Alpaca Lies (Bought-the-Farm Mystery Book 5)

by Ellen Riggs

  “Not ever,” he muttered again as she walked over to unlatch the gate to the camelid pasture. Alvina waltzed right out and over to Asher, who patted her neck.

  Keats’ service wasn’t necessary as Asher escorted Alvina to the new pasture, and cautiously unlatched the door. She walked right in and began circling the big bird cautiously.

  “You’d better check her toes, Ivy,” Cori said. “She’s favouring one.”

  “I’m not checking that bird’s toes,” I said. “Are you crazy?”

  Cori looked at me like I was the crazy one. “I meant Alvina.”

  To my eye, the alpaca was moving just fine as she circled the bird, trying to suss her out. Finally the bird jumped and flapped. Alvina waited a beat, and then she jumped and bucked. Soon the two were chasing each other around the enclosure, one in the lead and then the other. It did my heart good to see my girl having fun again.

  “See?” Cori said, turning to walk back to the van. “All in a day’s rescue work.”

  “Thank you,” Bridget told me. “It really is temporary, I promise.”

  Cori hummed “Walk Like a Man” as she jumped into the passenger seat and rolled down the window. “Chief Harper,” she called, using his proper title for the first time. “I’ve got some intel for you on a nasty piece of work who’s moved from our jurisdiction to yours.”

  “I’m all ears,” he said.

  “This place is all ears.” She pointed at the porch, where most of the guests had lined up to watch the bird action. Then she held her glove to her head to symbolize a phone. “Call me.”

  For once, there was no orange middle finger.

  Chapter Twenty

  Mom and I were both out of sorts when we landed in Bloomers later that morning. I was disgruntled over having to stay with her when I wanted to continue my investigation, and I certainly wasn’t happy about having a new emu under my care that came with her own elaborate set of instructions at an already busy time. I sat in the corner of the salon surfing emu-rearing websites while Mom complained about being babysat by her youngest child.

  “Mom, can we just make the best of it? Iris wanted the morning off and fair enough. She’s been carrying the weight here lately and she’s understandably worried about finances.”

  Mom pouted as she prepared her workstation. “Well, if I’d known José was a scammer I might have used my straight edge differently.”

  I looked up from my phone. “No murder jokes. As if people don’t gossip enough about us.”

  “My theory is that if they’re going to talk we might as well make it interesting for them.”

  “I don’t share your theory. I’ve got an inn to run and once these guests leave, I’ll be hunting for customers.”

  “Turn the place into one of those true-life murder attractions,” Mom suggested. “People love that stuff.”

  I glared at her. “How about we just don’t speak for awhile? Here comes Wayne Flagg, your favorite customer. Forget I’m even here.”

  “I could forget better if you’d sit in the back.”

  “Not gonna happen. We need to keep track of the action.”

  The “we” included both Keats and Percy, who were sitting on the ledge of the wide front windows. Eventually a good portion of the Clover Grove populace would pass and Keats would let me know if anything interesting cropped up. For the moment, he was surprisingly happy to see Wayne Flagg, one of Mom’s first and most loyal customers. Wayne’s word of mouth had brought a constant stream of men for her classic barbershop shave, including Joe Barker, unfortunately.

  “Hey, Keats,” Wayne said, as the dog jumped down to frisk around him. “I think he’s finally warming up to me, Ivy. He never bothered with me before.”

  “We’re all happy to be getting back to regular business,” Mom said. “I’m so pleased you could make our standing appointment, Wayne.”

  I lapsed into silence, watching as she moved into her routine with practiced ease. In moments, Wayne was horizontal in the chair, face wrapped in fragrant hot towels, with just a couple of gaps for his nose and mouth.

  “I missed this, Dahlia. Men like to be pampered too, I guess.”

  “Of course,” she said, gradually perking up as she worked her magic. “Men don’t get spoiled enough at home.”

  “Especially old bachelors like me,” he said. “I rescued a dog recently to make sure someone’s happy to see me.”

  Mom laughed. “Wonderful idea. Gets you out, too.”

