The Road to You

by Melissa Toppen

  “I don’t know.” I shrug. “Twenty minutes.”

  “Perfect.” He nods, passing by me to retrieve his bag from the opposite side of the bed. “Wear something comfortable. Shorts or jeans. Tennis shoes for sure.”

  “Okay.” I eye him warily, wondering what on earth he has up his sleeve.

  After the way he went to bed last night I wasn’t sure what I’d wake up to this morning. I’m happy to see that whatever happened after that kiss seems to have passed, but now I’m even more anxious than I was before. Mainly because all I can think about is kissing him again and that is so not good.

  Within two minutes he’s already slipped on a pair of jeans and a plain gray tee, looking like a million dollars with next to no effort while I’m still trying to decide what the hell to wear.

  “You’re down to eighteen minutes,” he says, stopping right next to me. His deodorant or cologne or a combination of the two instantly washes over me and I find myself closing my eyes for the briefest moment while I breathe him in.

  God he smells so good.

  “Seventeen,” he says, standing much closer now.

  My eyes snap open and I suck in a sharp breath from his sudden nearness.

  “Well I can’t get ready with you standing in my face,” I spit out, proud of myself for holding my crap together.

  “Sixteen and a half.” He grins, dropping a light kiss to my temple before quickly stepping into the bathroom.

  My god this man…

  Whiplash doesn’t even begin to cover the way his behavior is making me feel. Hot, cold, hot, cold. And to think, I’ve got nearly three more weeks of this before we’re scheduled to go home.

  And what’s even worse, just the thought of leaving makes me want to curl into a ball and sob uncontrollably. I’m nowhere close to ready to go home. Honestly, I don’t know if I ever will be.

  ****

  “I don’t think I can do this.” Looking up at Kane, I’m fearful I might lose the contents of my stomach at any moment.

  “Come on, Elara. You said you’ve always wanted to try it,” he reminds me, gesturing to the small plane to our right.

  “Did. Did want to try it. As in don’t anymore.”

  “You’re just nervous. Come on, it’s going to be incredible,” he assures me, turning toward our instructor for the day without giving me a chance to say more.

  After nearly an hour of instruction and watching a short video which–thank god–was available in English, we both suited up and climbed aboard a small plane with two other divers who would be doing tandem jumps with us.

  The whole time I kept telling myself there was no way Kane would go through with this. In my mind I kept envisioning Kam who would always talk me out of doing anything even remotely dangerous. But as I’ve come to realize very clearly over the last few days, Kane is not like Kam in this regard. And as the plane levels out and everything starts to unfold, I realize very quickly that he is in fact going to jump and apparently, so am I.

  Kane smiles next to me, giving my hand a soft squeeze of encouragement as the instructors prepare us for our jump.

  “Kane–” I start but he instantly cuts me off.

  “You wanted to find the old Elara,” he reminds me, his voice loud so I can hear him over the noise of the plane. “She’s still in there. I know she is. This is how we do it. You don’t tip toe, you don’t hide. You throw yourself out of a plane and remember what it is to be alive.” With that, he turns and within seconds the door opens and he disappears through it, leaving me with nothing but his words whirling around in my head.

  I don’t even process the events happening around me. All I know is when Scott, my tandem diver, hollers ready into my ear, I feel like my heart is seconds away from exploding.

  I want to scream no, tell him I can’t do this, but my words are ripped back into my throat when he leans forward and all of a sudden we are free falling through the open sky. It takes me several seconds to find my ability to breathe, the sudden fall sucking the wind right from my body. But eventually I do. Eventually I find more than just my breath.

  The feeling hits me full force. The same feeling I spent my whole life chasing. The pump of the adrenaline through my veins. The rapid thumping of my heart in my chest. The feeling of being alive.

