Loyalty: A Salvation Society Novel

by Heather Dahlgren

  The headlines are saying that Remi cheated or that he destroyed her. It’s absurd, but I have a feeling Olivia has been getting paid well for these bullshit stories. I’ll make sure that’s taken care of, too. It all just proves she was sticking it out with him for the money.

  Remi got trashed the night she left, but since that night he seems lighter. When I said that I didn’t see the look of love in his eyes, I was bullshitting. I have no idea if there is such a look, but I was right to listen to the guys. They know him better than he knows himself it seems.

  It’s like that with them all. The bond they have is something I understand because I have it with Haven and Blair.

  I close my laptop and push it aside as I stand up and stretch. It’s definitely time to get some sleep. We have another concert tomorrow and a meet and greet. After that, we have a few days until we need to be on the road again and I’m excited because we’ll be in a hotel. A real bed and shower.

  As I pad toward my bunk, I hear Kegan in the main bedroom. He’s singing softly and I stop to listen. The others are snoring loudly, and I can’t really hear the words. I step closer to the door, noticing that it’s not closed all the way. There’s a small stream of light coming out and I hear him humming. I grin thinking he’s up working too.

  I bite my lip and lightly knock on the door.

  “Yeah?”

  I push it open and he’s sitting on the bed with papers scattered all over it. He’s got a pen in his hand and he’s writing something down, not paying any attention to who just walked in. He’s shirtless and my eyes skate across his colorful arms as they flex while he writes. In the moment, I am consumed by him. He’s not trying to impress anyone; he’s completely focused on what he’s doing. He has no idea the sex appeal that is pouring off of him.

  He lifts his eyes and when he notices it’s me, his head lifts and he grabs the back of his neck. “Oh hey,” he says, looking back down at the papers.

  “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I heard you and I got a little nosey,” I admit, lifting my shoulders.

  He chuckles and begins collecting the papers. “You're not interrupting. I was just working on a new song.”

  “Don’t stop on my account. You were really into it,” I say, walking closer to the bed. “What’s it about?”

  He grins and gets up, putting the papers into his suitcase. “It’s just a bunch of words right now. Nothing I’m ready to share,” he says.

  “I’d never push you to,” I say.

  “You’re up late,” he says, changing the subject.

  I smile as he sits back down on the bed. “I was up working like you.”

  He pats the spot next to him and just like when we sit together in the main part of the bus, my heart hammers in my chest. There’s a pull between us. Something I can’t explain or maybe something I haven’t tried to.

  I sit on the bed next to him and he leans back, with his hands behind his head as he looks at me. “Are you cleaning up a mess we made?” he asks.

  “I’m cleaning up what is being said about Remi. It’ll be fine, don’t worry,” I reassure him.

  He reaches over and rests his hand on my thigh, squeezing lightly. “I wasn’t worried.”

  We stare at each other and the air becomes thick, and our breathing becomes heavier. I can feel myself getting wet at the thoughts of what this man could do to me. It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, and when we are together like this, it’s hard not to think that way.

  He moves his hand the slightest bit up my thigh and I start talking before I even realize what I’m doing.

  “Have you ever had a relationship?” Humiliation hits me and I pull my legs up, causing his hand to drop off. I bury my face in my knees as I groan. “Sorry, that’s none of my business,” I say, with a muffled voice.

  He runs his hand down my hair and chuckles. “You can ask me anything, Lorelei.”

  I turn my head, keeping it on my knees as I look at him. He gives me a forced smile and I feel even worse about asking.

  “It’s okay, you don’t need to tell me.”

  “My mom has Multiple Sclerosis. We found out when I was seventeen. I was dating a girl at the time, but the news was devastating.” He looks away from me and stares at the wall in front of us. “She didn’t understand that all my attention had to be on my mom. We needed to see doctors, figure out a plan, and medications. It was difficult for us to come to terms with at first. We didn’t know what to expect and it was scary.” He turns his head and searches my eyes. “I gave up on girls after that. My mom was my concern. She’s still my concern. The idea that I could lose her makes it almost impossible to breath. I didn’t want to get close to someone and risk losing her, too. It made sense at the time and I guess I just got into a way of life that worked for me.”

  My heart literally shatters listening to him and seeing the sadness in his eyes. We’ve talked a lot, just the two of us at night. We’ve shared career dreams, talked about our friendships, even talked about the first time we ever had sex. But this conversation, this is him opening himself up to me. Letting me in.

  I reach over and link my fingers with his as I move to sit right next to him. I lay my head on his shoulder, trying to keep my emotions in check. “I’m sorry to hear about your mom, Kegan. I can’t imagine how difficult that has been for you and Lane. I do know what it’s like to lose a parent though. My dad had cancer and he went from a healthy, active, fun loving dad, to a sick man I no longer knew. It was aggressive and he fought but the cancer won.” He pulls me in front of him, between his legs, and wraps his arms around me. He holds me tightly against his chest as we both think about our parents. “If your mom is anything like you, I’m confident she’ll be here a very long time. How is she?”

