Beautiful Dead 02 - Arizona

by Eden Maguire

  like a halo, slowly penetrating Lee's whole body, dissolving it and

  making it glisten until gradual y he disappeared. Lee's would-be rescuer stared at an empty couch.

  'You drank too much whisky,' I told the old fisherman harshly, leaving him to his confusion. Let this be another of the weird rumours to creep out of the mountains down into the El erton bars and diners. A

  night of bad storms, a drunken man's tale ...

  I quit the shack to look for Hunter. I cal ed his name along the dirt track, then down by the creek. I heard only the water rushing over boulders, felt the black current race at my feet.

  I sat down on the ground. 'We were too late,' I murmured.

  The only answer I got was the wild beating of wings, gathering over Foxton Ridge and sweeping into the val ey, and a horde of death-heads in

  the darkness, gleaming yel owish-white, the domes of their skul s like smooth pebbles on a shore, their eye sockets black and fathomless.

  Sadness weighed me down. I'd held Lee's hand and watched him leave for ever. Now Hunter was gone too - a shadow of himself, so weak that he might not make it out of the far side to a safe haven beyond the storm.

  Lightning flashed. Thunder cracked. I sat by the creek and wept.

  Dawn came and I was making my way up to the ridge, empty and aching, my hopes sunk lower than ever before. I walked to the water tower overlooking the barn then plunged down the hil , half running, stumbling, longing for the Beautiful Dead to come back to the far side.

  The sky glowed pink, streaked with wispy blue-grey clouds. Water

  drops fel from the aspen branches, puddling on the gravel earth. As the

  sun rose, I watched steam rise from the barn roof.

  So where are you? I asked Phoenix, Hunter, Arizona and the rest.

  I thought back to a time before, when another storm had forced the Beautiful Dead to flee. I'd sat through the night, waiting for them to return, and it had been longer than I'd expected - a half day for them to

  rest up and gather their strength, ready to make it back to the far side.

  'And this is Thursday already,' I said out loud. This was serious time pressure and it weighed heavily on my shoulders. 'OK here's the deal!'

  I fol owed my gut feeling that I had hours to fil and it was best not to 113

  waste them hanging out there. So I headed back up to the ridge, along the deer track on to the dirt road where I hoped to hitch a ride. It was twenty minutes before the first vehicle showed up. The driver slowed to take a good long look at my drowned-rat appearance.

  'You need a ride?' he said.

  'To El erton.' I didn't care that he thought I was a homeless freak

  caught out by last night's storm. I climbed into the cab of his truck.

  'What happened to you?'

  'My car got flooded out. I ended in a gul ey.' 'You live in El erton?'

  I nodded. OK, so you're giving me a ride but I don 't need to give you my life story.

  'How old are you?'

  'Twenty,' I lied.

  We swung off the dirt road on to the highway. 'Did you spend the whole night on the mountain?'

  'Yeah.'

  'You couldn't cal anyone?'

  'No credit on my phone.' I sank down into the seat and closed my eyes to look like I was sleeping.

  We cruised past Turkey Shoot Ridge into Centennial.

  You can drop me here,' I said. I don't remember if I even said thanks as the guy pul ed up and I walked away.

  I got no more than twenty paces down the street before Arizona stepped out from behind a parked car.

  'Before you launch into anything, let me speak,' she said. Her green eyes flashed with impatience. 'We know what happened to Lee.'

  'Hunter and I - we tried. Hunter risked everything.'

  'I know. Lee was a good kid, that's why. The Beautiful Dead wil miss him. Hunter's taking it badly he figures he let him down.'

  'Hunter made it back to limbo?' I asked anxiously.

  'Yeah, he's safe with the others. They'l rest up and be here by midday.'

  'You came alone?' I walked down the street with her, knowing it was a risk. 'What happens if someone sees you?'

  Arizona pointed to the houses with their blinds stil drawn, their doors

  locked. 'Everyone's stil asleep. You and I - we need to talk.'