  I close my eyes and open my arms, smiling into the force of the wind that presses against my face. This is what I’ve been looking for. This is what I’ve been missing. This is it. And Kane knew it. Somehow he knew exactly what I needed and he knew without ever having to ask. He knew this because he paid attention. Because he listened to Kam when he spoke about me and because he’d been listening to me for days.

  My heart swells with this knowledge. The knowledge that even despite everything I’ve been through and everything I’ve done, there’s someone on this Earth that still cares enough to listen. That cares enough to pay attention. That cares enough to want to help me heal as badly as I want to heal him.

  As Scott instructs me on the land, I see Kane standing several feet away. I brace for impact, certain I’m seconds away from eating the earth, when Scott leans back and his feet hit the ground running.

  I’m pulling at my straps trying to get free the moment we come to a stop. Urgency that I haven’t felt in a very long time is driving through me. Scott helps me shed my restraints and the instant I’m free, I’m sprinting across the open field toward Kane.

  He can see my smile before I reach him. I know because his smile matches the one I’m wearing. I don’t slow down when I get close. Instead I launch myself into Kane’s arms with so much force he stumbles back a good two feet before finally regaining his balance.

  “That was incredible,” I squeal, legs wrapped around his waist, arms locked around his neck as I stare into his dark eyes.

  Then I do something I never thought I’d find myself doing. I lean forward and press my lips to his. Not soft and careful like last night, but a full on frontal assault, our tongues tangling and hands roaming. Every part of my body is high on adrenaline from both the jump and the man whose arms it feels almost too good to be in.

  Kane finally breaks away, his breathing ragged, his eyes darker than they’ve ever been as they find mine and hold tight. “Elara.”

  “Thank you.” I drop my forehead to his, one hand on each side of his face.

  “I’d do anything to have you look at me the way you’re looking at me right now,” he says, straight to the point, no bullshit.

  “The jury is in,” I mutter against his lips, dipping my face back down to press a light kiss to the corner of his mouth. I know he knows exactly what I’m talking about.

  “Is that so?” He pulls back and meets me with a heart stopping smile. “And what’s the verdict?”

  “So much better than I expected.”

  If I thought the smile he was giving me moments ago was heart stopping, then the one he’s giving me now is powerful enough to stop the world from spinning.

  “I’m not done yet,” he tells me, gently setting me to my feet as Scott and Rick approach where we’re standing.

  I don’t have time to learn what’s next because shortly after we’re picked up in an old pickup truck and taken back to the airstrip we took off from. Kane holds my hand the entire time, smiling at me whenever our eyes meet.

  By the time we’re back in the rental and heading toward our next destination, I feel like I’ve died and gone straight to heaven. And while it’s impossible not to get caught up in everything happening around me– Kane, Italy, skydiving, all of it–a small part of me is still hanging onto the hint of guilt that has buried itself deep in the pit of my gut.

  I’m starting to believe it will always be there and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t deserve worse than that. But even with such dark thoughts seeping in, they don’t put a marginal damper on my day. And that has everything to do with the man sitting next to me.

  The man whose smile makes me blind to the world. The man whose kiss makes me feel something I have nev
er felt before. The man whose eyes are currently locked right on mine, telling me he feels it to.

  “So, how was it?” I hear the smile in my dad’s voice.

  “It was incredible.” I sigh, leaning against the railing of the terrace. “I still can’t believe you and Kane did that and neither one of you said a word.”

  After skydiving, Kane treated me to the most incredible lunch at a small outdoor eatery before leading me two blocks away to a group of houses all bunched together at the top of a hill. I didn’t realize where we were at first. That is until I saw it. The tall yellow house that my mother posed for a picture in front of all those years ago.

  Apparently Kane had called my Dad a couple days after we arrived in Italy. After pulling some strings, Dad was able to track down an old friend who got him in touch with the new owner of his grandparents’ old house. A small frail looking woman by the name of Everett, who readily agreed to let us visit after Dad explained to her what it would mean to me.

  “I like him,” my dad interjects without commenting on my statement. “He seems like good people.”

