The Loss Between Us

by Brooke McBride

  I mutter a profanity under my breath as Olivia hauls me down the stairs. “You’ve had a big day, kiddo. It’s time to go home and get out of those heels.”

  I look at her and wipe another tear from my face, so thankful I have her to lean on yet again. “What would I do without you?”

  She smiles and squeezes my shoulders and hails a cab.

  “Am I mistaken, or did we arrive in a limo?”

  “Yes, Cinderella, but I sent it home with your family and friends an hour ago.”

  We both slide in and I lay my head on her shoulder. “Thank you…for flying in, for the limo, for…everything. I couldn’t ask for a better friend.”

  Chapter 61

  I walk through the door and see Olivia sprawled out on the couch reading my latest romance novel. “Hey, how’d he take it?”

  “He cried.” Olivia tries to stifle her laugh, but she fails, miserably. I sigh. “Liv…”

  “Sorry, but come on. He didn’t even get to second base, and he’s crying over losing you?”

  “Nash and I haven’t gotten to second base, and I cried over losing him.”

  She stops laughing. “That’s different and you know it. Plus, you never lost him, you pushed him away.”

  I sigh. “I’m aware.”

  She puts the book down and turns to give me her full attention. “So, what’s the plan?” The first step was easy. I was keeping Stan around for lots of reasons, none of them the right ones. I’ve also been keeping Nash at bay for lots of reasons; none of those being right either. “Tell me you have a plan.”

  As many hours as I’ve spent thinking about this and analyzing it, I still don’t know how to move forward.

  “What did Stan say about the picture?”

  “He told me to talk to Nash.”

  “Which confirms Nash bought it.”

  “I assume so, yes.”

  “Are you going to talk to him about it?”

  I nod my head, take a deep breath, and drag my phone out of my pocket. I pull up his name and think about what I’m going to say. My hands shake and I realize I’m too nervous to call him, so I type a text instead:

  Thank you for coming last night…and for helping me find my footing. I’m not sure I would have walked in without you there.

  I set the phone down and wait. A few moments pass, and I look up at Olivia. A few more moments pass, and I begin wondering if maybe he’s working. And then the screen of my phone lights up and dings.

  There was nowhere else I would have rather been. I enjoyed the exhibit. But you would have taken that next step, Jen. I was just there to give you a little nudge.

  “What’d he say?” I show the text to Olivia and then stare at it myself. I debate on whether to casually talk about the night or get straight to the point. I’ve never been a patient person, so I move on to the picture.

  I hear you may have purchased something last night?

  I set the phone back down like it’s a hot coal and wait, again. Why am I so nervous? As I lean down to pick it up again, it rings. I stand up and move around the room not knowing what to do.

  “Answer it, Parker.” Olivia pats me on the back, walks into my bedroom, and shuts the door.

  “Hey.” I barely recognize my own voice.

  “Hey, beautiful. I thought we could talk instead of texting if that’s okay.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  Awkward silence surrounds us, and I close my eyes wondering when this became so difficult between us. Luckily, he resumes the conversation.

  “So, it looks as though things went well last night?”

  “I think so. I didn’t know what to expect, but my professor was pleased.”

  “Good.”

  A few more moments of silence pass. “So, um, I hear you may have a story to tell me?”

  “Is that right?”

  “Yes, I heard something about a bidding war taking place over one of my pictures. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

  “Perhaps.”

  “Well?”

  “Well, what?”

  “Aren’t you going to tell me what happened?”

  “I thought Stan might have already told you.”

  “No, we barely spoke last night, and when I went to break things off with him this morning, he told me I should talk to you.” I wait for him to respond, but all I get is silence. “Nash?”

  “You broke things off?”

  “I did.” Telling Nash makes it all the more real, and confirms it was the right thing to do.

  “Why?”

  Continuing to try and find my way back to us, where things may never have been easy but at least they were always real, I show my vulnerability and let him in, just a little. “I think we both already know the answer to that.” I wanted to say because I love you, but I’m just not that brave yet. Too much has passed between us these past few months. I think I know where he stands, especially after him showing up last night, but I’m not fully ready to take the leap.

  “I bid on the picture. I’m not sure if Stan was nearby or saw what was going on, but before I knew it, he was outbidding me. One thing led to another, and we both acted like two Neanderthals fighting over the same club.”

  “And I’m sure you came out as the winner?”

  “Uh, yeah! He was doing it for the wrong reasons, and I wasn’t about to let him win.”

  “And you were doing it for the right reasons?”

  “Yes. Regina and Sammy deserve to have that picture.”

  I was about to argue with him when it finally registered what he said. “What? You didn’t buy that picture for me?”

  At first, I hear silence and then a big exhale. “Shit Jen, no, I’m sorry. Is that what you thought?”

  “Well, yeah. I thought you were both fighting over buying it for me because you knew what it meant to me. Without Sammy and that picture, I wouldn’t be here.” And that means the only two pictures I cared about are both gone.

  “I’m sorry, Jen. I bought it for Regina and Sammy.” I realize I’m acting stupidly and that gift to them is greater than anything he could have given to me. “Jen, say something, please. I’m sorry, I really am.”