  “Sure does. I walk that hound five times a day, all over town. Now it’s dark so early you can get a look inside at how people live. That’s why I wasn’t surprised José ran into trouble.”

  Keats’ tail lifted into an exclamation mark and I signaled to Mom to keep Wayne chatting. She nodded and picked up her little steamer. “Why do you say that, Wayne?”

  “The private lessons. Every night it was a new lady. Blonde, brunette, redheads, gray and silver. What surprised me was how quickly they learned. The first time it was all stop-and-start but after a few sessions, some got really good. I ended up staying to watch the show.”

  Mom gave a tinkly, fake laugh that set off my alarms, but Wayne wasn’t as sensitive. “I never saw you there, Dahlia. That’s why I was surprised you got caught up in all this.”

  “I joined the afternoon group classes when I could get away from here,” she said. “It was wonderful exercise.”

  Wayne waited a few beats before going on. “Sometimes there was less dancing and more gazing. That’s when I’d leave because it felt like peeping rather than spectating. There hasn’t been anything like ballroom dancing in Clover Grove before.”

  “It was nice while it lasted,” Mom agreed. “Maybe some people took it too seriously, though. Maybe they hoped José would settle down.”

  The white towel bobbed in agreement. “I think he may have led women on. He was all over some of them, I’m sorry to say. You’re too savvy for that, Dahlia.”

  “Oh, yes,” she said, directing perfumed steam at his face. “That wasn’t my first rhumba, Wayne. I’m afraid that lovely new lady from the bookstore café may have fallen for him.”

  I held up a hand to slow her roll. If she led him too far and too fast, she’d expose her game.

  “Laurene Pedal. I saw her there, for sure. Nice lady. Too bad she always smells like cheese.”

  “Lots of other ladies talked about José,” Mom prompted.

  “Some of them surprised me,” Wayne said. “Like Mabel Halliday. She seems like she has a head on her shoulders but there she was, spinning around looking happy as a lark. I guess some of the store owners couldn’t get away during the day. Or maybe they didn’t want to embarrass themselves in class.”

  “It’s dreadfully awkward at the beginning,” Mom said, and I nodded.

  “The funniest was—” He stopped. “No, I shouldn’t say it. You know how things get around.”

  “What’s said under the towel stays under the towel,” Mom said. “Completely anonymous.”

  “Well, the one to watch was Heddy Langman. Four left feet and arms like an octopus. She was all over José like white on rice.”

  Mom’s hand steamer tipped up and sent a gust at the ceiling. “Heddy? How fun.”

  Heddy Langman and Mom had a rivalry going way back that recently blew up. Now, the sisters Langman slung mud on the Galloway name at every turn.

  “Poor Heddy thought she was special, but there was only one gal he was crazy about as far as I could tell. Never got a good look at her, though.”

  “Younger, no doubt,” Mom said, with a hint of bitterness.

  She’d lost focus on her interrogation, but Keats hadn’t. His tail had wagged slowly throughout the conversation but picked up the pace now. Something in Wayne’s voice tipped him off that this was important.

  “Don’t think so. But she always wore a pink hat so I couldn’t tell. I really think he fancied ladies your age or older,” Wayne said. “I respected that about him. That red-headed firecracker was the on
ly young girl—the one Ryan Snopes just booted.”

  “Well, I hope the police find the lady in the pink hat,” Mom said. “She might have clues about what happened.”

  “Danced like a dream,” Wayne said, and his voice took on a dreamy note. “Made even this old guy wish for the galas of his youth. We don’t do that here anymore.”

  “Maybe it’s time to revive the formals,” Mom said. “As part of the culture project. And you can find the lady in the pink hat.”

  He laughed. “Dahlia, I saw your skills at the recital and you’re the first one I’ll ask. I’ve got more feet than Heddy Langman.”

  “But fewer arms, thank goodness,” Mom purred. “Always a perfect gentleman.”

  With that, she whisked off the towels and the spell broke. Wayne’s face flushed, either from the heat or because he’d said too much, and he enjoyed the rest of his shave in relative silence.

  After Mom saw him to the door, she turned the closed sign and snapped her fingers.

  Keats and Percy were at her side immediately but I didn’t move. “What?”

