Roderick’s Purpose: The Victorian Highlanders Book 4

by St. Clair, Ellie

  “As you know, I have been working with Callum and the North-West Mounted Police,” he began, then told them the story as best he could, emphasizing Gwen’s past, the truth of the story she told them of her family, and how she had been taken under Doc’s wing. He told them of the fact that she had left that life behind when Doc died, how she was trying to find her way forward in the world. He emphasized that she was a good person — a victim of her circumstances.

  When he finished, they all stared at him, varying degrees of shock on their faces. They might have been expecting a rather intriguing story, but he figured this was more than they could have imagined.

  “But Roderick, you’ve left out the most important part!” Peggy exclaimed, and she was right, he did leave out the most important part — but he wasn’t about to tell his family about his night with Gwen in the woods. Or in her bedroom.

  “And that would be…?” he raised an eyebrow at her.

  “That you love her,” she said simply, her words causing an odd beat within Roderick’s chest.

  “Ah,” he laughed, realizing it sounded a bit nervous even to his own ears. “I don’t know about that, Peg.”

  But as he gazed around, they all looked at him rather expectantly, as if waiting for him to tell them more – or to realize the truth of it himself.

  “Why else would she be here?” Peggy asked. “And I must say, despite all you have said about her, she does seem rather nice. It doesn’t sound as if she had the best start in life, you know?”

  “Roderick,” said Duncan, standing to his full height, looking down at him. “Why is she here? Why would you bring a known thief into our midst, into our home? If she has done all that you said she has, if she has been chased by men such as your brother, and other good, upstanding men, for years, why would you think you could bring her here and all would be well?”

  “Now, Duncan—” his mother began, but her husband cut her off.

  “I know you have a soft heart, Jane, but you have to understand that he is putting the family at risk,” Duncan said. “Have you stopped to ask yourself why she would come here, Roderick? Or can you not look past her pretty face? What has she done to cause you to forget yourself, who you are and what you stand for?”

  “That is enough!” Roderick said, standing himself and coming nose to nose with his father. “You will not speak about her like that. Aye, she has done some things in her past that I know she regrets, but do you and Mother not talk about forgiveness, of finding the best in a person?”

  “Not if it threatens our family, or if you are blinded by the feminine wiles of such a person.”

  Just then, something caught Roderick’s eye in the opening of the room. It was so quick he almost missed it, but then he caught that fresh, clean scent with a hint of lemon. Gwen had been here. She had heard them, and now…. he made to go after her, but he should have known better. Gwen wasn’t a woman to back down from a challenge, and before he could move, she had stepped into the entrance of the room.

  “I’ll go,” she said, her chin set, her shoulders back, and her head held high.

  “Gwen, I—”

  She held up a hand to stop him. “No, Roderick. Thank you for fighting for me, but I will not stay where I am not wanted. I never intended to remain here for overly long, anyway. I understand your sentiments, sir, and it was what I expected, as much as Roderick tried to convince me otherwise. I apologize for causing upheaval within your home, within your family. Thank you for the bath and for the meal. Good…” She drew a shaky breath. “Goodbye.”

  With that, she turned and fled, and Roderick felt his heart go with her.

  Chapter 17

  Gwen cursed the skirts that restricted her movement as she fled down the hall to the chamber Jane had provided for her. When she pushed the door open, she then cursed the beautiful room, with its wood-carved furnishings, the comfortable plaid that covered the bed, and the heavy crimson draperies pulled back from the large windows overlooking the land that she had begun to dream about through Roderick’s words before they had even arrived.

  Fool! For as much as she had tried to resist it, she had allowed Roderick’s promises of his family’s acceptance and his encouragement that she could have the future she dreamed of cloud the rational thought she had always prided herself on. For of course she wouldn’t be accepted here. She was a thief, a woman who had stolen from others, a woman who honorable, respectable people should turn from their homes. Clearly, Roderick had been blinded by the lust he felt for her.

  She had heard his sister ask him if he loved her. Gwen hadn’t meant to eavesdrop. Her room had been drafty, and she was looking for an extra blanket. She had stopped when she heard her name and had frozen as she heard Duncan’s scorn.

  Gwen realized she had been holding onto hope that, perhaps, she could find a place for herself here, with Roderick, with this family. She snorted as she shook her head. It was but a dream, and one that she should have known better than to allow herself.

  When she had donned the dress that Jane had provided, she had actually felt rather pretty as she had looked at herself in the mirror, the green of the gown highlighting her coloring. She regretted having to leave it behind, though. She found her shirt and breeches lying by the fire to dry. They were still a bit damp, but at least they were clean. She reached under the bed cover to find the small drawstring bag with the emerald. She had finally removed the piece of fabric that she had used to tie it to her body, as it was time it should be washed, but first, she had removed the gem.

  Gwen sat on the little stool in front of the mirror in the corner of the bedroom, upending the bag to pour the emerald into her palm. She held it between her thumb and forefinger, turning it over as the flames from the fire danced over it from their reflection in the mirror. It was beautiful, a green that until now she had never seen before, but as she looked out the window at the sun setting over the Highlands, land stretching out for miles, she realized that the grasses in the fields beyond reminded her of the stone.