  'I'm on my way to Westra - to your folks' house. We don't have 114

  much time.'

  She nodded. 'No one knows that better than me. We have exactly thirty hours and fifteen minutes before my time is up. Which is why Hunter permitted me to return early.'

  'Things have changed. These days he must trust you one hundred per

  cent,' I murmured, stil edgy about the fact that we were on view. I pul ed Arizona into an al ey down the side of a smal block of apartments. 'I don't know why he should do that, after the way you acted.'

  She shrugged me off. 'What do you know, Darina? Honestly I mean, what do you real y know?'

  Where did I begin? I know you didn't tel me about Kyle Keppler and

  Sable Jackson, or your kid brother. How am I supposed to help you if you hide stuff like that?'

  She closed her eyes and sighed. 'Do you know what it's like when you need to protect someone you love?'

  'Yeah - you put them first, above everything else. And I understand

  that about Raven - the poor kid needs al the care he can get. But Kyle -

  he's different.'

  'You mean, he can take care of himself?' she muttered.

  I remembered Kyle Keppler spinning his truck around, driving towards me, pul ing me out of my car and dumping me in the ditch. 'Jesus, Arizona, the guy's an animal.'

  Leaning against the brick wal , she looked at me through half-closed eyes. 'You know, that's what people say about the Rohrs - Brandon and Phoenix.'

  'No way. You can't make that comparison!'

  She overrode me with one of those old, arrogant flicks of her wrist. 'They say Brandon can only settle an argument with his fists, and Phoenix took after his brother.'

  'You know that's not true.'

  'But it's how it looks from the outside - that's what we're talking

  about here.'

  'Are you saying that Kyle is like Phoenix?' I was fired up and ready to

  walk away, to leave Arizona to her Beautiful Dead fate and never speak to her again. 'Phoenix didn't cheat on me, remember.'

  She gave a smal nod. 'And if he had, would you stil love him?'

  I took a sharp breath, unable to give an answer that didn't hack the legs from under my own argument.

  You see - you don't stop having feelings for someone, even when

  they hurt you. You hang on in and hope it wil go away.'

  'But Sable was pregnant, they were going to get married ... '

  'I know don't tel me. I should've walked away. I did try.'

  For a long time I stood in silence, shaking my head. 'What about Kyle? After you knew the ful story about Sable and the baby, did he finish it with you on the spot?'

  He tried to. But he was like me he couldn't help himself. He would back off for a few days but then he would cal me again.'

  Saying he stil loved you?'

  She nodded. 'And I would go around to Mike's Motors to see him. Other guys - Brandon, Jon Jackson - might be there and I would have to make some excuse.'

  I pictured the dirty looks and sly comments flying in Arizona's direction. 'You know something that wasn't love, it was masochism.'

  'An obsession,' she sighed. 'But I saw a side of Kyle you wouldn't believe. Not scary, but funny. He goofs around and makes me feel good about myself ... He did,' she corrected herself. 'He understood the way my mind worked. With him I could be myself.'

  'That's real y sad,' I told her. You couldn't be yourself with anyone except Kyle. I get it now. At least, I think I do.'

  'So you see why Kyle needs you to stay away from Forest Lake - to keep his relationship with Sable and his kid,' Ari
zona stated. 'Tile only time he ever got mad with me was when I showed up at his house.'

  'That's crazy. Why did you do that?' The old saying about pots and kettles might spring to mind. I mean, hadn't I done exactly that?

  'To sit quietly in my car and watch. I wasn't about to walk in on him

  and Sable - I just wanted to see them together, maybe convince myself that it was over between Kyle and me.'

  'But he spotted you?'

  She nodded. 'He didn't touch me or lose it with me, but he said never,

  never to do that again. And now I want you to promise me the same 116

  thing.'

  'What exactly?' I didn't see that Arizona was in a position to lay down conditions.

  'To leave Sable out of it, and Kyle.'

  'Even though he was one of the last people you saw before you ended up in Hartmann?'