  “Nash, stop. That makes me so happy!”

  I hear him sigh and I can hear him smile through the phone “Good. I have something that’s going to make you even happier, then.”

  “Oh yeah, what’s that?”

  I hear rustling through the phone and keys jingling. “Get ready, I’m coming to get you in five minutes.”

  “Why?”

  “You’ll see.”

  “But you don’t know where I live.”

  “Sure I do. I’ve known for weeks.”

  “But…”

  “You asked me to keep my distance, so I did.”

  “But you kept texting me.”

  “Of course. I told you I wasn’t going to give up. Put on long sleeves and jeans, I’m bringing S.J.” He doesn’t give me a chance to respond. But we both know I didn’t need to. I’m already running to my bedroom, excitement coursing through my veins.

  I run in and see Olivia sprawled out on my bed, still reading. “Went well, I take it?” She glances over her book with the biggest shit eating grin she’s ever given me.

  “I’m a shitty friend and I don’t deserve you.”

  She goes back to reading her book and then smiles. “I know.” She then looks up and winks at me.

  Chapter 62

  I hear the hum of the bike before I see him. When he comes into view, I want to throw up. I feel giddy, like an eighteen-year-old being picked up for her senior prom. There has been so much distance between us, distance I put there. I’m not quite sure what to do or say, but I’m so damn happy to see him that I try to let those feelings go.

  And I do as soon as he removes his helmet and smiles. “Hey, beautiful. Time to go for a ride.”

  I snatch the other helmet from his hand and jump on without a word. I grasp him and in that moment, when no words cross
between us, I know that I’ll never let him go again.

  He pulls away and drives faster than the last time we rode. Lost in him, I don’t realize where we’re going until we’re there. We pull up outside Regina and Sammy’s house, and I see a large box truck parked outside of their house. The side of the truck reads: Tyler’s Art Gallery.

  I dismount, and he does the same. He turns back to me and removes my helmet. He then pushes a stray hair behind my ear, and I reach up to grab his hand. The world around us melts. I see the love I’ve always seen. I was just too afraid to admit it to myself. There is no pity, no anger, no disappointment. Just pure love. He caresses my hand and says, “Come on, I want you to see this.”

  We leave the men unloading the picture and run up the porch. I yell at Chief in the backyard as we do, laughing like two giddy teenagers. Nash rings the doorbell, and Regina comes to the door.

  She pulls her robe around tighter. “Hey, you two. I wasn’t expecting anyone. Sorry, I look a mess.”

  Nash asks, “Can we come in?”

  “Of course, of course. I’m sorry, where are my manners.”

  “Well, I’m sorry we showed up unannounced. But we both want to give you and Sammy something.” I hear the excitement in Nash’s voice and feel the energy coursing through him as he holds my hand. “Is he here?”

  Regina glances at our clasped hands and smiles. “Yeah, he’s upstairs. Let me go get him.” She starts to walk up the stairs and yells, “Sammy.”

  Nash looks at me, smiles, and laces his fingers through mine. I squeeze back. We then hear Sammy thundering down the stairs. “Hey guys, what are you doing here? Did you come to play catch?” He abruptly stops halfway down the stairs. “Wait, let me go get my mitt.” He turns to dash back up the stairs, missing a stair and barely catching himself before he goes tumbling backward.

  “No Sammy, wait,” Nash yells out. “We’re not here to play catch.” Sammy whips around, disappointed. “We have a present for you and your mom.”

  His face lights back up. “A present? What is it?” He comes barreling back down the steps and bounces up and down in front of us.

  “Sammy, calm down. Goodness.” Regina makes her way to him and places her hands on his shoulders so he stops bouncing. We then hear a knock on the door. Nash lets go of my hand to let them in.

  “I have a delivery for Nash Wilson.”

  “That’s me.”

  Sammy runs up behind him to see what it is. “Why did you have something delivered to our house?”

  “Because it’s for you and your mom.” Nash signs the delivery receipt and then moves out of the way, latching back on to my hand.

  “Mom look, it’s huge.” Sammy starts to jump up and down again, following the men in the house. “What is it, what is it?”

  “Sammy, calm down.” Regina places her hands on her son’s shoulders again.

  The two men get halfway through the family room and then stop. “Where would you like it, Mr. Wilson?”

  Nash turns to Regina. “Where would you like it?”

  Confusion covers her face. “My goodness, what is it?”

  “Gentleman, can you take the paper off so she can see it?”

  It takes them a few moments, but as the paper starts to fall away, her face goes red and tears spring to her eyes.

  “Look Mom, it’s me and Chief.”

  Through hushed tears she says, “It’s beautiful.” Nash and I watch her, and his hand squeezes mine. “Oh my gosh, this is ours?”

  “It’s all yours,” Nash says with a smile.

  Sammy asks, “To keep?”

  “To keep. It’s a gift, from Jensen and me. We wanted you to have it.” I’m overwhelmed with pride and joy, and love how the words Jensen and me sound coming out of his mouth.

  “We’ll hang it for you, ma’am, you just need to tell us where.”

