Weakness

by Shelley Michaels

  I sleep for another two hours, Ben, however, sleeps for five.

  *******

  When the buzzer to Ben’s loft goes at five o’clock that evening, I feel Ben tense; he obviously isn’t expecting anyone. He tells me to stay on the sofa, where we are currently snuggled up watching Harry Potter, because everyone loves Harry Potter and Ben had never seen it, so I was trying to educate him. He was in his casual, loose bottoms again and I was back in one of his t-shirts, which drowned me.

  I watched from my place on the large sofa as Ben picked up the intercom phone and hear him ask whoever it is to come on up. He then pulls off the throw from the back of the chair and drops it in my lap without saying a word.

  ‘Who is it?’ I ask, pulling the blanket around me.

  ‘Cam,’ he answers, moving directly into the kitchen. I don’t fancy witnessing another showdown between the two men and sigh at the prospect, as I sit up and cross my legs beneath me.

  Cam walks through the open door and immediately, I can see he is in a better mood than earlier. He tips up his chin at me and closes the door behind him.

  ‘You okay, Waspy?’ He asks from across the room.

  ‘Fan-dabby-dozey!’ I respond, dryly, he grins and walks directly towards Ben at the breakfast bar.

  I hear Ben ask Cam if he wants a drink before pulling out a beer from the fridge. Then, I get up and move to the bedroom to get dressed. I will have to go back to Liddy’s tonight as Cam is on night duty. I imagine they could do with a bit of privacy for some male-bonding after their gorilla-like behaviour of earlier. Ben’s loft is enormous, but it’s mainly open plan, so I would kind of hear what they were talking about if I stayed.

  When I walk into the kitchen, sometime later dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, all seems to be right in the world of alpha. When I’m in touching distance, Ben hooks me at my nape and pulls me against him, ‘why you dressed, baby?’

  ‘We need to get to Lydia’s,’ I remind him, ‘the kids may need something.’

  ‘Liddy’s doing well, Sasha,’ Cam announces, ‘I wouldn’t have left them if I didn’t think she could cope with the kids. And, contrary to what you think, she demanded,’ he made a thing about the word demanded, ‘I come here and sort this out, or apparently, I’ll be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable,’ he smiles, and I know there is little to zero chance of that. ‘I’m sorry I spoke to you like that, honey,’ he apologised, his voice smooth and sincere.

  ‘It’s okay, I know you are stressed,’ I move over and hug him. ‘but I have to say, being around all this testosterone is exhausting,’ I exhale a deep breath and feel Cam laughing against me. I smile and move back to Ben who snakes his arm around my waist to bring me close. ‘What’s been decided on the current dilemma we all face?’ I ask, on a more serious note.

  Ben looks at Cam before turning to me. ‘I’m arranging security for Liddy and the kids, I know they aren’t under threat, but it would make me feel better if someone's covering them. Cam’s agreed to keep it from the cops until tomorrow when I can get more of an update from Nate and Kyle before we take all the evidence in and get things made official. Nothing's happened, so far and the deadline for the money has passed, it may just be a scumbag chancing his arm. Pop’s estate and what it’s worth isn’t a surprise to those close to me, but it is to anyone outside of my circle.’

  ‘You think it’s someone you know?’ I ask, looking up into his handsomeness.

  He shrugs, ‘possibly. It could be someone that works at Honour, of one of my other bars, they would have heard that Pop had passed away. Kyle is on it at the moment, looking into some people that have flagged up. Mum’s safe, the home is pretty secure, and I have extra security keeping an eye out for her. Cam needs to go to work tonight, and I need to go into the club. I will leave you with Liddy and the security but will come back as soon as I can and stay at Cam’s tonight, he’s back on days tomorrow so he will be around for Liddy and the kids, which means you can stay here with me.’

  ‘We need to get a hold on this, Liddy is freaking out,’ Cam announces. ‘She starts chemo next week, and I don’t want her stressing out before that, things are going to be hard going for a few weeks again, Waspy,’ Cam reminds me.

  ‘I know. Hopefully, we can put this to bed by then,’ I look up optimistically to Ben, who brushes a stray hair away from my cheek and nods his agreement. His eyes are lazy blue, and I instinctively lean into him, he wraps both arms around me tight bringing me to his front.