  As she looked at it, a realization came over her so swiftly it nearly took her breath away. She could not sell this. She could not live off of the money it would bring. She would spend the rest of her life knowing that she was profiting from someone else’s loss, and what kind of life would that be? The man in London, the man who wanted it so badly, would have to go without. She wasn’t sure how, but Gwen knew she had to do what she could to return it to the original owner. If that meant returning to the Territories, well, so be it. Perhaps, though, if she made it to a larger city, she could send it to that Sergeant McLaren in the Territories with a note. He would know what to do with it. As for herself, well, she supposed she would have to find work. She just had to make her way to a city to do it. She would leave now if she could, but she wasn’t stupid. It would be better to wait until morning.

  Suddenly the door burst open and the entrance was filled — with Roderick. The reason she had changed her mind about her plan. The man who made her want to be a better person, the person he believed she could be.

  “Gwen, I’m so sor…” he began, but his words died off as he looked at her reflection through the mirror. She followed his gaze to her palm, which was now open with the magnificent emerald in the middle of it. There was no use in hiding it now.

  “What is that?”

  It wasn’t so much a question, but a statement, and one that he was looking at her to deny through the desperation in his eyes. But he knew as well as she did what it was. She was not a woman that would have come by such an object through any honorable methods.

  “It’s an emerald,” she said, stilling her voice, ensuring it betrayed none of the turmoil that was ripping through her, cutting into her heart because of the way he looked at her, so differently than he had before. No longer was his gaze one of admiration, of wanting, or of contentment. No, this was the gaze of a man who was condemning her actions before he knew any of the facts, and that angered her, causing her to put her guard up.

  �
�And where is it from?” he asked, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him.

  “It is from the Union Bank in Lethbridge,” she said matter-of-factly, her voice void of emotion. “We stole it the day they opened the new building, as they were transferring all of the items from one location to the other. That’s about the extent of my knowledge, besides the fact that there is a man in London who will do anything for it, including pay whoever brings it to him enough money to live off of for a lifetime.”

  His face was unreadable, and Gwen thought of how ridiculous it was that they were making polite conversation about this, despite the fact that it would likely change everything forever. She stayed sitting where she was, her back to him as she spoke to his reflection.

  “And you are going to sell it to him?” his eyes narrowed now as he came to stand beside the mirror, and she forced herself to look at him.

  “I was,” she admitted, done with the lies that had pushed a crack between them for so long.

  “So my father was right, then,” he said, crossing his arms over his muscular chest, and despair settled over her as she realized she would never again feel those arms around her. He shook his head, snorting a bit. “I let myself think with what’s between my legs and not my head. You haven’t changed at all. It doesn’t matter that Doc has passed. You’ll carry on his legacy.”

  Desperation clawed at Gwen’s chest. She had to make him understand. If he felt anything at all for her, he would believe her – wouldn’t he?

  “Roderick, that isn’t quite true. You are right, I was going to sell it. I thought it was the only way I would be able to support myself. But I’ve realized now that isn’t true. I—”

  “What, Gwen? What did you think? That you could dupe me into believing you, into allowing you to stay here? Let me guess,” he said, his eyes lighting as he deduced — accurately, unfortunately — what had happened. “Those men, the ones who chased us, who could have killed us, they were after this, weren’t they? They knew you had it, and they came for it. So you thought, well, I will stay safe for a bit at good ol’ Roderick’s home. He wants me, so I’ll use that to bring him closer to me, to trust me. He’ll fight for me, keep me safe, and when the threat is gone, then I’ll move on, sell my jewel, and collect all of the money I need. Then what, Gwen? Were you going to keep thieving? Start your own band of merry men?”

  All of what he said was true, save for her future intentions to continue to steal from others. She should apologize. She should beg his forgiveness. But she had tried to tell him the truth, and he had shoved it back in her face. He was angry, true, but now, so was she. All her life she had been spoken down to by men who used her for one thing or another, and she was done with it.

  “That’s enough!” she said, rising with her finger outstretched toward his chest. “You know nothing about me, Roderick McDougall. You think you know me. You — and your family — you see the world in rights or wrongs. If people thieve, they are evil. The authorities who catch them, they are good. Well, you know what, Roderick? Some of us are not so fortunate to grow up in a family that teaches you how to live honorably. Some of us do not have a loving family waiting for our return, to welcome us back in an embrace despite how we’ve acted. You’re the prodigal son returned, and I offer you my most sincere congratulations on your reunion with your family. You think you have it so difficult, as you do not have a purpose in your life. But you have people, Roderick, and people provide purpose more than anything else.”

  She breathed heavily, feeling her chest rise and fall as the emerald bit into her palm where she had closed her fist around it.