  He pulls back, placing his fingers under my chin to keep my eyes on him. “She’s doing good. She had an MRI right after we left and there was only one new lesion, but no new problems. She takes a few different medications that seem to be doing what they should. She uses a cane, but we made sure it was one hell of a nice one.” He laughs at the thought, but he turns serious just as quickly. “I’m sorry you lost your dad.”

  I look up, blinking rapidly to stop the tears, but it’s useless and two escape. He quickly wipes them away, keeping his hands on either side of my face.

  “He would’ve beat your ass for the way you treated me when I first got here,” I say, laughing.

  He closes his eyes and smiles. “I would’ve let him.” He opens his dark eyes, a bit of sadness shining through. “My mom would beat my ass if she knew.”

  I laugh, letting my arms fall to his shoulders. “I’ll never tell.”

  He laughs and the happiness returns to his eyes. I smile, loving that carefree look. “You’re the only person I’ve ever told besides the guys.”

  “Why?” I ask.

  “Because my private life is no one else’s business and I never want my mom brought into the headlines.”

  “I’d never say a word and if you ever choose to tell someone, I can always clean up any mess,” I say, joking. Though, I would do everything in my power to clean it up and I do believe he knows that.

  He laughs and runs his hands down to my arms. He rubs from my elbows to my shoulders, and I briefly close my eyes, loving how relaxed it makes me. “Did losing your dad change you?” he whispers.

  I bite my lip as I consider his question. “It made me want more out of life.”

  “Your career?” he asks.

  I nod and move to sit next to him again. If I stay sitting like that, I’m afraid I will listen to my body and kiss him. “Yeah. I wanted to make him proud,” I whisper.

  He wraps his arms around me and my head lays on his chest. “You’ve made him proud, Lorelei.”

  I close my eyes against the tears he is evoking and simply nod. We sit in silence and I listen to his heart. It’s beating to a rhythm that sounds a lot like a song. Even his heart lives for music.

  “Kegan!”

  I jump up, my ey
es wide as I look around. Holy shit, I fell asleep in bed with him. He sits up slowly and just as slowly a grin spreads across his face.

  “We fell asleep,” I hiss, jumping off the bed.

  “Kegan!” Lane yells again, banging on the door. “We need to be at sound check in a half hour, brother.”

  “I’m up,” Kegan says.

  I start to pace as I adjust my shirt. Shit. This is going to look so bad. They are going to think something happened. They’ll never believe I just slept in his bed. I cover my face and groan. I wouldn’t believe it if I was on the other side of the door.

  His strong hands rest on my shoulders and I drop my hands. “Relax,” he says, grinning.

  “It’s not funny, Kegan. They are going to think we slept together,” I groan.

  “Didn’t we?” he asks, tilting his head.

  “No! Yes! I mean, yes, we only slept. They’re going to think we had sex,” I say, sighing.

  He picks up a shirt and pulls it on. “Would it be so bad if they did?”

  “Yes!” I yell.

  He full on laughs and pulls me in for a hug. “You’re so damn cute in the morning when you’re in a panic. If I tell them nothing happened, they’ll believe it.”

  “Okay,” I say, unsure.

  “Let’s have some breakfast and get this sound check done. Last one for a few days,” he says.

  I follow him out of the bedroom and all three of their heads turn when we get out there.

  “Lorelei, I thought you were at the venue already,” Remi says.

  “No, she was helping me with some lyrics I was writing last night and we both passed out,” Kegan says, pouring his coffee.

  “What lyrics?” Everett asks.

  They all begin talking about the lyrics he was working on and the relief I feel is immediate. Kegan eventually glances my way and gives me a wink.

  Thanks, big guy.

  The guys were amazing as always. Kegan was the star he was born to be. You’d think after all these concerts I would be used to it, but I’m not. Each time I find something new and fall in love with them a little bit more.

  We’re waiting in the VIP room for the meet and greet to begin. The guys are talking animatedly about the show and I’m standing back watching. They are always so excited when they get off stage, I’ve learned to give them room to enjoy the natural high.

  I gave them all new shirts to change into and they are ready. I only forgot the shirts one time and I never made that mistake again.

  The door opens and the VIP fans begin to pile in. I’m always amazed watching them interact with the fans. They all make the fans feel so welcome and appreciated. Sometimes, Everett and Lane make them feel a little too welcome, but I’ve managed to keep that hidden.

  I watch as Kegan is talking to a fan and he looks so happy. He’s smiling and that rock star persona he just had on stage is replaced by this fun-loving guy. It’s hard to look away.

  “Hi.”

  I turn my head and smile at the woman. “Hi,” I say.

  “My name is Catherine,” she says, extending her hand.

  “I’m Lorelei,” I say, shaking her hand.

  “That’s my fiancé, Jackson, talking to Kegan,” she says. I smile and look over again. “Is he your boyfriend?”

  I snap my head back and my eyes are wide. “What? No?” I laugh, nervously. “I’m their publicist.”

  She laughs and I feel like a fool. “I’m a publicist, too,” she says. “Jackson was my client.” She knocks her shoulder with mine.

  “Really?” I ask, tilting my head.

  She looks at Jackson, and for the first time in my life, I see it. I see what it looks like to have love shining in your eyes.

  “Yep,” she says, cheerfully.

