The Loss Between Us

by Brooke McBride

  I’m pulled back into their conversation when I hear Nash say, “Because I’ve only known you a few hours, but I already know you butt your nose in where it doesn’t belong.” Wait, what? I wheel back around to see them standing across from one another. Nash has his hands on his hips and his legs spread wide while Olivia is a making exaggerated gestures with her hands and arms.

  “I told you, my nose does belong there, and even if it didn’t, who cares. I’m entitled to my opinion,” Olivia yells while Nash lowers his head shaking it back and forth.

  “Yeah, that doesn’t mean you have to share it with everyone. There’s this thing called a filter. Ever use it before?”

  “You’re just pissed because you know I’m right. I can see it on your face.”

  “For someone who thinks she knows everything, you sure as hell don’t know shit about me.” Nash brushes past her and keeps his nose to the ground.

  But Olivia is quick on his heels. “Then why the hell are you so mad and so determined to deny it?”

  They both stop once they realize they’ve caught up to me. “Deny what?” I ask.

  They look between each other and then at me. In unison they say, “Nothing!” And Nash weaves around on my left while Olivia weaves around me on my right, leaving me behind. I try to remember what they were yelling about before when I was paying attention, but I have no clue. Nash’s voice brings me back.

  “Jen, you coming?”

  I start to climb again, and they both let me cross in front of them and resume our previous positions. Except for our ragged breathing, we’re all silent on the way up. I stop occasionally for Liv. I see Nash do the same and our eyes meet, and he winks at me. A slow smile spreads across my face and my body floods with warmth.

  When we finally reach the top, I sigh, thankful for this moment. There is nowhere else I would rather be. I turn and see Olivia looking at the view and Nash looking at me.

  “You were right.” Olivia looks at Nash. “This view is amazing…and worth it.” She says as she swipes sweat from her brow.

  “I have a feeling I might never hear those words come out of your mouth again, so I’m going to say thank you.” Nash says.

  Olivia glances in my direction with a smile on her face. I take a few steps closer to the edge and sit with my arms stretched out behind me. Liv sits to the right of me and Nash follows to the left side. I lean my head back and let the sun warm my face. Jeff comes into view, holding a baby. It’s not the first time I’ve had this vision. I’ve dreamed about it too many times to count. I smile, watching both of them smile. They smile at me, then at each other, and then they’re gone. I wipe a tear from my cheek. So much for not crying.

  Nash’s pinky finger lingers over mine. I grab on. I can’t imagine where I would be without these two people, especially Nash. He’s been here for the day in and day out. He’s pushed me when I didn’t want to be pushed. And he’s done it with nothing but patience and kindness.

  “You ready to head back?” he asks. I nod and we all take a few sips of water before loading up our gear again.

  Nash is helping me with my pack when Olivia says, “Hey Nash, do you want to be my knight in shining armor and carry me down the hill?” She snickers as she starts to walk down the hill.

  Nash steps into my eye line and glares at me. I’m laughing with Olivia until I see the look on his face. He’s pissed. The last time I saw that look on his face, he had a salesman by the throat.

  “What?” I ask.

  He doesn’t respond, so I look to Olivia and she also asks, “What?”

  Then it dawns on me. His story of carrying the little boy down the hill, he thinks I told her what he told me that day. “Nash, no. It’s not what you think.”

  I watch his lips thin as he shakes his head in disbelief and then gives me a last hard look before he retreats down the trail. I go after him. “Nash, wait!”

  My chest tightens as I run to him and try to walk backward so he’ll look at me, but I quickly realize that’s not going to work. “Jen, face forward before you get hurt!”

  “Okay, then stop! Let me explain.”

  “What’s to explain?”

  “Nash, it’s not what you think.”

  I hear Olivia running, trying to catch up behind us. “What the hell is going on?” She yells down at us, her breathing forced.

  “Misunderstanding,” I yell up at her because she won’t stop asking until I answer her.

