Kennedy is King

by Cameron James

  I let him go.

  “Stephen.” I said shaking my head, “it’s not like that.”

  “Then walk down the garden with me, into the kitchen and get a beer with me. Sit, and talk to me.”

  “I… can’t.” I breathed, he looked hurt for all of a second before he shook it off, scowling me instead.

  “Fuck you Kennedy.”

  “Stephen.” I said taking a step towards him, he walked away. I groaned, pushing my palms into my eyes before walking back down the garden. I barely got to the house before my arm was pulled.

  “Hey.” Cody.

  “Hey.” I murmured,

  “You look like you’re having the worse time ever.”

  “I am.” I said, then I turned my head, “why aren’t you drunker?” I asked, he laughed shaking his head at me.

  “I’ve only had two beers. What happened?” he asked,

  “Nothing.” I whispered. “No, no nothing, have you seen Cassidy?”

  “He and a boy are…”

  “Gotcha.” I said nodding. “Can we go back home?”

  “Yes.” he whispered, nodding to me so I frowned at him. “I’m not drunk, and you, honey you look like you’ve been dumped… have you?”

  “Hm, yeah. Devon…” I said, Cody rolled his eyes before running his fingers through my hair.

  “Let’s go home and talk about how we’re not still heartbroken over that bitch.” He said then he stroked my chest, “and get some chips.” He added, I nodded.

  We sat on my bed the chips between us as we picked through them. He was watching me; I knew he was but neither of us quite knew how to word. I gave first.

  “Does everyone think I’m a dick?” I whispered, then rose my eyeline, he frowned at me,

  “What?”

  “Like, in school. Everyone, you know, thinking of me as a dick.”

  “No.” he breathed. “No, no. I think everyone thinks Cassidy’s a dick.” He said thoughtfully, I half nodded because I also thought Cassidy was a dick. “And unless they’re mixing you two up.”

  “We’re not that identical.” I muttered; Cody spluttered.

  “Yes, you are.” He said laughing, “my God Kennedy, he’s your identical twin. I can tell you two apart because I’ve known you since we were eleven, but guys you walk past in the halls. They might not know you from Cassidy.”

  “I’m not a dick?”

  “No Kennedy.” He said softly then examined the chip on his fork. “Not at all in fact, and I can’t think of anything you might’ve done that’d make you come off that way.” He said, I sighed scrubbing my hand over my face. “Did someone call you a dick?” he asked, I nodded. “Water off a ducks back.” He said, I almost frowned, so he smiled. “You’re the King Kennedy, you rule this place, if someone’s calling you out like that, it’s purely because they’re jealous.”

  “You think so?”

  “Yeah.” He said nodding, “who was it?”

  “Doesn’t matter.” I said quietly, “I guess.” I added then I frowned at him. “Can I ask you something?” I, asked, he nodded there was definitely a wariness to it. “Have you ever… been with someone from the football team?”

  “Like, had sex with them?” he said, I shrugged slowly. “No… the football team are a load of pretentious snobs. They think just because they win sometimes that they should rule this place I don’t know, but no I’ve never shagged any of them.”

  “Would you?”

  “Probably not. Too much hassle, they don’t like us too much and it seems like they’d be too much like hard work.” He frowned. “Was it one of the football team that called you a dick?”

  “Yeah.” I said softly, “water off a ducks back.” I repeated.

  I sighed as I walked towards the noise. It was buzzing. There were a surprising amount of people lining the route. I was shocked that so many people had turned out.

  And then, I felt sick.

  Because there were so many people here.

  There was support being shouted around, louds horns blurring and people laughing.

  This was a terrible, terrible idea.

  What was I even thinking?

  Cassidy was going to kill me.

  I could, very possibly be committing social suicide, or, this could go very, very well.

  It was very much a fifty, fifty situation right now.

  I walked up behind the forming group. They were all preparing themselves. Their bikes at their sides, they were pretty much ready to go.

  The whispers started pretty quickly. As I walked through the gaps, wheeling my own bike. My palms felt sweaty on the handlebars as I tried to keep forward, ignoring the shock around me.

