Roderick’s Purpose: The Victorian Highlanders Book 4

by St. Clair, Ellie

  Gwen wanted nothing more than to put her arms around Roderick, to have him hold her, to kiss her, and tell her everything would be all right, that there was still a future for them together. But that was a foolish thought. As much as he may believe he wanted her, her life would never fit with his. His family was one of the most honorable in all of the Highlands, while she came from nothing, and had turned herself into a thief.

  A pained expression settled over his face. Roderick took his hands from hers to reach into the folds of his kilt and pulled out a sporran that had been tied around his waist. He held the bag in his hand for a moment before pulling out the emerald. He opened her palm and placed it within it.

  “Take it,” he said. “My men will be here shortly to escort Grim and the others back to Glasgow to board a ship making its way to Quebec. Go with them if you’d like and return the emerald yourself. I will ask Callum to help you set up a new life for yourself.”

  She stared at her palm resting on his, the emerald shining out of it. As beautiful as the gem was, it was their hands together that to her was worth more than any stone ever could be.

  “Is that what you want?” she asked, feeling the sob threatening to escape her.

  He said nothing for a moment, their heads simply bent together, looking down at their hands.

  “I want you to be happy,” he said finally. “I thought — I wanted you to be happy with me, and yet I know that not only did I betray your trust in me, but I said some words to you that are unforgivable.”

  “Roderick,” she said, a choked sound that was part-laugh, part-sob emerging from her slightly exasperated lips. “I never took you to be a milksop.”

  “What?” His head snapped up so quickly she almost laughed.

  “You’ve impressed me with your physical capabilities fighting Grim’s men, but come now, have you not learned to fight for what you believe in, what you want? Aye, you said some things to me for which you deserve a kick to the arse, but I’m not such a complete stubborn idiot that I won’t accept an apology. If you want me out of your life, I will go. But if you want me to stay, then be a man, Roderick, show some backbone and fight for me. It won’t take much.”

  His eyes widened in astonishment at her bold declaration, but she was tired of this back and forth play with words. He paused for a moment before his lips stretched into the wide, slightly wicked grin that she had missed so much, and she ached to go to him and feel his touch.

  But a few words were needed first.

  Chapter 22

  This was why he loved her. She was a woman who would challenge him, who was up front and honest, with whom life would never be boring. And if she left him and got on that boat, well, she would take his heart right along with her.

  She was right. He couldn’t let that happen. No more running.

  “Gwendolyn Malone,” he began, searching for the right words that would properly convey all he felt. “I will do anything for you. I will fight the most vicious outlaw, I will sail across the Atlantic, I will ride throughout the Highlands chasing you. But more than that, I will do for you what makes me more afraid than anything ever has before — I will give you my heart, to forever be yours. If you keep it and give me yours in return, then I promise you that I will treasure it and safeguard it all of the days of my life. I will love you, I will honor you, and I will trust you. All I need is to know that you feel the same.”

  Relief rushed through his veins as her face broke out into a wide smile, displaying her slightly crooked, yet perfect teeth.

  “I thought you would never ask,” she said with a laugh. “I love you, Roderick McDougall, and there is no need to chase me any longer, as I will happily follow you wherever you choose to go.”

  He let out a loud whoop and lifted her, swinging her around in a circle before placing her back on her feet and leaning down to take her mouth with his. Their kiss was one with some passion, some tenderness, and all the love that was possible for two people to feel for one another.

  When he finally broke away from her, he placed his lips upon her forehead and pulled her in, holding her tightly. He wasn’t sure how long they stood like that, content with simply being with one another, before he heard a noise at the doorway.

  “If the two of you are done, it is time we head back,” Finlay said dryly, though when Roderick turned, he saw a bit of a smirk on his brother’s face, while Adam wore a happy smile.

  “Aye,” Roderick replied, “my bride and I are ready.”