  “You heard the man,” she said. “Heddy Langman was all over José like an octopus, so she knows something and we’re going to find out.”

  “Mom, we promised Kellan to stay right here.”

  “I deserve a lunch break and I pick up my salad at the shop right beside The Langman Legacy antiques store. If we were to run into the sisters by accident, what could Kellan say?”

  “Plenty. He could say plenty.”

  “You said one of those key fobs had a letter H, so Heddy was probably José’s backer. Maybe Kaye too, for all we know. Those sisters could easily have taken him down together.”

  I checked in again with Keats before heaving myself off the seat. “Okay. But promise me you’ll keep a civil tongue. You let your emotions get in the way of interrogation. You could have done more with Wayne, but you got your back up because of Heddy.”

  “I did fine for a beginner, Ivy Rose. One way we’re different is that I cut myself some slack when I’m learning. You’re always so hard on yourself and it holds you back.”

  I followed her out the door and let her lock up behind me. “I wonder how that happened?”

  “My fault, I’m sure. Nature or nurture, we moms always wear it. Perhaps you’ll find out yourself one day if you and the chief can stop bickering and get on with it. I had four kids by your age. Asher was a bonus, and you were a shock.” She caught herself. “A delightful shock, but a shock just the same.”

  I could barely keep up with her as we covered the two blocks to The Langman Legacy. Why had I seemingly inherited her negative traits instead of her ability to put on a show of strength to the world even when she didn’t feel it? Why couldn’t I wear a smart red suit and pumps and tackle the social alligators with flash instead of meeting my opponents in the mud and manure?

  “It stinks,” I muttered and Keats circled back to shove his ears under my hand. He gave me an injection of courage and I reached into my coat to pull up the straps of my overalls. No one could see them but it was easier to take on the world when you knew your pants wouldn’t fall down.

  “Ivy.” Mom clicked even faster. “Stop ruminating. I learned long ago that it doesn’t help one bit. You know what does?”

  “Stilettos?” I asked, clomping along behind her.

  “That, and an unyielding belief you can bounce back from anything.” She stopped outside The Langman Legacy and stared up. “I’ve done it, darling, and so have you.”

  I nodded. “It just gets hard sometimes.”

  “No one ever promised it would be easy, especially in Clover Grove. You do it for your kids.”

  “Kids?”

  “The fur kids you have and the human ones to come. When I pass, I want you six to be able to say, ‘She went down kicking and looked good doing it.’”

  I laughed out loud. “You can count on that.”

  “In the meantime, I’ll give you plenty to talk about among yourselves. My own parents were very dull. Unremarkable. I’m sorry you never met them but you probably wouldn’t remember if you had.”

  “That doesn’t give you a free pass to act like a lunatic today. Let me ask the questions, okay?”

  “Of course. I’m learning more from you every day.” She waited another beat and then said, “Door, please. I need to make an entrance.”

  She certainly did that. Kaye and Heddy Langman both flinched and then frowned when they saw Mom strut inside. I had to pick my way carefully through the precious old china and glassware but Mom moved with sinuous elegance.

  “Darlings,” she said. “How good to see you both. You look wonderful!”

  Neither Kaye nor Heddy looked particularly well. Their sensible hair was limp and their lines deeper than when I saw them last only weeks ago.

  “Dahlia.” Kaye’s voice was withering despite the forced smile. “You look very tired. Understandable, given what you went through.”

  Mom stood a little taller and smiled a little harder. “What so many of us went through. It really was tragic, wasn’t it?”

  “It didn’t affect us as it did you, I’m sure,” Kaye said.

  The defiant glint in her eye told me otherwise. Percy slipped behind the counter without their noticing and leapt lightly onto the shelf holding the cash register. He caught my eye and then tapped the orange key fob till it swung. The gilt H sparkled under the overhead light. Joe Barker must not have minded a human octopus as much as Wayne suggested.

  Tapping her fingers on the counter’s glass overlay, Mom tipped her head. “Come now, ladies. We’ve known each other since the cradle. Ivy, did you know Heddy and I were born within days of each other and shared the hospital nursery?”