  Until I got to the front, and I couldn’t ignore the shock on Stephen’s face. His eyes on mine, as he examined me, so many questions on his lips. The one he went with.

  “What the fuck are you doing Kennedy?”

  “Taking part in a sponsored bike ride for my big brothers, boyfriend’s charity.” I replied, coolly. Annoying him, obviously as he couldn’t say anything that wouldn’t make him come off as a dick.

  ♕

  Chapter Six

  He wasn’t talking to me.

  I was pretty sure I’d developed asthma, or was pretty close to a heart attack, and we really hadn’t gone that far. It was shocking, I was a saxophone player, I was not in anyway, active, but it kind of made it worse that Stephen was flat out refusing to talk to me.

  He kept my pace, I was pretty sure he could’ve ridden literal laps around me, but he didn’t, he cycled leisurely alongside me. As if he wanted to be sure that I wasn’t causing any trouble, or I suppose going off route and pretending I was amazing for finishing 100k in a matter of minutes.

  Whilst I was on that, why the fuck did they decide to do 100k, why not I don’t know, 5k, done in half an hour with a coffee to celebrate after.

  “Why 100k?” I asked, Stephen sighed although I could’ve sworn it sounded like a laugh. He looked at me briefly, his eyes roaming over me so I shrugged. “I’m just asking, it seems, excessive.” I continued; he shook his head. “O…kay.” I said slowly, he sighed, I saw it in his shoulders.

  He gained some speed, not a lot but enough to get him going, enough to make me feel like I was straddling. I felt weak, and useless it was an unfortunate time to realise this. If I survived this, I was going to make an effort to use the school gym.

  Maybe.

  I pedalled harder; I matched his speed. He seemed mildly impressed. I was offended that it was only mildly because bitch, my thighs were burning.

  I think I knew whereabouts we were. I didn’t know the places out of the boarding house, all too well. I knew where everyone who lived around here houses where. I knew how to get to the train station, although I didn’t really use it much. I knew where to get good alcohol, I knew where to get good weed, and that was about all I knew. Right now, we were cycling around where Rowan lived. A boulevard that was perfectly manicured, it looked like where Lady, from Lady and the Tramp lived, where all the trees had little fences around them.

  I knew it went onto acres of land. I didn’t know what was there.

  It was beautiful, though. The acres and acres of green land. It wasn’t farm land; I don’t think. There didn’t seem to be anything growing on it.

  We were the back of the mass cyclists, by a significant amount but I still took my time to take in the idyllic scenery around us, whilst trying with all my will not to think about how much my thins were fucking burning.

  He looked at me over his shoulder, his eyebrows furrowing as he lessened his pace again. He sat up on his bike, his hands not even on his handlebars as he slowed himself so I could catch up.

  He seemed, like he was ready to talk to me, but the words never quite got out, so, we continued to ride in silence, and I continued to wish the end was coming, or my death, I didn’t really mind which one came first at this point.

  We’d lost sight of those in front of us, and I wasn’t really quite sure wh
en. We were alone, and we were silent.

  This, was, torture.

  I hadn’t fully expected our descend, in fact, I hadn’t even noticed us going uphill at any point, but the downhill proved we’d gone quite a way. I glanced at Stephen as he glided downhill, almost seamlessly.

  I tried to be as seamless, there was a huge failure on my part. As my bike gained speed and I didn’t really know what I was supposed to do. Was I supposed to control the speed with my pedals or just free ride, was I suppose to steer?

  Was I supposed to be gaining so much speed so quickly?

  I panicked. I jerked my handlebars trying my dammed hardest to curve some of the speed but instead, it jerked my bike, the front end doing something completely different to the back.

  The shift of gravity making my bike topple, sliding down the rest of the hill with me in tow. I rolled over a few times trying to bring my limbs into my body until I was lying facedown on the grass.

  My chest heaving deeply, as a pain shot down my arm. I groaned, closing my eyes tight as a wave of nausea washed over me.

  I just about opened my eyes in time to see Stephen throwing down his bike and coming to me, kneeling in front of me then sighing.

  “You’re an idiot.” He said,

  “Ha, ha.” I replied, it sounded strained and I was aware it did. “I got you talking to me again.” I added, he hit my leg as he must’ve figured that part of me wasn’t injured.