  “Your bride!” Gwen exclaimed, and he turned to her, finding one of her eyebrows cocked at his words. “I’m not sure she has agreed.”

  “Right,” he said, realizing that he hadn’t said the words aloud, “very well, then. Gwendolyn Malone, will you marry me?”

  “I will,” she said with a wink, and he took her hand and turned her to the doorway with a triumphant grin. Finlay rolled his eyes, while Adam came over and gave Gwen a hearty embrace.

  “Let me be the first to welcome you to the family,” he said. “I’m not sure you know what you have agreed to as of yet, but I can promise that you will never again be alone.”

  They walked out of the small cottage, the brothers laughing and ribbing one another good-naturedly. When they were steps away from the door, Roderick looked back to see Gwen paused in the doorway, taking one final look at the room.

  “Is everything all right, lass?” he asked, and she turned to look at him, blinking back a sheen of tears that had covered her eyes, startling him with how quickly her emotions had turned. She cleared her throat and squared her shoulders before falling in step with him as they trailed after the others.

  “All is well now,” she said softly. “I was merely saying goodbye, I suppose. That small cottage, well, it was where Doc died, and with him went the last twelve years of my life. I am no longer a thief, Roderick, but I also am not going to pretend that chapter of my life never occurred. It’s a part of me, as much as all of my limbs. Doc helped shape me into the person I am today. Not all that he taught me was exactly honorable, I realize that, but I also wouldn’t change anything. Does that make sense?”

  “It does,” he said with a nod. “If it wasn’t for Doc, not only would I not have met you, but you wouldn’t be the unbelievable woman standing in front of me. I agree. It’s not a farewell to the past, it’s simply another leg of the journey.”

  “Perfectly put, Roderick,” she said with a smile. “Perfectly.”

  * * *

  Gwen’s apprehension grew much stronger the closer they drew to Galbury. Her palms were sweating by the time it came into view. As large, strong, and imposing as the castle was, she knew the love and warmth it held within it made it more than a fortress, but a home. She just wasn’t sure that spirit would be extended to her. Somehow, she had to convince Duncan that she was a woman who could be trusted amongst them.

  As they rode up, a figure came running down the path to greet them, her dark, unbound hair flying behind her in waves.

  “You found her!” Peggy exclaimed, reaching them as they began to dismount. “Oh, Gwen!” She embraced her with a hard squeeze that made Gwen wince yet also smile. If only everyone was like Peggy, then the world would be a much better place. “I wanted to come with them, but as always they insisted I stay behind,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I think you know as well as I, however, that sometimes women can be just as strong as men, can they not? I may not be the best rider, but I have certainly made strides, haven’t I, Kyla?” she asked as the other woman joined them in the yard.

  Kyla simply grinned but didn’t quite agree with her sister-in-law, and while Kyla and Rachel greeted their husbands, Jane came over and quietly placed a hand on Gwen’s shoulder.

  “I am so glad you are all right,” she said softly, “and I apologize if you did not feel welcome in our home.” Gwen’s heart twinged at the woman’s kindness, but before she could say anything, Jane was ushering them all into the house.

  They spilled into the dining room, and Jane left for a m
oment to organize a meal for them, for which Gwen was grateful.

  They had all just settled themselves when Duncan walked into the room, followed by Jane, and a bit of a silence fell over the table.

  “Father,” Roderick said, rising to greet him.

  “Son,” Duncan said with a nod, though he made no motion to move toward him, but rather took his seat at the head of the table.

  “Father, before you say anything, there is something you need to know,” Roderick said, seating himself, but leaned forward on his elbows, and picked up Gwen’s hand from her lap, placing their joined fingers on the table as a sign of what he was saying. “Gwen has agreed to marry me.” He paused for a moment due to the chorus of voices rising from the rest of his family who hadn’t been aware of the news. Peggy’s excited exclamation rang out while his mother gently smiled. Roderick’s eyes remained on his father, however, as if to convey to him the importance of his words.