  Nash cuts in with a flat tone. “Seems pretty clear to me, Jen.”

  “Nash, I didn’t tell her anything.”

  He abruptly stops, and I catch myself so I stop with him. “I don’t want to fight with you, Jen, not today. Let it go and we’ll talk about it later.”

  “Nash, seriously. There is nothing to talk about. I didn’t tell her.”

  Olivia finally catches up to us. “Tell me what?” I watch Nash narrow his eyes at her. “What the hell is that look about? What did I do?”

  “Nothing. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since you guys are BFFs. Obviously, women talk and don’t keep anything to themselves even if it was told in confidence.” He then glares at me and says, “Didn’t know that was the type of person you were.” The coldness in his voice chills me.

  Nash moves forward and Olivia gapes at me. “What’s he talking about?”

  I grab her shirt by the shoulder and pull her down with me so that we can catch up to him. “Nash, please stop and talk to me.” He keeps walking. I yell again, “Nash, stop!” At this point Olivia is starting to fall behind, so I leave her and pick up the pace to reach him. “Nash!” I finally start to run down the hill, which is harder than I expected. “For crying out loud, would you st—” But before I can finish, I start to fall. Although it feels like slow motion, I can’t get my hands underneath me in time and I start to tumble. I vaguely hear Olivia yelling, and by the time the trees are upright again, I see both of them running at me.

  Nash reaches me first and slides in the dirt next to me. “Are you okay?” Olivia’s not far behind.

  Olivia pushes Nash away when she reaches me. “Are you okay?” Before I can respond, they’re both bickering at each other. “Nice going, dick!” Olivia yells and pushes him away from me.

  He rights himself before yelling back, “What is your problem?”

  “You wouldn’t stop when she asked you to. What did you think was going to happen?”

  “Obviously not this!”

  “You know what? I take back what I said earlier. Why don’t you just stay the hell away from her?” Nash clenches his jaw and sighs. We’re all breathing hard, and I’m trying to figure out what just happened.

  He then starts to move his eyes down my body, followed by his hands checking for injuries. “Are you hurt?” he asks.

  “She fell down a cliff, dumbass. Of course she’s hurt.” Both of their hands are frantically moving as Olivia assesses my injuries.

  Nash moves Olivia’s right hand off my leg, “Would you get out of my way!”

  “You get the hell out of my way. I’m the doctor here.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean? That you’re somehow smarter than me right now, out here on a cliff? This isn’t Yale. I’m the paramedic. Move!”

  “Both of you, shut the hell up!” I yell it louder than I intended, but at least they both stop. “I’m okay.” I talk quieter now that I have their attention. “I just scraped my knee and hands.” Nash picks up the knee that has a shooting pain rushing through it. I then feel Olivia move his hand away. He blows out a breath, closes his eyes briefly, then opens them. He then moves to my hands and lifts them up looking them over. He takes out his water and pours it over them as I hiss out in pain.

  “Sorry.” He says.

  “It’s okay.”

  “I’m out of water. Can I borrow that?” Olivia asks. He hands it to her without taking his eyes away from mine.

  I jump a little when Olivia pours water over my knee. It doesn’t hurt, but I wasn’t prepared for the cold. S
he examines my leg, pushing with her fingertips in certain spots, checking things over. She finally says, “You’ll live.” She stands up and brushes off the dirt from her clothes. “I’m going to jump ahead and give you guys a few minutes.”

  Nash’s eyes still don’t leave mine when he calls out, “You know where you’re going?”

  “Yeah, I think so. But if I’m not at the bottom by the time you guys get there, send a search party.”

  Nash asks me, “Should I tell her to stop and wait for us?”

  I hesitate but Liv’s smart, she’ll find her way. I shake my head. “No, she’ll be okay.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” I try to brush the dirt off me, but it’s difficult with the cuts on my hands. So, Nash does it for me and then stands. He reaches for my arm and pulls me up. I gaze into his eyes and see pain staring back at me.

