding to the way my body responded to his lips against mine. It wasn’t as if I was in denial here. I knew Ben was a handsome, masculine alpha beast who probably had sex with a different girl every night. This didn’t stop me from imagining what pleasures he could provide me and what it would feel like to have his heat against mine.

  On the drive home, I babbled nervously. I talked about tonight’s patrons and the good tippers and the cheesy chat up lines. I filled the draw of the magnetism between us with absolute triviality. When I glanced over to Ben, he looked amused by my unusual constant chatter, and it isn’t until the car swerved to a spot outside Cam and Lydia’s, that I shut up.

  ‘You done?’ Ben asked, surprisingly softly.

  ‘What?’ I asked, frowning.

  ‘Jesus woman, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk so much,’ he turned to face me. ‘Get over here and give me your mouth, darlin’,’ he ordered quietly.

  ‘What?’ I repeated. ‘No!’ I panic as I fiddle with my seatbelt to free myself and get the fuck out, but a chuckle distracts me.

  ‘I’m glad you find this so amusing,’ I chastise him. I yank the seatbelt free and grasp the door handle to escape the confines of the vehicle.

  ‘Hold on, Queenie,’ Ben’s fingers grasp my arm, firmly, but it’s only the seriousness of his voice that halts me in my tracks. I watch as he glances around and assesses the area. It’s only then that the reality of the situation settles in my brain. I notice in the door mirror, headlights appearing in the distance, my tummy begins to feel uneasy until the vehicle passes us. I watch as Ben follows it with his eyes until it turns at the next junction.

  I let out a breath that I wasn’t aware I was holding and look over at Ben, who is now aiming his stare in my direction.

  ‘Come on, darlin’, let’s get you inside. Stay there,’ he instructs, unfolding himself from the low-slung seat and sauntering around to open my door. His eyes flicker around as he takes my hand and keeps it firmly in his grasp as he walks us towards the door. ‘Key?’ He holds out his palm, and I drop them into his outstretched hand.

  The house is in darkness as it would be at three-twenty in the morning, Ben walks us both in and closes the door behind us. He steps directly to the back-patio doors and checks they’re secure before returning to me at the dining room table.

  ‘Cam is thorough,’ he whispers to me.

  ‘You’re freaking me out,’ I notify him, in a hiss.

  ‘It will be okay, Queenie. Cam on day shifts tomorrow?’ he queries.

  ‘Cam is off for two days now,’ I enlighten him.

  He scowls at me for a moment, ‘if you’d mentioned that, Sasha, you could have come back with me tonight,’ he complains, with an irritated sigh. ‘I’ll pick you up tomorrow for lunch, twelve-thirty, we’ll talk more then,’ he commands. ‘Lock up behind me,’ he instructs.

  ‘You are very bossy,’ I hiss.

  He ignores me and continues to the front door. I follow him. Curling a hand around my nape, he pulls me close, ‘twelve-thirty,’ he repeats, before crushing my lips to his for a too short, wet kiss that leaves me dazed. Then he grins and opens the door, closing it quietly behind him. I lock up as ordered and turn with a smile towards my bedroom.

  ********

  ‘You are welcome to join us, Waspy,’ my sister insists from my bedroom door.

  It’s ten-thirty, and I have had nowhere near enough sleep to satisfy my tiredness. I had lain in the darkness for almost an hour last night running my mind over the events of the evening before I finally dropped off to sleep, which means I had probably had around six hours sleep at most.

  ‘No, honestly Liddy, I’m going to catch up on my sleep for a bit,’ I lie.

  ‘Yeah, Ben said you were tired, he dropped off my truck at nine, said something about coming back to take you to lunch?’ She looks happy at this snippet of information, ‘if things are getting too much for you to have the kids and working the club, Sasha, you only have to say.’

  ‘They aren’t,’ I insist. ‘How’s your dressing,’ I sit up and pat my mattress, ‘you need me to have a look?’

  ‘It’s dry,’ she walks over and sits, she looks almost back to normal now, in herself. ‘No, I’m good. You going to share what is going on with you and Ben?’ she grins.

  ‘No,’ I send her a sardonic smile. ‘We are going to lunch,’ I tell her with a shrug.