  “You lied to me,” he muttered, his voice slowly rising as he spoke. “You used me. Doc taught you well, in how to make a man feel something for you. I believed you felt something for me in turn, but I was wrong. What type of woman gives herself to a man so that she can use him for protection? You are not the person I thought you were, and I should have left you and Doc behind the moment we touched Scottish land.”

  “Yes, you should have,” she said, seeming to surprise him with her agreement. She had lost the will to fight him. It hurt too much, and it was better now to simply cut this tie between them as cleanly as she could. “I never pretended to be someone I am not. You were the one who decided I had changed, that I came to fit the standard you hold everyone to. Well, guess what, Roderick. No one can change what’s in my heart but me, and you certainly have no effect on it.”

  “Very well, then,” he said, his face hardening into a mask of a scowl. “You can leave at first light. I’d loan you a horse, but I’m not sure that you would see to its return, so I’ll send a man with you to lead the horse home. The station isn’t that far of a ride. And you know what, take your jewel. Do what you want with it. It no longer matters to me.”

  With that, he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him so hard that a small figurine that had been sitting on top of a dresser crashed to the floor. It was only then, when he had gone, that all of her strength left her and Gwen collapsed on the bed as the sobs overtook her, her heart shattered into as many pieces as the figurine on the floor.

  Chapter 18

  “I think you were completely out of line, Father,” Roderick heard Peggy say as he returned to the drawing room. He knew without asking what they were speaking of. Just an hour ago, he would have agreed with Peggy, but now he knew better.

  “Father’s right, Peg,” he said, not making eye contact with any of them as he took his seat. Gwen had made a fool out of him, and he was embarrassed that his entire family had been witness to it.

  When Gwen had fled from the drawing room, he had gone after her, ready to apologize for his father, to tell her that if she wanted to leave, he would go with her. If his family would not accept her, then they would have to do without him as well. But when he had opened the door and found that stone in her hand — it all made sense now — her desperation to come to Scotland, how quickly she had wanted to travel, her flight from those who pursued her. She could have gotten them all killed. She had put his family at risk, with only thoughts of her own safety mattering to her at all.

  And he had believed he felt something for her, he thought with a scoff. The worst of it was, he had thought he loved her, he realized. However, what he had loved was an imaginary figure. The woman he thought he had known was nothing but a sham. She had been raised very well, knowing how to con a man. If he hadn’t known better, he would have wondered if he actually was the first man she had been with.

  Gwen had taken not only his heart and his pride but had also further confirmed he was the good-for-nothing his father had always thought him to be. His brothers had proven themselves to be men who were deserving of the McDougall name — an officer of the law, a chieftain of his clan, an inventor of brilliant machines — and what was he? A charmer who fell for the first pretty face and sob story that crossed his path. He had thought he could make something for himself by starting over in a new place. Once there, he had wanted nothing more than to return home. It seemed no matter where he was, nor what he did, he was destined to fail.

  “How can you agree with Father, who said such awful things about Gwen?” Peggy cried out now, intruding into his thoughts, and he wished she would be quiet and let him brood in peace. “Just minutes ago, you were telling us only of what a wonderful person she now is, about how kind she is, how her life was simply a result of the circumstances she had found herself in. Just because Father said—”

  “I told you, Peg, Father was right,” he said, and he felt Duncan’s knowing eyes upon him, but he didn’t want to provide any further details, didn’t want his family to know the extent to which he was made a fool. “Gwen is not the woman I thought she was. She will be leaving tomorrow, as Father requested.”

  He felt the eyes of his family on him, and as much as he enjoyed being around the whole of them, he realized he couldn’t take this anymore.

  “I’m going to bed. My apologies for bringing a thief into your mid
st. I made a mistake. Goodnight.”

  He pushed himself out of the chair so hard that it fell back behind him, causing them all to jump. Roderick didn’t stop, however, didn’t apologize, but rather strode out of the room, without a glance backward to the looks of shock and dismay he knew would be trained on him.

  * * *

  Perhaps she was a fool, after all. Gwen had planned to leave at first light, but now, after speaking to Roderick… she didn’t think she could spend one more hour in this house. She had allowed herself a moment of weakness, had let the tears fall, but she had risen from the bed with a hardness to her heart and a resolve to put this all behind her. If nothing else, she had learned a valuable lesson from developing feelings for Roderick. Never again would she give her heart away, for then she was leaving herself open to be entirely broken.

  The worst part of it all? Roderick had been right. He had basically outlined her plan, although, as far as she could tell, they had lost their pursuers after they had left Tomatin, and she didn’t think she was bringing any danger to his family. She had been thinking of herself, though, and she would forever regret that fact.

  She had hoped, deep within her, that there could have been a chance for the two of them. A chance for what? Marriage? No. Roderick had a flirtatious smile and charming words, but when it came down to it, he was like every other man she had known in her life. He had seen what he wanted to see, refused to listen to her words, and cared nothing for what she might be thinking or feeling. Gwen told herself she was lucky to be rid of him, to have seen the true side to him now, before it was too late; however, it was hard to ignore the deep hurt within her.