  “Oh my, I…I don’t know, it’s so big. Where do you think it should go, Sammy?”

  “Here.” He jumps up and points to the wall over the fireplace.

  “I think that’s a great place. I can’t thank the two of you enough. This is such a wonderful gift.”

  I realize I haven’t said anything the whole time we’ve been here, but Nash speaks for both of us. “You’re welcome. We hope you enjoy it for a long time.”

  We spend a few more minutes talking, and then Nash tells Sammy he’ll see him next week. We walk back to the bike and I realize I’m shaking.

  He rubs his hands up my arms. “Hey, you okay?”

  I look back at the house. “Did you see their faces?”

  “Yes, I did. You did that, Jen.” My eyes move back to his. “Don’t give me that look, you did that.”

  I walk right into his arms and he holds me. He whispers again, “You did that. You brought them that joy.”

  I pull back and see how proud he is of me. I whisper in wonder, “You’re right…I did.” He laughs and twirls me around as I try to wiggle out of his embrace, but he won’t let me. Silently, I pray he never will.

  “Did you see what that did for them? You changed their lives, Jen, with a simple photograph. A photograph filled with love between a boy and his best friend. I can see your passion for photography in that one picture. That’s an amazing gift.”

  I want to downplay it, be humble and tell him he’s wrong, but I know he isn’t. So I let my heart do the talking. I slowly lean in and watch as fear shadows his face. As I get closer, the fear fades away when he realizes what I’m doing, and this time I hope he sees through me like he always has.

  I’m finally ready to surrender to the doubt and the fear. I’m ready to surrender to him and allow myself to feel once again. I see his eyes close at the last minute and our lips gently touch. And when they do, I’m expecting rainbows and ponies and firecrackers. But the truth is, it’s so much better than that. It’s knowing for the first time in a long time that I’m home. It’s brief, but strong, and feels so right that the guilt and shame I’m been carrying around for almost two years washes away the second we both pull back.

  I look into his eyes. “I love you, Nash. I’m sorry it took me so long to come back to you.”

  He places a finger over my lips. “You never left me. You walked away, but you’ve had my heart this whole time, and I’ve had yours.”

  He’s right. Fear, guilt and shame kept me at arm’s length. But I no longer want to be at arm’s length. I just want to be in his arms. I lean in to capture his lips once more and the kiss becomes stronger, more urgent. We melt into each other completely that you can’t tell where one begins and the other ends. The world falls away around us until we hear whistles in the distance. We pull back and the men from Tyler’s Art Gallery are walking down the porch, and Regina and Sammy are staring at us. We turn back to each other and start laughing. Regina says something to Sammy, he waves, and she smiles, gives us a little wave and closes the door behind her.

  With a smile plastered across my face, I reach for my helmet. “Let’s go home.”

  He hesitantly says, “Okay...”

  “Your place. Liv’s at mine.”

  Chapter 63

  We pull into his driveway and I dismount. He does the same. I wait for him to close the garage door, and he takes my hands in his. “I have something to show you.” He backs down his hallway, his eyes never leaving mine.

  I see the anticipation in his eyes and love how he looks like a bemused teenager. He pulls me through the house toward his bedroom and then stops.

  He mutters, “Shit.” And his eyes find mine. “Okay, so this isn’t what it looks like. I mean, what I want to show you is back here, but it’s not—oh God. I’m blowing this.”

  I jiggle his hand and smile, “Nash, stop. I didn’t think that. Now, what do you want to show me?”

  Watching my eyes, he lifts our joined hands and kisses the palm of mine. He then leads me down the hallway, and as we turn into his bedroom I have to catch my breath. Hanging above his bed is the picture of our cliff. I slowly release his hand
and move closer to the end of the bed to stare directly at the photo. A tear trickles down my face. Nash’s arms steal around my waist, and his chin leans lightly on my shoulder. I spin and face him.

  “You bought this one, too?”

  “I had to after you said it was your favorite. Plus, I couldn’t stand the thought of someone else having it. That’s why I bought the other one for Regina. No one can appreciate them as much as the people who are moved by them.”

  “You were moved by them?”

  “Are you kidding me? All of your pictures moved me. Jen, I could see your heart and your passion spilling through every single one of them.” He turns me to face the picture again, “But this one…this one made me breathe again.” He then steps in front of me, and I’m nearly overwhelmed by his honesty. “I’ve avoided anything that has made me feel since Mark died…since that night, until you. You came along and ripped my soul open again. And to see that view through your eyes, and then to hear you call it our cliff. I couldn’t let anyone else have it, because it’s just as important to me as it is to you. I knew that day on our first hike that there was something between us. I saw, in that moment of you looking out over the edge, how strong you were even though you felt weak. How you smiled even though you were in pain. And I know a part of that pain will always be with you. But I believe in our love, and I know you. And I love you, Jen. Broken and strong, all at the same time.”

  “Like you?”

  He smiles and then wraps me in his arms. “Like me.”

  Unafraid, my heart opens as I lean back and gaze into his eyes. “I love you too, Nash. More than you can ever imagine.”