  She shook her head fiercely. I don't know that for sure. The last thing I remember was driving to the mal . I have no idea if I made it to Mike's Motors, or if Kyle was even there.'

  I gave up on the questions, knowing we could never get beyond Arizona's memory block. 'So you're OK with me going over to your family's house?'

  'To do what?'

  Honestly, you'd have thought I was sleeping with the enemy, the way she reacted. 'To talk with whoever's there - with Peter. Or maybe Frank wil give me some new details to work on.'

  'Or maybe not.' She laughed the old Arizona laugh - scoffing and humourless. 'Getting information from my father is a blood-from-a-stone activity.'

  'I noticed.' I didn't get time to ask how come that was true before a window above our heads opened and a woman leaned out.

  'Quit that yakkety-yakking at this time in the morning,' she yel ed

  down.

  Arizona and I reacted as if we'd been stung by a swarm of hornets. We got out of that al eyway and back on the street.

  'So go ahead - talk to my grandfather again,' she told me, getting

  ready to dematerialize.

  'Where wil you be?' I asked.

  'Around,' she told me. 'You won't see me, but I'l definitely be there.'

  I went straight to Logan's house and knocked on his door. Though it was only 8.00 a.m. he appeared, ful y dressed and alert. 'Hey, Darina, what's up?'

  'My car got wrecked,' I said feebly. 'And before you ask - no, it wasn't down to me. A rock flew up and smashed the hood.'

  'So you want a ride to school?'

  'Not this morning, thanks. But can you drive me over to Westra?' To stop him asking more questions, I put in what sounded like a genuine reason. 'You remember the woman who fel off her horse? Her husband 117

  is Peter Hal - he works out there.'

  'And you want to ask how she's doing?' Quickly Logan grabbed his keys. 'Sure, I'l swing by there for you.' I smiled and sat beside him. We drove without a lot of conversation, just easy and relaxed as far as he knew. At the end of North 22 Street, I asked for him to set me down.

  'You want me to wait?' he asked.

  'No - I'l walk back.' I gave him a grateful smile and watched him colour up. How come I don't fal in love with the easy-to-read nice guys of this world? I asked myself, not for the first time.

  As Logan turned his car in the direction of El erton High and I walked

  the half-mile to number 2850, I couldn't help glancing over my shoulder to look for the invisible Arizona. How weird - she was coming back to visit her house a year after she died and only I knew.

  I turned in the drive and headed towards the gardener's annexe, but

  before I'd gone far I saw Raven sitting in his usual spot in the summer

  house. He looked up from his sketch pad then quickly down again. For a few seconds, I heard Arizona's startled, helpless reaction in a little gust of wind, like a sigh through the redwood trees by the gate.

  Soon Peter Hal walked out of his potting-shed and cut across the lawn to meet me.

  'How come Raven's home from school?' I asked. 'The last I heard, he was back at the Institute.'

  'Thanks to you, I hear.' The old man steered me away from Raven towards his annexe. 'The principal gave Frank a description of the girl who found him - tal , skinny, with short, dark hair - we figured it might be you.'

  'You know me - I like to drive in the mountains,' I shrugged. 'So have they taken him out of school?'

  'Final y,' Peter sighed. 'I guess he ran away one too many times. Rebecca Davis and Al yson talked it through - everyone decided he should take a break from the Institute.'

  There was more agitation among the branches of the fir trees -

  Arizona finding it real hard to see her kid brother and hear this latest

  piece of news yet not be able to walk up to him, put her arm around his 118

  shoulders, go through a few Warhol prints with him and make his blank eyes light up.

  'You know something else?' Peter went on. 'Frank final y left home

  last night.'

  'They're going ahead with the divorce?'

  'For sure. He moved into Jenna's and my place.' 'Wow, that's big,' I realized.

  Peter nodded. 'Like a house of cards col apsing. Raven comes home.

  Frank leaves. And today for the first time in her life, Al yson cuts work.'

  'She's home?' I looked in alarm at the big house with its open front door and a dozen blank windows glinting in the cold sun. 'And what about you, Peter? Where do you and Jenna stand now?'