  Kane’s ears must have been burning because he chooses this very moment to push his way through the door, a takeout bag in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other, his smile lighting up the room the moment his gaze meets mine.

  “Yeah, he is,” I admit, my focus trained on Kane. My stomach is a mess of butterflies as I watch him deposit the food and wine on the small table in the corner before stalking toward me.

  “You sound good, honey,” my dad regards, pulling me from my haze. I try to snap out of the fog Kane always seems to cast over me.

  “I feel good,” I admit, turning when Kane steps up next to me and drops an arm over my shoulders, his lips instantly connecting with my temple before his gaze goes out to the view of the water.

  “Good. I knew this trip would be good for you.”

  “Per usual, you were right,” I tell him.

  “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing those words.” He chuckles and it instantly brings a smile to my face.

  “To stand where she stood,” I say, redirecting the conversation back to the main reason I called him–the trip to my family’s old house. “It felt like she was right there with me,” I admit, emotion swelling in my chest like it had the very moment I stood on those steps and looked up at that yellow house on the hill.

  “Because she was,” he says moments before I hear his hand slide over the phone and his muffled voice speak.

  “Dad?” I question, unsure of whom he could be talking to.

  “Sorry, honey.”

  “Who were you talking to?”

  “It was nothing. Just Jenson next door asking a question.”

  “Right,” I say, thinking he could have come up with a better excuse than Jenson, who never speaks to anyone, asking him a question outside when less than three minutes ago he claimed to be in the kitchen making stir fry.

  “Is Kane there right now?” My dad switches gears and my eyes immediately shoot up to the man standing next to me, his muscular arm draped around me.

  “He is,” I confirm, smiling when he looks down and meets my gaze.

  “Put him on, would you, dear?”

  “Uh, sure.” I hesitate for a moment before handing the phone up to Kane who instantly drops his arm from my shoulders and takes the device, holding it to his ear.

  “Sam.” Kane greets my father like they’re old buddies and my expression turns even more confused. “Yeah. Uh huh.” He pauses, listening to my father. “She did.” He chuckles, smiling down at me. “Absolutely. Will do.” He responds to something else, his gaze falling to me seconds before he says, “Bye, Sam.” And disconnects the call.

  “What the hell?” I shoot up at him, taking my phone out of his hand.

  “What?” He grins, chuckling as he follows me inside the room.

  “Sam? You and my father are on a first name basis now?”

  “Well, that is his name, Elara.” His laugh deepens, clearly amused.

  “You know what I mean. And what the heck? You didn’t even let me say goodbye,” I point out.

  “He said he needed to go. Told me to tell you he loves you and you’ll talk soon.” He crosses to the table and slides into one of the rickety chairs, gesturing to the other one before speaking again. “Sit.” It’s not an order, more like a gentle request.

  “I’m still mad at you.” I huff, dropping down into the seat across from him.

  “I didn’t realize you were mad in the first place, so I certainly don’t understand why you’re still mad.”

  “Smart ass. It’s going on the list,” I say pointedly.

  “After the day I’ve had, not even your lists are going to damper my mood.”

  “The day you’ve had?” My heart does a little flip in my chest and my false agitation quickly evaporates.

  “I got to jump out of a plane for the first time in my life, only to be attacked in the best way possible the minute my feet were back on solid ground.” My cheeks heat up and I know pink is spreading across my face even though I can’t see it. “And after that, something changed,” he continues. “The wall was gone and for the first time I got to see you. You, Elara. Not the person you try to pretend to be or the one you think you need to be. But you. The real you. And damn if you aren’t even more beautiful than I ever imagined you’d be.”

  My breath hitches in my throat and I honest to god have no words to say.

  Not a single one.

  So I blurt the first thing that comes to mind, “You gonna open that bottle or what?” I point at the wine still sitting unopened in front of him.

  He gives me a knowing smile.