  “Are you okay Kennedy?” he asked softly, I groaned.

  “Going for no.” I said as I pushed myself to sit up. I gasped when my arm pulsed, the pain rippling through me, it made me want to throw up. “My arm.” I said, he nodded to me his eyes scanning me as he reached for his backpack.

  He pulled it open searching through it, until he pulled out a reel of tape. It was skin colour, it almost looked industrial. I frowned at it; he ignored my frown.

  “Can you move your arm?” he asked, his voice soft. I tried, with all my might instead I winced, bringing my knees to my body to try and calm the jumping in my stomach. “Okay, okay.” He said slowly, kneeling between my legs and raising my t-shirt sleeve, before tugging on the tape roll, he reached into his bag, pulling out a pair of scissors.

  He snipped the roll then looked straight at me.

  “I’m so sorry this’ll hurt.” He said, I took a deep breath as he moved my arm, very carefully but it still hurt, so much and I wanted to yell but I resisted with all my might. As he used to tape to create a sling.

  I was impressed, definitely, as he wrapped my arm up until it was in a more comfortable position.

  “Thank you.” I said softly, he nodded.

  “We chose one hundred k because we need to prove ourselves.” He said, I frowned. “You guys, you can do a three-minute performance and raise five thousand pounds. You could literally walk onto the stage and raise a thousand. If we rode five k, we’d raise nothing. We wouldn’t even be acknowledged.”

  “This was, more difficult than I was expecting.” I said nodding, “I… I don’t know why I thought it’d be easy.” I whispered, as he sat back zipping his backpack back up. “You can finish if you want to.”

  “No.” he said shaking his head. “No, I’m not going to leave you here, you’ll die.” He stated, I almost laughed but it was probably true.

  That was, sad. I needed to work on that.

  “Why wouldn’t you talk to me?”

  “You wouldn’t talk to me.” he whispered back, I frowned, “at Caleb’s party. You wouldn’t talk to me in front of anyone, and as much as I like you, I’ll never be someone’s dirty little secret.”

  “You like me?” I repeated, he scoffed.

  “Of course, that’s what you took from that.” He muttered,

  “I’m sorry.” I whispered, “I just, not until I know for sure, I can’t…”

  “Because you’re the King?”

  “Yeah…” I cringed, “I’m sorry. I’m shitty.”

  “Yeah.” He agreed, I almost laughed but I resisted. “It’s really shitty actually, why did I have to fall for the guy who’s a dick.”

  “I am not a dick.” I stated, it came out harsh and I could tell given he recoiled. “I am not, in any way a dick. I don’t do anything to anyone. I keep myself to myself.”

  “You have protested against our fundraiser every year we’ve done it.”

  “No.” I said shaking my head, “no I haven’t.”

  “Yes, you have.”

  “How?” I snapped at him,

  “You haven’t turned up. That’s all it takes, the King’s not going, half the school isn’t going. No one gives a fuck if the King doesn’t give a fuck.”

  “I’m sorry Stephen.” I said, he closed his eyes. “It shouldn’t work like that. It really shouldn’t, I’m just trying to do things I like, my presence shouldn’t impact other people.” I muttered,

  “You make it sound like you don’t like being the King.”

  “Sometimes, I don’t.” I said, he seemed put out. “Sometimes I just want to play my sax, and go back to my room. Sometimes I want people to want to kiss me, or sleep with me because I’m Kennedy, not because I’m the King.” I sighed. “Some days I’d give my title as King away in a heartbeat.”

  “Why are you the King?” he asked, I frowned at him as he opened his eyes. “What made you the King? It could’ve been anyone in the band, or the theatre?”

  “Band.” I corrected, “only the band.” I sighed. “It was pretty much cemented the moment we started at Ravenwood. It was within the first few weeks, I was the King, Cassidy became the self-proclaimed Queen.”

  “But how?”

  “I don’t really know.” I whispered, “I mean, I’d say it was our name but no way, Harrison wasn’t anything special when he was here.” I said, he laughed.

  “How charming.”