  He opened his mouth to continue when Gwen held up a hand to stop him. She appreciated Roderick for defending her, for supporting her against his father, but she knew there was already unresolved conflict between them, and she didn’t want to add to it.

  “I understand why you feel the way you do,” she said to Duncan, calmly but with a quiet resolve. “I have a rather unscrupulous past, it’s true, and while it was not my intention to bring any threat to your family, I unknowingly did so anyway, for which I am truly sorry. I can tell you, however, that in taking the McDougall name, I will uphold it to the highest of standards, and do all I can to have you accept me as part of your family.”

  Duncan was silent for a moment, the strong features of his face betraying no emotion. He looked around at the expectant faces of his family before clearing his throat and beginning to speak.

  “You need not apologize, lass,” he said in his heavy brogue, and Gwen started at his response. His words were not quite what she had been expecting. “I have not given you much of an introduction to this family. We McDougalls have always been known for the welcome we provide to all that come to our home, and instead, I turned you away. If nothing else, I should have trusted my son and his intuition. And if he loves you, well, I suppose not much else matters.”

  Roderick opened his mouth again to respond, but Duncan shook his head at him.

  “One more thing, son,” he said with a sigh. “I believe — with some help from my astute and intelligent wife — that it was not so much you, Gwen, I reacted to, but what you might do. I was afraid that you would take my son from me again. Callum has made his home across the seas, and I had thought you would take Roderick back with you there as well. I know you still might, but I’ve come to terms with it. Sometimes you’ve got to let your children find their own path, and I’ve been a stubborn mule standing in their way.”

  “That may be so,” Gwen said, and she felt many sets of astonished eyes upon her. She grinned. “But because of it, your sons are better men, so I thank you. I hardly remember having a true family, and if you’ll accept me, then, I would love to become part of yours.”

  Laughter rang out, and a flood of emotion washed over Gwen as she accepted the well wishes of everyone gathered around the table. So this was what it meant to be part of a large, loving family, she thought, and she looked over at Roderick, who squeezed her hand and gave her a nod. He turned to his father, stretched his hand out, and shook it, while Gwen’s heart warmed at the bond between the two men and the unspoken forgiveness over all that had come between them. It was as it was meant to be, she thought as sat back in her chair and simply took it all in.

  Chapter 23

  Roderick had never been an early riser, but when the sun came through the window a week later, he jumped from his bed, more eager to greet the day than he had in some time. He had Gwen, and she was more than he could have ever asked for in life. What they were to do now, however, well… that he would have to wait and see.

  He climbed the flight of stairs to the guest room where Gwen was staying — his mother knew him too well, apparently, and had put as much space between them as possible this time, “until the wedding,” she said, and Roderick had whispered in Gwen’s ear that it had better come soon. He had made it his habit to sneak up to her bedroom each morning and so far, no one was the wiser.

  He knocked softly on her door so as not to wake anyone else, and when she opened it, he was slightly disappointed to find that she was already dressed. Today she wore a blue gown that he thought was likely Peggy’s, and he made her twirl for him. She did, though when she turned back around to face him, a pink flush had crept up her cheeks.

  “You’re beautiful, lass,” he said, pulling her toward him. “Though if you prefer trousers, by all means, wear them.”

  “You know, I think I will,” she said. “I’ll have to get more made. In the meantime, your sister has been kind enough to loan me a few things. We seem to be the same size.”

  “Whatever you wear, you look good enough to eat,” he said, grinning wolfishly at her, and she laughed.

  “Come,” he said, stretching out his hand. “I want to show you the loch in the morning light.”

  Her eyes lit up at his words, and she followed him down the castle stairs and out the door. He looked around him, taking in the beauty of the land. Not all of the Highlands were like this. Much of it was rocky, dull, and dreary. But the McDougall land was on a piece of paradise that — he felt — was unmatched by anywhere else on earth. Gwen gasped when they crested the hill to take in the crystalline waters stretched out in front of them, and he smiled with pride.