  “I didn’t, no. There’s much to be said for a long friendship. You’ll forgive each other anything, I’m sure.”

  Heddy tapped the glass from her side. “I’m not sure I can forgive your mother for sending us into a dumpster chasing collectibles that never existed. I still smell trash in my nightmares.”

  “That was after you trapped me in my own salon, ladies,” Mom said. “Two against one. I could have pressed charges. Chief Harper said so.”

  A lie, but one that deflated the sisters. “We only wanted to buy the collectible,” Kaye said. “And pay a fair price, too.”

  “In the end you got more than one,” I pointed out. “I put in a good word for you with Hazel Bingham.”

  “What do you want, Ivy?” Kaye asked. “You’re only here if you want something we’re not selling.”

  “The truth, that’s all,” I said. “We know Heddy and José Batista were very close and wondered exactly how much money she invested in his studio.”

  Kaye turned quickly to her sister. “You didn’t.”

  Heddy’s sallow cheeks turned blotchy. “Just a little of my own money. Nothing from the business.”

  “I heard you were a huge backer,” I said. “José apparently gave special tokens to his A team.”

  Mom took out a compact and freshened her lipstick, letting her fuchsia key fob dangle from her fingers.

  Heddy backed away, blocking her own key fob from her sister’s notice. “It was just a little start-up coin,” she said, more to her sister than us. “He promised to repay me with interest.”

  “He did well with you two,” I said. “Because I heard Kaye contributed generously as well.”

  “I most certainly did not invest in his studio,” Kaye said. Her eyes darted around and when she spotted Percy, she grabbed a feather duster and tried to flush him down off the shelves. He just went higher and strolled along the side wall, where the most valuable items sat on display. Then he sat down and wrapped his plumy tail around his paws, staring at me.

  Heddy followed my gaze, and then said, “Where’s the safe?”

  “Which safe?” Kaye asked, too quickly.

  “The antique safe Dad left us. It’s been in our family for generations. Kaye, tell me you didn’t sell it to José Batista.”r />
  “I did not sell Dad’s safe to José.”

  “She gave it to him, free of charge,” Mom said. “He could be very persuasive, as we all know. How much was the safe worth?”

  “It was priceless. At least to me,” Heddy said. “I can’t believe you let that man dance off with it.”

  “Ah, Heddy, take comfort in the fact you were among his favorites,” Mom said. “Cash trumped all.”

  Kaye pressed her lips together for a long moment. “Ladies, we’ll have to ask you to leave with your menagerie. We’re closing early today.”

  “A family meeting, no doubt,” Mom said. “I dread those like nothing else.”

  “Oh, Mom,” I said, snapping my fingers for Percy. “You adore being called on the carpet by your loved ones.”

  Mom gave the Langmans a gay wave. “Delivering them was easier, believe me. Even Ivy, who came into the world with fists raised. They had to winch her out with forceps. I knew then and there it was my last.”

  “But not David’s,” Heddy said, with a nasty smile. “Or so we heard.”

  The shot about my father hit home. Mom didn’t flinch but Keats leaned into her leg.

  I stepped in front of her. “Good riddance to bad garbage, as the old saying goes.” I glanced around the shop. “Of course, one woman’s trash is another’s treasure. Take care, ladies.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  My sisters arrived en masse that evening to entertain the guests so that Jilly and I could get away to check out some of the first culture revival sessions. As part of the project’s executive team, we wanted to make sure all went well.

  Iris gathered the restless dance troupe near the fireplace and started to deliver her talk about hill country history. Within minutes, Poppy horned in with stories about her life as a roadie for a well-known band, and the guests clamored for salacious backstage gossip.

  “Poppy is going to pay for that,” I said, as we drove toward town. “I feel a family meeting coming on.”

  “It wasn’t nice to steal Iris’ thunder,” Jilly said. “But for our purposes it worked well. The guests were so distracted they didn’t even notice us leave.” Keats tried to insinuate himself into her lap but she pushed his paws away. “Sorry, buddy. I’m on official duty as a culture rep tonight. Better stay clean. That goes for you, too, Percy,” she added. “We know you’re under there.”