  “Anything for you.” He tips his chin and gets to work on uncorking the bottle before pouring a generous amount of red wine into both of our glasses.

  I lift mine and instantly suck a large gulp back, needing something to calm the nervous energy pulsing inside me. I don’t know when or how things changed so rapidly. One minute we’re strangers on some crazy trip across the world. The next we’re laughing and smiling like it’s always been this way.

  “So what did you get?” I point to the bag between us, which smells so delicious it’s a wonder I’m not salivating.

  “Pizza.”

  “Pizza?” I question. “All the incredible places you could have gotten food and you picked pizza?” Despite how good it smells, I curl my nose.

  “This isn’t just any ol’ pizza, babe. Just wait.” He pulls two containers from the bag and opens both in front of me.

  One appears to be a small veggie style pizza topped with a variation of tomatoes, peppers, and mushrooms. The other has fresh herbs, spinach, and something crumbly over the top. Both look incredible and my stomach instantly grumbles. Okay, so maybe pizza wasn’t the worst call in the world.

  Kane laughs at my reaction as I moan around my first bite of the herb pizza and then each bite after that. He’s right, it’s not your average pizza.

  I smile and enjoy his company more than usual once the wine starts to take effect. Not that I don’t always enjoy his company, but the buzz of the alcohol relaxes me more and I’m able to enjoy him without all the other noise in my head.

  I swear I could listen to Kane talk for hours on end and never get bored with a thing he says. Broaching the subjects of ex-girlfriends was the only time I became slightly uncomfortable during the course of the evening, but only because the little green jealous bug in my belly wouldn’t stop dancing.

  Needless to say that conversation ended quickly, but not before I learned that he has never had a serious relationship and while he has dated here and there, he hasn’t met anyone that stuck enough to move into what he considers a “real” relationship. Secretly I hope I can change that but then quickly second guess myself for even thinking it.

  It’s after midnight before we finally decide to call it a night, by which point my eyelids are so heavy it’s a wonder I’ve been able to keep them open this long
. While it’s been one of the best days of my life, it’s also been emotionally draining. Kane makes me feel so many various emotions that by the time my brain is able to process even half of them it’s already overheating and starting to shut down.

  I exit the bathroom after washing my face and brushing my teeth, wearing a similar pair of pajamas as the night before.

  Kane is already in bed, stretched out on his side, no shirt, eyes locked on me. Great. As if it isn’t hard enough to control myself around him, he now has his beautiful chest and abs out on display and I swear it’s like each ripple of muscle is calling “Touch me” with every step I take.

  Not sure how to proceed, I hesitate at the edge of the bed.

  Last night was easy. Kane shut me out and turned his back on me. And while it bothered me at the time, I now secretly wish he’d do the same thing tonight so I wouldn’t have to stand here looking at him, trying to convince myself of all the reasons this is such a bad idea.

  “Come here,” Kane says, sensing my hesitation. He reaches out his arms and I find myself instantly going into them.

  He pulls me into a deep embrace, my back to his front, his face nuzzled in my hair, arm locked tight around my waist.

  I’m surprised by how easy I find myself relaxing. How quickly sleep starts to muddle my head. How incredible it feels when he whispers in my ear, “Night, babe,” seconds before I peacefully doze off, thinking there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than exactly where I am.

  ****

  I wake abruptly when a cool breeze whips over my body. Blinking into the early morning light, it isn’t until I look around that I realize the breeze is coming in from the open terrace where Kane is once again standing, bare back to me.

  His stance is easy, relaxed. I can tell immediately that he’s lost somewhere inside his head. Mainly because when I climb out of bed he doesn’t turn toward me like I expect him to. Deciding a visit to the bathroom can’t wait, I quickly slip inside and do my business – brushing my teeth and splashing some water on my face before re-entering the room to find Kane still standing in the same spot as before. Only this time when he hears me, he turns, a slow grin pulling up the corners of his mouth.