  “I’m sorry.” He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, and I can feel the heat and tension radiate from his body.

  I want to take a step forward, but I don’t. “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. You could have gotten hurt and it would have been my fault.”

  “It wouldn’t have been your fault, Nash. I was the one that was running and lost my footing.”

  “Because I wouldn’t stop.”

  “So? That doesn’t mean I had to run.”

  “Yeah but…”

  “Stop. I’m fine.” He nods his head, looking back up the cliff. His shoulders are tight and his eyes stare, frozen in place. He finally blinks and I continue. “I didn’t tell her, Nash. She was trying to be a smart ass.”

  “What?” He looks back to me frowning.

  “That’s what I was trying to tell you. I didn’t tell her what you told me that day. I would never do that.”

  Nash rubs at the back of his neck before saying, “I guess I just assumed by what she said.”

  “No, she’s trying to push us together. She’s been doing it all day. Like when she called you Casanova. That’s just who she is. She thinks if she throws it in my face that I’ll see what she’s been talking about and tell her she’s right.”

  “Right about what?”

  “Come on, Nash. From that little fight between the two of you, I know she already said something to you. When I was upstairs?” He hesitates but finally nods. “I knew this would happen when I opened the door and saw the two of you standing together. I just figured it would come out at dinner when she had alcohol in her system.”

  “Well, to be fair, she did a few shots, remember?”

  “Yeah, but that’s not enough for her to run her mouth without thinking about the repercussions.”

  He’s looking everywhere but at me. “I don’t think we should talk about this today.”

  “I agree. But I want you to know, I did not break your confidence. Even though she’s my best friend, I wouldn’t do that. You’re my best friend too, remember?”

  His eyes finally reach mine again. “Sorry. I just thought…I thought you told her by what she said. I should have known you wouldn’t do that.”

  “I understand. I would’ve thought the same thing.”

  Nash then steps closer and pulls me into his arms. I can feel his heart racing. He whispers into my hair, “I was scared when I saw you falling. I’m sorry.” He takes a deep breath but before I can respond, he continues, “I’m glad you’re okay.” Then he releases me. Some may say pushed. Some may say shoved. Either way, he forces us apart.

  “Should we go?” He asks.

  “Yeah.”

  “You okay to walk?”

  I stretch my leg, bend my knee and take a few steps. It burns a little, but I don’t want to make him feel any worse than he already does. “Yeah, I’m good. Let’s go.”

  We reach the bottom of the trail, and Olivia’s nowhere to be seen. My heart races for a brief moment until her head pops up in the bed of the truck. “About time.”

  Nash looks to me and then to her before asking, “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to get some rays. This was supposed to be a vacation. I was supposed to spend the day drunk with my best friend, and instead I spent it on a mountain. A beautiful mountain, mind you, but it was still a freaking mountain.” Nash and I look at each other and then burst out in laughter. “Glad I amuse the both of you. Can we get the hell out of here and go get that drink?”

  We’re both still chuckling as we climb into the truck. Nash leans over the steering wheel looking at Liv and me. “How about I take you ladies out for dinner?”

  “Well, I think it’s the least you can do for yelling at me and throwing her down a cliff.” Olivia winks at him and Nash smiles.

  Chapter 27

  “When you said take us out to dinner, I was thinking wine and steaks, not beer and peanuts.” Leave it to Olivia to complain about a free meal.

  “You’re not dressed for wine and steaks, sweetheart.” Nash flashes a smile at me with a twinkle in his eyes. I can tell they already hate each other so much they love one another. “Plus, this place has the best fish and chips in town.”

  Olivia scrunches her face, until a cowboy at the bar makes eyes at her.

  She gives him a little wave and says, “You’re right. Parker’s never brought me here, and it’s important to check out the local scenery. I’ll buy the first round. What will it be?”

  “No thanks, I think I’ve had enough for one day.” The need to spend the day numb in a drunken haze has left me. The hike got my blood pumping and reminded me that just as I need to climb the hill, I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, even if there will be times when I fall flat on my face.