  I have so many questions racing through my mind. I wonder if they were dating before she became his publicist or if it happened while she was. How did it work? Did she need to quit her job or was it easily accepted? Does she still work for him?

  I smile at her and bite my tongue. It’s none of my business and completely unprofessional to even think about asking.

  “That’s amazing,” I say.

  She pulls a card out of her purse and hands it to me. “If you ever have any questions, any at all, please give me a call. I’m more than happy to talk to you.”

  I’m hesitant as I wonder if she can somehow sense these feelings for Kegan that I keep telling myself don’t exist. Did she notice me looking a little too long at him or the way I was squeezing my hands together when he talks to other women?

  I can feel the embarrassment warming my cheeks. If she can tell I’m feeling things I won’t admit, who else can? I’m around Kegan and the guys all the time. What if they all can sense something.

  I graciously take the card even though I tell myself I’ll never use it. “Thank you so much,” I say, slipping it onto my clipboard.

  “Please, don’t hesitate to call,” she says.

  “I won’t,” I lie.

  “It’s been a pleasure talking with you, Lorelei.”

  “You, too, Catherine. Thank you so much.”

  I glance down at the card to read her name, Catherine Pope. I snap my head up with wide eyes as her back is to me. Holy shit, Catherine Pope from CJJ Public Relations. She’s the publicist that Jennifer said they wanted to talk with from CJJ. What a small, crazy world.

  She walks back over to Jackson and I’m even more intrigued. I was simply watching Kegan, but now I’m watching the three of them. Jackson puts his arm around Catherine, and she settles in like it’s where she belongs.

  Kegan picks that moment to glance over at me. He gives me a wink and I feel my heart begin to pound.

  I think I’m in trouble, big guy.

  Chapter Eleven

  Kegan

  I’m pacing the hotel room waiting on the guys to get to my room. I need to talk to them, and I wish they’d hurry the fuck up and get here. I run my hands through my hair as I pace, rushing to the door when there’s a knock. I open it and the three of them are laughing about something. Normally, I would be curious, but right now, I just need to get this over with.

  “Fucking finally,” I say.

  “Damn relax, you just texted us like ten minutes ago,” Remi says, walking in.

  Lane slaps my back as we head to the sitting area of my room. “Everything alright, brother?”

  I nod as they sit down. I, however, stand because I’ve got too much pent-up energy to sit still. I drag my hand down my mouth as I look at them.

  “What the hell is wrong?” Everett asks.

  I shake my head and cross my arms. “Nothing is wrong. I need to talk to you guys because you know I would never do anything to affect this band.”

  “We know that,” Lane says.

  I sigh, a bit nervous as to how they are going to react. “I wanna ask Lorelei out,” I rush out.

  They all look at each other before focusing back on me. They are only silent for a few seconds, but it feels like hours waiting for them to say something.

  Everett begins to laugh, and the other two assholes join in. “So wait, you guys haven’t fucked?” he asks.

  “No, Christ,” I say, scrubbing my face.

  “Seriously? Cause like you guys are always up late together and you both came out of the bedroom the other day,” Lane says.

  My brows dip as I look between them. “Wait, you know we’re up together?”

  “It’s a bus, man, not a fucking house,” Everett says, laughing.

  I rub my forehead as I laugh. “Yeah alright.”

  “You really like her?” Remi asks.

  “I’ve never felt like this before. Like I need to be close to her. She makes me feel like I can breathe easier. I actually like talking to her and not just about anything. I told her about mom.”

  They all stare at me in complete shock. It’s a big deal and they know it. I trust her.

  “You don’t need our permission, but we appreciate you telling us. You can’t let he
r go, boss lady makes it better for all of us,” Lane says.

  He’s right she does and it’s not just because she truly is an amazing publicist. She brings a lightness to us all. She helps us personally and professionally.

  “She’s gonna turn me down,” I say, laughing as I finally sit down.

  “Oh, she’s definitely going to,” Everett says.

  Remi gets up and grabs four beers out of my mini fridge and passes them out. “You need to tell her how you feel. It’s a big deal for them,” he says.

  I take a long pull of my beer before resting it on the coffee table. “We haven’t had much time to talk, just us,” I say, looking at them all. “How are you doing, for real?”

  He shrugs as he sips his beer. “I’m pissed at her, but not for breaking up with me. I’m pissed she made me feel obligated to stay in a dead-end relationship. I’m pissed that she cheated on me and made it out that it was me who hurt her. I’m pissed that I tried so hard to feel something when it wasn’t there. If Lorelei didn’t say anything, who the fuck knows how long it would’ve went on for.”

  I nod, grateful he’s not hung up on her. She was toxic and he’s so much better off. He hasn’t fucked anyone yet, but I think it’s exactly what he needs. He needs fun and a distraction. I know all too well. I’ve been doing it for years.

  “Good, that’s what I was hoping to hear,” I say, tipping my beer toward him.

  “Are we still going out to dinner?” Lane asks.

  “Why wouldn’t we be?” I ask.

  He finishes off his beer and smiles. “I didn’t know if you were going to try to get boss lady to be your girlfriend,” he says, laughing.