  'We're stil history,' he said, gesturing towards the cardboard boxes on the floor. He'd stacked his gardening books inside, along with his kettle and coffee cups. 'Now that Frank's off the scene, Al yson says she doesn't want us to visit Raven she'l hire a professional carer instead.'

  'She's cutting you out?' When I'm shocked, I have a bad habit of stating the obvious.

  Peter hunched his shoulders. 'Unless she changes her mind,' he muttered. 'But I know Al yson - she never goes back on her word. The fact is we're out of here for good.'

  ' Darina, you have to go back in and talk to Raven - help him to get through this!' When I met up with Arizona outside the gates to her house, she was a mess. She'd overheard every word of the conversation between me and her grandfather and she couldn't bear for me to walk away.

  'Why? What good wil it do?'

  'Talk about his sketches, try tel ing him about me - why I'm not

  around any more, how I didn't leave him because I wanted to. No, forget

  that. Just tel him I love him.'

  The force of her plea nearly knocked me over, yet I remembered

  Phoenix tel ing me Raven's autistic brain was wired differently, so he was impossible to reach. 'He won't understand,' I told her. 'You know that better than I do.'

  Arizona looked at me in total despair. 'Try,' she begged. 'You know 119

  it's the only thing I care about - that Raven realizes I would have done

  anything for him. He's an amazing, special kid. Tel him that from me, Darina.'

  'I don't think this is a good idea,' I muttered. I didn't even know if I could get back into the garden without being seen, but luckily Peter had vanished from the annexe and there was no sign of life in the big house either.

  So I went back into the garden and crept up on the kid, catching him by surprise.

  You'd think I was pointing a gun in his face, the way he reacted with a big jolt of shock running through his whole body.

  'It's OK,' I murmured. 'Remember me, Raven? We met a couple of times before.'

  He clutched his sketch book to his chest and started to rock back and forth, refusing to look at me. Poor kid - skinny and fragile as a bird, with that black, glossy hair and eyes that darted here and there.

  'Show me what you just drew.'

  But no he kept the sketches hidden and he rocked more rapidly.

  'I won't hurt you - I'm your friend,' I tried to tel him, but I wasn't getting anywhere. Hadn't I lied to him and dumped him with the school principal?

  'Raven, I knew your sister, Arizon
a.'

  Her name was the one thing that broke down the barrier. I said

  'Arizona' and before the word fel from my lips, the kid had stopped rocking and was looking hungrily at me, wanting more.

  'Yeah, Arizona - she told me about you, Raven. "He draws the best pictures", is what she said. Do you want to show me your book?'

  His eyes widened. He looked from me to the sketch pad then suddenly thrust it towards me.

  I took it and started to turn the pages. 'Hey, this is your house, and this is the summer house - how neat is that. And Peter's annexe, and this is your school.' Pretty soon we were sitting side by side on the summer house bench, heads bent over the sketch book, tracing the images with our fingers. I turned another page and found myself staring at a portrait of Arizona. It was total y her - I was drawn to the almond-shaped eyes and 120

  the arched eyebrows, the long, oval face framed by straight black hair. 'You drew this?' I asked.

  Raven ran his forefinger around the shape of the face, touching it lightly and tenderly. Then he looked up at me with the ghost of a smile.

  I was smiling back at hint, trying to hold back the tears when Al yson Taylor, alias Monster Mom, interrupted us. 'I don't know who you are or what you're doing here,' she said coldly. 'But you should leave before I cal the cops.'

  'There's no need, I'm out of here,' I told her. I stood up, surprised to feel Raven catch hold of the bottom of my jacket and refuse to let go.

  Another surprise was the way Al yson looked without her TV face - pale and drawn, with her fair hair pul ed back, her mouth sagging at the corners and bags under her eyes. 'I came to see Peter,' I explained. 'I was the one who found Jenna on the mountain after her accident.'

  'So did you see him before he left?' Al yson's gaze had fixed on