  ‘It will all be good, baby,’ he drops his lips to mine for a brief kiss.

  ‘You want to come back with me, Sasha?’ Cam interrupts.

  ‘Yes, please,’ I agree, ‘I just need to get my things.’

  ‘I’ll drop you back on my way to Honour,’ Ben updates me, squeezing me to him.

  ‘You sure? I can go with Cam?’ I assure him, knowing he is busy and needs to get to the club.

  ‘She’ll see you there, Cam,’ Ben announces.

  ‘Please tell me you did not just make another decision for me? Especially after our previous chat?’ I ask with an arched brow.

  Ben drops his mouth to my ear, ‘baby, got another hour before you have to be home, thought we’d spend that hour doing what we do best,’ he whispers.

  ‘I’ll meet you there, Cam,’ I call across the room, where a smiling Cam is with one hand on the door handle.

  ‘Gotcha!’ He grins at Ben and leaves the loft.

  ********

  Chapter Eleven

  ‘Shouldn’t we invite them in for a coffee or something?’ Liddy asks, from behind the blinds. ‘I feel awful that they are sitting outside in the car, it’s cold out there tonight!’

  ‘Come away from the window, Honey-bee,’ I call from the sofa, where I am currently relaxing, tiredness consuming me. When Cam had left Ben’s earlier, we had a quick roll around in his bed, which included three orgasms, two on my part and one on his, before he got dressed in his trousers and shirt and dropped me at Liddy’s, in time for Cam to go to work.

  By the time we got there, the security details were already in place, and I knew this only because Ben slowed at a black SUV, which was parked on the edge of my sister’s road and tipped his chin in greeting.

  ‘You don’t think suddenly appearing in the window of their vehicle with a tray of tea and biscuits will bring attention to them?’ I declare, sarcastically.

  ‘I guess so. Do you think it’s a real threat?’ Lydia asked, walking back to me at the sofa. The kids were long in their beds, leaving us girls having a much-needed glass of wine.

  ‘I don’t know,’ I admit, ‘surely if it was then we would have heard something by now. The money the blackmailers demanded was due on Saturday. Apparently, Kyle was watching the drop off area and found no clue to anyone loitering. Let’s just hope that it’s all a big fat nothing and we can get on with our lives.’

  She sits beside me and turns in my direction, ‘now, how about you fill me in on what’s happening between you and Ben?’

  I am laying on the arm of the sofa with my feet on the back, I give her a roll of the eyes, ‘I think you know what is happening between Ben and me, Liddy.’

  ‘So, it’s just sex?’ She questions, ‘because Cam said he has never seen Ben so into a woman.’ I ignore the happy feeling I have inside at this information and shrug casually.

  ‘I don’t expect Cam sees Ben with women very often. I seriously don’t think it’s any reflection on how he feels about me. Ben fucks women, Lydia, until he no longer wants to and then he doesn’t. All this blackmail business has meant that he has kept me close, I expect, mainly, because he is feeling bad about bringing this to my door and also out of respect for you and Cam. When I go home, things will go back to normal for all of you, Ben can continue with his man-whore-ness and your relationship will continue with him just as it did before.’

  ‘And you?’ She probes, ‘will you be okay when you go home and be able to go back to normal?’

  ‘Sure, why not? I alw
ays knew that sex would be great with a man like Ben, and it’s all of that and more,’ I grin, as I think of all the ways it was off the scale and not just plain great!

  ‘Is it that good?’ She whispers, her eyes lighting with interest.

  ‘Why are you whispering,’ I laugh, ‘yeah, it’s good and then some.’ I regard her through my eyelashes. I have no doubt her and Cam have a fantastic sex life, just as I knew it would be outstanding with Ben, it’s something to do with the kind of men they were. ‘Best I’ve ever had,’ I admit, she smiles and nods as if she understands.

  ‘They’re a pain in the arse, but boy is it worth it,’ she snuggles down on the opposite end of the sofa and mirrors the way I am lounging across the chair. ‘Boy is it worth it.’

  ********

  When Ben arrives back at my sister’s, I am asleep on the sofa. I tell myself I am doing it to make sure he gets back okay, but really, I just want to kiss him goodnight.