  ‘The last vibe I got, you two weren’t on speaking terms,’ she admits.

  ‘Well, now we are,’ I arch an eyebrow. ‘How are you feeling, Honey-bee? You look good,’ I add.

  ‘Changing the subject,’ she sings, and I poke my tongue out at her. ‘I feel good,’ she admits. ‘Dressings off on Monday, I can’t wait for that. Although, I am not looking forward to the chemo,’ she whispers to me, looking more than freaked out.

  ‘I thought we’d agreed we were going to think about a stage at a time,’ I prompt her, feeling my stomach plummet at the thought of her suffering the effects of the chemo, we always knew it was going to be hard for her. ‘Let’s get you healed from your surgery first,’ I instruct. she nods, and I hug her to me. ‘We’ll all get through it,’ I promise, as she clings to me. I see Cam appear in the doorway. His eyes turn from happy to sad in a split second as he takes in the scene.

  I smile reassuringly at him, ‘I think your husband is waiting to take you and the kidney winks out,’ I squeeze her gently, and she sits up. She turns and smiles at Cam whose eyes soften as their glance meets.

  ‘Kids are in the car, baby,’ he tells Liddy. ‘You sure you won’t come along, Waspy?’ Cam asks from the doorway, ‘we’d love you to join us, don’t ever feel you are intruding,’ he adds.

  I have long since stopped telling Cam off for calling me Waspy and accepted he is using it as a form of endearment. ‘Thank you, but I have plans with another bossy man and food,’ I confess, so he doesn’t think I am shutting myself away alone.

  I watch the wrinkles appear on his forehead and grin, ‘Jesus, Cam, get over it already, I am a thirty-one-year-old woman,’ I laugh. ‘Go,’ I hush them out.

  It isn’t until I hear the door close behind them and Cam’s Jeep move off the drive, that I jump up and run to the front door to double lock it. The thought of being alone after what I found out last night has unsettled me. I know I am probably freaking myself the fuck out, but have a sudden urge to get ready and get the hell out of the house.

  ********

  Chapter Eight

  I’m not sure whether the relief exhibited on my face when Ben arrived, but I felt it. Usually, I loved having time to myself. I had always enjoyed my own company. Today, I was counting down the minutes until Ben arrived, and we could finally leave the eeriness that cloaked me the moment Liddy and her family went for their day out.

  I had worn my favourite jeans and boots along with a sky-blue loose off the shoulder blous
e and adding my day make-up and lip gloss. I had pulled my hair into a loose ponytail to one side and already had my purse ready for us to depart at the earliest convenience.

  ‘Where is everyone?’ Ben had asked after he dropped down to kiss me briefly on the lips in greeting.

  ‘Out,’ I picked up my purse and waited for Ben to suggest we leave.

  ‘Out where?’ He frowned. ‘I thought we agreed that you weren’t to be alone at the moment, either with Cam or me?’

  ‘Well, now I’m with you, so shall we go?’ I gesture to the front door.

  ‘You okay, Queenie?’ Ben steps forward and tips my chin up to face him as he tries to ascertain my mood.

  ‘Hunky-dory, now can we go?’ I put a hand up to his wrist in an attempt to pull it away and give me my face back, but he holds firm.

  ‘She’s freaked out,’ he mumbles to himself, before pulling me against his huge breadth. I hate myself for instinctively wrapping my arms around his waist and revelling in the comfort I find in his bear-like hug. ‘Why didn’t you call me, darlin’, I would have come over.’

  ‘I had to get ready, anyhow,’ I lift my face up to his. ‘Can we go, I’ve got a creepy feeling in here,’ I confess, but I don’t share that I have felt the entire morning as if someone was watching me. He looks deep into what feels like my soul before nodding once, letting me go but grasping my hand and moving us out to his Audi.

  Over lunch, Ben tells me that he had seen his military friends and arranged for them to investigate the blackmail letter and its authenticity. He also assured me that he had complete confidence in them coming up with some answers soon.

  We chatted generally, and Ben mentioned that he had spent some time with his Mum, this morning as he does most days. As I watch him across the table of the restaurant, I feel a warmth settle in at the validation that underneath all the man-whore-ness, arrogance and bossiness, he does care about those he cares about.