  “And I’m driving, so none for me,” Nash says.

  “Oh, you can have one, Nash.” Olivia looks over her shoulder and smiles again at the cowboy. “Plus, we might be here a while.” I know what she has in mind. I’ll let her play, but if she thinks she’s bringing that drunken idiot back to my house, she has another think coming.

  “No! I don’t drink and drive.”

  I look at Nash as the tone of his voice catches me off guard.

  “I didn’t say you had to get drunk. I said have a drink.”

  “I heard you. I don’t drink and drive. Drop it.”

  Olivia looks at me with outstretched arms and her palms facing the ceiling. I shrug my shoulders and shake my head. I don’t know why that seemed to upset him so much.

  “Fine. Didn’t realize I left the house this morning with two stick-in-the-muds. I’ll be at the bar.” I watch her saunter to the bar and shake hands with the cowboy. He pats the bar stool next to him and she sits down.

  I laugh and say, “Well, you’re going to get your wish, because we probably won’t see her for the rest of the night.” When Nash doesn’t respond, I turn back to him. He elbows are on the table as his head rests in his hands. I reach across the table and lightly brush his arm. He jumps back. “You okay?”

  “Yeah. What are you having?”

  He won’t tell me even if I push the issue so I let it go.

  “Nash, you don’t have to buy us dinner.”

  “I don’t have to, but I want to.” He looks up from his menu and smiles at me. But I can tell it’s forced. “It’s been a long day.”

  “Yeah.” I pick up the menu and start perusing it.

  “How you holding up?”

  “As well as can be expected, I guess.” I look at him and smile, trying to reassure him. “Thank you for taking us hiking.”

  “Glad I could be of some help.”

  A few brief moments pass and then Nash’s back straightens. I glance over my shoulder and see Olivia sucking face with the cowboy.

  Nash clears his throat. “Um, that was fast.” He returns to his menu.

  I yawn and say, “That happens. She’s gorgeous, wicked smart, and a rich doctor. Who can blame him?”

  “I take it there is no one serious back home?”

  “Not that I’m aware of. That’s not her thing, though. Olivia isn’t
the relationship type.”

  “So you’re opposites in that regard?”

  The cowboy is now whispering in her ear, and she gives him her best fake laugh. “You could say that. Olivia’s never had a problem getting guys interested in her. But I’ve had to work at it. Plus, I never wanted guys. I was looking for the guy. She gets bored easily.”

  “And you don’t?”

  “Not usually. I haven’t been in a lot of relationships, but the few I have been in, I made sure to not take them for granted. I know you have to work at it.” I take a sip of water. “She wants the fairytale, and I already know it doesn’t exist.”

  “Maybe it does.” He says, sweeping his tongue over his lips.

  I chuckle and push the menu away, no longer hungry. “Not for me.”

  Nash slides his hand across the table and grabs mine. “Your life isn’t over, Jen.”

  My eyes flash to his as I pull my hand away. My muscles tense and my stomach feels heavy. “I think I need some air.” Standing, I head to the door in the back and walk out to the covered patio. There is a couple off to the side, in their own world. I step down and stride toward the back parking lot, needing to get some distance.

  My head is spinning, and that perpetual ache of being alone suddenly feels more prominent. There’re too many emotions. Too many questions. I kick at the gravel underneath my feet and head back to the patio. But I’m not ready to go in, so I change directions and round the corner, out of sight.

  Leaning my head against the wall, my eyes close as I cross my arms. Nash is acting weird and I don’t know why. He’s hiding something from me. He told me he needed to tell me something. What could that possibly be? And who is Mark? I noticed by the date on his headstone that he’s about Nash’s age. But he’s never mentioned him. Just like he’s never mentioned other friends or even family, except a sister that he never talks about.

  The door squeaks open, and I hear Olivia’s voice. “Hey, where ya going?”

  “I came out here to find Jen.” Nash’s boots scurry around frantically around the patio.