Weakness

by Shelley Michaels

  Now, I knew Ben was wealthy, his Pop was wealthy and left him his estate, and he had his club, that must take a lot of upkeep. But the balance in the account he just showed me was more like a telephone number.

  ‘I hear you,’ I mumble, sheepishly. ‘You are rich,’ I state, blandly.

  ‘No darlin’, we are rich, you get me?’ He growls.

  ‘Yeah, Ben, I get you,’ I frown, ‘but don’t ever call me over like a dog again.’

  He chuckles, looks down on the desk surface and his chuckle transforms into a loud laugh, I’ve never heard him laugh as loud before and can’t help my lips from smiling up. ‘Fuck me, I tell her she’s loaded, and she tells me off for calling her to heel. Okay, baby, I won’t call you over like a dog again, now get over here.’

  By the time we drive back to Lydia’s, the kids are in bed, and my sister and her husband settled on the sofa. We walk in, and Liddy’s amused gaze finds mine, ‘work things out?’ She grins.

  ‘Yeah. Erm, about me staying here for a while longer, thanks all the same but Theo and I will be moving into the loft at the weekend, and it turns out we can afford to pay back the hospital the maternity pay so I won’t be going back to work my notice.’ Cam cracks up laughing at my face, and I feel Ben’s shoulders shaking from beside me. I give him my worse death stare, which only makes him laugh louder.

  ‘You won’t be going back to London at all then?’ Liddy asks, her eyes bright.

  ‘I don’t think so, other than to collect my belongings and sort out some paperwork,’ I look to Ben. ‘Oh, and apparently I have a wedding to plan and a house to find, seems I’m going to busy for the foreseeable.’

  My sister jumps up screaming in a hushed tone, so she doesn’t wake the kids and hugs me tight, I grin as she congratulates us both and Cam joins in by embracing me into his arms and shaking Ben’s hand.

  ********

  Epilogue

  The house is stunning, with its mountain views, spacious rooms and a large back-yard. We have been in here only six months, and yet every day I still marvel at the life I lead.

  Ben and I married just four months after the night he laid it all out and then began the search for our forever home. It took me a year to find something that I loved, other than my husband that is, and another three months until we moved in. Every day has been better than the last, every hurdle we have faced has been easy in comparison to what we had already experienced in the early days.

  I turn to look when Theo, trots through the door, giggling his head off because his dad was pretend chasing him. My son, with his dark curls identical to mine and his blue eyes just like his dad and grandma, was still the most beautiful boy in the world, bar none. But the most beautiful girl in the world was in my arms, sleeping after feeding on my breast.

  I look over and grin at the men in my life as they approach me with identical smiles. ‘Hey, baby boy,’ I call to my son, who at almost two, is a handful and a half.

  ‘Daddy,’ he giggles, wrapping his chubby hands around my legs. Ben grabs him and launches him into the air, I hold my breath every time he does it, but Theo loves it as he dissolves into fits of laughter.

  ‘You okay, Queenie?’ He tucks Theo in his arms and drops a kiss on my lips and then one on the baby’s head.

  ‘All good, honey,’ I smile.

  ‘How’s my girl?’ He asks, our daughter is three weeks old and the apple of her daddy’s eye.

  ‘She’s a greedy munchkin,’ I kiss her soft curls, ‘but she’s good. Everything sorted?’

  ‘Yeah, Shauna and Kyle will be here in an hour to help out, Cam is out with Nate, but the girls are coming with the kids and meeting them here.’

  We are having a family barbeque, celebrating our newest addition. Over the past year or so, we London girls have become closer and closer, helped by the fact we keep having babies, and there is a distinct lack of family, other than each other. We, therefore, support each other with childcare, an ear down the line of a phone and the rare night out on the town where one of us isn’t pregnant, in which case they become the designated driver.

  Ben takes Theo outside and sits him on the deck table with some crayons and in between keeping him occupied cleans down the grill ready for later. Our marriage is young but goes from strength to strength the longer we are together. Ben is devoted to his family and since we reunited on Theo’s birth had never given me a second of cause to doubt his dedication. I put my girl in her crib and shower, dressing in my customary jeans and a tank that doesn’t conceal my curves, something I know Ben appreciates. I fluff up my hair and apply my make-up carefully before returning to the deck. One look at me and Ben’s eyes warm in that way that has my body tingling. He saunters towards me and pulls me in for a long, hard, wet smooch.

