by A M Snead
“Oh God, David,” Gideon moaned against his mouth, then one of Gideon’s hands was between them, fumbling with the button of David’s pants. It popped loose then the zipper slid down. What’re you doing? Stop him! Stop this now!
“Huh!” David sucked in a sudden, sharp breath when Gideon shoved his hand down inside his pants and rubbed his hard member. The bold move by his friend snapped him back to full reality and he lunged back, an unsteady cry leaping from him. “Stop it, Gideon! What…what are you doing?”
Gideon remained where he was, floating in the water, eyes glazed with sexual want. “You liked it, David,” he murmured. “You can’t say you didn’t. You are like me.”
“No.” David shook his head, the tears returning in a rush. “No! I’m not!” He grabbed at the edge of the dock again and quickly hauled himself out of the water, falling onto the wooden planks as he choked on a swell of sobs. He snatched up his shirt and crawled to his feet, hands shaking, breath breaking as he struggled back into the wet, uncooperative garment. “I’m not like that, Gideon! I’ll never be that way!” His shirt sticking and clinging to his wet skin, he scooped up his bible and hugged it to his chest. “You need help, Gideon.” He shook badly, avoiding Gideon’s eyes. “You…you need to talk to someone. You don’t have to be this way.”
“I told you, David,” Gideon said softly, thickly. “I want to be. I like being in love with you.”
David shook his head fiercely. “I don’t like it! I don’t want you to like me that way, Gideon! I just want us to be friends. That’s all!”
Gideon gazed up at him from the water. “David…I’ve never thought of you as just a friend,” he whispered, “I’ve always loved you.”
Continuing to shake his head in denial, David backed away, his bible still clutched to his chest. “Just stop it, Gideon. You need help, and if…if you don’t try to get some help, then…” Tears slid down his face. “Then we can’t hang out together anymore.”
Hurt filled Gideon’s eyes. “You would really stop being my friend just because I’m gay?” His lips tightened, and his own tears welled. “We’ve been best friends forever, David. I thought…I thought if anyone would understand…it would be you.”
“I don’t understand it, Gideon,” David choked, “I don’t understand why you would want to be this way. It’s wrong and you know it. And if you’re going to just accept it, then…then I don’t want any part of it.”
“David,” Gideon pleaded softly. “Come on, man. I’m still me. Nothing’s changed.” A faint sheepish smile touched his lips. “I mean, except that I kissed you and told you I loved you, but…” He shrugged. “I’ll keep it to myself if you want me to. We can still be friends.”
“No…we can’t.” David ducked his head and turned away, hurrying down the dock. He tried to block out Gideon’s voice as he hollered after him, begged him to come back. David went back to the cabin that he and Gideon shared. This was supposed to be the best summer ever—bible camp by the lake. He and Gideon both loved the outdoors, and this place was the best. They had made plans to go hiking, swimming, whatever they could think of. And now it was ruined. Not just their time away at camp…but everything. How could Gideon do this? How could he expect David to just accept it? He knew David wanted to be a preacher, wanted to devote his life to God—why would Gideon think he would ever accept something that was clearly against God’s word?
In the cabin, David dropped onto his bunk, the tears rushing out with more force. Would Gideon really throw away their friendship to embrace something so…
“You liked it, David. You can’t say you didn’t. You are like me.”
David shoved his face into his pillow, crying, shaking his head. “No,” he mumbled, “I’m not like that. I’m not. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it, God. I didn’t kiss him back. I was just in shock, that’s all. You know that’s all it was. I would never be that way. Never."
When the cabin door opened a short while later, David stiffened and grew still. He held his eyes closed as he lay facedown on his bunk. Maybe if Gideon thought he was asleep, he would leave him alone.
“David?” Gideon whispered. He didn’t turn on the light, his steps hesitant as he approached the bunk. “I’m sorry I sprang this on you like that. I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry. I didn’t plan it. Please forgive me.”
David remained still, unresponsive. Sobs piled in his throat, but he tried to swallow them. He tensed when Gideon sat down on the edge of his bed. David’s face was turned the opposite direction and he was glad. He could control the sobs a little, but he couldn’t stop the tears from leaking out and rolling down his cheeks. He felt sick to his stomach, like a part of him had been ripped out. How could he and Gideon be friends anymore? But what would he do without Gideon? They did everything together. A part of him wanted to jump up and punch Gideon for doing this to them. But he didn’t move. Couldn’t move. Everything inside him hurt so badly.