  My plan worked beautifully. I felt his lips on my hair and lift up with heavy eyes to see Ben crouching down beside me.

  ‘Hey!’ I croak up to his beautiful face.

  ‘Hey yourself, you didn’t go to bed,’ he states.

  ‘I was waiting to see if you were okay,’ I tell him.

  He tips his head to the side, and his lips lift in a heart-stopping smile, his eyes heat. ‘Careful, baby, I’ll think you give a shit,’ he mutters softly.

  ‘Phooey, how would you get that from that?’ I tease.

  He leans in and kisses me, but it’s soft and sexy rather than the hard and passionate I’m used to, ‘go to bed, Queenie, before I ravish you where you sit,’ he warns, gently.

  ‘Promises, promises,’ I taunt him but lift myself up to a sitting position. Ben helps me up and hugs me tight. I love the way his arms and huge frame make me feel so safe and stay cocooned in his embrace for longer than I intend then reluctantly look up. ‘Come and lay with me for a while, tell me about your night,’ I ask him.

  ‘You are sweet when you are sleepy,’ he comments, before giving me my own way by walking me to my tiny bedroom at the back of the house.

  ‘You mean I’m not sweet when I’m awake?’ I feign offence, as I climb into the small double bed, tapping the space beside me.

  He ignores my comment, but kicks off his shoes and lays on top of the duvet, pulling me to lay across his chest. I snuggle in and sigh. ‘Before I go back to London, how about we get away for a weekend, no distractions, a big bed and no blackmail letters?’ I suggest.

  He kisses the top of my head, ‘sounds like a plan,’ then stays silent for a while before adding, ‘definitely sweeter.’

  I didn’t stay awake to hear about Ben’s night at the club, mainly because as his hands soothingly run through the lengths of my hair. I fall back into a deep slumber laying across his wide front, taking comfort from the warmth of his body.

  ********

  BEN

  Ben inches out of the ivy that is Sasha, and moves off of the bed. She sighs deeply as she settles back down on the pillow he was leaning on against the headboard. He must have slept for a few hours, but his eyes were scratchy, and his head felt like it was full of cotton wool. He wasn’t a man that liked to cuddle after sex, let alone in general and yet he seemed to gravitate towards the woman that was asleep before him naturally.

  He gazed down and saw all that dark curly hair spread across the pillow, and something in his chest ached. Fuck if he knew what it was about her that drew him, his guess was because she was off limits, long-term, which prevented the uneasy feeling that he usually felt deep in the pit of his gut when he fucked a woman more than a couple of times. He wasn’t the settling down type. He had too much in his life with his businesses and his Ma. He didn’t have the slightest desire to make a woman his, permanently. Why would he when he could take his pick in the club? He knew women threw themselves at him because they were trying to ensnare him and all he could give them, materially. It wasn’t him being cynical or being a dick; it was him being realistic.

  When his Ma had her own mind, she used to laugh and tell him that one day a woman would appear and it would be entirely out of his control. She used to say that he wouldn’t have a choice, it would be a need that only this particular woman could fill. He had never experienced that demand and imagined he never would. He just wasn’t made that way.

  Hearing the front door open, he saunters through the living area to see Cam shut the door behind him, his head turned in Ben’s direction and lifted in greeting.

  ‘All okay?’ Cam asked when he got close.

  ‘Yeah, all good man,’ Ben walked to the kitchen area, ‘coffee?’

  He shakes his head, ‘nah, keep me awake, it’s been a long night, going to hit the sack and see my woman,’ Cam explained.

  ‘Okay, brother,’ Ben fills up the water in the coffee machine. He turns when he senses Cam still standing behind him. ‘You alright?’

  ‘You like her?’ Cam asks.

  ‘Who?’ Ben knew who he was talking about, but he wasn’t going to admit it and nor was he talking about Sasha, with Cam, especially Cam.

  ‘Sasha,’ his voice informs him that he is entirely aware he knew who he was referring.

  ‘Yeah, I like her,’ he pulls out a filter and prepares the coffee. ‘What’s your point, Cam?’

  ‘Don’t hurt her man,’ he asks, gently.

  Ben frowns and turns, ‘I have no intention of hurting her. I also have no intention of talking about the woman that’s sharing my bed with you or anyone, basically because it’s none of your goddam business.’