  ‘You look gorgeous, baby,’ his eyes linger on my cleavage. ‘I am a lucky son of a bitch,’ he announces, with a sigh. The sigh is because he is missing my body, childbirth has a way of putting a temporary halt to romantic proceedings, and we do it so well.

  ‘Soon, baby,’ I promise, tipping up to catch his lips in a soft, quick peck. ‘You give me a reason, I’ll show you later that my mouth isn’t a poor substitute,’ I purr, flirtingly.

  ‘Fuck, now that’s all that I’ll be thinking about,’ he growls, his eyes lighting with desire.

  I kiss him again, a smile on my face just as I hear a vehicle pull up the driveway. ‘Here we go, prepare for bedlam,’ I call, excitedly.

  Bedlam was an understatement. With Kyle and Shauna, came Emmy who was Shauna’s extrovert daughter from her first marriage, but who Kyle was in the process of adopting, and Sonny, their adorable baby son who was painfully shy. Then came Ellie and Eli, Nate’s sister and family, who had two girls, Ruby and Rose and then Sophie, who had Jake and was now pregnant with twins that were due at any moment. Lydia arrived with my niece and nephew and as arranged Cam and Nate came from a job out of town, shortly after. Everyone brought food, potato salads, coleslaw, apple pies, pecan pies, chips and dips and a whole host of edible delights and of course plenty of beer and wine. We supplied the meat for the grill, and the men stood, supervising the children in the garden, or backyard as the Americans called it, while Ben turned steaks, hamburgers, chicken, sausages and corn. It looked as if we were cooking for an army, but surprisingly there were hardly leftovers of any kind.

  The kids played, the adults talked and downed beers and spirits as the sun set on the ‘welcome to the world’ BBQ for Ella Lydia Taylor, our daughter. It was just a shame she slept through almost all it, despite being passed around the family throughout the afternoon.

  I looked over to my husband, beer in hand, a smile on his face, with our son draped over his shoulder as the chaos of the day took its toll on him, his eyelids drooping as he fought to keep them awake. I watched as my husband’s glance moved to mine and he lifted his chin to me, to check I was okay. I smiled over to assure him I was fine and watched as his eyes turned lazy, burning into me. It was no secret, my husband loved me a lot and was going to get some severe mouth action tonight.

  As I looked around, I thanked my lucky stars to be surrounded by so many good people. I watch Lydia, who survived the biggest battle of her life and came out of it even happier and more enthusiastic than before, to Cam, my adopted brother and the father to my niece and nephew, who were currently sitting in the den playing video games with the rest of the older kids.

  Liddy moves my way with my daughter in her hold, ‘think she needs a feed,’ she bobs up and down with my beautiful girl in her arms. Ella, looked just like Theo, although her hair was lighter, more like the brown of her daddy’s she had the curls of mine. My daughter screws up her face and lets out a squeal, her dark eyes that I suspect would be turning the colour of mine, focusing on me as I take her from my sister and lay her on my shoulder. She immediately starts to suck on my t-shirt.

  ‘Think she does,’ I agree.

  ‘You look happy, Waspy,’ she pushes a clump of my hair off of my shoulder.

&n
bsp; ‘I couldn’t be happier,’ I smile at her, but my eyes go to Ben as he walks in from the deck, a sleeping Theo on his shoulder.

  Liddy kisses my cheek, ‘good for you, I say. We may not have had a good start, but life certainly made up for it.’ Cam moves into my view, and I see him slide his arm around her waist, she looks up at him, and he drops a kiss on her lips.

  ‘Sorry, baby, I tried to keep him awake,’ Ben apologises with a grimace, Theo sleeping during the day means only one thing for us. A late night.

  ‘It’s okay,’ I smile, ‘I’m just taking Ella for a feed, put him on our bed.

  I sit up against my headboard with Ella at my breast, Theo beside me and Ben the other side of him, as he watches our daughter suckle.