“David, please talk to me,” Gideon said quietly, tears in his voice. He touched David’s back, and though David tried to stay still, he jerked away instead—so sharply that Gideon pulled his hand back in a hurry, as if David had slapped him in the face. “David—”
David jerked around and sat up before he even knew he was going to. His eyes burned with tears, hurt, and anger. “How could you do this, Gideon!” he cried. “We were just supposed to be friends! Best friends!”
“We are best friends!” Gideon insisted. “That doesn’t have to change.”
“Yes, it does!” David scooted away and pressed his back to the wall, drawing his knees up to his chest. He still wore his drenched jeans and soaked shirt and was getting the bed all wet. He didn’t care. “It changes everything, Gideon!”
“Why?” Gideon stared at him.
“You know I want to be a preacher.” David’s tone dropped until his voice was barely audible.
“So?” Gideon shook his head. “How does me being gay stop you from being a preacher?”
David hugged his legs, fresh tears forming. “I can’t be best friends with a…a homosexual. Not when it goes against everything I believe.” He swallowed thickly. “And I couldn’t be a preacher if I tried to say it was okay, or just looked the other way.”
“If I came to your church,” Gideon whispered. “Would you kick me out?”
Closing his eyes, David told him quietly, unsteadily, “If you were embracing that lifestyle, then…then I couldn’t accept you into my church.” Gideon went silent, and when the bunk creaked as he stood up, David opened his eyes. Gideon went to his own bunk and tugged his bag from underneath and set it on the bed then unzipped the top. He picked up his CD Walkman and stuffed it inside, then other items he’d unpacked and had on the small stand by his bed. “What’re you doing?” David asked.
“I’m leaving.” Gideon’s words cracked with emotion and hurt. “You don’t want to be friends anymore, then I don’t want to be here.” He stood with his back to David. “I’m sure you’ll tell someone I’m gay, and I’m not going to wait around for them to tell me, too, that if I don’t go straight I’m going to hell.”
David released his legs slowly. “You can’t just…leave.”
“Who’s going to stop me?” Gideon asked tightly. “Everyone is at the study group.”
“Gideon,” David spoke with concern, “it’s nighttime, you can’t just walk off.”
Gideon shrugged and zipped up the bag. “What do you care?” he mumbled. “We’re not friends anymore. I’m just a sick faggot, right?” He grabbed the bag and walked to the door, then paused with his hand on the doorknob. “Whether you want to admit it or not, David,” he murmured, not looking at David. “You kissed me back.” He opened the door. “Just remember that when you’re standing in judgment of me and condemning me.” He turned his head and met David’s troubled eyes. “You liked it as much as I did.”
His throat working, and no words coming to mind to defend himself, David watched the other boy step out and close the door
behind him. Tears streamed down his face as his heart shouted at him to go after Gideon. But his head spoke with more rationality and insisted he had to let him go.
He stared at the door, Gideon’s last words echoing through his skull. An echo that would never fully fade away in years to come.
You kissed me back…you liked it as much as I did.
♦ ♦ ♦
“Pastor Hammond?”
David blinked, and wetness marred his vision. He blinked again and looked at the older, plump woman standing before him. “I-I’m sorry, Mary,” David said thickly. “What did you say?”
“It’s time,” she said softly.
David nodded and swallowed hard, then cast the boy another look before taking his place behind the podium. He placed his bible on the polished wood and opened it, taking out the piece of folded paper with his prepared words. He sniffed and rubbed his finger quickly across his nose, and silently reviewed what he had written.
When he’d painstakingly laid them to paper, he had thought his heart had gone into them, but suddenly they felt like someone else’s words…and words he couldn’t be sure he believed anymore. Could he stand up here and…
His gaze dropped painfully to the boy—eyes closed and hands crossed loosely over his chest.
…and blame the loss of this innocent young man on something that no longer seemed the viable enemy?
David looked at the paper again and the foreign words began to swim before him.
Dear God…did I do this to him? Is this my fault?
His heart trembled as his wet eyes drifted once more to the boy, void of life…and saw Gideon’s face.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
The BOYS OF PORN is an ongoing series, with upcoming Volume 2 – ROYAL – continuing Scotty’s story along with Gideon’s and the other BOP boys.
Thank you so much for reading and I hope you will come back and join the boys again in Volume 2.
If you enjoyed this series so far, may I request you leave a review on Amazon and/or Goodreads, as these books are my livelihood and positive reviews encourage others to read them as well. Thank you :)
CONNECT WITH AUTHOR: www.facebook.com/AuthorA.M.Snead
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The BOYS OF PORN series has been wholly inspired by Jake Jaxson and the Cockyboys. If you haven’t met Jake’s boys, check them out at:
www.cockyboys.com
“Love always and be nice.” - JJ (Jake Jaxson)