  ‘She’s also my wife’s sister, Ben,’ Cam explained, calmly. ‘My wife, who would love nothing more than her only living relative to visit once in a while or hell, maybe one day even move out here to be close to family.

  Ben’s eyes widen with surprise, ‘Sasha talking about moving out here?’ He ignores the tripping of his heartbeat at this new-found information.

  ‘Well no, she hasn’t exactly said that, but Liddy doesn’t want to make it so she can’t if she wanted to. She said she’s never seen Sasha so into a guy, so my bet is she’s already in deep. So, yeah, it’s none of my goddam business, but I’m asking as a brother, don’t hurt her and make it so that can’t ever happen.’

  Ben swallows slowly, ‘I won’t hurt her man,’ he declares.

  Cam nods, and with a flick of his hand turned towards his room, ‘fair enough.’

  Ben continues making his coffee, but his friend's words run through his mind. He doesn’t want to hurt Sasha, hell he likes her a lot, he likes to fuck her and to just to be around her. Inhaling a deep breath, Ben wonders whether he should back off a bit, things are getting a bit heavy between them with all the dramas that are happening. He ignores the ache in his chest at the thought of pulling back from her but decides it’s for the best for them both and his relationship with Liddy and Cam.

  ********

  SASHA

  I feel his lips on my head, ‘Sasha,’ he calls, softly. I glance up to see a pair of bright blue eyes, Ben with a cup of what smells like coffee in his grasp.

  ‘Hi,’ I stretch to look at the clock, it is almost seven-thirty, and I should be up.

  ‘Cam’s gone to bed, the kids need taking to school soon,’ he updates me.

  Today is Monday, I knew that I was back on school duty, but must have somehow forgotten to turn on the alarm last night, what with waiting for Ben.

  ‘Okay, honey, you go home and catch up on some shut-eye,’ I mumble, although he seems wide awake, I can tell he is bushed. ‘I’m fine here today, you do your thing,’ I encourage, sleepily.

  He nods, ‘the security is staying with you, so just pretend they aren’t here,’ he drops his lips to my forehead. ‘I’ll catch you later.’

  ‘Okay,’ I agree as I regard him closely. He seems a bit off, and he never leaves me without kissing me senseless or making another arrangement to see me, but I put it down to tiredness.

  The school week brings with it
lunchboxes, after-school clubs and homework. Although Liddy is more capable now and is making the lunches the night before, she can’t drive, which means, for now, I am continuing with ferrying the kids around to school and various clubs. I don’t mind, in fact, I enjoy it, me being here for the past weeks has meant me strengthening the bond I already have with my niece and nephew. I also think that with Liddy starting chemo this Wednesday, it’s best to continue with the routine we currently have in place.

  Once the school run, and between us managed to do all the household chores, Liddy and I decide on a trip to the mall for a girlie shop. It was therapeutic for both of us and an excellent opportunity to have some sister time before the chemo started in a couple of days. We had lunch, and a glass of wine in an Italian restaurant and both spent way too much money on both of us and the children, as the security followed us around from a safe distance.

  I didn’t allow myself to think about Ben for the whole day, well until the kids were tucked up in bed and Cam had gone to work. Liddy asked me whether I had heard from Ben, and I had casually explained that he had a lot to catch up on after the weekend, before quickly changing the subject. I had made it through to ten p.m. before faking a headache and taking myself off to bed. I lay in the darkness processing Ben and my last conversation, trying to work out whether it was my asking for a weekend that overstepped the invisible line of boundaries between us and had him running for the hills.

  I eventually fell asleep, determined not to give him another thought. It was in-effect a holiday romance, one that was inevitable after the attraction that hummed between us, maybe for him it had run its course. Ignoring the burning pain in my chest, I turn over and refuse to acknowledge why silent tears are rolling down into the pillow.

  ********

  My next shift at Honour isn’t until Wednesday, once Cam goes back to working days. When I haven’t heard anything by then, I get the hint that Ben has had his fill. Am I upset, very, do I show it to Liddy and Cam, definitely not. Cam doesn’t ask about him at all, and my sister only asks once more on Tuesday if I have any plans to see him. When I shrug and tell her no, I probably won’t see him again unless it’s at work, I see the disappointment in her eyes.