  ‘I’ll never tire of that,’ he calls softly, leaning up on one elbow.

  ‘Err, you think we can take a break from baby-making for a while, stud?’ I ask, mildly.

  ‘No, I want another two, at least,’ he disputes. ‘You were made to be a mother,’ he compliments me. ‘It’s hard to believe a couple of years ago; you refused to attach your emotions to another human being. Look at you now, you have so many people who you love and who love you,’ he shakes his head. ‘How can love be a weakness?’ He asks, although not to me, but to himself. ‘We could have missed out on so much by being too cowardly to gamble on life. I would gamble on it every day to have moments like this, Queenie.’

  ‘Me too,’ I whisper, looking at the four of us on our huge bed in our stunning home, my sexy as fuck husband and all the friends that in our house. ‘I love you, Ben Taylor,’ I call, softly.

  ‘I love you, more, Sasha Taylor,’ he grins.

  ‘Maybe you’d better see to our guests,’ I suggest.

  ‘Okay, but just so you know, that smouldering look you gave me earlier promising me some of that sugar you give me so well, looking forward to that, baby.’ He leans over a sleeping Theo and kisses me with a hint of what I am going to get later. Ben may think I am good with my mouth, but he was better.

  ********

  THE END

  ********

  Continue reading for a preview of the first two chapters from ‘Protected’ – Nate and Sophie’s story.

  ********

  Protected - Chapter One

  I stepped outside of Denver International Airport and glanced around at the crowds of people scurrying about eager to reach their intended destination. Whether they were flying into unknown horizons or returning from discoveries, they were hugging, some crying, with the emotion of being reunited, or possibly separated, from their loved ones. This sudden realisation causes pain to sear directly through the centre of me. Sort yourself out, Sophie! I instruct myself harshly. I knew there would be no one here to welcome me, to hug me tight and promise me that everything was going to be okay, but witnessing it first-hand only brought home how alone I indeed was.

  This visit was supposed to be a memorable occasion of another kind, something I had been looking forward to for almost two years. We had made strategies, promises, spoken weekly on a video call to formulate our plans, plans that were no longer possible. I suck in a deep breath to prevent the tightening in my chest from spreading through my entire body.

  What happened, Ollie? I scream inside my mind. Why you, why now?

  Someone bumps into me and in the usual British manner, I apologise, although this interaction distracts me from the misery inside my head. I wander around aimlessly until I locate the yellow car rental sign. I follow the directions until I have joined a queue that will bring me closer to Krystal, a small town just two hours outside of Denver City, where my brother had been attempting to reshape his future.

  While I wait in line, I bring out my mobile phone and send a text to Shauna, my best friend, notifying her of my safe arrival.

  My phone immediately rings, Shauna! I glance at the three people in front of me in the queue to estimate the time I have to reassure my best friend I am okay.

  ‘I’m fine, Shauna,’ she had wanted to accompany me on this trip, but having a baby just six weeks ago meant that she was still adjusting to becoming a new mum and all it entailed. Besides, the last thing I would want to do is bring her down from the incredibly high that she and her husband were currently experiencing, with my tragic dramas.

  ‘I wish I were with you,’ she worries. ‘I hate that you are alone right now,’ she admits, softly.

  ‘I know,’ I close my eyes. I wish Shauna were with me too. I wish I had someone, anyone to share the grief and burden. Unfortunately, I don’t. I don’t think I have ever had that. Not really, it has always been me, standing alone against the world.

  I had hoped, desperately, that Ollie and I reconnecting four years ago meant that I would finally have someone for me, to trust and depend on, someone that would love me unconditionally, listen to my anxieties and fears as I would them.

  It seems fate had other ideas.

  ‘What time is it there?’ I glance at my watch, it was almost midnight here, which meant it was early morning for London.

  ‘Seven,’ Shauna yawns, ‘it seems my daughter is an early riser.’

  ‘How is she doing?’ I ask, softly. Shauna and Matt were ecstatic at the arrival of their daughter, Emily-Jane, and they had every right to be. Shauna had struggled to conceive for eighteen months before the line on the applicator finally turned positive.