  “Sit for a spell?” he asked when they were halfway down the hill, and at her nod, he led her to a large, flat rock, where he often sat to contemplate life. He appreciated that he would no longer have to do so alone.

  He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the wind kiss his face and whip his hair back behind him.

  “I left here because I thought there was something more waiting for me out there,” he began. “And I was right. There was.” He took her hand in his. “Apart from you, however, I realized that my purpose was not to be found in another place, taking on someone else’s life. I was a horrible officer with the Mounted Police — as you well know and have been kind enough to tell me on more than one occasion. They only tolerated me because I was Callum’s brother. If you want to go back there, though, I will — though not as an officer.” He shuddered. “And I suppose we’ll have to sort something out with McLaren so he doesn't arrest you. Or… if you want to stay here, we can stay here too. I’m not particularly good at anything, though. I think I’ve come to terms that I don’t have much to offer my family. I’m not like my brothers, who have aspirations to do something to provide for the family, or for our people. I just am who I am, here to support them in what they are doing.”

  “Roderick,” she said, tugging on his hand, and he opened his eyes to look at her. “That’s enough feeling sorry for yourself. Give yourself some more credit. No, you may not be chieftain, nor an inventor, nor a very good officer of the law. But you are the life that holds this family together. You and Peggy, you add the laughter, the joy that everyone else needs to be happy in their lives. It’s why your father was so upset when you left, why he was so afraid that I would take you away from them again. They need you, and you need to see that. To me, it doesn’t matter where we live, as long as I have you. But I like it here, Roderick. Your family is wonderful, and they share a love that I have never felt before. If you wish to stay, then it is with a full heart that I will stay here with you and make this our home.”

  Her words stirred something in him, something he had never quite contemplated before. Was she right? It seemed so simple, so intangibly silly, and yet, he realized, there was truth to her words. He loved his brothers, but they could be so stoic and serious, Finlay with his hard countenance, though he had lightened considerably with Kyla’s influence, and Adam with his quiet seriousness. They did need some fire here, he considered, to keep life interesting.

  He
shook his head, not quite believing it.

  “You may be right, lass,” he said, a smile beginning to grow on his face. “You just may be right.

  “Of course I’m right,” she said with a grin. “I always am.”

  He laughed at that and tugged on the ends of her hair. She playfully swatted his arm away, but when his gaze caught and held hers, their banter quickly became something much less playful and altogether serious. He reached an arm out and lifted her onto him, feeling a rush at her gasp.

  He meant to kiss her senseless until she could think of nothing but him, but what he didn’t realize was that he would be the one to lose all thought, all words as she became all he could think of, all he could see, smell, and taste. Oh, how he loved her. He kissed his way over the freckles dotting her nose, the velvety smoothness of her neck, which he nipped at, laughing as she gasped in both desire and admonition.

  “Ach, lass,” he muttered. “We must see to being married sooner rather than later.”

  “Whenever you wish,” she said, pulling back from him. “To be honest, I never really saw marriage in my future, so it is not as though I have any expectations for a large wedding, nor do I have any guests to invite. Whatever you and your family would like is fine with me.”

  “Whatever you do lass, don’t tell them that,” he said, laughing. “Especially Peg. She had great fun with Kyla and Rachel in putting their weddings together. If you give her any say in it, you’ll have all of the Highlands here while we take our vows.”

  “My goodness,” she said, “That is the last thing I should want. I’d prefer to say what I feel for you in private, Roderick, not in front of a bunch of strangers.”

  He pushed a tendril of hair back behind her ear. Despite her tough exterior, he knew she didn’t want to make herself vulnerable in front of others. He loved that about her — how much she cared, how sensitive she actually was despite the way she carried herself. “That’s the way we do things here, though I can understand your sentiments. Perhaps a compromise?”