  “Harrison kept himself to himself. He has HIV, he had a lot going on, so he couldn’t be bothered falling into cliques, besides the hierarchy didn’t really exist then, the band and the theatre only became the top after Preston died.”

  “That’s… mad.” He said shaking his head and I did agree with him. “How did Harrison have HIV?” he asked, I looked at him. “Sorry. I’m nosy.”

  “It was, his Mum.” I said scrunching my nose at him, he did it back, it made me smile. “She was positive, and she passed it to him.”

  “Wait, his Mum isn’t yours?”

  “No.” I said softly, “she died, when he was nine. Father remarried, had Cassidy and I when Harrison was twelve.”

  “Does he like you?” he asked, I nodded.

  “He loves us.” I said then I laughed. “Legitimately.” I said, he nodded softly. “I don’t know, I guess I just fell into the popular group, and I became the King. I don’t know how Stephen.”

  “Whereas, I committed social suicide right away.” He said, I nodded then caught myself. “I know I did, don’t worry.” He said shaking his head. “I’m not ashamed that I like football.”

  “And I’m so envious of you. In that respect.” I sighed, he almost smiled. “What was this tape for?” I asked, he looked at my arm.

  “I think you’ve broken it.” he said softly, “I think you’ve…”

  “Stephen?”

  “I’m not telling you my secrets.”

  “You still don’t trust me, huh?” I said, he shook his head. “Okay, fine. I’m a Virgo, and I believe in star signs, today mine said; Smile, Virgo, because the forecast is bright today. You'll be in a curious mood, just right for new encounters.

  I guess it was right. I’m a little too in love with cheese, allergic to mushrooms…” I paused, “no I’m not, I say I am, I just really don’t like them, who wants to eat fungi.

  I adore, idolise am amazed by Cassidy every single day. He is phenomenal and I wish I could just be as cool as him one day. I love Elton John. A lot. That film about him, that came out ages ago, that Honky Cat scene pretty much confirmed that I was gay. Taron Egerton my God Stephen. That man.
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  I support the Seagulls; Harrison and I go to the matches as often as we can…” I said, he rose his hand, his eyebrow raising too.

  “You’re from Brighton?” he asked, I smirked at him,

  “Hove, actually.” I replied, he laughed looking down then he sighed.

  “London.” He said, I almost frowned. “I’m from London.” He nodded once. “The tape is for my chest.”

  “Your… chest?” I asked, he winced.

  “I don’t tell a lot of people about this stuff. It’s perfect ammo so to speak. I could be destroyed easily.”

  “I won’t tell anyone.” I said softly, “I won’t destroy you.” I said, he exhaled sharply. He looked at me, his eyes searching mine as if truly searching for my sincerity. He must’ve found it.

  “I’m trans.” He said, I nodded, because I knew that. “I don’t have a boy’s body. Yet. I will one day, but it means I have to bind.”

  “Oh.” I said, he looked surprised so I swallowed. “Éponine binds in Les Mis.” I said, his smile quirked.

  “I usually wear a binder. I was wearing it when we met actually.”

  “You were wearing a tank top.”

  “I was wearing my binder. It was hot, I was alone.” He shrugged, “I wear the tape, when I’m doing more energetic things. Like when we have football matches, or when I go swimming – or one hundred k bike rides. It’s sports tape mostly, for injury.”

  “Ah.” I said, then winced because, “ow.” I whispered; Stephen smiled slightly so I smiled back. “You trust me.”

  “You just told me Taron Egerton and Richard Madden was your sexual awakening. Yeah, I think I might trust you.” He sighed. “You said, sometimes you want people to want to kiss you, or sleep with you because you’re Kennedy.” He repeated,

  “Hearing it back, it sounds dramatic.” I said, “I mean worthy of Cass-humph.”

  He kissed me.

  I almost fell backwards, but he caught my head, his fingers in my hair. He sighed when he pulled away, leaning his forehead against mine and shaking his head.

  “Fuck.” He whispered, then turned his head, moving away from me as a car drove down the route we’d just ridden. I however, couldn’t take my eyes off Stephen. “We’ll figure something out.” he whispered as the car stopped.