  ‘Adorable,’ the warmth in her voice is unmeasurable. ‘Although, she wants her godmother back in the same country sometime soon,’ she remarks, dryly.

  I smile, ‘I only left this morning, Shauna,’ I remind her.

  ‘I know but,’ she begins, and then stops.

  ‘What?’ I encourage.

  ‘Well, what if you love it there and don’t want to come back?’ She questions playfully, although I hear a hint of uncertainty in her tone.

  ‘Shauna, I am here for Ollie,’ I curb the impatience in my voice, knowing her words are coming from the heart. ‘Do you seriously think I want to be here?’ I test, unfairly.

  How can she not know that I would prefer to be anywhere in the world, rather than here? If she’d asked me the same question before the devastating phone call of yesterday morning, I may have felt a pang of guilt at the recent deliberations of maybe building a new life in Krystal, with my brother. Now, however, nothing could prevent me from dealing with whatever it is that I face as quickly as possible before racing back to London. Only then can I resume my life and put this tragic event firmly in the ever-increasing vault in the back of my mind, the vault that carries the wreckages from thirty-one years of my life.

  ‘No,’ she murmurs, quietly. ‘I’m sorry babe. I am cranky through lack of sleep and upset that you are facing what you are facing, alone. Is your dad flying in?’ Shauna ignores my impatience and guilt punches me clean in the gut, none of this is her fault, she is a good friend.

  ‘No, it’s me that should be sorry,’ I admit with a sigh. ‘I'm so tired and now have a two-hour drive ahead of me. As for my dad, he hasn’t replied to my calls, so I have no idea what is going on there.’

  My father’s silence is nothing new, my relationship with him is non-existent. We know nothing about each other’s lives, we are strangers that share genetics, it’s as simple as that.

  ‘I’m sorry, Soph,’ Shauna sighs, I know in frustration at her inability to help.

  ‘I’ll be fine,’ I assure her, gently. ‘Listen, Hun. I am almost at the front of the queue to get my rental car, I’ll call you later,’ I promise, noticing that there is now only one person in front of me.

  ‘Okay, Soph. Drive safely. Can you send me a text, so I know you have reached Krystal?’ She pleads. ‘I will worry otherwise,’ and there it is, my Shauna, always fretting about me.

  ‘Of course, I’ll catch up with you soon, Hun.’ I disconnect the call as I move forward to the cashier’s desk.

  Thank goodness, the Jeep has a Sat Nav system. It is pitch black outside, and I have no idea of where I am heading. I am tired and
have a throbbing headache from the immense concentration that it takes to drive on the opposite side of the road from London.

  By the time I pull in alongside the Barbers shop, situated halfway down the small high street of Krystal, it is almost three in the morning, and the whole area deserted.

  I stare at the red and black sign that has ‘Ollie’s’ slanted in italics, with an image of a set of clippers set on one corner, a pair of scissors in the other. I swallow down the lump that’s a combination of emotion and exhaustion as I climb clumsily out of the vehicle. I take a deep gulp of the mountain air to prevent me from melting into an emotional heap on the pavement.

  I lean back against the car, my body feeling weak with tiredness, and gaze at the pretty row of shops. On our weekly video call, Ollie had reported that he was doing brilliantly, building up a decent clientele and making new friends. I have to question what the hell happened between last Wednesday, and two days ago?

  I turn to the sound of an engine rumbling, as a car moves across the street from a distance and pulls in behind me. A police car.

  I push from the Jeep and watch as a tall man, maybe six-foot-tall, greying hair in a dark uniform, gun at his hip, steps out and regards me cautiously.

  ‘Everything alright here, Ma’am?’ His hand remains at his utility belt as he steps closer.

  ‘Hello officer,’ I reply politely. ‘I have just arrived from the airport,’ I explain, fear cautioning me that he has a gun at his fingertips. I find it disappointing not to mention scary that in the UK, the police now carry guns at the airports, but I realise seeing a real live one out on the street on the belt of a police officer is even more intimidating.

  He nods carefully, considering my Jeep with interest. ‘You staying in Krystal?’

  ‘Yes,’ I turn to where his gaze is, ‘you want to have a look inside?’ I asked sarcastically. I don’t expect him to respond.